Vanity & Self esteem...

[JGiggly]

I wasn't sure where to stick this topic/rant I'm about to go on...so ladies, I apologize in advance.

 

I'm just going to lay it all in the line. I feel like a little honesty will help me succeed and mostly remain focused.

 

When I was a kid I was tiny and then "chubby". I thought I was fat and my peers told me I was. Looking back at the pictures I realize I had the wrong image of myself. Anyway, in high school I developed an eating disorder (anorexia). I was sooooo sickly skinny. My hair was falling out. I'd faint. I shook all the time. It was horrible. That was a scary time for me, but I liked my thinness even though I was too thin and not healthy. I had some image (poor self-esteem) in my head that I would be more attractive or capable or worthy if I were skinny.

 

OK...moving ahead... I later went the complete opposite way and found food as my comfort. I gained tons of weight. I cared, but didn't all at the same time. I bet your wondering where all this self disclosure is coming from...

 

Let me share. I started W30 and told my daughter to hide my scale. She happily obeyed. I was feeling great mentally and looked forward to a new healthy lifestyle.

 

[another sidebar] I have health issues that at times are debilitating and very painful. Don't ask what...no one knows. Well, no one in the medical profession. I know. I know that diet can heal my body. I have been trying paleo off and on for two years and the one thing that has helped me to quit is that blasted scale. I started paleo thinking that I didn't want to die from self induced problems. I didn't want heart trouble, diabetes, or any other problem including the one I currently have. So, I started paleo. I would lose some weight and then get obsessed weighing myself... and then I gained some weight, got discouraged then quit.

 

Having said ALL that, the past two days I have felt over full and bloated. I feel like I've gained weight... no, I don't necessary feel like I gained weight... I am paranoid that I have. I don't like being stuffed and I don't like being hungry either. Anyway, I realized on these past two days that I have a more serious and unhealthy relationship with myself and that scale than I thought. Vanity and self esteem... or maybe just poor self-esteem.

 

I felt I needed to be honest and share all that to help me maintain honesty and accountability. I did start this program initially for health, but body image issues always creep up.

 

On the upside: My eczema is going away and I feel great about my food choices.

 

 

[missmunchie]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I know how nerve-wracking it is to post something so deep and personal for the world to see! My husband and I were just having a conversation about this the other day. Long story short, I've always been a little heavier than I should, have always been a sugar addict, and was bulimic in high school/college. We argue a lot about my poor health choices and lack of self-care. He said that if one loves themself, then they would make good choices for their health because they care and want to be healthy. I *think* I love myself, but apparently I love candy and self-destructive behavior more. Not being sarcastic, it's a truthful statement. So now I'm on this journey to be more authentic and honest with myself and what my choices mean. I find it so easy to lie to myself and others about stupid, silly things: how many cookies I ate, if I went to the gym or not and how much working out I did, etc. I'm not really sure where the root of all my issues lie, but I hope that clean eating and support can help me work through them.

[Physibeth]

Thank you for your honesty. I can understand where you are coming from. Really the only part of your story that isn't mine is the anorexia. I really want to encourage you to keep going and keep fighting. You are worth it. 

 

You are worth it!

 

One of the things that has helped me a lot as a former binge eater is separating food (and even exercise) from my self worth completely. I'm not a good person if I eat broccoli and a bad person if I don't. I'm not a good person if I run and a bad person if I don't. Who you are has nothing to do with your food choices. When food just becomes choices that don't change who we are they lose some of their power over us.

 

On the body image side start with focusing on the positives. Every morning look in the mirror and compliment yourself on something. And then walk away. No negative self talk allowed.

 

Learning to live in the body we have takes discipline but it will help with your stress level which will positively impact your body. The reverse also holds true. I stopped making myself crazy with calories and scales and my body has responded kindly. It is slow progress but I rather slow calm progress than crazy making ups and downs.

 

I also like this saying from Jason Seib - "Healthy on purpose, hot by accident." Focus on your health and the rest will fall in line.

[ARamstead]

That's the biggest reason for this journey for me. I'm so tired of looking at myself in the mirror and feeling horrible about what I've done with myself. I'm sick of it, and I'm sick of making myself sick. 

 

It's time to practice some self-care, something I've never been able to do before. 

 

I'm on Day 5, and I'm so stinking proud of myself for 5 days, it's not even funny. By the time I get to 30, I'll be crowing so loud people aren't going to want to be in the same room with me haha! 

