When it's too late

[LisaLulu]

I know most of my poor food choices come from inept planning and then getting hungry right when it's hectic. 

 

Today I didn't prep or cook dinner until it was too late. I got too much exercise, had a toddler who had a growth spurt and wanted to nurse constantly, had to call in a police report for a reckless driver who ran a stop sign when I was crossing the road with kids, had a run in with an asshole neighbor, kids were demanding, yadda, yadda, yadda...

 

Had enough leftovers to feed the kids and husband but not for me but didn't mind because I was still full from lunch. But then hunger hit hard and nothing was ready of course and the kids were acting feral and I suddenly wanted to just shove my face into a giant bag of non compliant anything and get calories into me ASAP. Instead I got the calories in with plantain chips, guacamole and raisins to tide me over while I threw dinner together and got it into the oven.

 

These kind of days are a regular occurrence. I menu plan and prep to the best of my ability but stuff comes up when you have an autistic child in kindergarten and a toddler. When this used to happen pre whole 30 it meant fast food and processed food. After whole 30 it means gnawing at a rotisserie chicken standing up or  a handful of dried fruit (nuts don't agree with me) while I scramble some sort of a meal together. Lunch is the only time of day when I can actually prepare and sit down to a leisurely meal (baby is napping then, other child is at school).

 

I always tell myself I'm going to get it together and not have this happen, but frankly, life is difficult right now. I spend most of my day making food and cleaning up after other people and my house is still a disaster, dishes pile up and I'm so exhausted by evening I can't do anymore, which means I start the next day with yesterday's mess. It's like borrowing from Peter to pay Paul. 

 

It's even worse in the mornings trying to get breakfast in me while getting the kids ready and when I ask other moms for advice they just say they don't eat or live on coffee and sugar or tell me about these great smoothies or oatmeal or cereal bars. Even the compliant suggestions are eggs eggs eggs, which I am severely intolerant of. 

 

Making real food takes time. Sitting down to chew properly takes time. Feeding a family properly takes time. I can't heat up a pizza pocket when I get hungry or make my kids kraft dinner and hot dogs like everyone else. When other people are throwing lunchables into their kids bags I'm peeling and chopping carrots and mashing avocados for guacamole. 

 

Most of the time eating whole 30 is more help than anything- I have more energy so I can get more done, need to eat less often and we had to eat from scratch before anyway due to food intolerances/finances so things were already hard.

 

I don't know what to do though. It's hard.

[Tom Denham]

http://www.wholelifeeating.com/2012/10/slow-cooker-brisket-with-kale-chard-onions-and-dried-cranberries/

 

I make a variation of this meal every day and often twice per day. It takes about 10 minutes to prepare and 7 minutes of that is waiting for the timer to go off and tell me the food is ready. The one thing it requires is putting a roast in the slow cooker periodically because that takes 7-8 hours (although only 5 minutes of prep). I keep chopped onions and bell pepper in the refrigerator. You can buy already cleaned and chopped kale, spinach, beet greens, etc. 

[PamH]

A slow cooker might be your best friend.

 

When things get desperate, I microwave a sweet potato and smother it in ghee and coconut oil with sea salt.  If I have enough time, I caramelize an entire onion and put it on top.  

 

I'm really bad about eating breakfast.  Always have been.  

 

I have started eating a huge meal during the mid day and smaller meals on both ends.  I don't know if that works for everyone, but it seems to work OK for me.

 

I know it is hard!  It is hard enough when you can eat everything that is part of the Whole30 plan, but taking out staples like eggs and left overs stinks!

[CaseyD]

I completely feel your pain. I stay home with a 4 year old and almost 1 year old boy, neither of which nap. Seriously, my 1 year old naps maybe once a week and I wish I was exaggerating. On top of that, my husband pulls on call more often than I can tolerate, and we haven't been getting along so well. Lots of stress at this point in life. If I'm not paying attention to my 4 year old, she will empty the fridge into the trash on me, or eat a tube of toothpaste we thought was too high for her to reach. Poison control knows us by name. I also do not have any help whatsoever at this point. It is exhausting, 5:50 a.m. to 9:45 p.m. 7 days a week. I am just thankful that I get enough sleep most nights.

