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To add insult to injury, I gave my other dog a bath while washing the puker of sardine smell and she peed all over me. Good times.

On a positive note, my daughter was scarfing carrots and mayo and brisket today! My little champion.

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Day 4

 

(yesterday)

8:30a m1: chicken thigh, carrots n mayo was in a rush, didn't get out of bed, not enough food, jammed in mouth standing at counter

 

Yesterday afternoon I felt awesome. Burst of energy, did a bunch of housework stuff I've been procrastinating, didn't feel my usual, omfg my house is a wreck where do I start—I just started like a normal person in one corner. This am feeling tired, like I wanted to sleep that deep deep sleep all of this cold rainy day.

 

11a m2: broth, brisket, gingery cabbage, kraut, black coffee

 

Happy and tired! When my son was smaller I used to say, when he got crabby and needed a nap, I think you're tired. And he would say, sometimes with tears on his face, I'm happy AND tired!! That was me today.
 

 

3p m3: brisket, gingery cabbage, broth

 

6p snack: carrots, mayo, burger dribbling along, snacky, not a sit and enjoy situation, I know, missing protein. Also should've just had dinner but my parents and kids were eating pizza and I was frantically trying to clean my pigsty apt. I will do better!

 

8p m4: same ol' same ol', brisket n cabbage need more protein, veg, kombucha

 

Now that I'm through the early days I need to focus on: template, sitting for meals, moving towards three meals a day.

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Day 5

 

Got my FCLO today! Partay!      

 

8a m1: meatcakes (2), carrots n mayo, sweet pot w ghee, black coffee     

 

12:30p snack: lemon garlic olives last min ended up taking son to swimming, ran out without lunch     

 

2pm m3: gf hot dogs, kraut, more kraut, more carrots n mayo     

 

9pm m3: meatcakes, sweet pot fries with CO, h sea salt n turmeric, garlic/cumin/coriander mayo late, I know, this is such a bad habit for me, I generally feed my kids, get them in bed and then eat but I need to start eating w/ them--and then not eat again.

 

-stocked up on veg today, yes I need more greens, more freshness, more variety 

 

Somehow I decided to not use seed spices on my fries, but then added a sprinkle to my mayo--after I'd, after hemming and hawing, decided not to eat seeds earlier in the day. 

 

-need to set my parameters re AIP: I know I'm off egg whites, nuts, nightshades, and the rest of the w30 list. But seeds? What about seeds and seed spices? Where am I drawing the line? 

 

On one hand, it's worth getting a clean slate to test on bc I didn't do it methodically last year. On the other, um, I kinda don't feel like it? Sounds silly when I put it like that. And my ps is looking better. Why mess? I can live without cumin for a couple weeks. Worth it to find out for real that I can eat seed spices without damning myself to a hot sticky summer with covered legs.

 

-move toward eating earlier, with kids, as last meal. 

 

-make evenly spaced meals a priority so I'm not running out and then jamming olives in my mouth at Butter Lane cupcake shop (for my son, not for me, though the peanut butter buttercream being made two feet from us in a cupcake baking class was looking pretty good).

 

All in all, doing well, though might be developing a bit of a SWYPO relationship with kombucha (vis–à–vis my heretofore nightly wine). 

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Beets -

 

Kombucha is a tasty probiotic.  I refuse to believe it can be SWYPO :)  But maybe that is just me rationalizing.  I have one everyday too.  I'm even brewing my own now!  Also, I'm sure you know this - but the bones in sardines and salmon are a great source of calcium and other minerals - can you make them into patties or something where the bones would be less obvious?

