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My relationship with food is worse now


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Hi everyone,

 

I've completed my first W30 two months ago, and truly, it wasn't such a good experience for me (I detailed my problems in this post).

 

I have a really bad relationship with food, I like eating healthy but I also like the non-healthy stuff - specially sugar. And I feel extremely guilty when I eat "bad" things, at the point I get depressed. Before W30 I always controlled myself and I hardly ever ate "bad" stuff (such as cakes or cookies for example). I always resisted and rejected that kind of food, no matter if I really wanted it. But after W30, I got tired of controlling myself so much. And I'm now at a point where I don't control myself at all. However, I don't enjoy what I eat, because of the guilt. The result is, that I really ate better before W30 than now!

 

Moreover, I have a "distorted body image" (but I don't believe it, that's what people says. I just think I'm not as slim as they say). So my relationship with food worsens this situation a lot.

 

I want to start another W30, but I hate struggling with food and being unhappy about it. It affects me in so many ways. I'm not thinking positive about it.

 

Has anyone else went through this? Your experiences could be helpful.

 

Thanks in advance,

 

Nadia.

 

 

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ohmygosh. I could have written this!

 

Whole30 left me feeling great, but the constant worry over failing and controlling EVERYTHING that goes into my mouth really did not do well for my eating disorder (bulimia).

 

I have struggled to get back on track for a second whole30 post-holiday, as I have an 'all or nothing' approach to food.

I think I need to reshape my thought processes towards whole30, as for me I need to realise it's a choice rather than a restriction and something to be anxious/unhappy about.

 

And my happiness is very much based on my appearance, so when I put on weight after a whole30 my world got pretty dark (silly I know)

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Hi everyone,

 

I've completed my first W30 two months ago, and truly, it wasn't such a good experience for me (I detailed my problems in this post).

 

I have a really bad relationship with food, I like eating healthy but I also like the non-healthy stuff - specially sugar. And I feel extremely guilty when I eat "bad" things, at the point I get depressed. Before W30 I always controlled myself and I hardly ever ate "bad" stuff (such as cakes or cookies for example). I always resisted and rejected that kind of food, no matter if I really wanted it. But after W30, I got tired of controlling myself so much. And I'm now at a point where I don't control myself at all. However, I don't enjoy what I eat, because of the guilt. The result is, that I really ate better before W30 than now!

 

Moreover, I have a "distorted body image" (but I don't believe it, that's what people says. I just think I'm not as slim as they say). So my relationship with food worsens this situation a lot.

 

I want to start another W30, but I hate struggling with food and being unhappy about it. It affects me in so many ways. I'm not thinking positive about it.

 

Has anyone else went through this? Your experiences could be helpful.

 

Thanks in advance,

 

Nadia.

 

Hi Nadia. Have you sought help from a professional counselor for your challenges around food, guilt and depression?  That could be a next step for you and possibly best for your overall health, instead of taking on another Whole30 at this time. The Whole30 will be here if you decide it's right for you again.

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I had similar issues....after reading 'Food is Love' by Geneen Roth, it helped get my head back on straight.  I don't know if the book is still available, but it really helped me with my attitude and views toward food.

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There's so much I could say about this. I'll start with: You are not alone.

I'm in the first week of a Whole30 following a brief (but powerful) eating disorder relapse. This is my 4th Whole30; my first ended similarly to yours. Here's what I think happened: I had some health issues I wanted to work on the first time around, but I still approached the Whole30 as another restrictive "diet." And as Geneen Roth says, "For every diet there is an equal and opposite binge." (I love her books, by the way, and highly recommend them.)

Whether or not another Whole30 is a good idea will be all about where you are with your mindset. I know that for me, coming at this Whole30 from a place of wanting to take care of myself has made a big difference. Despite my recent relapse, I feel pretty secure in my recovery process, and I'm lucky enough to have great support.

