To Health and Back

[Noelle]

My log title is a toast: This is the year that I focus on regaining my health and strength, and getting my back back. 

 

I found Whole30 a little over a year ago, just in time for my 30th birthday. Eating this way was both easy (I was already gluten- dairy- and soy-free), and enormously difficult (I'd been vegan for five years). I finished my 3rd Whole30 on January 26th, and I feel healthier than I have in a long time. My mood is fantastic, and my chronic back pain is still there, but it's not flared up. I think I'm finally on the mend.

 

This is my first time doing real reintroductions. I was inspired by Bethany's reintro schedule. This is mine:

 

1/31 — Non-gluten grains

 

2/1-2/2 — Whole30

 

2/3 — Legumes

 

2/4-2/5 — Whole30

 

2/6 — Soy

 

2/7 — Whole30

 

2/8 — As Whole30 as possible going out to brunch with my in-laws.

 

2/9 — Dairy Whole30

 

2/10-2/11 — Whole30

 

2/12 — Corn

 

2/13-2/14 — Whole30

 

2/15 — All done with reintroductions! Eat real food for the rest of my life! Dairy

 

2/16-2/17 — Whole30

 

2/18 — Re-test Non-gluten grains without sugar 

 

2/19-2/20 — Whole30

 

2/21 — Finally done with reintroductions! Eat real food for the rest of my life!

 

* * *

 

I may do a proper gluten reintroduction at some point, just so I can record my symptoms. I know that stuff is nasty, and it and I do not get along. It might be interesting to know whether a bite of something really special might be "worth it." But having been gluten-free for almost six years, avoiding it is second nature.

 

I know non-gluten grains will make their way back into my diet in the form of homemade baked goods a few times a year, and rice in sushi now and then. As will the occasional peanut butter. And some day, I will want a few bites of crème brûlée. But mostly I'm doing the reintroductions out of curiosity, so I can say for sure how certain foods affect me.

 

[Edited to update reintroduction timeline.]

[Noelle]

1/31 — Non-gluten grains.

 

M1: 3 eggs with sauteed spinach and a big dollop of homemade mayo, 2 (5-inch) homemade gluten-free buckwheat pancakes, 8 oz. kombucha.

 

Mid-morning: 12 oz. coffee blended with 1 Tbsp coconut oil.

 

M2: BBQ pork, sauteed garlic green beans, raw baby carrots, 1-3/4 small homemade gluten-free oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.

 

M3: Sushi feast! Included snow crab, avocado maki, mackerel, salmon, scallop, and tuna.

 

* * *

 

These particular pancakes used to be my Saturday morning go-to when I felt like "sweet breakfast." I make them with buckwheat flour, millet flour, sorghum flour, and tapioca flour. The recipe calls for 2 Tbsp maple syrup in the batter, and they tasted very sweet. I didn't put any syrup on top. They were good, but seemed so HEAVY. I felt like I had a lump in my throat after eating them.

 

I wasn't hungry for lunch until almost 1:00 PM (after eating at 7:00 AM), but my energy TANKED right around 10:00 AM.

 

I was half-way through lunch when my daughter woke up from nap and wanted to nurse, so I ate half of M2 at 1:00 PM and half at 2:00 PM. The cookies were made with coconut sugar, and they just tasted like "sweet." This was one of my favorite quick treat recipes a few months ago, but they were kind of disappointing. But! Even though the first one was only OK, my initial impulse was to reach for another one immediately! (Because maybe cookie number two will magically be better?) I chewed slowly, confirmed that it was nothing really special, and stopped.

 

I didn't feel especially hungry before dinner, but boy was I grouchy! Mean-grouchy. I held it together with the kids pretty well, but my poor partner! I snapped at him over every little thing! I felt better mood-wise after eating a little, but I missed my veggies. I really expected to feel hungry a couple hours after eating such a non-template meal, but I'm mostly just thirsty. I'm sipping mineral water now and feeling much more like my new-normal peace-and-love self.

