Do you find yourself judging?

[megmac]

Do you find yourself judging what everyone else is eating?

I am generally a pretty "live and let live" kind of person, but since reading The Primal Blueprint and especially now that I am a believer in the Whole30, I find myself really taking note of what other people are eating. And saying. And complaining about. I want to share the news, enlighten them...explain why they are failing. I have been there! I have seen the light! I invented this!

Last weekend at a pool party (I ate before I went), I observed exactly what the health emergency is in this country. Pizza, soda and birthday cake for the kids (including mine), and the most unbelievable array of white flour and potato salads and sandwiches (no kidding-white bread stuffed with creamcheese, sans crust!) for the adults. Of course they did offer Sierra Mist because it's healthier...

Yikes. I need to get a grip on my new found knowledge, or I won't be invited to any more parties! I want to take everybody by the hand and explain what they need to do and how. I want to buy out the shelves of ISWF and spread the word. I know I am new to this world, but how to you keep it to yourself?

Of course I tell everyone who is interested. Or is at least willing to listen. But why don't the doctors tell us? For 5 years I have been talking to my doctor about my expanding waist, lack of sleep, and fatigue. I got sleeping pills and the explanation that I'm "over 40". I just don't get it.

That's my rant for the day.

[Snicci]

I totally hear you! I have a hard time too! I don't have children, but I cringe when I see what my friends feed their kids (chips, soda, noodles, candy, sugar, sugar, sugar). I did order the book from Amazon for my Mother and a very good friend of mine back home. Hoping they both will "see the light"

[Snicci]

I also gave my copy to my chiropractor... I'll probably have to buy myself a "spare" copy of the book...

[Tom Denham]

I keep one copy of It Starts With Food in my car and give it away whenever I am talking to someone I like who shows some interest. I keep a few copies at my house too, so I am never without. However, I never start talking with people about food. And if food comes up, I talk about what I am cooking and how good it is. I wait for people to ask me serious questions before I share serious information about healthy eating.

I treat food like religion. I am a religious person and am happy to share my faith, but know that pushing religion closes doors. If you really want to share your beliefs (about food or religion), live well, be open and friendly, and people will invite you to share when they are ready to listen.

[Renee Lee]

TBH, you lose the desire to scream the message from the rooftops after you've offending everybody around you and you get exhausted by folks not listening to you.

Finding Paleo and ISWF is amazing, and it is so fantastic to know that the path to health is so SIMPLE: eat real food. It's really hard to share that with people that aren't ready to listen. Just sit back, stay quiet, and answer questions when people come to YOU.

It is HARD to stand by and watch your diabetic/immuno-compromised uncle be fed white bread and cake and potatoes and diet soda because it's sugar free, by your aunt that's a nurse practitioner. It is HARD to watch your sister be in the doctor's office every other week with some new illness, or always recovering from some cold...but some times you just lose the fight.

This post from Robb Wolf is devastating, but the reality: http://robbwolf.com/2012/04/04/paleo-diet-convince-it/

You can't change anybody's behavior but your own. Lead by quiet example

[GLC1968]

I was a crazy paleo evangelist when I first started. I couldn't help myself, I was SOOO excited about this great new 'secret' that I'd found and I wanted to share it with everyone I cared about! Oy.

It didn't take long to learn that it doesn't work that way. It IS very much like religion except that no one is willing to give you a 'pass' because 'it's just food' and if you are passionate about it, you aren't faithful, you're just weird. At least, that was my experience. In my group, it was OK to be passionate about being a vegan for ethical reasons, but being passionate about the paleo diet for health reasons 'was just crazy talk'. It was easier for them to accept that our Mormon friends didn't drink coffee for religious reasons that it was for them to understand why I no longer wanted to eat whole grain bread. Go figure.

I finally got tired of getting beaten up for my choices (even when I stopped talking about it, I still got flack for still following the diet) so I got kind of secretive about it. I hid what I was doing and just left it at 'those things upset my stomach' and moved on. NOT talking about food when you are eating it is a big lesson I learned (and it was confirmed in ISWF). If you want to talk to others about food, it can only be done when no one has food in front of them!

As far as convicing others? Some will come to you. Others won't. All you can do is be there to provide the information if they want it. I love the idea of having copies of ISWF around. I'm going to have to start doing that!

[megmac]

I agree with everything being said, and I am working hard to do exactly that. (Except to my husband because I need him around for a while and my BFF who is on board.) It's very difficult to want to help, to know how to help, and wait to be asked.

Around work, I'm seen as the resident health food nut. (I have been Paleo for a while, but before that always ate a lot of veggies and no gluten, but was heavy on beans and dairy.) People LOVE to come tell me about their latest diet adventures (which remind me of the "bad day" that sounds like a "good day" to many in ISWF), but I realize they aren't asking my opinion, they are looking for my reassurance. I am trying to give neither.

[Derval]

Me??? Judge? Never!

