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Whole30 the Second


KatMar

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Ok, so here goes. This is my first time using the forum, but why not? I did my first Whole30 back in November... So not long ago, and I did AMAZING. I was so proud of myself, but Day 31 didn't go so well, or Day 32 or 33... etc. While I was Whole30ing, I had an iron grip on my cravings and thought I had vanquished them. But, not so much. So, this time around I'm doing a Whole45 starting today. Hello, Day one!

I'm skipping breakfast today in favor of some herbal tea. I know that fasting is generally frowned upon in the Whole30 community, but I like it as a very occasional way to give my digestive system a rest for a few hours.

Lunch will consists of some leftover pulled pork and sweet potatoes and tonight I will sauté up a beef and broccoli with my favorite, coconut aminos.

I'm looking forward to the clean out of my system. I've done LOTS of indulging the past few weeks, winter is always unhealthy (Winter depression is no fun, kids) for me and this was both my first winter being Paleo and dairy free and I kinda went crazy from feeling deprived of the treats my friends and coworkers were devouring. So, welcome Whole45.

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Isn't it? I love it better than soy, just a touch sweeter and much less salty.

I didn't end up making beef and broccoli though, my dad bribed me with scallops to come over for dinner, so we baked scallops with bell pepper, zucchini, snow peas and Brussels sprouts.

Today, I was a grumpy, grumpy face. It's like I've skipped straight to days 4-5 on the timeline, where I wanna kill ALL the things. I'm not sure if it's food related or just the current stressors and emotional upsets in my life, or a combination thereof. Otherwise, I've felt alright, except hungry more often than usual, every couple hours, despite large, high fat meals.

Breakfast: leftover pulled pork, mashed sweet potatoes and sautéed broccoli and herbal coffee with coconut oil and coconut milk.

Lunch: Thai curry with leftover roasted turkey, onions, rutabaga, carrots and snap peas.

Snack: strawberries and cashew butter. I don't normally snack and I try to stick to the meal template if needed, but the grumpy won. And I had to use up the strawberries...

Dinner: turkey salad with homemade mayo over red lettuce and carrot fries with spicy mayo

Two down, 43 to go.

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Day 6.

I'm an emotional wreck. I'm pretty sure it's completely non-food related though, just the many circumstances of my life lately. Plus, the hormone treatments I'm taking to attempt to regulate my hormones might be wreaking havoc on my already sensitive state.

Strangely though, I'm feeling more and more confident about my food. In a state of depression, I usually crave sweets and treats. Today, I thought about those... But wasn't interested. Instead, I wanted to gorge on sweet potatoes. Weird much? A year ago, I hated sweet potatoes. Now I'm eating them nearly every day. Instead of gorging though, I made a cup of tea to hold me until lunch (I still get hungry after 2-3 hours, even though I feel full after each meal) and then ate my leftover roasted buttercup squash wedges, crispy roasted kale and pulled pork with blueberry BBQ sauce.

I find during the winter, I need a starchy veggie with every meal to feel warm and satisfied. In the summer, I'm more content with lighter veggies.

I had a third of a large white sweet potato with my fried eggs and mushrooms for breakfast. I found it super sweet, maybe that's why I craved it later this morning?

I feel like I've adapted super quickly to the program this time. I have a will of iron and I'm totally comfortable and less stressed about cooking and eating. I've barely even been using spices because everything just tastes so good on it's own. I guess it's just clicked this time.

Now I just need to get my emotions sorted out.

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They're starchier and more floury than orange, but a little bit sweeter. The texture is a great substitute for regular potatoes and I also make noodles out of them (julienned and sautéed or steamed lightly). I have not tried mashing them yet...