[Noelle]

Yikes! I'm behind in food-logging. This will catch me up, and then I plan—I hope—to be more on top of it here. I'm jotting notes down in a paper journal as I go.

 

2/1

 

M1: 3 eggs, 3 mini meatballs (so cute!), sauteed kale, green olives, 8 oz. kombucha.

 

Mid-morning: Coffee with coconut oil, plus one teeny cup of black coffee at Trader Joe's.

 

M2: BBQ pork, sauteed green beans, sauerkraut, whole avocado, kombucha-sparkling water "cocktail" with a splash of fresh pear juice.

 

Late afternoon (in the car): 1/2 an apple.

 

M3: Quart of red raspberry leaf tea with fennel seed (while cooking), PaleOMG's spaghetti squash "pizza" casserole, butter lettuce and radicchio with Well Fed's creamy Italian dressing and sprinkled with sunflower seeds, kombucha "jell-O."

 

M4: 2 Applegate turkey hot dogs, Japanese sweet potato with coconut oil, small orange, tea.

 

* * *

 

This was a busy, rough day. It's the first time in a while that I've had to eat a Meal 4, but I couldn't believe how hungry I was. I was also in KILL ALL THE THINGS mode all day. I'm not sure why I'm feeling this way, but I have a lot of financial stress right now. plus my little one suddenly seems to want to nurse all the time...again.

 

...

2/2

 

I woke up sore, swollen, and tired after a lousy night's sleep. I blame the stress.

 

M1: Water, coffee, 1/2 an avocado and "Scramble to Finish Up the Leftovers!" — This mostly comprised my toddler's leftovers, little bits of perfectly good meat and veggies she didn't eat, scrambled together with some eggs: cubed salmon cakes, sweet potato, steak, spinach, peppers, and onions. (It was surprisingly good!)

 

Mid-morning: Coffee brewed with unsweetened cocoa, blended with coconut oil.

 

M2: BBQ pork, spinach and broccoli with Well Fed 2's Better Butter, 3/4 kombucha gel, lemon Larabar.

 

M3: Roast chicken, broccoli with Better Butter, butternut squash casserole, water.

 

* * *

 

I made the kombucha gels for the kids, as a fun way of getting more kombucha into them, but I really like them! They're not very dessert-like, being more tart than sweet, but I made them in little flower molds, so they look very treat-like.

 

My mood was HORRIBLE all day. This can't be from non-gluten grains, can it? I hit the sugar pretty hard (compared to Whole30 cleanliness) on my gluten-free grain reintro day, but I'm surprised the effects would be this severe and prolonged. It feels like the world's worst PMS, but it's too early in my cycle for that.

 

...

2/3 — Legumes

 

M1: 3 eggs with spaghetti squash and spinach, 8 oz. kombucha, coffee with coconut milk, peanut butter. (I thought about eating the peanut butter with an apple, but I didn't really want an apple, so I put it in a little bowl and ate it with a tiny spoon.)

 

Mid-morning: Decaf coffee.

 

M2: Small serving of leftover spaghetti squash casserole, chickpea-avocado-green pepper salad, 1/2 an apple with peanut butter and 1 chopped date.

 

M3: 1 Applegate turkey hotdog, sauerkraut, green olives.

 

M4: Slow-cooked chicken thigh with green salsa, Cuban-style black beans, romaine lettuce, 1/2 an apple with peanut butter.

 

* * *

 

I'm feeling slightly better today, pain- and swelling-wise. Mood-wise, too. I don't want to kill ALL the things—just some of them. I'm wondering if the mood stuff is somehow related to my hormones shifting as my toddler decides she wants more breastmilk, but I'm trying not to overanalyze it.

 

Can you tell I love peanut butter? I love peanut butter. Almond butter is nice, I can take it or leave it. But peanut butter might have to be in regular rotation, provided I don't have any issues with it. Besides the issue where I want to eat all the peanut butter. Also, I admit it, that peanut-butter-apple-date concoction at lunchtime was a dessert. The kids were eating muffins, and I was hungry and feeling left out. Fortunately, my treat was very satisfying and I didn't feel like crap after eating it, or suddenly want to eat everything in the house. Small victories.

