The self-care project (A post-W14 study)

[jennor]

Hi there,

this is me post Whole-14. I learn new things every time I do a WholeXX, and I want to continue doing them regularly. But I also want to learn to navigate on my own bike without falling face first in chocolate very night of the week.

 

By now I know pretty well what works for me with my Ulcerative Colitis and I plan to stick with that. I don't eat grains or large amounts of carbohydrate, I don't eat milk products, beans/peas/peanuts and I avoid sugar and soy. If I off-road I try to keep it to very high quality chocolate with a high cacao percentage. I sometimes eat ice cream and feel guilty when my intestines grumble.

 

For me the consequences are usually not immediate. Or, the tummy grumbling or pain can be, but usually what happens if I mess up too much regularly (has only happened once over the past year) is a slow, gradual worsening of my colitis. Like a slow increase in inflammation, basically.

 

My main motivation: I am on immunosuppressants, but the dose is so high I have very low levels of white blood cells. This has resulted in too many opportunistic infections lately, so now we are trying to lower the dose without having my UC flare up. Too really give this a chance to work I have to be careful with what I eat.

 

I want to use this space to create a framwork for how I ride my own bike; what is worth off-roading for, how often, and how strict should I be in my daily life.

 

[jennor]

So, this Whole 14 aws the first time I limited fruit, and also the first time I didn't snack between meals. I was hungry at first, but in general it went really well. I want to build on that and continue with breakfast, lunch and dinner. When I finally get back in my running routine I also need to fine tune the pre-a dn post WO meals. With regards to fruit, I am reading Fat Chance by Robert Lustig and I enjoy it a lot. He pictures fructose as the main driver of metabolic syndrome, and he does it with a sound scientific foundation. I believe sugar was a big cause if the intestinnal flora/permeability that gave me probles with my UC, and I know I always can feel (hear!) when I have had sugar. I want to keep working on limiting that.

 

Today:

 

Sleep: 7.5-7 hours. All kids slept fairly well, and me too. I even remember dreaming when my alarm went off, and I only really dream when I get enough hours of sleep. A good night!

 

Food:

Breakfast: 2 eggs, veggies hash. 2 coffee.

Lunch: Meatballs, roasted carrots, big salad, olives, white peach.

Dinner: Salmon, grilled bellpeppers, veggie hash, mayo. De-caf w/ coconut milk, dried mullberries. (Reasonable amount, didn't go crazy.  )

 

Exercise: Maybe, we'll see.

[almcc]

Hi hi!!

Limiting sugar is a key for me too.

Day 2 went well. I'm hoping I sleep well tonight.

Gotta go to bed now!

[jennor]

Hi Ashley! I am not sure why, but sugar is really something that upsets my stomach. If I eat sugar I can lay awake at night just listening to it protesting for hours. Grumble, grumble! I also used to have a lot of tummy aches after eating and be really bloated (pregnant looking!) but all of that is so much better without grains. And not just gluten grains, rice was a killer too.

 

2014 05 21

 

Sleep: Not enough. I was up until almost 11 pm and that is just stupid when I get up shortly after 5 am. I had a lot on my mind and needed to just sit and think for a while in a quiet house and no kids.

 

Food:

Post-WO: Egg

Breakfast: 2 eggs, veggie hash, raw sugarsnaps, coffee.

Lunch: A taste of a cauliflower dish w/ shrimp, brown butter and roasted almonds. Tasted amazing, but far to many ingredients that can be challenging for me, so I just had a taste and then left it. Pork roast, mixed veg and salad, olives

Dinner: Rotisserie chicken thighs, a small serving veggie hash, 1/2 spanish sausage, 2 tomatoes (picnic on the beach)

When we came home: 2 de-caf lungos (one black, one with coconut milk), strawberries, 4 pieces 81% dark chocolate. I feel good about the amount of chocolate. I just don't want to make it a habit to eat even 81% chocolate on a daily basis.

 

Exercise: Yeeees! Finally. I ran to the meeting point this morning and will run to pre-school pick-up on my way home. A total of 12.8 km (8 mi). It was hard though. I felt like my lungs were half their usual size and like I was moving lika a stiff old lady. I know I'll get back into it, but it is hard to start back up again...