 

So, I completely get the being last in line to eat and not having the energy or patience left to even put together a 10 minute meal. 

 

I bulk cook whenever I have the chance - even when I don't want to. I've literally cried while batch cooking, but later in the week was so thankful I did. I have eaten chili every meal of the day for three days straight this week. But, it is far better than eating fast food.

 

I also have a load of food sensitivities and allergies. I can't eat eggs. Nuts and I don't do so well, usually. Dried fruit doesn't go over well with me either. So, I can't do most of the obvious "grab and snack" kind of things.

 

Breakfast is my one meal I can always get cooked, so I cook big. I make extra meat and veggies, and eat a sweet potato most mornings. Sweet potatoes are really filling, I've found. I know I overeat them, but I don't care at this point. Right now, I just want the food I eat to make me feel good, not bad. I then have a second meal for emergencies when I cook extra for breakfast. Also, dinner is impossible at my house. 4-6 p.m. is just nothing but crying. I've tried many different strategies to deal with this and basically I have just accepted that dinner is always going to be a mix of leftovers that don't really go together. And a sweet potato. I eat mine with coconut oil, or coconut milk mixed with white vinegar and chilled (sour cream). 

 

I feel like I am tied to food sometimes, and sometimes I feel like this is bordering on unhealthy, but the alternative for me is to be super depressed and sick. So, I keep trucking even when it sucks and cry when I have to, and do the best I can. My biggest tip - prep all your veggies after you buy them. It is a massive lifesaver to not have to chop anything when it comes time to cook, and it saves on clean up time. I don't pre-cook veggies, because that just depresses me to cook twice. 

 

Hang in there!

[Brittany208]

You definitely need to meal plan and use a crock pot! I dread meal planning every week (I would rather use the time to do other things), but it saves so much time during the week to already know what I am going to make and to know that I already have all of the ingredients on hand.

 

And the crock pot is AWESOME because I can make dinner during the day whenever I  have time, and then I don't have to worry about it when I'm really busy between 4-6.

[monicav]

I made some freezer meals for "emergencies"  like chili and stuff.  Once a Month Meals has some great ideas.

[jennor]

I also have small kids and not enough hours in my day. No advice, just hugs to you all.

[Beets]

I'm home with two little ones and I feel your pain. My best friend is a giant hunk of meat I can eat all week. My faves are brisket or a pork shoulder.

In the times when, yeah, your day gets away from you, it happens, have some compliant things to eat. No one is perfect all the time but olives are better than plantain chips while you can fry up a burger or mash up a can of tuna.

Make sure always you have cans of tuna, grass fed hot dogs. I make little burgers *all* the time and they take four minutes to cook. My cast iron skillet is always on the stove and I take the meat from the fridge, form a patty, season w salt and that's it. I'll finely chop cabbage and sautée in the burger pan, add grated frozen ginger and voila, a meal in less than ten mins.

Also, sardines, mackerel or tuna mashed with lemon and avocado. (I'm a wimp and eat the boneless skinless sardines.)

I always have a jar of kraut and a pack of Applegate grassfed hot dogs. Another three minute meal. I never manage a big weekend cookup but I almost always have roasted pots cooked.

My veg intake is suffering. What helps and what I need to make today is a vat of veggie soup. Google Energy Soup Peer Trainer and you'll find a god one that's compliant. This is great for breakfast.

Which, yeah, sucks! It's always a scramble to get everyone out the door. I'll often pack myself a thermos of food when I'm running out. But I often don't eat breakfast till later in the morning. It's ok. You do what you can.

You can do this! It's normal to feel panicked at some point but there are quick thing to make.

[LisaLulu]

Thanks guys. I certainly know I should be using my slow cooker way more than I do because my 'window' of cooking is bigger late morning than it is early afternoon/evening. I can make meals around 4-5 pm but only if the stars align with both kids and shit doesn't happen.