[megmac]

By the way, thanks for the link to the Robb Wolf post, Renee. It was pretty heartbreaking to read, and all too familiar. 2 years ago I lost my brother to colon cancer at 46. He was completely closed to any non-traditional treatments, including dietary changes. It was devastating on many levels.

[befabdaily]

Someone, I think it was Dean Dwyer, had a post about the best ways to "convert" people to Paleo, and one of them was essentially -- do it on the sly and only worry about yourself; talk to people about it when the results are so obvious that THEY ask YOU.

I need to learn to follow this more thoroughly myself.

[Adagio]

TBH, you lose the desire to scream the message from the rooftops after you've offending everybody around you and you get exhausted by folks not listening to you.

Finding Paleo and ISWF is amazing, and it is so fantastic to know that the path to health is so SIMPLE: eat real food. It's really hard to share that with people that aren't ready to listen. Just sit back, stay quiet, and answer questions when people come to YOU.

It is HARD to stand by and watch your diabetic/immuno-compromised uncle be fed white bread and cake and potatoes and diet soda because it's sugar free, by your aunt that's a nurse practitioner. It is HARD to watch your sister be in the doctor's office every other week with some new illness, or always recovering from some cold...but some times you just lose the fight.

This post from Robb Wolf is devastating, but the reality: http://robbwolf.com/...et-convince-it/

You can't change anybody's behavior but your own. Lead by quiet example

Well-said.

I've lost friends and alienated family with my strong views on nutrition. The thing is, you cannot force people to change. I have a friends who have health issues. They complain about poor health, yet they will not improve their eating habits. What can I do? Nothing.

Just this week another friend lamented she was desperate. She asked me about Whole30 and about Paleo. I gave her many links. Today I mentioned something about when I used to eat cheese. She snapped at me, "I am NOT giving up cheese!"

Regarding doctors, most of them know little to nothing about nutrition. I am fortunate to have a doctor who is a big beliver in Paleo, and he is the first one to tell you that most doctors today feel more comfortable writing a prescription than they do trying to find the cause of a disease, or talking nutrition.

I don't judge, but I pity some people. I hope and pray someday that they too will begin their journey toward good health, but I realized a while ago that there really isn't much you can do to convince people unless they really want to know and are willing to listen. The mainstream media has celebrity doctors who push low-fat, low-cal diets. People hang on their every word, like they are gods. It's hard to compete with that.

Best thing to do is to be an example. Then when they say, "How did you do it?" You can tell them.

[EllieBellie]

I'm sorta the opposite of a Paleo evangelist. I judge internally, but externally I try to avoid talking about my diet at all! That's why I love these forums, it's like Paleo anonymous for me!

That is not to say I don't believe Paleo is the best option for everyone's health (I do); I just know from listening to my special-diet-lifestyle-exercise-scheme friends that proselytising is such a turn-off! If folks ask I say what I'm doing and why, though I still steer clear of specific terminology and stick to vaguer stuff about how good I feel eating whole foods, etc.

Has anyone else found that the people they judge the most are the naturally slim health fooders, who manage to eat only half a sandwich or low-fat granola a day? It's probably just jealousy, because I cannot moderate food intake no matter what's on my plate! I don't judge the obese as much, probably because I understand the screwed up psychology and hormonal properties of the junk food that made them that way, and can empathise with sugar addiction.

[SugarfreeLife]

Has anyone else found that the people they judge the most are the naturally slim health fooders, who manage to eat only half a sandwich or low-fat granola a day?

No. The people I judge the most are parents who, already obese, feed their kids with junk food. I can't understand this and never will

And, after some experiences, I resonate with Robb Wolf's post and I never try to convice anybody who isn't interested. I just publish sources, recipes and translations on my webpage and hope that it helps spread the word

[megmac]

I don't volunteer it to people who don't ask, but the people who DO ask get an earful. I need to realize that some of it is probably just pleasant conversation ("no pizza for you?"), they aren't going to make the change.

I am with you on the parents, Ellie. I want to cry for what those kids are eating and the struggles they are likely to have as a result of what they are learning about food. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

The biggest group I struggle with is people who are "dieting". The ones that go on about their healthy choices and trips to the gym. I see them work SO hard-starving all the time, faithful to their packets of oatmeal, ff yogurt and rice and bean burritos. I've been there, so it's like looking in a mirror pre-paleo. I want to help them stop wasting their time and start making progress. I'm fairly new to Tampa and my job here, so most of them don't know I ever struggled with my weight. They probably think I'm just one of the lucky ones. I am NOT one of the "lucky ones", I'm one of the educated ones.

[gatork]

I gave up on trying to convince anyone to try paleo, it just doesn't work unless they come to you asking about it.

I definitely judge other people's grocery carts/baskets...especially ones that look seemingly healthy to the rest of the world (cereals, sandwich stuff, etc.). And while I'm judging, my cart usually includes pizza/soda/other bad things for my husband (since he won't do paleo).