[jennor]

2014 05 22

 

Sleep: 7 hours. I slept well and feel ok today, although a few extra hours of sleep wouldn't hurt. That will happen this weekend, though!

 

Food:

Post-WO: Egg

Breakfast: 2 eggs, veggie hash, raw sugar snaps, coffee.

Lunch: Ham, salad, mayo, peach. (Not much glutenfree food to be found today in the cantines at work!)

Dinner: Baked salmon and cod, veggie hash, mayo, peach-avocado (fresh) salsa, spinach and veggie salad. Peach of mango.

Snack: 81% chocolate, nuts, de-caf w/coconut milk.

 

Exercise: Ran this morning (7.4 km 4.6 mi) and will run to pre-school pick-up. If we run to the beach again it will probably be a total of 9-ish miles, other wise it will be 8.

 

Yesterday turned into such a good day! I came home from work and the weather was lovely, so I just threw our swimming gear and dinner into the running stroller. We ran straight from pre-school to the beach by our house. We swam (not really, the water is still really cold) and played in the water, then we had a picnic dinner and played on the beach some more. I love the summer and how much easier life is when we don't have to wear a 1000 layers of clothing and it is cold and dark! I also love the area we live in - so close to the sea and with great possibilities for running.

[almcc]

jennor - picnic at the beach. Sounds so wonderful and brings back lovely memories. I miss the water.

This whole sleep thing is sooooo important. Last night was a bit better. Got to sleep at 10:30 up at 7:30. But I tossed and turned. I worked out yesterday for the first time in 3-4 weeks so I'm sore. But yay for exercise. So glad to see you have been able to run. I know that is important to you and part of your self care plan!!!!

The low sugar part is working wonders. Recent bloating is going away after 3 days. I miss my sweet potatoes but I'll survive. Last night we went out for pho and it was absolutely wonderful without the noodles. I have to learn how to make it without soy. Going to go find bones for broth today.

Happy day!!

[jennor]

I think we will do the picnic again today, Ashley. The kids loved it! We have to make the warm summer days count here up north.

 

2014 05 23

 

Yesterday my husband came with a bowl of 81% chocolate and nuts after we put the kids to bed. I fell for it, even though it was snacking after dinner. Didn't go crazy or anything, just enjoyed it for what it was.

 

Sleep: A little under 7 hours? Feeling a bit tired. I look forward to sleeping in this weekend!

 

Food:

Breakfast: Coffee w/ coconut milk. 2 eggs, veggie hash, black coffee.

Lunch:

Dinner:

 

Exercise: Will run for pre-school pick-up to the beach and home. I am guessing 5-6.5 km (3-4 mi). I was too tired to run into work this morning.

 

Tomorrow we will pack the kids in the car and drop them off at my in-laws, then we will continue to an Asian Spa further up the coast, just me and my husband. It is absolutely ridiculous, but we have never been away together since we had our older DD! We have been away at the same time for seperate work things, but not just him and me - NO KIDS!We will be spending the night there and just relax. I am so excited!!!

[almcc]

Yay! Vacation!!! That is so exciting. I hope it is relaxing and rejuvenating!!!

Day 5 of lower sugar - limited fruit and no sweet potato. Doing well but missing my usual breakfast. But I also aware that having SP and fruit in the morning may not be a good idea - keeping the sugar dragon alive.

I haven't decided what I'm going to do after this challenge with my daughter is over. I'm afraid I'll binge again on sugar. I must remember that patience will help me in this process. I have a lot of unlearning to do.

Happy weekend! Here's to vacation!!!

[jennor]

Ahhh, Monday morning...

It was a lovely weekend! We dropped the kid's off at my ILs and had 24 hours at the Spa Hotel. We tried all the pools and saunas, had a great dinner and slept undisturbed for the entire night. Amazing.

 

I did notice that my mind never really stops spinning though. I was relaxing in a "dark theraphy room" with day beds filled with water, and complete darkness and although I felt like I was floating in space my mind went: "I need to look up the correlation between HbA1c and microvascular injuries. And I need to look up rodent models of hypertension. Oh, my mind is wandering! I really should take up meditation. I should do that every night." My husband on the other hand was snoring.