My newest obsession is purple sweet potatoes. They have a similar texture and taste to white sweets, but cook up a beautiful dark purple. I look forward to making a rainbow hash using all the colors. :)

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Good morning, Day 10. I was social this weekend, something I didn't expect. Last whole30, eating out stressed me so much, I avoided it like the plague. This time around though, I've realized something: I already know what foods do and don't affect me, so this W45 is purely for nutritional/emotional food relationship changes. I'm therefore not going to worry about trace amounts of forbidden products that weasel into my food in an unattentive kitchen restaurant. I still planned ahead though. On Saturday, my friend had me over for dinner. She kept a steak aside for me only seasoned with S&P and made a small batch of veggies with minimal seasonings (this took a lot of discussion to get there , she uses lots of sauces and flavoring in her cooking and simply can't comprehend that I actually LIKE it relatively plain). I brought roasted sweet potato and turnip. It was a good meal in all and the steak was a nice treat.

Last night, I met another friend at a sports bar. I analyzed the menu/allergens ahead and ordered the grilled chicken salad without cheese, croutons, or dressing, subbing in pico de gallo instead. I also asked for the chicken to be done sans grill seasonings, which I couldn't tell if they followed (soy in the seasonings, maybe even sugar). The chicken was tasty, but it may have simply been flavor that was already on the grill since I didn't state "allergy".

Like I said, I've decided to not let it bother me. I already know that post-program, I plan to remain as dairy and soy free as possible, but I am not looking to target specific affects. I already know I react to the casein/whey in dairy and I don't like the effects soy has on estrogen.

Before I discovered how amazingly delicious almond milk is, I used soy milk somewhat regularly. Contribution to my hormonal imbalance? Very possible. Yuck.

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Day 12.

I've had to take Aspirin the past two days. :( I've had headaches nearly constantly starting Sunday night and they are starting to get intense enough that I caved in favor of drugs. Also, I've had a temporary crown in for a week and it's starting to get extra temp sensitive and generally achy, which is apparently common, but frustrating. Maybe it's causing the headaches? If so, I've got another week of it to look forward to. Yay.

Breakfast this morning was a baked egg, turkey sausage, salsa, olives and sautéed Brussels sprouts with my usual dose of herbal coffee and coconut milk.

I tried using green tea to banish my headache at work, to no avail.

Lunch is cabbage with almond sesame sauce, pulled pork (I still have TONS of leftovers that I froze in sandwich bags) and roasted squash.

I also packed a couple hardboiled eggs, black olives and baby carrots in case I need a snack. Yesterday, I didn't have enough for lunch and was desperate enough to eat a larabar. Blech. I am fully of the opinion that larabars are W30 compliant candy, but it was all I had. (UN)Fortunately, it was the blueberry muffin bar, which I do not like, so there is no risk of me associating as a treat. Even so, I am trying to eliminate even fruit sweetness from my repertoire, so it was disappointing. Hopefully, I am fully prepared today.

Surprisingly enough, I'm in a good mood, despite the headache/toothache. I might try for a short workout tonight, I haven't been doing so well in that department. *fingers crossed*

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Day 15. By the time I go to sleep tonight, I will officially have gotten through the first third. That feels like I'm on day one tomorrow with all you people doing the regular Whole30!

I know it's silly to look at it that way, but, even though I've done fantastically with what I'm consuming, I haven't been fostering some other healthy habits the way I want to. So, tomorrow, clean slate!

Things I need to work on:

Phone dependency. Really, I play with my phone all the time. It's a distraction from daily life that I can't seem to get over. But, if I'm defeating my sugar demons, why can't I defeat this?

Related to above: no phone/computer/tv while eating. I generally do well with this, but on my lunch break at work, I feel like I NEED to distract myself to call it a break. Super silly.

Before bed: put the darn tech away and read a book, goshdarnit! I used to be a book addict, but my attention span has greatly diminished as time goes by. I think tech has a seriously adverse reaction on our attention spans (also sleep), not to mention, my usual level of stress makes me not want to use my brain in my off time. Finish Dune, dammit!

Snacking: I don't generally snack, but lately, I've been getting hungry more quickly. I'm full after my meal, but it just doesn't stick with me. I know at least part is that stress/boredom still makes me want to eat and the rest is probably that I don't have enough of something in my meals. I should probably cook more veggies. I've been stingy because I'm trying to keep a very strict budget. Decisions.

