ChiggerCane - October 1 Start


ChiggerCane

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Tomorrow is today!  Back on track.  Have a batch of egg cups made, butternut squash cooking for soup, meat thawing for prep later today. 

 

Husband is joining me this time.  He had been prescribed one of the injectable psoriatic arthritis meds a couple months ago.  had to come off them due to liver enzyme levels.  He's been off 1 month and mentioned how he had not been aware of how it was easing his symptoms of psoriasis - itching, etc.  His anti-inflamms are not working as they used to.  Poor guy.  So - let's hope this will hep him.  We will see how he does with eating while out of town, but while in town, this gives me/us more incentive to cook.

 

Heading to moms to help figure out everything that needs to be done. 

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It's hard to get under control again - but I'm getting there.  While shopping yesterday, I saw all the Thansgiving stuff placed strategically along the aisles - stuffing mix, pecan pie ingredients, etc.  I've got to wrap my head around doing this now.  For me and husband.  prepped some chicken soup yesterday, pulled turkey tenderloin and chicken (grilled) from freezer, bought ratatoille and salad ingredients.  and eggs.  I appear to be ready to face the week.  Will I be able to stand firm this week - and cook? 

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todays food:  egg cups w spinach, mushrooms; butternut squash soup, pepitas, grilled turkey tenderloin, broccoli & cauliflower; salad w ground turkey, tomatoes, olives, broccoli & cauliflower.

 

All my egg cups are gone.  It's amazing how fast food disappears in this household.  I need to steam some more veggies as well - just 1 serving left of those.  Ratatoille on schedule to be made tomorrow.  

 

Having lunch out with mom and sister on way to church to discuss dad's memorial service.  I will hopefully find something to have that is on this plan, but it's more important to eat with mom right now and get her out of the house than to obsess about this,  I DO want to do this - and hopefully will find that it is possible to eat out.   

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All in all, I've stayed fairly close to the plan.  Not 100% - but, I'm not beating myself up.  Today was a fairly good day.  Attended a lunch event - ate what I could and wasn't tempted by anything I was not to eat.  Someone brought out beautiful, chocoate cupcakes - and I was considering taking one and nibbling some - not because I wanted one, but because I was afraid I'd insult the woman who made them.  Then tonight, my sister had made chili (with beans) - I hate chili anyway, so I had brought a large salad for everyone with grilled chicken, spinach & romaine, walnuts, mushrooms - the looks and questions thrown my way were a little disappointing. One sister was asking what I was trying to do and as I explained, I caught the sly smiles on mom and other sister's faces.  They started talking about other diet plans where people eat 'crazy' and how much weight they lose.  I explained (again) I wasn't doing this for weight loss, but for health and the anti-inflam reaction...altho I'll be glad for weight loss as well.  All I can do is stay firm in what I want to do - and hope that they get interested when they see what happens to me.

 

Tomorrow will be busy - I have enough prepped food to get me through to Monday - then it's prep time.  Planning out the week ahead when I get off.

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Started sneezing a couple hours ago and now can feel a cold coming on quickly.  Hope I can head it off.  Feeling drained today and tomorrow is another busy day - what day is not?!

 

I'm hoping life will return to normal soon.  Or, a new normal now that dad's memorial service is over.  How mom is going to cope, etc is something to be learned.

 

food today was good, but skimpy - I did skip lunch as the service was at 2:30.  By the time we went to dinner,I had a raging headache.

 

eggs, spinach, ham

salad, salmon, potato, broccoli

 

sipping on tea now - heading to bed, making it an early night

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Well - word for today is grace - I need it.  I need to complete some soul searching and figure out why I sabatoge my efforts.

 

On a more optimistic note - I joined a gym today.  This time a full service one with group classes, sauna, whirlpool, lockers and showers, etc.  I was a member of this gym for many years, many years ago.  It's run by the local hospital and caters to a more 'mature' gym goer.  I have missed it over the years.  I'm really looking forward to getting back into a set routine, going to some classes, and sitting in the sauna.  Starting tomorrow!

 

And along with the gym tomorrow - the whole30 begins (again)!

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Day 1 FINALLY completed!

 

eggs, ham, salad

salad, turkey tenderloin, pepitas

turkey tenderloin, potato, broccoli, cauliflower, clementine

chicken, carrots, potato

 

I had that hollow stomach feeling mid morning, so had the salad and turkey.  Brain was screaming for crackers or bread - I managed to ignore the screaming.  Once I get back in the routine, I'll quit the potatoes - right now they're helping me feel full.

 

I signed up for the 'Maintain it" challenge the gym/hospital is running.  Weigh-in prior to Thanksgiving, then again in January.  If you maintain your weight, you're entered into a raffle drawing - each 2 pound loss gets you another chance. They usually have some pretty cool prizes.  Even if I don't win anything, at least I'm keeping on track.  This whole30 should help with this!

