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Watch Christie Ride Her Bike


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Hello all! This will be long. Fair warning. ;)


This is me, riding my own bike. A little backstory first:

I have been mostly paleo, sometimes primal, mostly guided by the principles of Weston A. Price for close to five years. I was led to this way of eating through a philosophy known as intuitive eating. As I began to experiment and listen to my body, this was the way that felt the best for me. This was after a really crappy relationship to food for most of my life. I started binge eating as a little girl to cope with my intense emotional world (I am highly sensitive and empathic). When I was in high school, it started to creep in that body image was "important" and even though I was technically underweight, I still thought I was fat. So, I would come home in the afternoons and then binge eat, followed by lots of Jane Fonda tapes. (Yes, I am telling my age here ;)).

Anyway, as a young adult, I found my way into drugs and alcohol and eventually made my way back to food and binge eating. At my heaviest, I was 220 lbs and joined Weight Watchers. It was the only thing I knew to do as it is what I watched my mother do. I just sort of thought that was what you did. You know?

Well, dieting wrecked my relationship to food even more. I had dieted my way down to my goal weight (well, within a few pounds) and had a sort of awakening. I realized that I was no happier and that, in fact, I hated my body and myself even more.

That sent me on a journey of deep emotional healing and introduced me to the world of Intuitive Eating. I recounted my experience online and even eventually became a Holisitc Health Coach, a Life Coach (specializing in weight using “causal†based coaching AKA the mental and emotional side of weight) , and an Intuitive Eating Counselor. Through my experience, I was able to stop binge eating and am happy to report that I have not binged in over three years. For the first time in many years, my weight stabilized and I felt at ease with food and my body.

Over the past couple of years, things have shifted a ton in my work (as through that whole process, I learned that who I can really help are women who are highly sensitive and empathic and feel overwhelmed by their emotional experience of life and need help sorting it out) and through that process, I have started to see some even deeper patterns in my relationship to food that I am ready to heal and release.

When I first went (mostly) paleo, I felt best with lower carbs. Then, about a year ago, I started gaining weight for “no reason†and was experiencing massive hunger. The way of eating that had worked for so long stopped working. I realized that I had just sort of taken for granted for what I had learned about my body and that that way of eating would work for me forever. And, well, that hasn't been the case. Recently, I have discovered that I need more carbs than I once needed and I started eating gluten free breads and grains again. I sort of just skipped right over paleo carbs and headed straight into those old comforting favorites.

It has only been a couple of months and already, I am feeling the physical effects of those types of carbs. I am more foggy headed, achy, and less emotionally stable. The sugar dragon is alive and well, and when I eat a ton of sugar, it increases my anxiety like crazy.

So. Why am I here and what is my plan?

My plan is to post each day what I ate the previous day. I also want to start teasing out these more subtle nuances in my relationship to food. The binge - not so subtle and done - but things like choosing to eat sugar because it is quick and easy, etc. I really want to create awareness around that kind of stuff. I've also let those quick and easy carbs push veggies off my plate so want to get back to feeding myself very nutrient dense food.  Past experience has taught me that my body loves the meal template.

But, I am not doing a Whole 30. I am really trying to create awareness, understanding, and a deeper level of compassion towards myself. In a way, I feel like I have the general 101 stuff down when it comes to listening to my body, being kind to myself, loving and taking care of myself, and now, I am being invited into 201 and in some places 301. So, this journal is intended to serve as a place of discovery for that.

In my journals, you will see some non-compliant stuff and I want to be upfront about what my true intentions are. I will be including:

::: white potatoes

::: bacon/sausage that has sugar - I eat a lot of compliant sausages, too, and will note when they are not - again

::: butter (for now, may play with this down the line)

::: pensy's seasoned salt (has trace sugar)

::: occasional, mindful use of non-compliant condiments/foods

I am also intending:

::: be more mindful of my food in general. Food journaling has always been a very helpful tool in that.

::: tell myself the truth about what is going in my mouth and more importantly WHY I am eating what I am eating

::: mindful SWYPO - as in, not every day and only when I am telling myself the truth about what I am doing, and pay full attention while I am eating it

::: doing the best I can with the options before me when traveling or dining out

::: to incorporate additional habits over time

Otherwise, I aim to follow Whole 30 guidelines and focus on the meal template. When/if the shit hits the fan, I also plan to use this space as a place to reflect and tell myself the truth about what happened and decide what to do moving forward.

I am NOT intending to use this journal as a place to:

::: beat myself up

::: pretend I am not human

::: be rigid in my thinking about food. That is not helpful to me. I trust my body and I trust that when I am putting real food in that the information I receive back is reliable and trustworthy.


OK. That is all for today. If you are still reading, bless you. I will be back tomorrow with a report on what went down today.