Treating myself: I STILL feel like food is a reward. I have to get over the urge for a dessert of a treat. I haven't been giving it to myself, but I have been DESIRING it. Greatly. Ugh. I need new, non food related rewards.

Regular exercise: seriously, it's happening like twice a month. That's got to change. I look good, but I'm still in terrible shape.

So here goes, tomorrow begins Day 1 of my lifestyle Whole30.

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Today was a successful day. I'm feeling confident.

Day 17!

Breakfast this morning was fantastic: 2 duck eggs scrambled in ghee, roasted cinnamon sweet potato and kale with olive oil and mayo plus my coconut milk in coffee.

I actually got myself out for a run today! It was cold and I did horribly, but I did it and that's something. I scarfed a hard boiled egg and leftover sweet potato afterwords (post workout bonus meals are things I have not made a habit of and plan to really try).

I had a late lunch of leftover PaleOMG spaghetti squash pizza bake.

Dinner was a simple sauté of shrimp, broccoli, mushrooms and olives.

I'm glad I busted out the ghee today. I rarely use it as I'm still nervous about any dairy products even though I'm pretty sure I don't react to ghee. Everything was delicious and I feel pleasantly worn out and de-stressed from my run. I really need to make exercise more of a habit.

I'm still working on my mentality goals. Though I also spent a long time immersed in a good book today and I'm happy that I seem to be recovering my attention span.

Back to work tomorrow. I can do this.

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Three weeks done. I want to be celebrating, but I'm just not feeling it today. The past two days, I felt great. Focused and calm and nearly cheerful all day (winter is rough for me, plus my job has been crazy stressing me out). But today, I crashed. Hard. I had no focus and spent much of the day staring into space and just generally feeling sad and angry. I don't know what happened. I didn't want to do anything other than crawl back into bed and hide. Also, my skin is a disaster, the worst acne I've had in a couple years. I feel disgusting.

Breakfast: couple fried eggs, sautéed cauliflower, prosciutto, guac and coffee with coconut milk.

Lunch: roasted carrots, coffee pulled pork, broccoli rabe and some black olives and raw mixed nuts (a small handful each).

Dinner: shrimp and pineapple in a coconut milk sauce over baked sweet potato. A semi successful experiment. I might make it again, but with some modifications.

Today is day 2 nightshades free. I'm hoping that my current skin disaster might simply be all the marinara I had earlier this week. I've never tested nightshades before, so let's see how I feel in a couple weeks. Bye bye spicy food. :(

I hope a relaxing evening and day tomorrow fix my downness a little.

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Wow, yesterday was my halfway point and it passed unremarked. It feels like I've been doing this so much longer than 3.5 weeks and it feels like I have such a short time to go!

I was brave and went out to breakfast yesterday. My first breakfast out ever on the Whole30. I'm just always worried that the restaurant will be too busy or not have a good selection of veggies or something. It worked out ok, I got 2 poached eggs and sautéed veggies (vegetable oil, but oh well). I would have liked more veggies, but next time I think I'll get an extra egg. I had to pull tomatoes or of my veggies, because I said no peppers, but didn't even consider that they'd cook tomatoes. I brought my own coconut milk and overloaded on coffee.

I did a mini workout later (I'm terrible at getting motivation to workout, so I've set myself some short workout goals to build some strength) and had a post workout meal of roasted butternut squash and chicken.

I forgot lunch, whoops.

Dinner was a curry of sweet potato, cauliflower, belgian endive and rock lobster tail. Half an avocado for "dessert" because I was still hungry.

Today (day 24)!

M1: mashed sweet potato, 2 fried duck eggs and herbal coffee with coconut milk.

M2: large portion of leftover roasted squash and chicken with cashews for fat.

For dinner, I plan to try a baked sweet potato soup with crisped prosciutto (in place of bacon) and some sort of protein... Hmm.