 

Thanks for taking a stab and my weight loss frustrations!  Tell me more about this high fat thing you are doing... Do you restrict anything to make up for the fat?  When you say you've gone through a jar and a half of mayo - do you mean 24 oz of mayo?  I don't restrict fat - per se - I just don't go crazy with it.  I cook with maybe a tsp or so - just enough to coat the pan.  I eat 1/2 avocado at a time.  I don't eat the chicken leg skin (because I eat them cold and cold skin is kinda gross - I did eat the skin when I made chicken wings :) ).  I add coconut milk to berries sometimes - but again, not a lot, a 1/4 of a cup or so.  I am just so scared to gain weight eating a lot of fat (because I'm still eating some sweet potato and fruit each day and it always seems to be you gotta do one or the other...).  Sorry.  I sound totally crazy :)

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Day 6

Stayed up too late last night looking up recipes. Feeling totally bored and craving freshness, but also feeling too tired to do a bunch of cooking. File under: working at cross purposes with yourself. Had a meeting at the garden, planed a few Black Susan plantlets, talked daylilies. Glorious sunshine. I love this weather: sunny but still cool.

Zzzzz.

8a m1: brisket, gingery cabbage, green tea

12p m2 as I ran, late, to garden meeting: bite chicken thigh, small amt of l/o sweet pot fries and garlic mayo

2p m3: chicken salad (mayo, scallions, salt, mango), slaw

3:30p: broth, brisket, carrots, more mayo (didn't eat enough chick salad, only a bit of chick thigh left, but that combo was fast and yummy and I'll make more)

4:40p broth, salty salty broth

Did not have energy for a big cook up. Made broth, a few chicken thighs with a no seed spice "curry" seasoning, sweet pots. Bought a bunch of meat and more veg. Have a hankering for a pork shoulder.

Thinking about Paleo Mom talking about the importance of sleep for healing autoimmune issues. Cannot stay up, even if my idea of Sat night fun is combing the internet for interesting AIP recipes. (Paleo Mom, I love you, but your photography is really bad. Even though I'm a photographer, I never knew bad lighting could make food look so unappetizing.)

8p m4: beef and broccoli (aminos, fish sauce, ginger), slaw, bit of kombucha but didn't pour it into a wine glass or sip while cleaning up kitchen, as is/was my wine habit.

Zzzzz. 10pm and I am wiped.

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Littleg, I just find myself using kombucha as a crutch bc I'm so used to my wine. Really when I think about doing a w30 it's the no wine part that scares me the most. Prob NOT the most healthy of feelings.

I do not restrict anything! (Except of course grains, dairy, alcohol, sugar, legumes, nightshades, seed oils, seeds, seed spices, egg whites. I joke.) I just tend to eat a lot of fat bc I like it, my body likes it, my brain likes it--especially when I'm transitioning from an over reliance on sugar. It will balance out in a few days but I definitely do *not* worry about my fat intake. Or carbs for that matter. I find I have to eat some amount of starchy veg or I get cranky.

When I say "jar" of mayo I mean an 8oz ball jar of homemade mayo. ;) I use the Paleo Mom recipe with all coconut oil. Prob not for everybody, but I like it--especially with a bit of extra lemon. And some anchovy paste: shout out to Lady M on that tip.

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I add anchovy (from a tube, tin, or bottle) to everything I can for the umami. I think of it as the bass line of my meal.

 

Beets, I've missed your poetry! Honestly, your writing is so beautiful.

 

And I think you're doing a wonderful job changing your habits and taking care of yourself amid the chaos of being the hip and cool mom of two little ones in the urban jungle.

 

So happy that your ps is already looking better! I think whatever you decide with AIP will work to your benefit--though just making the decision of what to include or not and sticking with it rather than constantly mulling it over will, in and of itself, likely boost your feeling of calm and sanity. You know this, of course! :D

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I'm so glad your ps is looking better!  I agree with you that you should keep doing what's working for now.  You can always tweak it later.  I'm also with you on wanting to try new recipes but not having the energy/time.  The kids are just SO busy!  I gave up long long ago on ever having anything different for lunch or breakfast, but I do try to vary dinner.  But, I'm sticking to mostly easy stuff because otherwise I get stressed.  That said, yesterday, I had a lot of time in the afternoon because friends took my kids to a school carnival.  I experimented by making venison/beef meatballs for our zoodles.  They were fine, but it would have been so much faster and easier (not tasted exactly the same) to just brown it.  It was kind of fun to do something different and at the same time a good reminder that it's not necessary. 

