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Feeling Deprived Around Other People's Food


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I feel great about my food and choosing to keep certain things out of my diet in the comfort of my own kitchen, eating my own amazing cooking. My cravings are minimal, and I really don't feel like I'm missing out.

 

But bring Other People's Food into the picture, and it's a different story!

 

My family was indulging in sundaes today. I knew a sundae outing was part of the plan, and I was fine with opting out (ice cream has never been "my thing")...until I was sitting across from a dessert I "couldn't" eat. I suddenly felt very left out, and sad about my plain black coffee.

 

I'm not doing a Whole30 right now, so I compromised by making myself a small, single-serving paleo treat when we got home. It was good and I enjoyed it. But it was more of an emotional-eating choice than I would've liked (i.e. eaten in response to the unpleasant "left-out" feeling). This is a tricky line for me; I know that while a little deprivation is okay and worth toughing out, feeling deprived too often leads to binge-eating.

 

I'm okay with the choice I made today, but I was a little...blindsided, I guess, by the feelings of deprivation that came up. My hope is that this is one of those things, like cravings, that just gets easier over time.

 

I would love to how you deal with this kind of thing, if you experience it!

 

 

(P.S. I adore Robin's post on the Five Stages of Food Grief. Maybe this is my version of the sadness phase?)

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For me this is a change of mindset really. Instead of thinking of this as "I can't eat that" think of it "I can eat that, but I'm choosing not to". Really it is all in the phrasing and the attitude of the mind. Making that conscience choice and knowing why you made it gives you the power not the food. You are only being "left out" if it wasn't your choice to tap out. I feel left out when I'm not invited to something, but if I'm invited and I choose not to I have no need to feel that way.

 

Does that make sense?

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It makes sense to me, Bethany. I think this is totally right. Instead of I can't, I choose not to. Sometimes it's still hard. But it makes you feel powerful instead of powerless. (Talking myself into this now as well!)

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It makes sense to me, Bethany. I think this is totally right. Instead of I can't, I choose not to. Sometimes it's still hard. But it makes you feel powerful instead of powerless. (Talking myself into this now as well!)

 

It certainly is still hard. Retraining our emotional and social connection to food takes a lot of time. Those habits were not built in a day and they won't be changed in a day either.

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That makes a lot of sense, Bethany.

Right now I seem to be good at thinking in terms of "choose not to" in my day-to-day life, and BEFORE food-events, when I know they're coming. Something about actually being in the situation--staring at a dessert, even if it's one I don't particularly care for--makes my thought-process switch back to "can't have" mode.

It sounds like this is another example of "these things take time."

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I have been gluten free and dairy free for 3 years and I still avoid gatherings where there is food. I always feel left out and it doesn't help when everyone looks at you like you are an odd ball. I am not sure if you can ever get over it. I think you always feel left out when everyone else is doing something and you are not. I assume that is how a recovering alcoholic feels. I don't think there is anything wrong with you having a treat when you got home. I think sometimes we get in our heads that any food that is sweet is bad, it's not. I think enjoying a treat now and then is fine.

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