 

I'm starting to imagine the WholeRestofMyLife where I have a tame sugar dragon. A who behaves as long as I feed her an apple with nut butter or a Larabar once in a while. It's pretty wonderful, having fruit and nuts (or, in this case, legumes) be a satisfying dessert. Before, I would've eaten 3 muffins and still wanted more.

[Noelle]

No noticeable after-effects from legumes yesterday. I'm kind of surprised, actually. I was expecting gas, bloating, SOMETHING along those lines. But I feel fine.

Upon further reflection, peanut butter is almost certainly a food with no breaks for me. Faulty brakes at best. But only Whole Foods 365 crunchy peanut butter. I can say no to all other peanut butter easily.

[Physibeth]

A couple of suggestions based on what you have so far. First I would add 2 compliant days after your W30 as best you can meal unless you are able to stay compliant (I did 5 days after my brother's visit and I stayed pretty darn clean). 

 

You might want to retest the non-gluten grains without sugar. Some of the things you described sound like sugar reactions to me but it is hard to tell though it did seem a pretty high sugar day after being sugar free for 30 days. 

 

Just thoughts. Keep up the good research.

[Noelle]

Those are awesome suggestions, Bethany. Thank you! The more I think about it, the more it makes sense to give myself a few more clean-eating days after a meal out. And that really WAS a lot of sugar with my grains.

I think that's one of the problems with non-gluten grains for me (and probably a lot of other people): I tend to eat them mostly in sweet, baked things. I'm totally over gluten-free pasta, and I'm not going to pretend to like quinoa any more. With the exception of rice under stir-fry or in sushi (which is almost always full of sugar), non-gluten grains are really a vehicle for maple syrup and chocolate chips.

Can I just say how much I LOVE the self-knowledge portion of this program? I'm a year into my WholeJourney, and still having lightbulb moments all the time.

[Physibeth]

Those are awesome suggestions, Bethany. Thank you! The more I think about it, the more it makes sense to give myself a few more clean-eating days after a meal out. And that really WAS a lot of sugar with my grains.

I think that's one of the problems with non-gluten grains for me (and probably a lot of other people): I tend to eat them mostly in sweet, baked things. I'm totally over gluten-free pasta, and I'm not going to pretend to like quinoa any more. With the exception of rice under stir-fry or in sushi (which is almost always full of sugar), non-gluten grains are really a vehicle for maple syrup and chocolate chips.

Can I just say how much I LOVE the self-knowledge portion of this program? I'm a year into my WholeJourney, and still having lightbulb moments all the time.

 

That is a really good discovery! I still really enjoy having white rice and fresh corn tortillas on occasion but the rest I can happily do without. If I'm going to offroad with pasta I'm going to take the gluten hit and it better be really good pasta (like the mac and cheese and gnocchi I had at my husband's company party). I do make gluten free treats but usually only when we have company or when we go to a potluck because I'd rather have a good piece of dark chocolate.

 

Ok...now I'm hungry. Time for lunch me thinks. 

[Noelle]

Once again, I'm behind on food-logging. Food has been pretty boring the past couple of days (not boring in a bad way, just a little uninspired). Overall, I'm feeling great. My back feels better than it has in months, despite the fact that my toddler wants to be carried everywhere. Yesterday, I ended up walking more than three miles with her in the carrier. I really thought I'd suffer the consequences this morning, but I'm feeling strong, if a little tired.

 

Said toddler has also wanted lots of extra breast milk lately, so I'm back to eating four meals a day.

 

2/6 — Soy

 

M1: Three eggs with cabbage, spinach, ground beef, and sweet potato (another "leftovers" scramble), 12 oz. soy latte.

 

M2: Coffee with coconut oil (just a few sips before I got interrupted—ended up tossing most of it because it got to be too late in the day for coffee), 2 thick slices of broiled tofu, baked sweet potato.

 

M3: Two hard boiled eggs, roasted broccoli, 1/2 an avocado.

 

M4: Asian beef and broccoli, stir-fried edamame.