 

Ashley, I think it is a life long learning process to find balance. And where that balance is will also change. I know my eating, even on the "bad" days, have changed a lot over the last few years.I was off-roading a bit this weekend and I feel sluggish and like my tummy is not overly happy with me. I need to do a whole-something for a few days, I think. My sugar dragon is alive and kicking.

 

2014 05 26

 

Sleep: 6-7 hours. Ugh. I woke up at 3 am and couldn't sleep for an hour or so. I am getting a cold and maybe that was why?

 

Food:

Breakfast: 2 eggs, veggie hash, nuts and a few grapes, coffee.

Lunch: Grilled pork, salad, nuts, piece of honey dew mwlon

Snack: two big cookies, coffee. (At a statistics presentation - at first the sugar kept me awake, but at the two hour mark I could not keep my eyes open. Stupid decision!!!)

Dinner:

 

Exercise: Probably not, I have back-to-back meetings all day at work and I have a feeling I'll be really tired tonight...

[almcc]

jennor - it sounds lovely. My dh has a 2day work meeting in Atlanta this week. I'm going to go and stay in the hotel and meet up with our daughter for a shopping trip. Not the same but it will be nice to get away.

I am like you - my mind never stops. Lists and things to do - always planning. Even when I practice meditation the quiet moments are few. Definitely something I need to practice more.

Yesterday was my first farmers market in a while. It was very quiet. Peaches are coming into season - since I am limited to 2 kinds of fruit I didn't get any. I will soon tho. There was a man selling handmade tamales. I decided to have one for dinner - corn but no sugar. Today I'm a little bloated. Last month I had a tamale- it was from a store- and I was very sick. Packaged food is no good!!

It is a life long process and we have to be fkexible. It's great that you/we don't eat like we used to. It's important to notice that. I get caught up in not being perfect and forget how many great changes I've made.

Happy eating.

[jennor]

Ashley - peaches from the farmers market sounds amazing! I love all stone fruits (but my stomach doesn't love them as much.) Here the peaches are always imported from France, Spain or Turkey. I can only imagine how much better they must be when they are local!

 

So yesterday turned into a total fail when it comes to self-care. I ate gluten and milk, too much and of the wrong things. Ugh. I need to clean up my act. The weekend has officially ended, no need to keep treating my tummy like this. I even had stomach pain yesterday and I haven't had that in a long time. I got home from work and my cold had just been getting worse all day, so I was too tired to grill as we had planned. I ended up buying pizza and ice cream. I was too tired to even put our bowls in the dish washer last night. My husband is leaving for a conference today, so I am single parenting for the rest of the week. Hopefully nobody will get sicker than we already are. So tired of the constant colds and fevers!

 

Sleep: Not enough. The cold makes me feel really crappy and tired.

 

Food:

Breakfast: 2 eggs, 4 tomatoes, nectarine, coffe w/ coconut milk.

Lunch: (at an event) Mixed salads and meat/fish/seafood (compliant). Coffee. Fruit.

Dinner:

 

Exercise: Not going to happen.

[almcc]

jennor - so sorry to hear about the colds. And the pizza and ice cream. I love pizza and ice cream but they can do nasty things. I hope getting back on tract is easy peasy today! And that you feel better immediately.

The cornmeal in the tamale caught up with me. Feeing pooky. And by now I should be feeling fab.

Oh well. I know one more thing about my body.

This week I am missing sweet potato less. Woohoo! I think at the end of this I'm going to slowly add sweet potato in and see what happens.

My sleep is horrible. Tonight I have to remember to take some natural calm.

Here's to caring for ourselves.

[jennor]

Ashley, so about your sleep not being good. I think magnesium helps, and also camomille tea or valerian herb tea at night. Yesterday I went to bed fairly early, feeling super happy about getting more than 8 hours of sleep, whoo hoo! Well, the kids woke up from coughing and were both up between 3-5 am. Ugh. I am trying again tonight though!

 

I hate when feel like I fail at being the patient, loving parent my children deserve. Yesterday was hard. We were all so tired and not feeling good from our colds. I lost patience with my older daughter for putting fish in her hair at dinner and yelled at her and made her go take a shower. Ugh. I love them both so, so much and I hate when I fail to show them that. Somedays I just long for them to go to bed because I am so tired. Then once they are sleeping it is like I finally have the energy to feel how much I love them and I want to show then that. (Prefereably when they are awake, though.) Luckily we had a very good morning today. Older DD is quite sick and I really should have kept her home today, but I had a representative coming from Italy to give a demo of new equipment and I had to be there. So I gave her a dose of tylenol and sent her to pre-school. I will leave earlier from work today though, and now I have done all the things that require me to be in the office this week, so now I can keep her at home until she is better.