[Alliath]

I think you are so brave for putting it all out there like that, and that you are awesome.

[Applegirl]

Great post.  I have found that eating a Primal diet, especially w30 has made a seismic change in my relationship with food, and that has helped me to deal with my self esteem issues.  (because not only do we have body image issues, but when we fall off a "diet" we feel like a failure).  This is different, and I haven't put my finger on it yet, but it just is.  

 

It's a two step forward, one step back type of journey. Everyday it becomes more of a natural lifestyle and moves us in the proper direction.  Keep going, you're on the right path. 

[AllyB]

I find it very interesting to see how differently men and women approach diets and eating.  I talk to my husband about things like this and he looks at me quizically.  He tries to be supportive, but I can tell, he has no idea what I mean when I stand in front of the mirror, pointing at some part of my body while saying "Just look at that!!"  To me it's obvious what I mean, to him, it's a mystery.

 

Anyways, I have found after many years that pretending to be my best friend has helped me a lot.  For example, if I'm having a bad self esteem day, I will list the things I'm not happy about.  Then, I take a step outside myself, pretend to be my best friend who just heard the list of bad things and give myself advice.  (Was that confusing or what?)  What I mean is...what kind of advice would I give a friend if she just listed all those worries/concerns/fears?  I would say "Oh honey, people love you for who you are, not what you wear, or how big your jeans are!"  It's true. 

 

Be kind to yourself.  Be your own best friend.  Forgive yourself and continue on the journey.  Healthy eating isn't a destination.  If you beat yourself up about it, you are distracting yourself from your goals.

[JGiggly]

Thank you everyone for you words, support, and compassion. I needed it and didn't even realize it. I have concluded that I am going to keep the scale out of my life. I'll know if I go to the doctor. It just seems to be an avenue to encourage self loathing...counter productive. I started this journey to be healthy. I got sidetracked. It's a process. Now, I'm moving forward.

[MrsStick]

I just wanted to add - my body issues were not completely resolved, but greatly helped when I started down this track. I know my husband appreciates that I'm not looking in the mirror and saying "I'm so fat" anymore (I mean, really, I'm at the low end of the healthy BMI scale). But I used to see that. Now, I wake up and look at my body and realize: I'm pretty dang hot! It still surprises me every time, but I think that's a good thing. Not getting vain over here!

[missmunchie]

I don't know if this link will work or not, but I just saw this (kind of old) video the other day and it just spoke to me so much. I was infuriated at the media and our gullibility for marketing. It's a presentation, I'm sorry I'm not very familiar with the subject, from a film called "Killing Us Softly". I thought you all would get what I got out of it. Let's stop letting scales and the media tell us what we need to be beautiful! We ARE beautiful!

[JGiggly]

I don't know if this link will work or not, but I just saw this (kind of old) video the other day and it just spoke to me so much. I was infuriated at the media and our gullibility for marketing. It's a presentation, I'm sorry I'm not very familiar with the subject, from a film called "Killing Us Softly". I thought you all would get what I got out of it. Let's stop letting scales and the media tell us what we need to be beautiful! We ARE beautiful!

 

That was Awesome! Thanks.

[bizzielizzie]

I don't know if this link will work or not, but I just saw this (kind of old) video the other day and it just spoke to me so much. I was infuriated at the media and our gullibility for marketing. It's a presentation, I'm sorry I'm not very familiar with the subject, from a film called "Killing Us Softly". I thought you all would get what I got out of it. Let's stop letting scales and the media tell us what we need to be beautiful! We ARE beautiful!

Thanks so much for that. I've just shared it with my eleven year old daughter. I know that her friends are starting to talk about their bodies in ways that I'm not happy about, and I doubt that my girl is any different when she's out of earshot!

[eryntracy]

I SO MUCH relate to this post.  I'm on day 24, and while I feel kick-ass about the program (loving how much 3 big meals has changed my relationship with food, snacking=thinking about food ALL DAY, not at all anymore!), the scale ban is absolutely my biggest challenge.  It's making me insane.  I was an addicted daily weigher, and while I didn't necessarily let that number influence my day, I appreciated the check point. I'm terrified to see what happens next week! And I know that sounds NUTS! Ha.

 

While weight loss is part of my long term vision, it's not the reason I'm doing Whole30. I just had no clue how hard it would be to put the scale away! Glad to know I'm not the only one.