 

On the weekend I knew we were going to be at the movies all afternoon so I threw a whole chicken in my slow cooker on high and came home to a perfectly cooked chicken. Veggies are never a concern because it's so easy to make a salad or steam or roast some, the concern is always meat as it needs defrosting, prepping, safe handling and cooking (can't be dealing with raw chicken when a child is climbing my body).

 

I know I need to make more meat than we always need and keep it defrosted and on hand, have spice mixes pre made and extra available and to have a couple backups in the freezer. I do a rough menu plan but I probably need to get more strategic because times are tough.

 

I am in therapy for anxiety and I was talking to my therapist about why I can't cope with simple tasks like this and he said that I spend hours and hours preparing healthy food for the 4 of us when most people don't. My next door neighbor is overweight and just lets her kids eat squeeze yogurt and hot dogs and never exercises so she has all the time in the world to clean up, plus less dishes to deal with. But eating healthy is such a huge priority for us that it's not something I can let go. 

 

CaseyD you poor woman! I dealt with the no nap thing last year and it was the worst time of my life. I am alone with the kids 12 hours a day with no family help and without any break in that time I was going mad and nothing was getting done. At least now I get a couple hours mid day to cook and eat in silence and even relax for a bit too.

 

Not having the constant exhaustion and body aches from inflammatory foods is helping, although reintro and going off track for a weekend set me back and made me feel terrible. But things were getting easier during the whole 30 as I felt better so I guess I just have to stick to it. No slice of cake is worth a 2 day hangover when you have small kids! 

[LisaLulu]

Beets what are grass fed hot dogs? I live in Canada and the only way we get grass fed anything is if we get it directly from a farm. Chicken is grain fed regardless. We don't have as many 'products' up here, but better selection/price on produce.

[Beets]

When I started the w30 last year I had major anxiety. Like bordering on agoraphobia. I was sometimes bursting into tears when I dropped my son at pre-k.

My daughter didn't sleep for more than an hour (!!) till she was 18 mos old (and also never took a bottle) and as you can imagine it took me quite a while to heal my massive sleep deprivation, which had made my tendencies towards depression and anxiety way worse. I was basically psychotic, chugging coffee, shaking with anxiety.

So strange to think that was only a year ago. I feel so much more human now!

Eating w30 seems like a lot of work but it will really really help you. I promise. Even if you eat the same thing every day for breakfast or lunch, his is ok. It will bring some calm and take some if the panic from your day. Really!

Being a SAHM mom is so hard, especially when they are smal and you are alone with them from wake up till bedtime. Sometimes I just want to scream out the window. But you deserve to give yourself this gift of nutrition! That sounds corny but really you will feel better, and you will be happier and a better mom because you'll feel more like yourself.

Just reading your post sent me back to where I was last year and I can really feel your pain.

I'm always in chaos and not meal planning or managing to be a super weekend prep person. It's ok. Just make yourself a couple things: meat in the slow cooker, broth in the slow cooker (heals our gut, soothing, can grab when things are crazy), sweet pots. And make sure you have those quick emergency foods: canned fish, gf hot dogs, grassfed ground beef, pre washed salad greens.

My almost three year old LOVES mashed sardines and avocado. And brisket.

[Beets]

Do you have Applegate hot dogs up there? They make a grassfed variety. You can prob find another option online? Like Wellness Meats or Canadian variety. Not sure if that works for you. Maybe more hassle than it's worth. I get three pounds of ground beef at the farmers market every weekend and it's my savior!

[LisaLulu]

We have brands without nitrates but it's the same factory farmed, sugar filled crap. Besides my kids won't touch processed meat anyway! We do big orders from the farms and have it delivered or pick it up in a parking lot frozen in a giant bag. We get veggies from another farm in a box once a week.

[PamH]

I made some freezer meals for "emergencies"  like chili and stuff.  Once a Month Meals has some great ideas.

The freezer!  Duh.  Good point.  