 

Today:

 

Sleep: 6-7 hours. Tired.

 

Food:

Breakfast: Tomatoes, eggs, coffee

Lunch: Steak, asparagus, different salads, few grapes.

Dinner:

 

Exercise: Ha ha ha. Yeah, right. Hopefully tomorrow, since it is a holiday.

[almcc]

jennor - mom - hardest job in the world and I know you are a great mom. Don't forget that you are teaching them that people can get angry in a loving relationship and that's normal. They'll need to draw on that truth the first time they get mad at their best friend. Be kind to your mommy self.

We are headed to the city for a little R&R. Well the husband is working but the child and I are going to play. Staying off sugar but a little more relaxed because we are eating many meals out.

I hope very one start to feel better. Take good care.

[jennor]

Ashley, defintitly the hardest job in the world! But also the most important (that goes for dads too, of course). I hope you and DD have fun in Atlanta! I didn't get to see much of the city when I was there in November, but we ate at a lot of steakhouses and stayed in the hotel that looks like a gigantic silver tube. It was fun.

Today I am feeling a bit more energetic. I still have a cold, but at least I feel like I got some much needed sleep last night. That makes everything easier. It makes me happier and less prone to self destruct with off-road choices that are really not special. (Yes, I fell down that hole again yesterday.)

2014.05.29

Sleep: 7-ish, but I feel like I slept well. Also, today is a holiday in Scandinavia so I have the day off work.

Food:

Breakfast: handful baby spinach leaves, veggie hash, two fried eggs, spicy dipping sauce, coffee with a spoonful very creamy coconut milk. A few strawberries.

Lunch: salsicca, fried egg, veggie hash, big salad, guacamole, spicy dipping sauce. Coffee, dried mango, 100% chocolate chips.

Snack: more dried mango, de-caf and eventually a real espresso to get me through the afternoon

Dinner: Pork chop, sweet potato fries, mayo, dipping sauce, grilled asparagus, big salad.

Snack: homemade paleo chocolate chip cookie, pieces of frozen banana w/ chocolate shell (coconut oil and cacao) and walnuts.

Exercise: Older DD has a fever, so my plan to take her on a bike ride while I run with younger DD in the stroller won't be happening. Since DH is on a conference trip I am limited in what I can do, but maybe a few kilometers on the treadmill when youngest DD naps?

[almcc]

jennor- parenting is the most important job - no doubt about that. And there's no manual??!!

DD and I had a great day - I'm slowly getting better at figuring out when to parent and when not to - it's a long transition period. There are moments when we are like friends - I am happy about that. I worried during the last year or so that we would never have a relationship past an obligatory parent/child relationship in her adult years. But we are both working on it. 😀

I fell into a hole, too. My sweet husband brought me dessert from his conference. Fancy - may have been worth it - dessert. It was good. But now I must start the 21 days over and I feel yucky. Headache and bloat. Yuck.

Hope you continue to feel better. And you get some time on the treadmill.

[jennor]

Ashley, your relationship with your daughter sounds really great. I remember that shift from just parent -child to being more equal from after I moved out of my mum's house. It is a wonderful feeling to discover that friendship. I hope I can have that with my girls too. No treadmill for me yesterday, I was still struggling with the cold. I am hopeful for today though!

So, I have been thinking a lot about how I ride my own bike with regards to Whole 30/paleo. I used to have no problem sticking to paleo, but this past week I have been crashing my bike over and over. So what is going on? One of the things I have realized is that I used to make paleo treats between w30s, and I think that kept me sane. I don't have a lot of wiggle room with my UC and what I can eat. If I eat milk, grains or lots of carbs I suffer for it. I can feel that last weeks "treats" didn't sit well with my tummy. But I can usually eat a treat here and there as long as it is paleo and low in sugar. I like the concept of taking the reward aspect away from food and not doing SWYPO, but in between w30s, for ME, it is a bit counter intuitive. It makes me feel like it is difficult to stick with eating "clean paleo" and then I off road, and then I totally crash my bike in a ditch of milk chocolate and cake that aren't even on my top 10 list, just because I already off-roaded.