 

* * *

 

My husband is doing reintroductions with me, and he's having a bad reaction to soy. Not scary-bad, but really unpleasant. Lots of excess phlegm. Poor guy.

 

I seem to be okay, but we'll see what tomorrow brings. In the past, I avoided soy because I thought it mucked with my digestion.

 

Back-pain-wise and mood-wise, I'm still amazed by how well I feel. I've had a stressful couple of weeks—okay, months—and stress combined with carrying/caring for a spirited toddler every day have just destroyed me in the past. Right now, I'm handling everything (even the scary budget-related stuff) with a smile on my face most of the time. I don't recognize myself!

 

I'm skipping dairy on Sunday to recover fully from brunch out on Saturday, but I'll reintroduce corn next Wednesday as planned. I'm really looking forward to making myself huevos rancheros for breakfast that day!

[Noelle]

Soy has been voted off the island. My husband is still suffering with phlegmy grossness, and while my digestion is fine, I woke up with bad back pain (the arthritic kind) this morning for the first time in weeks.

 

My period is due in five days, my little girl is nursing up a storm, and I am HUNGRY.

 

...

2/7

 

M1: Ground beef cooked with kale and apples, topped with 3 eggs and 1/2 an avocado, coffee.

 

Mid-morning: Decaf with coconut oil.

 

M2: Broccoli-beef frittata, 5 mini meatballs, small baked sweet potato, (the other) 1/2 an avocado, 16 oz. kombucha.

 

Post-walk: 1-1/2 hard boiled eggs. (It was going to be 2 hard boiled eggs, but my daughter is an egg thief. Toddlers love Good Food, too!)

 

M3: Fried sardines from 'Well Fed 2' with tartar sauce, roasted carrots, garlic creamed spinach, 2 small baked sweet potatoes with "Better Butter" (also 'Well Fed 2').

 

* * *

 

Dinner was eaten in courses (i.e. eat, wait 20 minutes, confirm real hunger, repeat). I could not get full. I kept hearing Tom Denham's Internet voice in my head saying, "If you don't eat enough at Meal 1, you can't make up for it later in the day."

 

It's very true. Breakfast was big, but not big enough. Tomorrow, I'm erring on the side of huge, even though I'm going out to brunch. Perhaps especially since I'm going out to brunch.

 

I was going to do a round of grocery shopping this evening, but getting the kids to bed was especially rocky. It sucks when your partner is out of commission. (I feel so bad for him. I feel especially bad about how much soy I fed him when we were vegan for years.) I'm putting on pajamas, drinking some tea, and going to bed.

[Noelle]

...

2/8

 

M1: Asian beef with broccoli, carrots, garlic creamed spinach, extra mayo!, kombucha gelatin, coffee.

 

M2 (out): Eggs, sauteed garlic greens, 2 (tiny!) slices pineapple, 2 (tiny!) slices grapefruit, tall Americano.

 

M3: Hard-boiled egg, raw baby carrots, celery, 1/3 small sweet potato, 3/4 lemon Larabar (shared with my toddler).

 

M4: Broiled chicken thigh, 1-1/2 sweet potato waffles ('Well Fed 2'), romaine salad with mustard dressing and avocado, apple with almond butter and chopped date.

 

* * *

 

Brunch out was nothing special. When I really learned to cook a few years ago, I stopped enjoying meals out. I inevitably think, "I could've made this better at home!"

 

I felt a little nauseated after my super-simple brunch, which I mostly attribute to drinking my coffee first. That's a habit I got out of on Whole30 (per the rules, I believe), and I really noticed the difference today. In addition to feeling slightly queasy, I was also a bit more caffeine-high than I'm comfortable with. Lesson learned.

 

Paleo'd chicken and waffles went over very well for dinner. The sweet potato waffles were surprisingly "bready." I see why they're not Whole30-approved, and why they're intended as a sandwich foundation. I want to try them with the BBQ beef soon. My husband wants to pile curry on top of them. His idea will probably come up first, since we ended up with extra waffles (I'll be interested to see how they reheat).