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Yes! I was thinking I'd add anchovy paste to everything. Mm. I'm really flattered by your comment about my writing. Yours is always so clear and elegant, effortlessly.

You are correct about making up my mind instead of driving myself crazy w waffling. I will skip the seed spices for now. Maybe only for two weeks or as long as I can take it.

Jen, I'm the same with dinner. And I need to make something either the kids or my husband will eat bc I can't make three different dinners. And, yeah, so often when I go the extra mile to try something new it's either disappointing or just takes too much time. It's hard to decide when it'll be worth the time and effort and potential cost of items not in my cupboards.

**Day 7**

8a m1: chicken thigh w non-seed seasoning, sweet pot w ghee *feeling low on energy, thought some carbs would do me good, jury's out*

12p m2: brisket, salad greens, avocado, lemony mayo dressing *mmmm*

3p s: olives, broth while cleaning the kitchen, not a mini meal

Super low energy day. (Now realizing that's normal, based on the timeline.) In any case this is way easier to take than the brutal headache and flu I had last year. I seriously had trouble walking bc my head hurt so badly. True, I was also quitting coffee--coming from way too many cups a day.

Just nibbled the homemade larabars (wallerbars, as Moluv called them and I like the name, better than "homemade larabars") I made for my kids. I'm reading this book abut CBT and changing your inner Judge and the tape that runs. One thing is to figure out what messages you are sending your Inner Self. "You're not like that. You're not like that, you don't have to follow the rules, you just do what you want etc." You're supposed to ask yourself, is that message helping me? Clearly not! I'm also someone who takes care of herself and does what I need to do to make myself healthy. When I put my mind to it, I'm capable of reaching my goals.

Annnnnnd itchy bumps on my hands. No nuts! Not worth it. Maybe some day I'll be able to eat them again but I'll never know unless I let myself heal.

6pm m3: roasted chicken, sweet pot fries, mayo

Ate with my kids, and not again. and I'm not hungry. Joy.

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**Day 8**

8a m1: brisket, gingery cabbage *eaten dashing out, took photos of an infant this am after dropping off kids and even though I was up at 6:15 my son was up and whining at that time as well. I was scurrying last min to get everyone out, didn't eat enough. *

11a m2: meat cakes, sweet pot fries, mayo, carrots *just realized today sweet pot fries as considered SWYPO. Eh, agree to disagree, but I'll skip them. (These were leftovers and no one in my house eats them). They could easily veer into FWOB for me.*

2:30p or so: broth, olives *shoulda been a mini meal but I'd just had a complete breakdown about my psoriasis.*

5:30p m3: meat cakes, carrots, mayo, steamed broccoli w sea salt *ate with kids, they love broccoli--which makes them sound way more agreeable than they are.*

Yeah so I've been showering at night in dim lighting with a candle for awhile. Took a shower this am. My ps always looks worse after a shower but I was horrified at the state of my legs. Circus freak was the phrase that came to mind.

I couldn't fall apart this am bc I had to get kids to school and camera etc ready to photograph a baby. (Four weeks old, giant, sweet, sleeping.) When I came home though, it all came out. I had a complete meltdown, feeling very sorry for myself, very helpless in terms of finding the right dr who takes my ins and who won't just take a co-pay, my time and write a script half-asleep. I did find somebody. In a neighborhood that's the biggest parking PITA in all of Brooklyn but here's to hoping I'll get some help.

I also found out this type of ps (guttate) often erupts after strep throat. I did have an insanely painful sore throat a few weeks ago. My mom was like, please see a dr! And I was all, it's going away by itself. Ugh.

Glad I ate with kids. Husband is working on 9/11 museum which is exciting to be a part of but crazy in terms of hours. Think I'll go to bed early, after walking dogs.