[LisaLulu]

My family has an aversion to anything that's been frozen except for pasta sauce. Slow cooker is probably my best option especially now that it's hot outside. I have 2 sizes of them so I can even do a side dish in one and the meat in another. We had a good rotation of regular meals pre paleo but a lot of them have been wiped out, plus my husband is also doing FODMAP for IBS so it's a nightmare for mixed type dishes. That's why I steam and roast his 'approved' veggies so he's not complaining about onions or garlic or broccoli. I hope the baby doesn't develop her own issues, then I'll be trying to navigate around 4 people with different intolerances/aversions/ect!

[PamH]

Thanks guys. I certainly know I should be using my slow cooker way more than I do because my 'window' of cooking is bigger late morning than it is early afternoon/evening. I can make meals around 4-5 pm but only if the stars align with both kids and shit doesn't happen.

 

On the weekend I knew we were going to be at the movies all afternoon so I threw a whole chicken in my slow cooker on high and came home to a perfectly cooked chicken. Veggies are never a concern because it's so easy to make a salad or steam or roast some, the concern is always meat as it needs defrosting, prepping, safe handling and cooking (can't be dealing with raw chicken when a child is climbing my body).

 

I know I need to make more meat than we always need and keep it defrosted and on hand, have spice mixes pre made and extra available and to have a couple backups in the freezer. I do a rough menu plan but I probably need to get more strategic because times are tough.

 

I am in therapy for anxiety and I was talking to my therapist about why I can't cope with simple tasks like this and he said that I spend hours and hours preparing healthy food for the 4 of us when most people don't. My next door neighbor is overweight and just lets her kids eat squeeze yogurt and hot dogs and never exercises so she has all the time in the world to clean up, plus less dishes to deal with. But eating healthy is such a huge priority for us that it's not something I can let go. 

 

CaseyD you poor woman! I dealt with the no nap thing last year and it was the worst time of my life. I am alone with the kids 12 hours a day with no family help and without any break in that time I was going mad and nothing was getting done. At least now I get a couple hours mid day to cook and eat in silence and even relax for a bit too.

 

Not having the constant exhaustion and body aches from inflammatory foods is helping, although reintro and going off track for a weekend set me back and made me feel terrible. But things were getting easier during the whole 30 as I felt better so I guess I just have to stick to it. No slice of cake is worth a 2 day hangover when you have small kids! 

Anxiety.  Argh.  Life long battle for me.

 

So, I"m going to offer what worked for me:  no sugar (you are doing that), low histamine diet and essential oils to balance my cortisol rhythm.  Exercise, too.  Oh, and of course time to fit all of that into your busy schedule.     I am probably 10 years old than you; my kids 

are all teens and much more independent.  My 13 year old (youngest) is on the Autism spectrum which will always carry some type of emotional and physical burden but he is the reason I started paying attention to alternative medicine and clean living so I am grateful.  But, oh, do I remember the toddler years!  I take my hat off to you.

 

You are doing so much already!  I think it is awesome.  Please don't compare to what others do.  This is your family; your decisions based on your values.  I'm surprised you don't have a 'holier than thou' complex instead of a 'woe is me' mindset... you should realize the gift you are giving your husband, yourself and your children vs the crap people like your neighbors are feeding the ones they love.  What a beautiful thing.  

 

Maybe you can find a group of people who are like minded in your area?  Ottawa has to have close to 1 million people, right?  Even if it is an on-line group.  I have found so much support on line with the Autism community.  

 

If your window is later in the day for cooking:  PRESSURE COOKER!  I can make a brilliant chicken noodle soup in an hour with the pressure cooker.  It tastes like it was stewing all day.  Meats are so tender.  It is the same concept of dumping and turning it on but requires just a bit more monitoring for pressure control.  I have  Kuhn Rikon and love it.  Google fast, easy, paleo meals and doctor them up/down to fit your dietary needs.