What helped me most was working on the guilt first. Banishing the idea of Good foods and Bad foods--specifically the idea that I was Good if I ate this, and Bad if I ate that. Easier said than done, I know!

Bingeing (or just eating junk food because you like it) doesn't make you a bad person. It's not the healthiest thing for you, but YOU are not bad for doing it.

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 Nadia, I can also relate to your post so as NewAgeGirl above said; you are not alone! Iike you i think i have a distorted body image and being on whole30 has made me super paranoid about what I put in my mouth and how i look at food. Im pretty obsessive and sometimes have anxiety about going out with friends to eat. Mainly because I love food that i know does nothing to nourish my body. A part of me is aware that if i eat it, i am doing harm for a moment of "OH YUM" but another part of me almost feels envious about what other people eat and dont think about (and doesnt affect how thin they are). Recently i have been trying to look at food as a source of energy for training and i think that works sometimes. I am always aware that this can get obsessive also but at leaast it takes away this "fat" thin" dilemma and focus more on strength. 

 

okay ill stop now, im not even sure if iv said anything helpful.. but just wanted to share my thoughts. 

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I just think people with eating disorders really need to tread carefully with the Whole30 because it IS so restrictive and the forum can feel so punitive when you stray from the template.  

 

We are a different breed (I am an eating disorder child of the 1980s that never really recovered), and we need to be OK with stepping away from Whole30 if we recognize it is feeding our underlying disorder (control!) and not being part of the solution.

 

Resolving the reason *why* I choose food to fill emotional needs is going to be better than forcing myself to stay with a plan that obviously is causing me trouble.  

 

This isn't a slam on the Whole30.  I really am grateful for stumbling upon ISWF because it helped me identify foods I need to avoid.

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To add:  Whole30 broke me of my addiction to the number on the scale!  I was weighed at the MD office this week, but beyond that I hadn't stepped on a scale for over 6 months.  Love it.

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As others have said, you're not alone! Glad to hear you're getting some professional help. I've found a type of therapy called IFS therapy (internal family systems) therapy to be particularly useful with binge eating. It's not family therapy, it's individual, but that's just the name of it.

Also, another member, almond joyless, just posted a link to this http://whole30.com/2012/02/whole30-gone-bad/ on a different forum thread. It's about stopping whole 30 if it exacerbates eating disorder symptoms. I think you would find it relevant. Good luck!

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yep i agree, the whole30 'control' aspect has left me more anxious about food than ever. BUT. It has taught me so much about myself and the root causes of my ED, as well as trigger situations (granted, i still battle food demons daily) and I recognise behaviours/thought patterns a lot more.

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Thank you all for your comments :). I'm trying to seek psychological help now, despite I don't trust psychoanalysis very much... But I think that's a way of doing something towards solving my problem.

Absolutely resisted psychologists until I found one that clicked with my personality.  I need a gentle version of Dr. Phil.  Someone who can slice through my bullshit and do it with compassion and humor.   I can be a fabulous actor (liar?) when it comes to my food behaviors and emotional strength/confidence.  She has been a Godsend.  I'm going to revisit old issues but I think I need to work them out rather than forget about them.  

 

I wish you progress and success.  It isn't fun to have a problem with food because you need to eat.  We all know what to do.  We are over schooled in what to eat and how to eat it.  For me, I just need to find some inner confidence.  Outwardly, I've got it down.   -_-

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This post put me to tears. I couldn't pinpoint what my problem was but now I am understanding. I've been struggling since the completion of my first W30 about a year ago. Cycling through major binge eating and W30's (attempted and a few completed). I feel so out of control and so depressed about it. I've gained a good amount of weight but I refuse to look at that number right now. I live in yoga pants because that's all that fits me. It feels like instead of quieting my cravings, they slowly build over the 30 days....my sugar dragon fuels on starvation and gains power while it sleeps. I'm putting W30 aside for awhile and going to focus on sleep, exercise, and counseling. You are definately not alone, thank you.