 

I need to find some time to read over the whole forum and get some ideas for ...well, everything.  I've been feeling pretty overwhelmed lately - like life is totally out of control.  For the past 2 years, I've been on a roller coaster at work and home.  As I wrote this, I realized it has been exactly 2 years since life took this amazing, crazy, wild, frustrating turn.  2 years of incredibles highs and lows.  I want some even-ness in my life right now - I want boring routine and stableness.  I used to have it.  Not sure how it slowly slipped away into chaos.  When you have boring, you want something more.  When you have chaos, you want more 'less'.  I guess I should throw in here - "I am SO grateful for everything as it is...no need to have any drastic changes!!"  Be careful what you pray for...

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Day 2 done. 

 

I've been getting tired of eggs - so this morning I ate the leftover crockpot chicken, potatoes, carrots.  I had a relatively late breakfast, so it wasn't too strange, but I'm not sure I can break out of the breakfast food mentality.   Lunch was a salad w boiled egg, turkey, walnuts, and avacado at mom's.  Dinner was ratatoille, chicken, broccoli - and I had a clementine somewhere along the day.

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This morning was ratatoille topped with 2 scrambled eggs.  It was ok - husband looked at it a little funny but no comments

Lunch - large bowl of butternut squash soup, pepitas and a couple slices of grilled turkey tenderloin in a lettuce leaf with a slice of tomato

Dinner - small salad, baked potato, flat iron steak, veggies

 

Been raking and burning leaves for a couple hours - starting to feel like munching - need to find something else to eat before I look at popcorn and kind bars!

 

Planning week ahead - the gym is going to happen!  Eating on plan is going to happen.  Hard to believe Thanksgiving is the week after next!

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Gym DONE - yea, yea, yea!  Went to arms and abs class with some additional cardio.  It was nice being back in a class.  Although, it takes so much time to go to class.  1/2 hour to get there, hour+ class, clean-up etc.  Carving out a 2 hour period is going to take some scheduling (plus more if I want to get in the sauna - and I do!).  But - maybe this will help me get more organized and focued.

 

2 egg omlette with broccoli

potato w mixed veggies, chicken + butternut squash soup

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Made spin class last Sat - and feeling it STILL in legs.  I have a long way to go to be a good spinner.

 

I've decided to 'take off' Thanksgiving week.  I guess I'm actually taking off Thanksgiving month if I'm going to be brutally honest.  I thought I'd be able to really focus this month with life kindof returning to normal.  But - life's never normal, is it?  I ended up spending the majority of the day up at the ER with mom.  She was in intense pain early this am.  Turns out she had a kidney stone - so she's fine now.  But for a couple hours, I was turning over in my mind how 'unfair' life can be - she's getting things settled from dad, able to focus on doing some things she's wanted to do for years, but couldn't...and then...she gets sick.  BUT - she's ok.  She can improve her eating and water intake habits, start walking, start doing what SHE wants to do.  And I need to learn from this as well. 

 

So I will be back at it - Friday morning.  And taking off does not mean I am going crazy - I am not beating myself up if I want a small slice of pecan pie  - that's really the main item.  Everything in moderation.

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I guess moderation and pecan pie are things that do not go together - at least in my world.  And really, that is the only thing I feel I have been 'bad' about.  It is absolutely crazy to me how bloated and uncomfortable I feel having indulged in a couple of slices.  Sugar is a dangerous thing, isn't it?

 

The week ahead is a crazy one.  I need to focus and be strong.

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Restart...again...LOL.

 

2 eggs, spinach, mushrooms, bacon & small serving mixed fruit.

salad with smoked turkey (the last), olives, walnuts, carrots, pepitas

chicken, small roll (boo), lettuce, potato, kind bar  (kind of a last meal kind of thing)

 

It's time. (past time).  Interesting to see how my body has dealt with being off plan the last week (month...). Hip bursitis is unbelievably intense, plantar fascitis is building again (sorry for spellling), mind is foggy.  Oh wait - maybe I'm just getting old?

 

Returning from dropping husband at airport I was listening to an 'alternative doctor' on radio about eating, chiro, etc.  He mentioned the 7 deadly sins - meat, sugar, sodas, artificial sweeteners, coffee, dairy, alcohol - meat and coffee are the only 2 things I have issues with.  I don't really need coffee - just enjoy drinking when it gets fall/winter. If I make the effort (which I will in December) I have no problem voiding the other 5.

 

Lots of veggies in the fridge.  Pecan pie is gone.  Batch of ratatoille made.  Turkey tenderloins ready to cook tomorrow.  Lots of salad stuff.  Got my head on straight.  Got my mojo...maybe...if not, I'll find it or fake it.