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Considering that I was ill prepared as far as the foods that were in the house, I think I did pretty good of sticking to the meal template but noticed some old habits loud and clear. This is why I love food journaling, particulary for others to read. :D


M1: Marinara sauce, mushrooms, onions, spinach, butter, 3 eggs, cold brew + coconut milk

M2: sweet potato hash with ground pork, apple, kale, onion, 33 & Galena BBQ seasoning (Penzy's + compliant), topped with chili sauce (compliant)

S1: banana, roast beef

M3: Chicken wings with tessemae's hot wing sauce (compliant), roasted potatoes + tomato paste, kale chips, and ginger kombucha

S2: roast beef, sliced tomatoes, about a tsp of guac - the guac was store bought (though compliant) and had a really awful processed taste so I didn't eat much of it.  Also, for transparency sake (to myself and to whoever might be reading), I also had a bite of a mostly compliant tomato dip (it includes crap oil) but it was so spicy there was no way I could eat it. I threw the whole container in the trash. I would have tried to save it by adding it into a recipe but because of the crap oil, I decided to just ditch it.


On the snacks, veggie wise, we are running down low so I had nothing on hand that was edible IN THAT MOMENT. I waited way too long to eat and was in that "must eat now or my own arm is in danger" level of hunger. This is one of the nuances I was talking about in my intro post and something I am trying to be more mindful of. I also kind of think that once I am eating by the meal template more often, this kind of hunger will become much less often.


Today, I am planning to go to the grocery store to get some more veg. I also made my breakfast more substantial hoping to get to the four to five hour mark with it hunger wise. If not, I wasn't able to finish it and have mini-meal amount left over. But, I also want to start honoring the hunger before it gets to that point.


We have a low key day planned. Probably some visioning with my new magazines, the Pickers (an estate sale place), and Target. A trip to the grocery store and some veggie chopping/mayo making is also on order. Wahoo. Exciting times. ;)

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Yesterday went really well, especially considering that we were out running errands most of the day. It is supposed to rain all day today so we decided to get all of our "stuff" done when it was dry. Today, we will hang around the house and be more low key. I didn't get to the food prep yesterday but that is first on my list this morning.


I also decided to start tracking times (as best as I can remember, anyway) to see if I can start noticing patterns of which meal types are more sustaining for me.


5:30 AM M1: sweet potato hash with ground pork, chopped apples, onions, spinach, red pepper sauce, all cooked in lard.


11:00 AM M2: hugh jass salad with all sorts of things from salad bar, including balsamic and olive oil. I imagine that the grilled chicken may have had crap oils as did the pumpkin seeds and sunflower seeds.


3:00 PM S1: Leftovers from breakfast


6:00 PM: Chili from Well Fed 2, plaintains cooked in lard + red pepper sauce, spinach


What I noticed:


I was really hungry by M2. I don't love salad, I don't digest raw veg as well as I do cooked veg but we were out and it was my fastest path to good food. I thought a lot about weekends past and that this was exactly the kind of times where I would choose things that don't feel that great in my body. Today, we will be home all day (I think) but next weekend, I will plan to bring some sort of snack so that I don't move into "emergency" mode with food. Also thinking that after some consistent meal template eating that the hunger will feel less like an emergency in general. I forgot to mention in my intro post that another reason I am going back to this style of eating is that I was noticing that my blood sugar does not love lots of grain based carbs/sugar. So, thinking that will take some time to reset.


I noticed a massive sweet tooth kick in after dinner. I love spicy food but spicy food always kicks in my sweet tooth. I considered eating a banana but I was full volume wise and also knew that I would be feeding the sugar dragon. Will keep noticing what happens as I reduce the amount of sugar going in. One thing I know, for sure, is that when I don't eat sugar, I don't crave sugar.


I also noticed that I added lots of textures to my salad and that improved the enjoyment of it greatly. Something to keep in mind for the future.


See ya'll tomorrow.

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This is a drive by posting.


5:30 AM: sweet poato hash with ground pork, onions, spinach, chili sauce all cooked in lard + a handful of blueberries + cold brew with coconut milk

11 AM: roast beef with horseradish mustard + cole slaw (homemade mayo)

2 PM: deviled eggs + kale chips (oil) + banana

5:30 PM: beef pot roast + roasted carrots and onions (oil) + roasted broccoli (oil) + Tessamaes BBQ sauce for dipping (compliant)


I gotta run. We are dropping off my car for maintenance before the hubz goes to work.



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5:30 AM: Chicken apple sausage (compliant) and sweet potato hash with onions, mushrooms, and spinach all cooked with lard + coffee with coconut milk

10:30 AM: egg salad (homemade mayo) + kale chips (oil)

3:30 PM: beef pot roast + coleslaw (homemade mayo)

7:00 PM: roasted salmon + butternut squash (oil) with bacon (contains sugar) + roasted brussel sprouts (oil)


Overall, I felt that the day went well. But, then, at 3:00 AM, I woke up with major stomach hunger, like stomach growling. This is how I ended up back in gf-grain land last time. This was happening every single night. So, eventually, I realized that I need more carbs than I used to. I know the problem is not fat because I have tracked my macros before and even with 70% of my cals coming from fat, the middle of the night hunger was still happening.