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Thanks, Miss Mary. I do make these myself. They are similar to roasted veg and I usually eat fries about ten times a year. Plus they are a pain to cut up. But, like I said, they are FWOB for me so prob not the wisest choice. And maybe, in that regard, that is what's meant by an unhealthy psychological response.

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I agree with Mary, homemade oven baked sw pot fries are ok in my book.  But, as a FWNB, better to avoid them.  Since nobody else in my family will eat them, I usually make them when I make oven regular potato fries for them.  So, I can make just one sw pot worth of fries for me.  That controls the portion.  If I had a whole pan in front of me, I'd be in the same boat. 

 

I'm sorry you had a rough morning.  I hope you can get into the dr soon and get some relief.  There is nothing wrong with attacking it from both a medical and a natrual point of view.  Attack it from all sides and get it gone!

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Eating with the kids is a huge win! Glad to hear you're shooting, too. Nothing makes me happier than people using their talents to put beautiful things out into the world.

 

So sorry about your ps. I can, actually, imagine the overwhelm somewhat because I suffered from debilitating acne in my teens and twenties that made me want to hide out and never leave the house. The shame itself is debilitating and the overwhelm comes from making the exorbitant effort to try every fucking thing out there, seeing little to no relief (and then second guessing your own ability to recognize relief), and fearing that things will never change for the better.

 

So, what I want to remind you is that Whole 30 has worked for you in the past and I think you can trust that it will help bring you relief again. That, and I really hope you can find a doc you trust, one who feels like a partner rather than an adversary. I've broken the bank with FMD, but after years of dreading and hating and fighting doctor after doctor, she's absolutely changed my life in every way. I have more freedom than you do to choose to break the bank on an alternative medicine provider who doesn't take insurance ( :angry: let's not even get started on our fucked up "healthcare system" in this country) because I'm single and childless, but I just wanted to offer some support and understanding when it comes to all the variables and choices and obstacles that seem insurmountable. They will feel that way, some times more than others, yes; and if you stay at it, you will come upon a combination that helps you manage your ps, at least to the point that it no longer makes you weep.

 

Sending lots of love to you, Beets!

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Thank you very much, Lady M. Your words mean a lot. I know people say, oh who cares what ppl think? But it's hard not to notice when ppl do a double take when they see the spots on your arms (and that's 200% better than it looked five days ago!) I am feeling a lot better today. And I decided to make an appt with a naturopath. Just a consult. I want to make sure her approach will jibe with what's I've learned on the w30. It will not work if she suggests I stop eating red meat in favor of quinoa, or buy $500 worth of supplements. And, yeah, state of medical care in this country. Grrrrrrrr.

Jen, I do agree that medical plus natural is helpful and necessary in some cases. Amazingly, this morning I awoke to a big improvement. I did postpone my appt bc I'd rather not drag my daughter. Of course I totally forgot next week is school vacation! But I will go!

Day 9

8a m1: bites of mango, bites of chicken thigh super late and rushed, closed bedroom shade during kids' bedtime, never opened it, slept too late

9:50a m2: brisket and cabbage, kraut, half cup black coffee

1p m3: brisket (last of this batch, had to finish) over salad greens w mayo dressing, 1/4 avocado, green tea

5p m4: chicken thigh jammed into mouth, carrots, mayo *came home from errands starving

Woke up to discover even an older patch of ps on my knee was showing clear skin. And I read that strep-induced guttate ps will usually go away on its own, but it's striking how much better it is since yesterday. I credit diet and slippery elm, FCLO. Sleep too!

Glorious spring day! Worked a compost shift in the garden with another mom from the preschool coop. We ate lunch together with the girls. Felt good to be working in the sun, sifting compost. We sifted two big wheelbarrows ful. Nothing like the smell o` compost on a wondrous spring afternoon. The birds were singing, forsythias, daffodils starting to bloom. A much needed and welcome spring it is this year.

Tired now. Bought my son light up sneakers (against everything I've ever said, true) and my husband (extremely tired, true) came in and, after reservedly complimenting my very excited son, that these light up Star Wars sneakers represent *everything wrong with the world*. It must be my w30 calmness coming into play bc I hardy argued w him and didn't get too defensive.

