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Looking for support.

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I would like to first start by apologising as this isn't strictly whole30, but the support I have received on this forum has always been phenomenal and I have always been so touched by it. I have also seen some people who have a similar mindset to me when it comes to food, and it would be great to not feel so alone. :)

 

I was following a largely whole-30 lifestyle and seeing the benefits, weight loss, better skin, hair, energy, mental clarity, performance at the gym...you name it.

 

At the beginning of November, I ended up in hospital for a week due to fears of me having a bleeding in my brain from the doctor. Several scans, blood tests, and two lumbar punctures later and thankfully they are all clear. Obviously this meant a week of hospital food too (and 3 days starvation on a drip...!) so it completely threw everything out of balance.

 

However, I have been on bed rest for nearly two weeks and unable to work. I haven't been going to the gym (obviously) and I can't even go for walks or anything because I get so exhausted.

 

I have always been open about my problems with food mentally - I used to go through binge/purge cycles where I would lose control around food and then go to the gym excessively/skip meals etc.

 

Now I am stuck in a cycle where I am depressed about being unwell and unable to do anything, so I eat for comfort and it is uncontrollable. The fact of the matter is, I have put on weight because of this (I may have put weight on anyway due to suddenly being completely un-active from quite an active lifestyle.)

 

I am really struggling to accept this weight gain. I know my health is more important than anything, and stressing myself over food/restrictions etc will not do my recovery any good. At the same time, it is affecting my relationships - I don't want to see my boyfriend as I feel fat and disgusting (silly, I know.)

 

Has anyone been in a similar situation to this and has any words of wisdom/comfort? Right now I am staring at myself in the mirror opposite and I am feeling disgusted by the fact I can see that I've put weight on in my face, for example.

 

Again I apologise if this is not appropriate for this forum :)

 

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Do you have an elder you can visit with...a relative you look up to and respect their wise counsel?   Sometimes our immediate family can be too darned bossy or judgmental, but do you have someone older that you admire... and  you respect what life's experiences have taught them.

 

You need a good shoulder to lean on, someone to give you a big ole bear hug...squeeze that food depression away.  

 

bearhug2.jpg

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Be as gentle with yourself as you can, and then be a bit more gentle, and then a little more. You just emerged from a life-threatening health emergency. Your body is responding by holding on to weight because it wants to help you survive. This is good. It's also holding on to fluids because you've been under such enormous stress.

 

Everything you see on your body right now is a sign of your survival and your slow but steady return to health.  You are eating because, again, your body really really wants to survive.

 

Rest up, follow your doctors' orders, take your medication, and remember, all of what you look like and feel like is because you are getting healthy again, after a huge trauma to your body and brain.

 

Take your time here. When you feel able to put together some healthier options for eating, go for it. But don't rush yourself with any of this. And then be gentle with yourself, and then take your time, and celebrate your survival. Your body is eager to stick around for a while. That's good. That's what you're seeing in the mirror. Promise.

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This is very familiar to what I have been going through this year. I spent last year doing 99% W30 for many months after kick starting with 90 day real W30. I felt great last summer and was in the best athletic shape of my life-weighed what I did in jr high school.

Then my husband got sick and I spent  weeks in and out of the hospital with him, me eating hospital food and really not caring what I ate-just resorted back to bad eating habits that brought me to W30 in the first place. I have gained ALL the weight back, am a bit depressed and have joint pain. This year, I doubt I have strung together 5 days of being compliant including maybe 3 days in a row of exercise.

I took it easy on myself and told myself I need to be kind and cut myself some slack. It was easy not to workout as I had to work fulltime, then come home to a disabled husband who I had to help, cook for etc. I also had a little puppy that needed training, walks, etc.

Now, he is getting along just fine and the puppy is now over a year old. BUT I have gotten older, fat and find it very difficult to get motivated again.

 

My advise for you is to take each eating opportunity as a gift to yourself and choose wisely. Sure-this plan is hard to coordinate from bed. As soon as you can-try to eat well what ever that means to you. It could mean just lots of veggies vs processed food. When we do good things for ourselves-it means MORE than when someone else does it for you. It tells you that you are worth it-one meal at a time.

 

So today is my first day, again, and we can do this. Just know that each day you can choose to do a little something for yourself albeit a good healthy meal or starting to walk past the mailbox. I had a very active lifestyle as well completing 2 iron distance races in the last 5 years and now having trouble running 45 min or some days taking the dog for a walk. Even tholugh you are not where you want to be-you can choose to take a step foprward to where you want to be. Now, just do it. Do something, anything, that you know is helpful to you.  Any activity you do will help the depression-if it is sunny out-get outside and breathe fresh air.