I ate a carrot cake Lara Bar and after that, I was able to sleep again. I prefer to only eat those as part of a meal but at 3:00, I'm not cooking. So, I did the best I could.


SO. I looked in Practical Paleo at the guide to starches and plan to start eating more of the ones that are higher in carbs. I don't have much of what is recommended on the higher end in the house so will need to get to the store soon.


Have a client call in like 30 seconds. Be back tomorrow!

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Happy New Year!!




3:30 AM: carrot cake lara bar (see above post)

7:15 AM: sweet potato has with ground lamb, onions, spinach, mina harissa all cooked with lard + coffee with coconut milk

12:15 PM: chicken apple sausage + cole slaw (homemade mayo) + blueberries

4:15 PM: egg salad (homemade mayo) + kale chips (oil)

8:00 PM: ground beef tomato sauce (included peppers, mushrooms, and onions) + roasted plantains (oil) + kombucha


No middle of the night hunger last night. I also weighed my sweet potatoes this morning out of curiosity of how many carbs they are providing and I was a bit surprised that it wasn't as much as I thought. So, this morning, I increased the portion there a bit.

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Wow. Yesterday was an intense, emotional day. I slept until 8 AM which is crazy in my world! I think I needed it. I also have to say that given how I felt most of the day, I am really proud of how I handled myself with food. I also really saw the value in having quick and easy food at the ready. Makes such a huge difference when emotional energy is running high.


7:15 AM: sweet potato hash with ground lamb, spinach, onions (lard) + coffee with coconut milk

11:00 AM: beef pot roast +  butternut squash (bacon fat) + cole slaw (homemade mayo)

6:30 PM: pork chop (lard) + roasted potatoes (white, oil) + roasted broccoli (oil) + homemade mayo with salsa mixed in (sounds gross, tastes delish)

9:30 PM: scrambled eggs (butter) + sliced tomato (this was the meal that in the past I would have just grabbed the fastest thing)


I am a little off kilter today, time wise. I can't believe it is almost 11 and I am barely up and going. I need to go to the grocery store now as we have eaten all of our produce except some carrots and plaintains. Have nothing green, etc. So, I am doing that now to set myself up for a meal template lunch instead of a random hodge podge of food.


See ya'll tomorrow.

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8:30 AM: beef pot roast with tessemae's BBQ sauce (compliant) + roasted b. nut squash (bacon fat) + spinach (lard) + coffee with coconut milk

1:30 PM: Chicken apple sausage (compliant) + carrots and sugar snap peas dipped in homemade mayo mixed with mina harissa (YUM!) + blueberries

6:00PM: lamb burger on lettuce "bun", sliced tomato, greek sauce from WF2, fermented pickle, bacon (sugar cured) + plaintains (lard) + orange


I went to the grocery store yesterday so there is plenty of good food in the house.


Today is day 8 of recommiting to meal template eating and I have to say, I am feeling much better. It seems so easy to forget how excessive sugar and crap carbs makes you really feel until you stop eating them. I also think I've learned a lot this week because of the food journaling. The journaling helps it sink in deeper, I think. So, with the weekend coming up, I am going to think about how to handle food out. I am willing to eat out as I am not doing an official Whole 30, but, what I am more interested in is not letting myself get so hungry while out that I will eat anything. I am considering packing a snack.


Not sure what we have planned. I know I need to go to the health food store before lunch tomorrow because if not, I won't have any digestive enzymes. And since I don't have a gall bladder, I pretty much rely on them to digest easily. We also need to get to Costco. And, I want to find a new chair for our guest bedroom. This week, I decided to turn that room into my little gettaway and really want a chair for reading, pondering, journaling, etc.


We will see how it goes.

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Happy Monday!


On Friday afternoon, I decided to unplug for the whole weekend. I turned my computer and phone off at about 4 PM on Friday afternoon and didn't turn them on until about 8 this morning. I really needed that. I run an online business and those unplugged breaks are important for me to really fully rest and reconnect with myself.


Anyway, here are my logs to the best of my memory :D




M1: scrambled eggs with butter + roasted beets + spinach cooked in butter + coffee with coconut milk

M2: ???? I do know that I followed the Meal Template and ate only compliant foods. I am pretty sure I ate the last of the beef post roast but can't remember the rest.

