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peacefrog

I think other moms hate me.

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I had a mom say to me, "Oh, you made tuna salad? I don't do that for my kids. Mayo is full of sugar."

 

To which I responded, "I make my own homemade mayo, no sugar, with olive oil."

 

Then I had another (at a different time) say, "Velveeta cheese? I would never."

 

(Note: My kids don't eat Whole30. They eat dairy.) So I told her, "That';s not Velveeta. That's my own homemade American cheese."

 

They always give me the ol' stinkeye. Honestly, I wouldn't say a thing to them about their food choices. But then they comment on mine, and I feel like to need to be defensive (i.e. "That's not store mayo!") and then they hate me like I'm a showoff.

 

I don't understand why people can't keep their food thoughts to themselves...

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i'm not a mom, but deep down i'm guessing they're insecure/jealous that you have the time and forethought to make these things yourself to keep your kids as healthy as possible. if you're doing what you want to do for your own kids- let it slide right off your back. 

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I hear this and I'm sorry that moms can be that way.  I get the stinkeye, too, for being the mom that says no to her kids when there's crap food to be had, like my refusal passes judgement on their acceptance.  As moms, I think we know our own weaknesses, and the places we want to be better, and it pisses us off when another mom is strong or accomplished in those areas. It doesn't make it right, and I applaud you for not reacting more emphatically! Just know that you're not alone on the island :)

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I think you should validate them and say, "Yes, I totally agree with you.  I'm so happy I learned how to make mayo without sugar."  "Ewww, you are so right about Velveeta.  You know, this is homemade cheese!"

 

They are expressing the same thoughts you had when you learned how to make these items yourself in a healthy fashion.

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I think you should validate them and say, "Yes, I totally agree with you.  I'm so happy I learned how to make mayo without sugar."  "Ewww, you are so right about Velveeta.  You know, this is homemade cheese!"

 

They are expressing the same thoughts you had when you learned how to make these items yourself in a healthy fashion.

Maybe even a, "it's really not that hard and tastes great" or an offer to show them how if they seem interested.

or, like GlennR said, just stand your ground and don't worry another second about it ;)

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It bothers me that other moms can be so judgemental of each other.  I've experienced the same thing with my daughter.  She doesn't eat dairy and no fast food, added sugars (to a large degree).  Her dad and I just try hard to offer her nutritious alternatives and make a lot from scratch.  We've gotten all kinds of comments and funny looks.  He ignores it and I tend to let it bother me - shouldn't though.  Like others have said I think it's easy to respond that way when it's something you wish you had the ability to do for your kids.  You know?  Some people just don't know where to start. Good for you though!

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People see your actions as a judgement of theirs. Us Moms have to stick together and cut out the oneupwomanship and the catty crap. I hate that, don't you? Whatever people do in the interest of raising their kids to the best of their ability and loving them is ok, and that really ought to be an end to it. Judgy wudgy was a bear...

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Yeah, I so agree. I mean, I don't say anything to the people who feed their kids chicken nuggets and fries, you know? In fact, I totally get it, since I used to do it all the time! It's convenient, it's easy, it's cheap, kids like it, and sometimes it's the lesser of evils. Just because I see a kid scarfing down goldfish crackers doesn't mean I assume the mom is giving them soda for a bedtime snack, you know? And even if she did, I wouldn't really care. Her family. Her life. Her kids. I certainly wouldn't say anything to her about it!

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Mayonnaise has too much sugar? I am guessing her kids never eat candy, soda, or white bread?

I think comments like these have more to do with the person saying them than what is actually happening.

If I felt it was important to offer constructive advice to someone about what they were feeding their kids, I would make every effort to do it in a tactful, discreet, empathetic, and non-judgemental way. There are times when I do feel that is appropriate if the child's well-being seems to be at stake, but off-the-cuff remarks like that don't do anything but put the other person down. 

(Note that 'mayonnaise in tuna salad' or 'a piece of cheese' do not, in my view, qualify as 'child's well-being at stake', unless the child is severely allergic to dairy.) 

That being said, I don't agree with the view that everything a parent does for their child is ok. Just because a parent is trying to the best of their ability or doing something out of love doesn't mean that they aren't unintentionally harming their child, and it's the child who will suffer from that regardless of whether the parent had good or bad intentions. But it is about judging the behaviour as a healthy or unhealthy behaviour, not the parent as a good or bad parent.

 

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Unless somebody asks you for your input it will always fall on deaf ears, and probably offend the other person too. I remember when my daughter was a baby the so-called experts recommended putting babies to sleep on their stomachs. Now? This is tantamount to infanticide. Attitudes shift, its just the way it is. Everybody makes mistakes when raising children, so what I mean to say is not that other people never make mistakes with the choices they make for their children, but rather that everybody does, so lets cut each other a little slack. Make love not war:)

R

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"They always give me the ol' stinkeye".

I'm sure you're the mother that's glowing inside and out...so who gives a diddily whop what they think.   Shine on, you're a great mother.

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But Peacefrog, are the examples you gave really of other mums disagreeing with what you do? They don't want to give their kids mayo full of sugar or plastic cheese and neither do you. You could totally bond over that.

 

I am with Drtracyb and would totally go "Yes totally agree, but at last I have found a mild enough olive oil so that they will FINALLY eat my homemade mayo!" or "I know, I don't like Velveeta either. I found this great recipe for homemade cheese though, look!" You might end up with some new friends, or if not you at least get the chance pass on your cheese recipe to someone who shares your distaste for fake cheese. :)

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Sharing your mistakes can help with people who think you're showing off. As well as offering to share recipes. Often the perception of unattainable perfection is what's threatening, rather than reality.

 

I think most of us have had a mayo fail, it's a good one to share :)

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I've never had a mayo fail.   I've never made any.   :D  :lol:  :D 

 

"Unattainable perfection" at my house and "showing off"....if you could taste my cooking, you would know that anyone can do this.   Absolutely anyone can follow the basics and get by quite well.    I was the Queen of Smoothies and salads of a Country Named Drama.   :lol: 

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When I read back over what you wrote, they are (in a way) attacking you first.

 

"Oh you made tuna salad?"  a seemingly innocent observation.

"I don't do that....it's full of sugar."  Now she's saying she is doing a better job than you by not feeding her kids sugar like she assumes you are.

 

So when you reply that you made your own mayo and they give you the stinkeye, I would respond with:

 

"What's up with the stinkeye?"

 

But then again, I'm over 40 and don't play those games anymore.  Perhaps that's why I'm so popular!

 

B)

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I am not a mom but something I have heard is not to respond to statements. It's really hard to do and I still do it sometimes. The mom was telling you that she doesn't eat mayo, she wasn't asking you why you use mayo. Yes the statement was made in a mean spirit but it was not a question so you don't have to respond. You can just smile and nod. Actually you don't have to respond to questions either. That one is much harder for me. Congratulations on feeding your kids healthy homemade food!

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