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Why do I do this to myself? (long)


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I am sitting here in agony because I ate the Food Should Taste Good multigrain chip and it caused major bloating and gas. I keep trying it hoping for a different result (or blaming it on something else that I ate around the same time)...why do I do this to myself? Why do I insist on eating things that make me feel like crud? I am so mad at myself, but this latest episode has me committed to doing the program beginning Monday (so I have time to learn everything I need to know and shop).

Let me back up a little bit. I have had digestive issues for as long as I can remember. I had pancreatitus when I was 4 (along with Kawasaki syndrome) and I am convinced that it threw off my entire digestive system. I have IBS, GERD, my gallbladder was removed, and spend most of the time feeling like crud.

I have two sons and when my youngest was born 13 months ago, I quickly lost all my baby weight but within a couple months the weight started coming back on. I tracked exercise and food intake and on paper, I should have been losing weight. Yes, I was breastfeeding but there was enough of a difference calorie wise that I certainly shouldn't have been gaining weight. I went to my doctor and they told me to walk more (I was working out 4 days a week and never walking under 13,000 steps in a day already). After a second doctor told me the same thing, I started seeking out other options. I went to a naturopath and things began to turn around.

January 1st (6 months postpartum) I began treatment for Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth (something I had been treated for back in 2006). My treatment consisted of incredibly strong antibiotics and the Specific Carbohydrate Diet for a minimum of 6 months. After 3 months my gastroenterologist (who I didn't have as a doctor when I first started all this, but supported my naturopath's method of treatment) did a colonoscopy and and upper endoscopy. Shockingly things that were on my upper endoscopy in 2008 were gone now. I had no signs of anything other than some mild GERD (and I had lost 13 pounds). I decided at that point to reintroduce foods. My goal was to stay away from gluten, soy, refined sugar, and lactose (I ate cheese and made my own 24 hour yogurt).

I continued to feel good and lose weight (down 20 pounds in 6 months and not counting calories) for several months. Then July happened. I fell off the wagon HARD. At first the sugar and occassional gluten didn't seem to bother me. But then I went on an antibiotic at the end of July and it through my digestive system completely out of wack. I was bloated beyond belief, nauseous, and gaining weight quickly (5 pounds in 10 days). It got so bad that I couldn't bear to eat. Thankfully someone suggested loading up on probiatics and that got me back on track. HOWEVER, I have noticed that I am much more susceptible to bloating now. Of course, I hadn't been paying much attention to ingredients so when I saw the chips I mentioned in the beginning in my pantry, I made a stupid assumption and figured they were free of sugar and soy. Nope. They also have corn which seems to be causing some issues for me as well. I didn't even think to look at the label till tonight when I couldn't go on a walk with my husband and kids because I was in too much pain. :(

So, while I was on the fence before, I am committing to the Whole30. I need this more than anything right now and I am hoping that it will save me from having go back and do the SCD again for 3 months (or longer). Before I was making excuses (two vacations, including one with my inlaws), but after reading and rereading the program (especially the tough love part), the following saying is playing in my brain: "Nothing tastes as good as healthy feels."

I look forward to meeting many of you while I take this journey.

(I am starting officially on Monday, August 20th so that I have time to prep. food.)

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Hi Cindy,

I feel your pain! Literally!

I started the program on the 12th and have managed not to eat off the program so far, but have had a couple close calls! The thing I have noticed is while I may have been tempted, I have not been overwhelmed and every day I make it through builds my self confidence and puts me one step closer to being healthy.

Congratulations on making the decision to step out of the past and moving on to health!

And good luck to you!

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