M3: leg of lamb in crock pot (never again, way too dry) + roasted potatoes + green beans + homemade mayo/salsa combo + kombucha




M1: scrambled eggs with butter + roasted beets + spinach cooked in butter + coffee with coconut milk

M2: OUT TO EAT: bunless hamburger with lettuce, carmalized onions, homemade BBQ sauce, jalepeno roumelade + french fries with garlic aoli and homemade ketchup - This meal was out. No doubt there were non-compliant oils + sugar. But this place serves only grass fed/properly raised proteins and make everything in house. I don't drink them but even their sodas are made with real sugar.

M3: lamp chops (red palm oil) + some starchy veg (?!?) + a green veg (?!?) + probably some mayo/salsa combo




M1: ground bison and sweet potato hash with onions, spinach (red palm oil), mango/tomato salsa + coffee with coconut milk

M2: lamb chops + kale chips (oil) + roasted b.nut squash (oil) + larabar (this meal needed more fat as I got hungry pretty quickly)

M3: crock pot pulled pork with tessamaes BBQ sauce (compliant) + roasted potatoes (oil) + roasted broccoli (oil) + mayo/salsa combo


I think I must be moving into fat burning mode or my hormones are stablizing as I am able to go much longer between meals without hunger and when I do get hungry, it is stab people's eyes out hungry. It is just oh, yeah, I should probably eat soon hunger.

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Well, yesterday was really interesting.


7:00 AM: ground bison and sweet potato hash, onions, spinach cooked in lard, homemade mayo and mina harissa + coffee with coconut milk

12:45 PM: Lamb chops + kale chips (oil) + b.nut squash (oil) + mayo and mina harissa

4PM: OFF ROADING a gluten free, vegan granola bar (see notes)

6:00 PM: mustard glazed salmon + roasted broccoli (oil) + sliced tomato (oil) + fermented beet/ginger kraut + a touch of mayo/salsa + kombucha

OK. About that granola bar.

Yesterday, all morning while working, I felt really disconnected from myself and from my work. I kept working even though I knew that what I was working on was not flowing the way I wanted. Before I knew it, it was 12:40 and I had an appt. to record my podcast at 1. So, I hurred through lunch and ate it at my desk while talking to my friend/podcast co-host. I did not feel very satisfied by the meal, at all.

On a physical level, I don't think it was enough protein. it was two lamb chops, probably a total of 3 ounces of meat. I think I need closer to 5 to really get that sustaining power I really need. Emotionally, I think I needed more connection with my food, to be more mindful that I was eating.

Then, by 4, I was "starving" hungry again. I knew I was planning to start dinner around 5:30 and the only food in the house was "cook a meal" food and nothing that felt mini-meal-ish. Then, my rebel kicked in and I grabbed a granola bar. Larabars were available, but I grabbed the granola bar, really feeling that "you can't make me" energy that I've felt in the past.

Well, I ate it.

And, while I am not doing a W30 and I am OK with eating an occasional off road thing, I actually already know that I tolerate small amounts of gluten free grains. But, my purpose in keeping this journal was to be more mindful. And that, my friends, was not mindful. It was rebellious.

This morning, I reflected on the experieince in my journal and saw that it was really about that original not feeling connected piece. Like, if I can't feel connected, at least I can feel full and "you" can't tell me what food to do that with. This is a really, really old pattern for me that I honestly thought was done and gone. But it is so clear to me that this is what was happening.

Anyway, practiaclly, I am planning to think through some things I can keep on hand without being wasteful. Like, boiled eggs, etc.

On the inner piece, I know that journaling is a great tools for connecting and sorting out what is on my heart and mind. So, this morning, I journaled before starting work and things have been feeling WAY better today.

I am so glad that I have decided to do this food journaling experiment. I am learning so much about myself and going deeper with this than I ever have. In the past, I would have chalked that rebel thing up as just rebelling against the rules. But, in the end, the rules are self-imposed and there is more to the story. Now, because of this journaling, I am aware of what that something more is. All very good to know.


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I'm glad to hear that you're having that inner dialogue and that you can be honest with yourself here.  It's all a learning process.  You know that you didn't need that granola bar.  You can look back at it as a mistake and move on.  And have this experience to look too in the future if you're in a similar place.

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It has been a couple days! I have been spending less and less time online (which is a good thing!) So, I have actually decided to just post the reflections piece. I have been super honest with myself (and everyone reading) so the actual jounral may not be necessary anymore. If I find that it is, I will go back to it.


All that said...


Yesterday, we were crazy low on produce. I have been trying to find the balance between buying enough to be sustainable for the week without throwing a bunch out. So, I have been trying to eat through everything before going. Anyway, as I was leaving for the grocery store, I was so hungry. This time, I grabbed a lara-like bar and ate it very mindfully. It was such a different experience than the bar I at the other day.

I also have started to be curious how you will know you are in fat for fuel mode vs. sugar for fuel mode. If anyone reading has any links/resources to help me figure that out, I would appreciate it!

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