Help for whole30 with eating disorder

[Guest sareemaree]

Hello,

 

I have been trying to complete a Whole30 since early July. The longest I have been able to go is 12 days. Here is my context:

 

I am 31 years old. I was anorexic from the ages of 17 to 26. Since then I have alternated between bouts of anorexia and bulimia interspersed with some periods of normal eating. I am a small person by nature, only 4'11", but I know I am slightly underweight right now at around 88 lbs (my weight has ranged anywhere from 60 lbs while severely anorexic to around 100 lbs at my heaviest). 

 

I am also an active person. I run 25-30 miles a week including long runs of 12-15 miles once a week, and I cycle as well for cross-training (40-50 miles a week at 16-18mph). I usually take one rest day a week but sometimes two.

 

I work night shifts, 3 12-hr shifts a week from 7PM-7AM. I sleep very poorly on the days I work. I usually get about 5 hours then wake up in the early afternoon to exercise before going to work. I try to catch up on my days off but I am always tired. Sometimes I take benadryl and sleep for 14-16 hours straight and wake up feeling no less tired.

 

So far my attempts at a Whole30 have been thrown off by one of two things: drinking alcohol, or binging (and then purging) on processed carbs/sugar particularly when I'm especially exhausted after my third night at work.

 

My goal in doing a Whole30 is to change my relationship with food. I have tortured myself with food and weight for over a decade. I have tried many many treatment modalities, including multiple inpatient treatments, with limited or short-lived results. I'm desperate for change. Any advice is appreciated.

 

Thank you.

[missmary]

Have you been working with a therapist or counselor on your eating disorder? The whole30 can be helpful for some people, but it can also be a trigger, so tread carefully. Here is an article on the topic, with some additional links within that may help:

 

http://whole30.com/2014/06/dear-melissa-eating-disorders/

[Tom Denham]

Having a good therapist is important. I used to be a therapist, so I can say that lots of therapists think they are competent to work with eating disorders and are not. Finding an outpatient therapist who is recommended by an inpatient program is a good way to start looking, but trial and error can be important too.

 

Never exercise when you have had less than 7 hours of sleep. Not just 7 hours in the bed, but 7 hours of sleep. Exercise while sleep deprived does not improve your fitness. You degrade your health when you train with inadequate sleep. I practice this rule myself. I did not train on Wednesday because I did not sleep enough on Tuesday night.  

 

If following the 7 hours of sleep rule means you can train only 3-4 days per week, that will be fine. You will be better off with more sleep. And actually, let me clarify that sleeping 7 hours per day/night is not enough. You should average 8 hours per day/night. 

 

In your case, I suspect that 4-5 days of training should be your limit and training only three times per week might be best. 

[Guest sareemaree]

Thank you missmary and Tom. I am not seeing a therapist currently although I have been in therapy off and on (mostly on) since I was in college. I find starting over with a new therapist to always be an overwhelming and frankly distasteful task and I dread having to do it yet again although I am sure you are both right that it is a necessary step.

 

I am afraid to cut back on my training volume. Rationally I know that this is just another facet of my eating disorder and that I can maintain fitness and health on a lower volume, but nevertheless running is truly one of the only things that helps me feel calm, centered, at peace with myself and my body, and not agonizing over what I am going to eat next and when. 

 

I should add I suppose that throughout my attempts these past 2 months to complete a Whole30 I have never stopped weighing myself (at least once a day) or logging my food intake (down to the gram) and calories burned. 

 

I do appreciate your prompt replies. I think my first priority for now will have to be to optimize my sleep, even if I'm not quite ready to cut back to 3-4 days of training per week. Seven hours is a good goal. Once I can consistently get that then I think I will be in a better position to make other changes in my life.

[praxisproject]

Time away from calories and weighing is really important, as well as sleep. If you have to choose between exercise and sleep, sleep is usually a better option. Lack of sleep alters your cortisol, which messes with just about everything, including appetite, fatigue and stress. Shift workers often have problems with cortisol. Blue blocker eyewear, avoiding backlit devices and sleeping in a dark room all help, as does magnesium before bed (personally I sleep best with a starchy meal too, something with sweet potato or pumpkin).

 

Not exercising on work days might be a good start, as well as making sure you have those pre & post work out meals. If not exercising seems hard, maybe try swapping out some running for yoga or tai chi, something calming.

 

Some people find morning exercise is the most stressful on their body, as cortsol is often highest then.

 

Make sure you're getting all your nutrition too, Omega 3 is very helpful with stress, as well as magnesium and vitamin D3.

[GoJo09]

Perhaps swap out a few of your training sessions for yoga, to help you achieve the same calmness. If you have a good teacher, you may also make progress with acceptance of yourself too, which can only be beneficial for your ED.