 

My arthritis was a little better today, but my other back pain (the strain kind) was bad. I slept in an awful position this morning trying to breastfeed in bed. My back is probably also pre-period tender. It's often hard to say which pain is which—that's what makes it so frustrating. I'm going to ice before bed tonight, and hope that helps.

[Noelle]

...

2/9

 

M1: Asian beef with broccoli, fried egg, Better Butter, coconut oil coffee.

 

Mid-morning: Short Americano.

 

M2: Roast beef, sauteed rainbow chard, 1/2 leftover sweet potato waffle (not so good reheated, by the way), dollop of mayo. 

 

A few tastes of cauliflower pilaf while cooking, a few bites of broccoli soup, three dried apple rings...at which point I realized that I was actually hungry and ate some more roast beef with mayo.

 

M(ish)3: 2 fried eggs, blueberry Larabar, apple, 8 green olives.

 

M4: Pork roast, cauliflower rice pilaf ('Well Fed'), broccoli soup drizzled with olive oil.

 

Dessert (I admit it): Banana with 1 tsp almond butter and a few pecans. (I wanted to make the Banana Pecan Ice Cream from 'Well Fed 2,' but my food processor was dirty.)

 

* * *

 

 

My dragons are ROARING today. I've been feeding them too much fruit and coffee. Today I keep fantasizing about chocolate-covered almonds, ice cream (which I usually don't care about), and peanut butter straight out of the jar. Possibly with chocolate chips sprinkled on it.

 

Weekends are hard. The food for the week isn't ready yet, and we've been having Sunday dinners with my parents. Something about setting foot in my parents' house sends a lightning-fast message to my brain: binge. I did okay tonight, but I definitely ate too much (and too fast). My mother likes to make tons of food, but hates leftovers. Does she want us all to be human garbage disposals? I hurt her feelings when I said we were going to take a break from Sunday dinners, but I need a break. 

 

I'm so glad that today is almost over and that I get a fresh start tomorrow.

[Noelle]

Also, I do not understand cauliflower "rice." I guess some people love it, but I'm not sure it's for me. The pilaf was okay, but mostly it seemed like a waste of perfectly good fresh cauliflower!

[Physibeth]

Also, I do not understand cauliflower "rice." I guess some people love it, but I'm not sure it's for me. The pilaf was okay, but mostly it seemed like a waste of perfectly good fresh cauliflower!

 

I don't like it either. I'd much rather mash my cauliflower. If I really need rice for a dish now I just splurge on some white rice and make sure I freeze the leftovers so I don't eat it all.

[Noelle]

So glad I'm not the only one, Bethany! I may give cauliflower rice another try, but in the meantime, I'm sticking to roasting. In fact, I rarely experiment with veggie preparation, because I just love roasted vegetables so much!

 

Two uneventful days, food-wise. I'm getting a little tired of reintroductions. I know Whole30 is not the boss of me, I can stop at any time, so-on-and-so-forth, but I feel like I have all of this clean eating "banked" towards getting a really good sense of how I react to things. My daughter's half-birthday is Valentine's Day, and there may be paleo'd banana bread to celebrate. Confession: I'm a total sap and Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday. My son's school party was today, complete with candy orgy, so I don't feel like I have to make a treat. But we celebrate kids' half-birthdays in my family, and I don't feel right about totally skipping over my daughter's half-birthday when my son is already talking about his half-birthday (which isn't until June). I just don't want to open the paleo-treat floodgates.

 

Lots of boring, just-gotta-eat food yesterday and today.

 

...

2/10

 

M1: 3 eggs, sauteed spinach, 1/2 an avocado, coffee.

 

Mid-morning: Coffee with coconut oil.

 

M2: 5 oz. can of tuna in olive oil with chopped pickles and celery; chard, spinach, and shredded sweet potato that I cooked in the waffle iron, just for kicks.

 

Snack: 2 slices roast beef, 1/4 an avocado.

 

M3: "Butter" Chicken, roasted cauliflower, red grapes.