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Day 27. Wow. Only 18 days left. It feels so far yet so close. But, I've been thinking lately about what I miss/want. It's very very small: wine, occasional treat foods like banana pancakes with real maple syrup, avocado pudding and banana ice cream. I don't miss a single non-Paleo item, I just want to relax my boundaries a little bit and occasionally have some gosh darned dessert. But that's partly why I'm gonna keep going, I hope to get even further away from those desires. Also, my skin is still a disaster, I hope that 18 more days eating super clean can still help that.

Meal 1: leftover meatloaf "cupcakes" with sweet potato "frosting" and mustard greens with mayo dressing. I couldn't resist the cupcake idea, it was just adorable and I am a sucker for cute, tasty food.

Meal 2: leftover sweet potato soup with (no longer) crispy prosciutto. I "beefed" this up with a couple spoonfuls of gelatin for an extra punch of protein since it's mostly veggies.

Meal 3: I had a birthday dinner to attend at a sushi place, and I am damn proud of myself. I drank tons of green tea along with my 3 fish and veggie hand rolls made without the rice. I dipped them in coconut aminos I brought with me, as well as a ginger carrot dressing I made. I was still hungry when I got home and downed a handful of cashews.

This weekend, I'll be gorging myself on slow cooker pulled pork. I look forward to it. :)

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I'm super frustrated with life right now. Everything in my personal and work life feels turvy topsy and my skin is still a disaster. Like, awful.

I'm just fighting so hard to not give in to my desire to just eat, constantly. I always want to eat when I'm upset or bored, etc. it's not technically bad things that I am wanting to give in to, but even cashews are bad in those quantities. I've come so far and I'm content eating what I'm eating, but I'm not getting any other results and I'm so frustrated. I don't know what I'm doing wrong! It's been 33 days already.

I've been nightshade free for 2 weeks too, with no change to my skin. I dunno if I'm just supposed to be more patient or if there's something else I can do?

I've been eating lots of pork. That crock pot pork butt was simple, delicious and plentiful.

M1: pulled pork, sautéed broccoli and herbal coffee with coconut milk.

M2: pulled pork, refried butternut squash with ghee, roasted Brussels sprouts, and raw kale

M3: pork, roasted kale and sweet potato with coconut milk, nutmeg and cinnamon

I'm gonna have to freeze the rest of the pork, I haven't gotten through even half of it.

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Day 35. Today was a work party, mostly because we've all been working our bums off and needed to chill, so we had a "for the heck of it" Mexican themed potluck. Of course, Mexican means LOTS of nightshades, and cheese and corn...

I brought in fried plantains to share though, and a coworker thoughtfully brought an amazing fruit plate and yet another coworker brought in guacamole that she hadn't mixed together yet and was able to make a small batch sans tomatoes and jalapeños for me, yay!

Unfortunately, I discovered that free food is STILL my weakness. I ate fruit ALL day. And skipped lunch. Oops.

M1: chicken sausage with mushrooms, onions and a poached egg.

M2: way too much honeydew, cantaloupe, blackberries, fried plantains and guac with plantain chips

M3: impromptu night out with the family. Split a sashimi plate and rainbow naruto (cucumber wrapped, rice less roll) with my dad. I brought my own coconut aminos and drank a lot of tea. Extra protein to make up for my carby snacking all day.

Not my best day, but this sorta thing never happens. Only 10 days left!

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I ruined it. I'm so mad at myself. Today is day 37 and I DELIBERATELY ruined it.

I made brunch for my family. I'm trying to help my mom transition to AIP and so made a big, tasty, compliant meal. But my dad asked me if I'd also make my AIP brownies (a recipe I came up with for my mom as a Christmas gift). Brunch went awesome, but after, they cut the brownies and they didn't look right... I just needed to know what went wrong. So, I took a bite. And then another. By this point, I'd realized that I messed up... And ate a whole small piece. Ingredient wise, they are mostly compliant, but they contain raw honey.

I rationalized it to myself at first, because I've passed the 30 days, and avoiding good sugars is no longer necessary. But, after eating (and disliking) them, I realized it was a stupid rationalization and I had just cheated myself of the winning feeling that would have happened after 45 perfect days.

I'm just so angry now. At myself.

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