So, what should I do? I contemplated another Whole 30, to challenge myself to take better care of myself.

But I am a person who loves to cook and bake. I enjoy food, not just the nourishment of it, but also the reward aspects. I think life is too short to constantly fight myself over if I will have Haagen-Daaz and suffer the consequences or not, and it creates a feeling of guilt and failure for me. But for me, if I open my mind to swypo, I feel much better mentally and physically. I can make the Chocolate chip mint ice cream I crave with coconut and almond milk and a little honey. I feel much better eating that than I feel from eating the Haagen-Daaz version. I can allow myself something I eat purely for the pleasure of it, and it doesn't wreck havoc on my body. I can research recipes, be creative in the kitchen and honestly, there ARE swypo out there that are just as good or better than the "real" thing. For me, paleofied treats keep me on my bike.

I still value the w30. It teaches me new things about myself. Each round is different, and I have learned from them. But a whole30 is not supposed to be forever. Rather than trying to salvage my physical and mental health by enforcing rules that should be whole 30, NOT whole365 and feel guilty when I fail, I have mapped out my own bike path. I will be strictly paleo, meaning no off-roading with milk (ice cream, I am talking to you!), grains, soy, legumes or white sugar that I know of. I will not stress over if my beef is cooked in butter, or if the (over 70%, no milk) chocolate contains soy lecitine in trace amounts. I will be creative in the kitchen, including making chocolate chip (paleo) cookies with my kids on a rainy afternoon and making the above mentioned ice cream to enjoy on the patio. That gives me the freedom I obviously need, but also a "diet" that heals my gut. I hope this will give me the combination of freedom and framework that can work for me in the long run.

My aim is to stick with this over my 40th birthday at the end of summer, so for 100 days. But hey, no guilt, no shame. Let's see what life throws at me. I have learned to not take stability for granted.

Today, day 2. 2014.05.30

Sleep: seriously, I should take a nap. Older DD woke up pearly and tried to wake me and younger DD. Luckily I managed to stop her from waking little DD, but I woke up earlier than I had hoped for. I might nap this afternoon in an attempt to finally kill off this cold. I feel like an idiot with my constant fail of getting my 8 hours.

Food:

Breakfast: 2 fried eggs an 2 left over whites (mayo making yesterday) over veggie hash and tomatoes drizzled with spicy dipping sauce. Coffee w coconut milk. Later, a de-caf espresso w almond milk.

Lunch: Salsicca, veggie hash, fried egg, mayo, guacamole (another attempt at getting rid of the cold-I reek of garlic!), big salad. De-caf. Green tea.

Small bowl homemade mint chip ice cream (swypo) and de-caf espresso w almond milk

Dinner: Pork chop, sweet potato "fries" asparagus big salad, mayo

Small bowl of the ice cream, handful raw cashews, de-caf lungo

Exercise: I am hopeful, but it depends a bit on how I feel later today.

[almcc]

jennor - what a brilliant plan!! I have some similar ideas to test out .

I went seriously off road yesterday. It was good in the sense that I learned some things. Potatoes set off my sugar dragon! I have decided to keep doing this 21 day sugar detox with my daughter. I can squeeze in another 14 before a trip to the mountains with friends. I'm going to test some recipes in that book that are swypo and see how it goes. I know now that I need to work on my sugar dragon. Also if I feel too deprived I can go off road and go overboard.

I am up for 100 days of riding my own bike - your rules work for me. (I'll bring a paleo treat to the mountains) What day does this 100 day end? Day 1 for me.

Happy taking care of ourselves!!

[jennor]

Ashley, it would be super to have you on board!!! I just calculated the days, and if I counted correctly my last day will be 5th of September (starting yesterday) and 6th of September for you, starting today.