 

* * *

 

The "butter" chicken was amazing. I made it in the slow cooker, which is the best. It's like someone else made dinner. Don't call it chicken curry though. My son, who hates curry, ate two big helpings. I ended up with a lot more sauce than chicken, but the sauce is delicious enough to eat on its own. Next time, I'll double the meat.

 

...

2/11

 

M1: 3 eggs, sauteed spinach, 1/2 slice of roast beef, 1/4 an avocado, coffee.

 

M2: Garlic ground beef, "butter" chicken sauce, sweet potato hash browns, decaf with coconut oil.

 

Snack: Apple with almond butter.

 

M3: Oven-fried salmon cakes, roasted broccoli and cauliflower, dollop of mayo.

 

* * *

 

Time to quit the snack habit again. It's so easy to fall into that trap when my girl doesn't take a long enough nap and needs lots of nursing and cuddling. I get stuck under this giant child (who is still such a baby), and I end up just grabbing whatever comes to hand—which is usually something I prepped for one of the kids that didn't get eaten. But I feel better when I eat three (occasionally enormous) meals.

[Noelle]

One more reason grains should be banished from the house? Cereal ground into the carpet is no fun.

[Noelle]

2/12 — Corn

 

M1: 3 eggs, corn tortillas, salsa, spinach, green olives, coffee.

 

M2: Roast beef and carrots with leftover "butter" chicken sauce, popcorn, 1/2 an apple, coffee with coconut oil.

 

Snack: Scrambled egg with a little ground beef, cherry tomatoes, 1/3 an apple.

 

M3: Broiled chicken, sweet potato-corn chowder. 

 

* * * 

 

I got my period today, right on time. It just occurred to me (as I was sitting down to write this) that doing reintroductions during my premenstrual and period times might muck up my "data." Or maybe not, as I don't have many uncomfortable symptoms. Paleo eating + no IUD = easy, happy periods, for the most part. My emotions were all over the place last week; I don't know if that was stress or PMS or both. Things should be getting less stressful, though money is going to be tight for a while.

 

My husband's soy reaction turned into a full-blown illness, and now I've got the beginnings of an itchy throat. This is the first I've noticed it all day. Corn and I might not be the best of friends, or I may be catching something. I'm going to drink lots of water and tea this evening and hope for the best.

[Physibeth]

If you feel a introduction might have some skewed data you can always try again when you are feeling really good. Hope the sickness passes quickly.

[tarheelpo]

One more reason grains should be banished from the house? Cereal ground into the carpet is no fun.

Trix, Fruit Loops, and Cheerios are my biggest culprits

[Noelle]

Trix, Fruit Loops, and Cheerios are my biggest culprits

O-shaped cereals are the worst. When my son was little, we gave him Oatios, and I swear I kept finding them around the house long after he'd moved on to more interesting foods.

 

* * *

 

Today was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day yesterday. My "coming down with something" feeling seems more corn-related than illness-related. A day and a half later, it feels like seasonal allergies.

 

I'm not even going to try to log yesterday's food. It was all over the place. I started with a good, simple Meal 1 (4 eggs, sauteed spinach, with lots of coconut oil, and coffee) but everything went downhill from there. I had terrible snack cravings, and because things were crazy-stressful with both kids—everyone is fine and healthy, just going through difficult developmental stages—I never really sat down for proper meals.

 

I ended last night with a compliant-foods-binge (mostly dried fruit and nuts—no surprise there). It was my first binge in a long time. I have binged on Whole30s before, but during this last Whole30, I had no desire to binge. Even on the most stressful days. I find that very interesting.

 

I woke up this morning feeling bloated and uncomfortable, physically, emotionally, spiritually... I also feel like I look about 6 months pregnant. I know that's all in my head. But recovery is hard. At least I'm not restricting my food today, or planning to "exercise purge" last night's binge.