Baby steps at first-but get those feet on the floor and move!

Good luck......you can do this, for you!

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Guest

thankyou :)

 

just an update - my MRI scan has shown that the right side of my brain is abnormal at the back - waiting for a referral to a neurologist asap. I'm on my 3rd day of whole30 since finding this news out, like my life depends on it, because who knows, it may do..!! Don't want to give my brain an excuse to be inflamed thankyouuu very much :P

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thankyou :)

 

just an update - my MRI scan has shown that the right side of my brain has is abnormal at the back - waiting for a referral to a neurologist asap. I'm on my 3rd day of whole30 since finding this news out, like my life depends on it, because who knows, it may do..!! Don't want to give my brain an excuse to be inflammed thankyouuu very much :P

Good plan.   When our life depends on it....we take it very seriously.   I support you 110%, FSW.  

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Guest

Thankyou xx

 

No mince pies or cake or advent calendars or desserts for me!

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Guest

still sticking to the whole30...it's amazing how much more motivated you are when you have the thought of 'well my life depends on this!!'

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Guest

day 12...just cried on the kitchen floor because I couldn't have carrot cake...oh dear.

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well I caved in to the carrot cake and fell off the whole30 bandwagon :( I still managed to do 12 days straight though, I'm trying to focus on that achievement rather than the failure.

 

I guess it's the stress of not knowing what is wrong with my brain, emotionally I'm a wreck at the moment. 

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How much longer is the wait to get the news from the doctor? It's easier said than done, but focus on everything else in your life that is not messy, or complicated, etc. yes, you did well for 12 days, major achievement. Jump back on the horse if you can, and be good to yourself by feeding your body the healthy stuff. Think about that quote of Art Williams...

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Now I am stuck in a cycle where I am depressed about being unwell and unable to do anything, so I eat for comfort and it is uncontrollable. The fact of the matter is, I have put on weight because of this (I may have put weight on anyway due to suddenly being completely un-active from quite an active lifestyle.)

 

I am really struggling to accept this weight gain. I know my health is more important than anything, and stressing myself over food/restrictions etc will not do my recovery any good. At the same time, it is affecting my relationships - I don't want to see my boyfriend as I feel fat and disgusting (silly, I know.)

 

Has anyone been in a similar situation to this and has any words of wisdom/comfort? Right now I am staring at myself in the mirror opposite and I am feeling disgusted by the fact I can see that I've put weight on in my face, for example.

 

I know how you feel, I would get anxiety if I don't work out or move or do something. I felt like I had to deserve food by working out. So stupid. Last year I broke an ankle and I was trapped home alone. Lessons learned. 1. You will be just fine. 2. Really really. 3. I did not gain much by sitting at home all day long for months. 4. When you are sick your body burns more energy, because it's on the mend. Feed it good nutrients so it will let you do your thing faster. 5. You must become friends with your body. There is no other way. Hatered does not make you slimmer, good food does. If not slimmer it makes you calmer. This is huge. 6. Take this as an opportunity to build better habits. Think of one thing you can do better every day and focus on this. 

 

All the best, just let it all go and try to think about present. You are stuck and you need to deal with it. You can't skip steps without creating a mess.

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Hello lovely. I know completely where you're at. I have a rare genetic bleeding disorder, and last year I spent about 4 months ( a cumulative total) in bed unable t do much at all because I'd stopped responding to my medication and was having severe bleeds. I also got frustrated and user not knowing what was going on and not being able to do some really basic things at times like make a cup of tea or even get t the bathroom unaided, let alone exercise.

I had a realisation that while I couldn't d much for myself at all, I could choose to eat good food. Some days that was the only thing I a dived for myself - to eat a few nutrient dense meals. At points it was the only thing keeping my self esteem up, but it was an achievement so I took it!

I wish you all the best for finding your way through your medical challenges. Message me if you'd like to chat.

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Guest

thanks, everyone.

 

Just an update; I am still out of the gym. I am seeing a chiropractor to help with my back and neck pain.

 

I saw a neurologist and he has said the problems are caused by three things; chronic lack of sleep, whiplash and asthma (I have all 3.) I have been prescribed nortriptyline 10mg for 3 months. I had a choice of this or an injection in the back of my head...needless to say I chose the tablets!!!

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