 

Bottom line is this:  Rome was not built in a day.  You can see the benefits of your lifestyle in your personal health and the health of your family.  Do as much as you can without stressing yourself out.  Don't let go of the goal of making clean, healthy meals for your family, but do realize that it is OK to cook very simple meals on the days where life just gets the better of you.  Cooking does not need to take 4 hours if doing so only adds to your anxiety.  It will all come together in time.  In the meantime, seriously pat yourself on the back and feed your ego!

 

How is your son doing?  Raising a child on the spectrum has its' own special challenges.  I'm not surprised you have auto immune or inflammatory issues yourself.  It is pretty clear that there is a connection between the immune system and autism.  Many moms or family members have diagnosed auto immune disorders.   We can do a lot to help ourselves, but it isn't always easy.

[PamH]

My family has an aversion to anything that's been frozen except for pasta sauce. Slow cooker is probably my best option especially now that it's hot outside. I have 2 sizes of them so I can even do a side dish in one and the meat in another. We had a good rotation of regular meals pre paleo but a lot of them have been wiped out, plus my husband is also doing FODMAP for IBS so it's a nightmare for mixed type dishes. That's why I steam and roast his 'approved' veggies so he's not complaining about onions or garlic or broccoli. I hope the baby doesn't develop her own issues, then I'll be trying to navigate around 4 people with different intolerances/aversions/ect!

Can hubby help?

[LisaLulu]

I used to have a pressure cooker but there was a problem with the sealant ring so it never worked right and the cost of getting a new part was so expensive I just got rid of it. I should get a new one though, I used them in australia and loved them for making chicken curry.

 

I actually have daughters. My oldest is on the spectrum, very high functioning academically and her language is catching up but she has a lot of OCD/anxiety issues. She's starting private and public treatment soon and going to be working with a psycologist since OCD is her biggest issue right now. I know I'm mildly like her so I 'get it' but it doesn't help with all the screaming and freak outs over tiny details, all the while having an almost 2 year old running wild and getting into things. Also my kids are constantly hungry and demanding food, but I feel like I spend all my time preparing it and cleaning it up because eating whole foods take time. She's always worse in the spring too and we're having sleeping issues because she won't go to bed until late and the little one goes down early and wakes up early which gives us NO time without at least one child awake. 

 

Husband is gone 12 hours a day (long commute) and really doesn't know how to cook. He helps out with dishes/cleaning on weekends and getting the kids to bed/cleaning after work. He grew up with a single mom on welfare raising 2 kids so he ate a lot of peanut butter sandwiches and kraft dinner only to find out in the past couple years that he's very gluten intolerant and he's still in the process of healing his gut and will only eat 'safe' foods that he know won't set him off. 

 

We have other issues going on with our neighbors now, as well as my parents so we're under a lot of stress but I feel like eating right is the most important thing we can do to help us deal with all the rest, especially in a house full of food intolerant people. Now that I've fixed the bad habits I guess I can work on fine tuning things to make my life easier, just feeling better helps with that.

 

I need to work on my time management (ahem here I am on the internet when I have a moment instead of 'getting stuff done') but I kind of get overwhelmed and need to sit down and zone out periodically when I'm not putting out fires with the kids. 

 

Kids aren't eating whole 30/paleo yet, just gluten free but that will be my next step when I'm feeling less frazzled. Oldest daughter is gluten intolerant like her dad and seems to be doing ok eating rice based products for her school lunches and oatmeal for breakfast and paleo dinner. 

[PamH]

Daughters.  Keep forgetting they aren't all boys on the spectrum.     My heart goes out to you.

[Carlaccini]

LisaLulu

 

I do not have children - so I cannot relate on that level.  All I can offer you is a big virtual hug and tell you that you are doing the best you can do with what you have.  I have tons of respect for you being a SAHM.  It is never is easy.

 

Have you asked your farmer about compliant sausages? They're not hot dogs - but close.  For easy/fast food cook ups - slow cookers, morning hash (ground meat, onions, shredded sweet potato, spinach, seasonings) sausages - really good things to have on hand.

Roasted Chicken thighs - sprinkle with seasoning then through in the oven for 1/2 an hour.  Canned tuna, salmon, etc. 