[Mer]

They probably think I'm just one of the lucky ones. I am NOT one of the "lucky ones", I'm one of the educated ones.

I just wanted to chime in to say that I LOVE this quote!

[Tiffany Precissi]

I have learned to keep my mouth shut about it but I secretly enjoy the looks my shopping cart gets from others at the store when it's loaded with all paleo-friendly food. I pretend not to see it of course, but I'm doing a little dance on the inside.

[arabella]

I don't talk about it. My recent 31 days was spent with a colleague complaining I wasn't drinking and being selective about my meals out. She gave me a back handed compliment (in a nice way?) about how good I look but won't go it herself. But she is happy to munch on celery sticks for her latest diet.

I'm a secret grocery cart looker during the check out although I am usually wondering what people think I am doing when piling the veg into the grocery sack.

I've even started to imagine what people would look like in the street if they lost the bloat from all the inflammatory foods. A very happy world.

[CAK911]

I'm with the food being like religion comment above -- other people's faith is none of my business just as other people's diets are none of my business. The opposite applies as well, in that my diet is none of anyone else's business. Evangelicals of all stripes are irritating, so are hard line idealogues.

I think we all have to sort of stumble along and learn for ourselves when we're ready. It seems particularly rough to judge people for their "poor" choices when so much information is heaped on people validating and encouraging those choices. My triglycerides had gone up a bit over the past 2 years, and the recommended diet to treat that was EXACTLY what I'd been eating -- low consumption of animal products, lots of whole grains, fruits, and vegetables -- while having my triglycerides go up. Post-Whole 30, those numbers are down quite a bit.

People make food choices for a complicated set of reasons, and I'm not really sure there's anything so terrible to eat that it would make you a bad person or unworthy of compassion.

[formercupcakejunkie]

I find myself judging people's carts at the grocery store! I see how little I have in my cart... and then I see someone with a cart or two carts FULL of potato chips, snack cakes, pop and absolutely no vegetables. I don't mind spending the money on Whole 30 food but it really irks me when the person with all that junk in the cart spends less than I do! Well, at least I know that my cart of goodies is going to be great for me in the long run!

[Derval]

Less dollars, but way higher cost - their health!

[Delaine Ross]

My biggest issue and heartbreak is the lack of education. Watching minutes 52 to the end of Fathead infuriated me (I just wish they had proven their point with higher quality food.)

What I find so painful is not the people eating pizza and soda and cake - they know they are not making healthy choices. It's the obese person with Lean Cuisines, skim milk, low fat vegetable spread and light sugar free flavored yogurt. They think they are making themselves "healthier" bc that is what the marketing says when in reality they are making things so much worse and the food they are choosing to eat tastes DISGUSTING!

When person eating grape nuts for breakfast tell me my diet is too limiting I think of how amazing my steak, eggs and guac tasted before work and feel sad for the Person becoming less healthy by eating something that tastes like seasoned cardboard.

[lauraska]

I only find myself judging others when they try to argue with me about my eating habits. Just this last weekend, a relative made me promise that I'd told my doctor I was eating this way and that she'd okay'd it because "it definitely was not the healthiest thing to do." A) My physician was actually ecstatic to hear I was already eating this way because I have PCOS and was diagnosed recently as insulin resistant. This is EXACTLY the way to go when it comes to my issues, although this relative rolled her eyes when I said that. And B ) This was coming from a woman who is more than 100 lbs overweight, has been diagnosed as pre-diabetic and was told to eat a diabetic diet (ie low-carb) but figures that just cutting out pasta should do the trick. She can barely walk due to ankle problems that are likely related to inflammation/poor circulation AND she just quit smoking after 30+ years because her sister died of lung cancer in June. And yet, she is dictating to me what is healthy?!?!

My husband is also questioning the changes I'm making and gets very angry when I dismiss his opinions as nothing more than his own personal insecurities about the idea that bagels and pasta might not be things he should eat. I've had to come to the conclusion that I don't need to feel bad about this. In the beginning, I was doing what some other commenters to this thread have said they do - I hid the fact that I was eating this way. But darnit, I've had to overcome a lot of issues with food, body image, and self-confidence to get to this point in my life and I'll be damned if I'm going to just create a whole NEW shame. I try not to judge, but the only people who should be ashamed are the ones who continue to put their lives in danger by eating poorly.

Oh, and I also feel a secret pride when I compare my grocery cart to others. I just can't help it.

[megmac]

Consider the source. That's what my mother tells me.

[ladyhoward]

" I hid the fact that I was eating this way. But darnit, I've had to overcome a lot of issues with food, body image, and self-confidence to get to this point in my life and I'll be damned if I'm going to just create a whole NEW shame."

I LOVE this Lauraska - well said. I have a hard time with people making comments about my choices, but I refuse to feel shameful just because they don't agree with my decison not to poison my body anymore.