[Noelle]

Here's what's going on:

 

I've decided to take a break from "formal" reintroductions and focus (again) on my eating disorder recovery. I'm going to keep the Meal Template in mind, but I'm not going to drive myself crazy. I realized last night, when I was feeling sad about not having chocolate with my sweetie on Valentine's Day, that this process was beginning to feel more like punishment than a healthy experiment. So I ate some chocolate with my partner. It had cherries and almonds in it. We had some really strong, fruity herbal tea with it, and it was a lovely way to celebrate our 10th Valentine's Day together. I don't feel left out or "binge-y" this morning, and my raging sweet tooth is gone. My low back and hip joints are complaining, however.

 

Here's what I've learned from my reintroductions so far:

• After years of eating gluten-free, gluten-free grains are a sweets-vehicle for me (muffins, cookies, pancakes, quick breads, etc.).
• Sugar throws my mood out the window and makes my back pain worse.
• Corn has all the drawbacks of sugar, plus it gives me seasonal allergy-like symptoms and sugar cravings.
• Soy makes my back pain worse.
• One cup of coffee is fine. More than one cup of coffee is a bad idea.

 

I'm frustrated by how quickly I went from feeling awesome to feeling not-awesome. I keep reminding myself that this is a process. I'm not doing a "diet" or a "cleanse" where, after 30 days, everything goes back to normal. I'm reworking normal.

[Noelle]

Ugh. I am sick. I have a miserable head cold and I just want nothing to do with anything. I feel like I could get better quickly if I could take a sick day, but that's not an option.

I have a confession to make: I've been weighing myself almost daily since my Whole30 ended. I don't think it's negatively affecting my mood (or food choices)--if anything it's been helpful to see that I can "feel fat" or even binge and not gain 10 lbs overnight. The problem, of course, is that I still have this magical number in my head: what I think I "should" weigh.

This is the hardest part. I want to be lighter for the "good" reason that my back will hurt less with less of me to carry around. But that gets mixed up with wanting to be lighter because I've ALWAYS wanted that: the "thinner is better" bullshit. So I struggle with this and probably will struggle with it until...well, until I don't have to struggle with it any more.

[Physibeth]

Ugh. I am sick. I have a miserable head cold and I just want nothing to do with anything. I feel like I could get better quickly if I could take a sick day, but that's not an option.

I have a confession to make: I've been weighing myself almost daily since my Whole30 ended. I don't think it's negatively affecting my mood (or food choices)--if anything it's been helpful to see that I can "feel fat" or even binge and not gain 10 lbs overnight. The problem, of course, is that I still have this magical number in my head: what I think I "should" weigh.

This is the hardest part. I want to be lighter for the "good" reason that my back will hurt less with less of me to carry around. But that gets mixed up with wanting to be lighter because I've ALWAYS wanted that: the "thinner is better" bullshit. So I struggle with this and probably will struggle with it until...well, until I don't have to struggle with it any more.

 

I would challenge you to put it away again for at least a week if not a month. Yes being lighter will help with your back. Or you could maintain and start adding muscles to support your back better. Remember the number on the scale does little to reflect your overall health. So many better measures like how your clothes fit, how much energy you have, how you sleep, and how your back feels.

[Noelle]

You're right, Bethany. I really need to get off the scale again. I keep telling myself it's a useful tool, but it's really not.

 

There's a bit in the reintroduction section of It Starts With Food that says something along the lines of "you may be tempted to downplay the effects of a certain food because you like it so much." That's me with the scale. Not that I like it, per se. But that's the idea.

[Noelle]

I had an awful day yesterday. Just awful. It started with my baby throwing up and ended with ME throwing up. I felt nauseated going to bed, then I was up at midnight and three, vomiting.

My partner is home from work, and I am in bed. I guess this is the "sick day" I was hoping for. Yuck.

All food sounds terrible. I had a tiny glass of Recharge when I was up at midnight, but threw it up at three. Even water is hard to stomach right now.

The possible ONE good thing to come out of this might be breaking my caffeine addiction. Coffee is the last thing I want right now. There's probably no good reason to drink it again when I'm feeling better.

[Physibeth]

I'm so sorry you got hit with the stomach bug! Rest and stay hydrated as best you can. Have you tried coconut water?