 

December is going to be great. It will. It Will.

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Day 1 went very well.  No problems staying on track.  Skimmed through book some to refresh my mind as I was waiting on my son.

 

ratatoille, 2 eggs, apple

baked potato with ground beef and ratatoille, raw almonds

turkey tenderloin, couple grapes, green beans, steamed cauliflower and broccoli

 

felt a little 'unsatisified' following dinner - then realized I had no added fat at dinner. Does it really make that big a difference?  Guess so.

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Laurie - in a way, I feel I'm cheating on cleaneating by creatng this journal - but if it helps me, I need to do it.  I check in both places.  As long as I don't obsess and spend too much time by being both places, I'm good.  LOL

 

Day 2 off good - morning meal of turkey tenderloin, ratatoille, and steamed cauliflower & broccoli - couldn't face another egg today!

lunch - baked potato w turkey tenderloin, broccoli, cauliflower, ghee

dinner - chicken potato

 

I need to watch my eggplants in the future - the one I used is rather rubbery.  Hope it's not bad.  I may leave it out next time I make up a batch.

 

Was planning on going to 8 am class at gym - not going to make it.  Too much stuff scheduled for later today.  I'm going to hit free weights and elliptical at home.  Really.

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Chigger, you have had a really trying autumn.  I'm sorry about your father but wish you and your family well.  Been there, done that until the grief just takes my gut and twists it into an iron chain.

 

However, you're working hard to protect yourself and take care of yourself and that's about all you have control over right now.  Hang in there!

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Deb, you are definitely not cheating on clean eating by journaling here.  This is a great place with so many supportive people who can help us.  Currently, our other forum is more about exercise, and everyone is doing their own version of food.   Here, we all follow the same plan so we can get ideas, motivation, inspiration, etc.  I love the fact that our small group on clean eating has been together for so many years and I am grateful for our friendships. The W30 forum has become another "home" for me.  I am using the clean eating site for exercise accountability and this site for food accountability. 

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Another bump in the road - am I being tested, here?  My mom's cousin passed away Dec 3 - very shocking.  We headed out of state to help with things, so I was gone from early the 4th until late on the 8th.  Only 4 days, but I feel totally out of touch.  I was not able to stay the course, so will be restarting, again.  Mom's had a really rough year. My heart breaks for her.  But such is life - pain, struggles, but also love and laughter.

 

I am scrambling trying to get organized.  My youngest son turns 15 tomorrow,  Where did the time go?  My oldest graduates from colllege Saturday.  Seriously - where did the time go?!  So much to do.  I will do what I can with whole30.  I did ok while out of town, but no where near 100%. 

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I've never been one to like admitting failure - who does?  But, you can only beat a dead horse for so long before it starts to smell...or, something along those lines - never good at analogies.

 

This weekend has made me decide to admit my failure(s).  My oldest son graduated Saturday - YEA!!!  The speeches at the commencement ceremony were excellent - the student reflection especially. And that speech has been rolling around my mind all weekend.  A little background:  this university is tough (which isn't???) - they pride themselves on breaking you and then building you back up.  My husband and I both graduated from the same school - so we know.  Everyone struggles.  Many do not make it.  The student reflection was presented by a guy in the same major as my son which was nice.  

 

Anyway - his speech/reflection centered on the fact that everyone at the commencement that day had learned "to rise from failure."  He reiterated that thought several times during his address.  And as I sat there listening, I realized how an essential part of rising from failure is being able to admit to failure, analyzing what went wrong and why, realizing that admitting to failure does not define YOU as a failure, regrouping - and then starting over - doing everything you can not to fail again.

 

And - I have not done that.  Over the past several months, I have tried, with varying levels of effort, to be on plan. Each time I have failed, I have stated my excuses, said I did the best I could, said I was going to do better, etc - but I have not said "I failed."  Well - I failed!  It doesn't matter that family issues came up influencing my decisions and actions - untimately, I failed.  And I know deep down that I am going to continue to fail through the rest of this year and even on January 1.  I dearly love hoppin johns - and I KNOW without a doubt that I will make hoppin johns on New Year's Day - and I will enjoy them.  Probably with cornbread too.

 

SO - instead of flogging a dead horse - it's time for me to admit that my efforts the past few months are at an end until...January...5 (at the earliest).  I may rethink my Day 1 target - and that's ok.  I am going to eat in a healthy fashion, minimize what I will - I'm not going hog wild into sugar overload - but if I decide to have something, I will.  And I will not feel as if I AM a failure.  My attempts so far have failed.  But - I WILL rise from failure.  I am re-reading the book, making plans, determining my game plan.  In essence, I'm learning from my failure and deciding what I need to do to succeed. 

 

Learning from failure - it's not a bad thing.

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