 

I know you are very busy with the kids - but is there anything you do to unwind after they have gone to bed? Do you have hobbies? Do you like bubble baths?  Reading? You know yourself best. Try to pick something (anything) that will help bring your anxiety level down. Even if it is for only 10 - 20 minutes. Do something that you don't have to be "on"

 

Reach out to your husband - yes you tell him you need help, but guys like specifics.  So give him something specific to do.  Even if it is just a little thing like put his laundry away, or give you a massage to help you relax - he will find that he is being useful and helping you.  And guys like to feel useful.

[LisaLulu]

The farmer we buy our chicken from does various sausages but they are way too expensive for our budget to make them a regular thing. 

 

Husband already helps a lot. It's just him being gone all that time that's hard.

 

I read to unwind, but it's getting to the point where there is no evening for me because one child won't go to sleep until late and the other one is up early. So I fall asleep without any chance to relax anymore. I was cooking until 930 pm last night, then I had a meltdown.

 

I'm cooking dinner right now because I have the time, my husband can deal with reheating it later. I might just need to cook all my meals mid day from now on.

[pjena]

Just my perspective on a few things.

 

Eating this way can actually make things easier and less stressful if you let it.  Once you settle on a list of things you eat regularily, it's easy and you don't have to think about it much.  The fact that it's healthy food and could actually lessen anxiety and stress reactions is a bonus.  I also find chopping and prepping relaxing and don't mind doing it after the kids go to bed.  Put on some music or stream a show you want to watch and relax while prepping food for the week. 

 

IMO, your threapist is wrong.  Most healthy people do spend hours every day dealing with food.  Most people in other cultures spend hours every day dealing with food.  Most people in history spent hours every day dealing with food.  The people who just eat whatever they can get from a drive through or the freezer section at the grocery are a new fangled thing. 

 

Not eating or buying anything in a package takes out the need to read labels (we have food allergies in our house and I found that stressful at first.  Easier to just use real food).

 

Don't feel you need to cook all the time.  You can't eat eggs, but can you eat seafood?  A tin of tuna is my go-to.  It takes no time to put spinach, tuna, olive oil and vinegar on a plate and eat it. 

 

Crockpot big hunks of meat is a great idea and always works in my house.  We do roasts and whole chickens in the crockpot all the time. 

 

Steam frozen veggis is super easy.  Everyone can add their own seasonings.

 

Don't feel like you need to make recipes or fancy meals or even a ton of variety.  Eat the same thing every day if that works for you (works for me!).  That way, you just don't have to think about it.  Maybe vary the veggies with the season if possible. 

 

Prep things on the weekend.  Roast a couple pans of chicken thighs and vegetables and divide it into containers for your lunch all week.  Add olive oil, avocado, olives or mayo when you're ready to eat.  You can eat it hot or cold. 

 

You have a lot of hurdles (young children, an autistic child, anxieity, single parenting most of the day), but I believe you can do it.

[LisaLulu]

What my therapist meant was that most people don't eat in a healthy way or spent the time needed to do so and that I was doing the right thing by prioritizing it even if my house was a mess because of it. I know in other cultures that so much time and energy revolves around cooking and eating, but in other cultures people have massive amounts of support from extended family as well. People cook together, children are raised with cousins, grandparents live in the same house and watch little ones. Here we're living in a society where everyone is for themselves and people survive by eating frozen pizzas. 

 

Once the youngest is a little older it will be easier, I'll be able to involve her in the process. I tried with my older daughter but her language skills were so lacking that she really struggled to 'get' what we were doing and now she's in full time school anyway.

[pjena]

Ok, good.  I read it that your therapist was discouraging you.  Glad to hear that wasn't the case.

[LisaLulu]

This morning I did the microwaved sweet potato that one person mentioned and the can of tuna (I added some chopped pickles!) someone else mentioned, plus I defrosted some frozen mixed berries. It only took me 3 sittings to eat it all but I was fed before we left the house at 815 and it held me over until lunch!