(My son's been asking me for light up sneakers for three years. I keep saying, "maybe if you still want them next year." True, I'd prefer something else. And maybe they will be a terrible distraction at school. It felt nice to say yes.)

Sigh.

Have to clean up my kitchen. Tomorrow I get back to exercise!

9p: broth, spring tonic tea

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Ha! I found some comment on a blog post about light-up sneakers (I was curious to see if I'd really lost my grip on reality, insofar as the hive mind is concerned). It was from a teacher and grandmother who wrote, in response to the blogger who was very vehemently anti light-up sneakers, that there is not enough whimsy in this world and to just let the kid enjoy. Made me feel like I did the right thing. 

 

The garden is really amazing. I dropped my son off at school, late, again. I was on the verge of a panic attack. Husband's been leaving for work at 5 so it's been just me every day. I know lots of people do it, but we aren't used to it and every single day my son has a new reason to not leave the house. And he's too big to carry. 

 

Finally dropped him off--my heart racing and blood boiling--and went to the garden, pulled weeds in the sunshine amidst the daffodils and forsythia and chirping birds. Felt 1000% better almost immediately. And hour later, my fingers were cold and dirty and it felt awesome. 

 

I really shouldn't get so mad at him when I cannot pull myself together in the morning either. Starting tomorrow I need to get out of bed at 6. One good thing about husband going to work so early is that he's going to bed by 10pm. So I have no excuse to stay up later. 

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Day 10

Wow. Time flies.

Started the day on the wrong foot with a bite of dried mango. Yet again I overslept. No. I didn't oversleep. I just hung out in bed to long. Gotta change this morning routine.

Kids were eating a piece of mango while I made breakfast and I mindlessly took a bite. I was worried it'd set my day off but I was ok. (Though I did have that almost panic attack dropping son at school. Hmm.)

I didn't log my meals as the day went and now I forget and it's late. Something like.

- meat cake, sweet pot, ghee

- meat cake, salad, lemony mayo dressing, avocado

- meat cake, sweet pot, ghee, broth, spring tonic tea, more sweet pot

Think I'm PMSing, though last w30 I was days late (never happens, I'm clockwork). But at least craving sweet pots is better than tearing my freezer apart for MORE CHOCOLATE, the way I've been the last couple cycles.

Night all. Forgot my slippery elm today. Ahh I'll dream of weed pulling tonight. (Better than my totally bizarro Ashton Kutcher* (??) dream last night. Brrrrr. Has haunted me all day. I do not normally think of him as dreamy, yuk yuk, but dreams are weird like that. He made me go through all these strange hygiene rituals--and then offered me his own toothbrush. And we'd started talking bc I was admiring his beautiful penmanship--which he was practicing in a bar--, and a nice fountain pen. I was feeling self-consciously old but kept reminding myself he was married to Demi.)

Night!

*"Who's your favorite child? Ashton?" - Zach Galifianakis to Bruce Willis on Between Two Ferns. 😄

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I have had wild and strange sex fantasy type dreams this Whole 30 rather than verboten food dreams. Weird, but I'll take it!

 

Oh my gosh, this is the first time I've realized that this is a pattern! I NEVER have sex dreams and I've had 4 bizarre ones over the past month. I even got with Macklemore in one of them!

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Lol. The people you never knew you were attracted to...deep in your subconscious mind.

I remember looking forward to bizarre dreams last time. Love a long, weird dream.

Thanks Jen! It kind of doesn't look like me, all tiny. But it's from the garden the other morning with my daughter when I went from panic to tranquility after an hour of weeding in the spring sunshine.

Day 11 (?)

Forgot to track. Everything was compliant and boring. Will cook this weekend. Meals were late, too. Lacking in greenery. But I did do my workout and my butt is sore. Good things.

Next week:

-more greens and more veg variety!

-consistent bed, consistent morning routine

-making breakfast, not eaten standing at the counter, a priority.

Night!

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