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I can't seem to find the right balance. If I allow myself to have sugar at all, or too much fruit/dried fruit, I just crave more constantly. But trying to stay 100% away feels SO hard sometimes. I frequently think about the foods I'm not allowing myself to have, often get annoyed or depressed over it, daydream about what I would eat if I could have anything at all...it's exhausting, honestly. But I know that just going back to my old diet isn't the answer, because that wasn't working for me either. At least now I don't feel as tired and rundown, and I'm not feeling the desire to inhale every carb in sight multiple times a day. But one of the main reasons I turned to this way of eating was that I was really hoping I could find a sustainable diet that would keep my weight down where I'm comfortable and stop the roller coaster of +/- 10 pounds. That has not happened.

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I can't seem to find the right balance. If I allow myself to have sugar at all, or too much fruit/dried fruit, I just crave more constantly. But trying to stay 100% away feels SO hard sometimes. I frequently think about the foods I'm not allowing myself to have, often get annoyed or depressed over it, daydream about what I would eat if I could have anything at all...it's exhausting, honestly. But I know that just going back to my old diet isn't the answer, because that wasn't working for me either. At least now I don't feel as tired and rundown, and I'm not feeling the desire to inhale every carb in sight multiple times a day. But one of the main reasons I turned to this way of eating was that I was really hoping I could find a sustainable diet that would keep my weight down where I'm comfortable and stop the roller coaster of +/- 10 pounds. That has not happened.

Even though I struggle with the Whole30 restrictions, I have found that my need for sugar has reduced drastically over the past year.  I joined this forum pretty much one year ago.  I have yet to complete a Whole30 with total compliance, but keeping sugar out as much as possible has obviously done me good.  I still have binge days.   

 

Not making Paleofied treats is key for me!  Sugar is sugar to my brain.  Maybe you can focus on keeping out the sugars and eat the other (noncompliant) foods that you know aren't an issue.  If dairy bugs you; keep it out.  If gluten bugs you; end it.  But, focus on the sugars.  Don't freak out when you eat some, but try to go back to 100% sugar free the next day and the day after that...  

 

Just what I am doing.  It seems to help.  

 

From one roller coaster rider to another, I know you can get a grip on the cravings!  

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I appreciate the advice Pam. The point I was intending to make, which I didn't actually do, was that I'm having a similar problem as Nadia. Although not the part about eating better before the W30! Prior to this way of eating, I just focused on calories, not the quality/type of food or the effect it might have on my body. Now I have categorized everything as "good" and "bad" and seem to feel much more guilty/upset when I eat something "bad" than I ever did before. Overall I know my body is more healthy now, but my mind is probably not. 

 

I think I'm just in a bad place right now because I gave in to the call of the Easter bunny recently. Easter candy has always been my favorite. I made it 4.5 months with no sugar and was feeling very good about that. I've also been gluten-free since early November, and I still whine in my head over not being able to eat pizza and hamburgers and sandwiches like "normal" people. I'm definitely obsessing more over food than I used to. I've been at this for 1.5 years now too. Eh...like the advice I just gave someone else...one day at a time I suppose.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Again, thank you all for sharing your experiences :). I've always been very reticent to sharing my food problems with people, but I find this helpful.

 

What I'm most glad about, is that this post unintendedly opened a space where the rest of us (the "not-so-much-success-stories") can find support. You see, when you scroll through the forum, you can see a "Success stories" section, and there are a lot of them. For the ones that didn't have such a good experience with W30 (or, at least for me), it's frustrating to see how this works so well for so many people. "So why isn't it great for me too?" It helps to find that we're not the only ones going through this.

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However, I started a W30 again... While I know it may not be good. While I'm not doing it strictly (for example I ate empanadas last night), however, I'm trying to get far from sugar.

I also started going to a psychologist. I hope this is not a waste of time.

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