[Tom Denham]

Here is a link to the best nigh shift worker wisdom I've found: http://nomnompaleo.com/post/55156756199/surviving-the-night-shift

[Guest sareemaree]

Thank you everybody for your input. I have read and considered it all. I also had a long talk with my partner and we agreed on some action items:

 

• Find a therapist. Now.
• Make an appointment with my PCP for a physical, have my labs checked including vitamin D levels and an enhanced lipid profile, and discuss the possible need for a prescription sleep aid for short-term use. 
• Try melatonin on work days.
• Consistently take two rest days a week.
• Have my partner take over daily household responsibilities on my work days (something I've been very reluctant to let him do - what can I say, I'm a control freak). Also have him take the dog to work with him on my work days to minimize sleep interruptions.
• As for the Whole30, celebrate every good day but stop berating myself for failures. I know eventually I'll put together 30 days in a row but for now I'm just going to focus on one day at a time. I have a lot going on and don't need that added pressure right now.

 

I hope not doing an official Whole30 doesn't mean I can't keep checking in. This seems like a pretty supportive environment and it would be a shame to be excluded. 

 

Thank you again.

[missmary]

I hope not doing an official Whole30 doesn't mean I can't keep checking in.

 

Of course. Please keep us updated on how things are going for you. It sounds like you have a solid plan in place. good luck!

[AmyS]

You are always welcome here.

[theheywhohaa]

sareemaree, I would hope you would never feel excluded because you were having difficulties, surely that is precisely what this forum is for, to support and help you when you can't make the next step or catch your breath. While all of the above advice is very solid, I would also say that finding some kindness for yourself and loosening your standards where applying w30 principles is concerned is very important for people with dysfunctional eating habits and disorders. Don't make the whole 30 into a church, its just food and everybody on this forum is an individual fighting their own war and meeting their own demons. I'm so glad you are looking for a new therapist and I think that all of your stated goals are very healthy. Good for you and keep us posted on how you are doing, even when how you are doing is not what you want it to be. Secrets are the poison that feeds anorexia and when you are low, that is when you need other people most. Much love to you,

Rose

[praxisproject]

be careful with melatonin, it may make things rougher rather than easier.

 

try getting some sun in your eyes and on your face, as early as you can on work days

 

hang in there, it gets better

[littleg]

I'll chime in with my usual recommendation  Brain Over Binge by Kathryn Hansen (if you don't have it already) and perhaps Rational Recovery as well (the book BOB is based on).  

 

I'm a binge eater (with no anorexia involved).  W30 and BOB both helped me a lot.  I still binge, but its less severe - and usually on raisins rather than Oreos  I'm also on night shift.  That definitely doesn't make it any easier.  I agree with Tom about not exercising the days you work 12 hour nights.  You may also find this article useful about exercise and night shift.

 

 

http://www.marksdailyapple.com/dear-mark-late-night-work-shifts/#axzz3CAGyGLfz

 

Good luck

[Phoenix11Rising]

I have BOB on my to-read list, so I am interested to hear it mentioned here. I am starting my first W30 tomorrow, and I have an ED-NOS (mostly compulsive over eating, interspersed with compulsive dieting, with sporadic "normal" eating) history, so I am doing this to try to heal my relationship with food. 

 

I work twelve-hour day shifts and can't bring myself to work out on those days, so I would never be able to work out on nights. Occasionally, if I pick up an extra eight-hour night shift, I can go to the gym right from work, but most of the time, my bed is calling to me instead. I do make sure to work out on the four days I am off, and I try to make it to at least two yoga classes per week...I have found that to be life-changing.

 

All my best to you, OP!

[Guest sareemaree]

I just wanted to check in and say that I have put together 13 good days in a row, which feels like a huge success to me. I can't remember the last time I went two weeks without purging!

 

During this time I have had some major personal victories over food and my eating-disordered urges. I have also had a few setbacks (like eating almost a pound of grapes at one sitting - oops!), but overall I feel like I have coped very well with daily stressors that used to routinely set me back. My sleep has improved, although I still struggle to get seven solid hours on workdays. 

 

Although my food choices have been 100% compliant and I strive to stick to the template, my schedule means that some days I have 4, 5, or even 6 meals (some of them mini) while other days I only have two. My goal is always to eat every 4-5 hours while awake, but some days I am awake for 20 hours and some days I'm awake for only 8. 

 

My cravings have greatly diminished. I still crave sugar when exhausted and/or extra-stressed from work, and once or twice I have fed those cravings with inappropriate amounts of fruit, but I do not crave other foods I used to binge on like cereal, crackers, and other highly refined carbohydrate-rich foods. On one or two occasions I have really felt like having a drink, but sparkling water or kombucha has satisfied that desire nicely.

 

I weighed myself a couple of times (I know, I know) and was alarmed to see that I had lost a couple of pounds, but I know that this is a process and my weight will settle eventually. On the other hand, I have completely stopped weighing and measuring my foods and recording calories. Letting go of that has been a huge relief.

 

My running and cycling performance has not suffered, and I am finding I can go longer on less fuel. I have had some trouble with heartburn while running, but even that seems to be getting better.

 

I want to thank everybody again for their support, it has been hugely motivating. Keeping my fingers crossed for 17 more good days!

[AmyS]

You got this!  Now give your scale to someone you trust to keep it away from you even and especially when you beg for it urgently.  You can do it.

 

Great update!!!