I feel like it is really, really important that I find a good way to live in between WholeXX, to ride my own bike. And I honestly feel like it is so much more easy if I allow some treat foods in my life. The fact that I have to make them myself will naturally limit how much I eat. Like you mentioned, bring a paleofied treat to the mountains, that will probably make it easier to not eat all the other "off plan" stuff available. For me, I can easily tell myself to skip milk chocolate if I know that I can have the real thing when I get home, or skip regular brownies if I know that I can make paleo brownies tomorrow. Sometimes my sugar dragon tells me "Now or never. You might as well eat it now, because soon you'll be on a W30 again and then it is off limits." That is when I fall off the bike - the all or nothing mentality. At the same time I am not the kind of person who can have a few squares off a milk chocolate bar. I go crazy and eat the whole thing, plus the kids' ice cream. So I need some structure - no non paleo stuff!

I think it makes it a bit easier socially. Most people get on the defense if I have NO dessert - they feel attacked, or guilty if they do eat dessert. But when I bring something I can eat and stick to that they can respect that I have these tummy issues and can't eat everything they eat. But I am still a participant, not just THAT person who sits out dessert.

I think I'll wait one more day with the running. My cold is better, but still not gone. I am working from home today (hence the excessive posting during the day!) and I just had a coffee in the sunshine with a bowl of the ice cream I am making for tomorrow. It is from Danielle Walker's Against all grain cookbook and it is so, so good! I can't wait for DH to come home from Bulgaria so we can share the rest of it and watch an episode of a House of Cards together. Miss him!

[jennor]

Ashley, how is the 21dsd different from W30? You mentioned limited sweet potato, is that part of what sets the two programs apart?

[almcc]

Hi. Coffee in the sunshine. Sounds lovely. We are also watching House of Cards. Just finished episode 4.

So I am doing level 3 on 21dsd which is paleo with limited sugar/carbs. I can have 1 piece of fruit a day but limited to green apple, unripe banana, or grapefruit. And no sp or starchy veg like butternut squash. You can do it like a W30 with those limits or you can also make the swypo treats. I'm doing the latter starting today.

When does your husband get home? Enjoy that ice cream.

[jennor]

Ugh, unripe banana doesn't sound so appealing! I'd go for apple or grapefruit.

He comes home tomorrow evening. I hope to feed the kids first and then pick him up after dinner.

Are you on the first season or the second? We are only on the first. (We watch it on DVD.) How do you like it? I think the actors are great. I haven't really figured out what his ultimate goal is yet though. Just power and revenge or a specific position? We are on ep 11, so I guess I'll find out...

[almcc]

We are on season 2. The acting is great! I won't tell you his evil plan.

[jennor]

Yes, don't tell me!!!

[jennor]

Day 3 2014.05.31 Saturday

Sleep: 8 hours, plus maybe an hour while putting the kids to bed (fell asleep after story time again)

Food:

Breakfast: 2 eggs, veggie hash, tomatoes, spinach leaves, spicy dipping sauce. Double espresso w almond milk

Snacked on a few grain free paleo crackers while baking them.

Lunch: Fish cakes, sweet potato "fries", spicy dipping sauce, big salad. Espresso w almond milk.

Dinner: Lamb sausage, sweet potato "fries", asparagus, mayo, spicy dipping sauce, mixed salad, grilled mango.

Snack-snackity-snack while watching House of Cards after putting the kids to bed: Some dark chocolate (no milk or soy lecitine, 100% and 70% cacao beans) and cherries.

Exercise: Probably not, alone with the kids and still feeling a bit sick. Oh, how I miss it!

I made almond milk this morning, and then i spilled most of it over the floor. "Mom, why did you DO that?"

Then I baked the Rosmary crackers from Danielle Walker's cookbook with the left-over almond meal. I used the toasted almond meal, raisins, sea salt, walnuts, olive oil and fresh rosemary from the garden. I could not get it to stick together so after several failed attempt I added an egg and then the dough finally came together. They taste delicious. My plan is to serve them with prosciutto, Italian salami and fig preserve tonight when DH gets back. He has some cheeses he might eat with it too, but that is not for me. After not eating crackers for months and months I am very excited. It is incredibly liberating to feel like nothing is off limits as long as it is made with real ingredients and paleo.

I also miss pancakes and plan to have that someday too. I used to make them with eggs, coconut flour and a banana and eat with fruit salad. I know it is not the most nutrient rich meal, but I know my tummy can handle it and it won't hurt me to eat it once in a while.