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julibug22

My work is throwing me a bridal shower- what should I do?

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Hi everyone,

Looking for a little advice here. I completed my first whole30 last week, with great successes. I am taking a few weeks "off" (but not really- I had a gluten free cake tasting for my wedding over the weekend and am having some dark chocolate. That's about it) and am planning on doing another one starting next week up until my wedding in November.

Speaking of my wedding.. I work for a private speech therapy clinic with 2 amazing bosses that treat us like family. I have worked there for a year and there are only 10 of us on staff. My bosses are hosting a bridal shower for me next week, they just planned it this week, and I got the invitation today. Turns out, they planned it at a local vegetarian restaurant and there are basically no options for me. They know I'm gluten and soy free as I have been for several years, but I'm not one to talk about the whole30 unless asked so nobody knows I'm also not eating dairy, gf grains, legumes, etc. The only thing I might be able to eat is guacamole with crudite, and a plain greens salad with olive oil and vinegar.

My dilemma is whether or not to speak to my bosses and tell them the situation, or just eat what I can and be grateful. I really don't want to seem demanding or impossible and ungrateful, but at the same time I know if I planned a shower and turns out the guest of honor couldn't eat anything and didn't tell me, I would have wished she had so I could find a better restaurant option.

Not sure what to do and would really appreciate your thoughts!

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If you're a close team, just pull one of the bosses aside and explain the situation - noone can take offense at you not choosing to eat things! Make sure you "sandwich" your request with comments about how grateful you are to work with such thoughtful people. If it's just at a restaurant, it's not hard to cancel a booking a week out and book somewhere else - not as though they're handcrafting everything just for you :)

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One thing I would consider is, did they choose this option because there are vegetarians in the group who would have just as hard a time finding something to eat if you went somewhere else as you will at the vegetarian place? Knowing that, at least around here, vegetarians have trouble finding options at many restaurants, if I knew there were vegetarians in the group and that's why that place was chosen, I'd just go with it. If there aren't any in the group, then maybe I'd take GoJo09's suggestion of how to address it.

 

Or I might just go with it anyway, if I wasn't doing a W30 at the time, and order whatever sounded good (assuming there's something that sounds good that doesn't have gluten or soy in it). There must be some reason they picked that particular place -- maybe they do killer gluten free, soy free desserts or something that your bosses thought you'd enjoy as a treat.

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Thanks for the thoughts. 

 

My boss is the only one who is a vegetarian, and she is really flexible about where we go to eat.  We also work in a city with tons of amazing restaurant options, so I'm sure it wasn't that she would have a hard time finding something somewhere else.  I think the whole point was that they offer gluten free options, which was so sweet of her (and there is another GF person in the office, too), but at the same time that makes me think that if the whole point was to choose a restaurant that has options for me, but there really aren't any, that I should mention it to her?  I really don't want to have to order something with dairy, grains, or legumes, and risk feeling sick afterwards when that could have been avoided.

 

I keep going back and forth about saying something or just staying quiet and enjoying the shower regardless of food options. 

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This is a tough one. My gut reaction is the same as yours: "these people are doing something so nice for me and I hate to make anything resembling a demand!" But if the whole shower was conceived, planned and executed within two weeks, it sounds like a pretty informal affair and I think you'd be perfectly fine to take Gojo's approach. I'd have another couple of suggestions ready of places with great vegetarian and paleo-friendly options. Based on everything you've said about your coworkers, surely they'd want to make sure everyone is accommodated - especially the guest of honor!

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Here is my opinion. I feel bad when I throw a party for someone and find out that can't eat the food. Why didn't they tell me before so I could make sure there were other options? I think you need to be honest with them, if they are truly like family they won't mind. Also they could call ahead to the restaurant to see if they have or can create paleo versions. Most restaurants are happy to comply if you give them time to prepare. Having a gluten free dairy free salad with dressing on the side is not hard. I hope you have fun!

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Thanks for your advice, everyone!  I ended up mentioning it to my boss today and she was so happy I had.  As I suspected, they chose that restaurant because of the gluten free options, not realizing that I can't eat soy or dairy either, so they absolutely want to change it to something with more options for me and are very happy I said something.

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