A sort of success story

[littleg]

Before I give my schpeal I just wanted to thank the people who have offered advice and kind words during my W30 - I appreciate it.  Had it not been for my journal on here and some suggestions to throw my scale to the curb I'm not sure I would have made it  So thanks internet strangers!

 

I had one goal during this W30.  To finally answer the question - if I don't binge and eat strict paleo for 30 days can I lose weight?  I've been struggling to lose weight for years.  But when I said I "couldn't" lose weight in the back of my head I never knew if it was because of the binge eating or something about me (I have a lot of hypothyroid symptoms).  So I figured I'd try this.  You know, for a morning, since I'd never make it.  

 

I never in a million years thought I could do this.  As anyone who has read anything I've written knows - I've been a compulsive binge eater for over 20 years.  People who know me well can tell something is "off" about my relationship with food but since I'm athletic and a normal weight most people in my life don't realize the extent of my eating disorder.  Prior to W30 I was binge eating 2 times, on average, per week.  4-5000 calorie days when I binged.  By frequent 24 hour fasts (post binge) and a pretty active lifestyle my weight has stayed pretty stable the last few years.  However I had put on about 7 lbs in the last 2 years - some was muscle from crossfit but some was probably fat.  Anyway, my single goal doing the W30 was to get back to 137 lbs (where I'd been for the last 18 years or so).  I wanted to fit into the clothes that I was wearing 2 years ago that had become a little too snug to wear comfortably.  I didn't even entertain fixing my binge eating since I didn't really believe it was fixable.  I didn't even entertain that it was humanly possible for me to NOT eat dessert.  That was the main reason I didn't think I'd make it through the W30.  I have chocolate running through my veins.  My evenings revolved around savoring my 100g (yes, the baking size bar of Ghiradelli white chocolate...) bar.  Each. Night.  

 

I've felt great energy wise the whole time doing this.  I've enjoyed the food and because my energy is better I don't even mind the cooking anymore - makes me feel like I'm living in the 1800s cooking everything from scratch all the time  I don't feel deprived and can't believe how I don't really miss the cheese or the chocolate (that I thought I couldn't live without).  My skin was fine to begin with but this was the first menstrual cycle where I didn't get a single zit  My cramps were also greatly diminished and my cycle was only 3 days vs the normal 5.  I'm sleeping well.  I've PRed at CrossFit on a number of lifts this last week.  I've discovered (maybe) that my constant diarrhea was due to nuts which I've now (sort of - see more in next paragraph) eliminated.  Overall two thumbs up.  But, I didn't lose weight.  I'm right in the middle of my usual range (I was ~143 the day I started and was 142 this morning).  However, my clothes do fit better.  I'm still a binge eater too.  

 

 

Ironically, as I sit here writing this the bags left over from a pretty large (pretty much binge size) amount of dried fruit, banana chips (just banana and coconut oil!) and almond butter are on the table...  But its still progress.  I'm not on my way to the store to buy Easter candy and stuff my face.  Even just having brakes on the slippery slope to Twinkies is progress for me.  I will NOT cross that line into eating foods that I know are bad for me.  But I really feel like tomorrow I'll be ok again.  30 days of just a bit of hunger each day ended and I "needed" something to kind of tell my brain - ok - one day off - and then back to it.  A lot of that is rationalization but I think a part of me just needed to "let go" and eat nothing but dried fruit and nuts for an early dinner tonight.  I really think I'll be back on the horse tomorrow morning - for another 30 days.  30 more days of not reinforcing the dessert-after-dinner-brain-wiring will only help me more.  30 more days of good, real, diverse food throughout the day will be good for me.  30 days of no nuts (starting tomorrow ) will help me figure out if my GI symptoms are nut-related.  Another menstrual cycle with no dairy will help me figure out if dairy may be something for very-special occasions if I don't want to be stuck in bed with a heating bad for 12 hours every 28 days.  Clearly, I've still got some work to do.  And once again, I'm not sure I'll make it, but I'll try.  

[Alibug]

I enjoyed reading this.  I love your honesty and ability to notice what you consider possible hiccups to over come.  I too was a binge eater.  Now I realize I stayed with meal plans that followed the 6 meal a day ideas...more for me to eat!!!  I actually found it a bit liberating when I went to 3 meals a day.  Not having to worry about my other meals.  I would also give myself a free day every weekend which was UGLY!!!  That free day always turned into a free weekend.  Thanks for your post!

[JKLion]

littleg-

 

Thank you for posting about your success with whole30! I am struggling with binge eating too, and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind taking me through some of the tough parts of the whole30 for you (like what you did to steer away from a binge, how you handled those moments when you could not stop thinking about chocolate, candy, etc?)  I am a former college athlete, so like you, I have been able to hide my binging with intense workouts, but now I have gained about 10lbs and I am struggling to get it off because of binging.  What worked for you?

[Carrots&Blueberries]

I found your story refreshing and very inspiring. Although binging is not a particular issue for me (actually it used to be, but so long ago that I can't quite connect to that feeling anymore), I'm fascinated by how we grow and change re: the habits and struggles that feel most difficult. It seems that sometimes the best approach is not "I'm going to change this NOW" *fight, struggle, battle* but more "I'm going to make improvements within/around it." Something softens when we do that, and I swear it make the thing (binge eating, or whatever) just a little less powerful, shifts more of the agency to us and lets us focus on what we actually do want.

 

Anyway - big congratulations and thanks for sharing.