Guilt


magso

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I try to follow the Whole30 on a daily basis even when I'm not on an official Whole30. If I have to go off slightly for a celebration by having a drink or adding stevia to my coffee now and then, I do that. So I've been doing this during the holidays and I plan to do an official Whole30 in January.

My problem is the guilt. If I have a drink, and I mean one drink, I get so mad at myself. Or even if I have a date, or something like that, I start to feel like all my hard work is ruined. I'm still trying to lose weight and be the healthiest me I can be, so I guess I feel it sets me back. Does anyone ever feel this way or know how to deal with it?

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Have you done a proper re-introduction? If you do, you may be able to see the things that affect you negatively and can then make an informed decision about whether or not you're up for the consequences, whatever they may be.

I would say that maybe you need to spend some time deciding that you are more than the weight you are or the foods you eat. You're a living, breathing, loving and beautiful human being and enjoying a glass of wine amongst the context of a lovely night out which is surrounded by healthy and responsible eating isn't a set back (unless you are seriously negatively affected by the imbibe) but a decision you have made. Life is a series of decisions and value and virtue have nothing to do with what you put in your mouth.

I don't envy you, getting to a spot where you can make decisions without overarching guilt and anger towards yourself is a long and twisty road. I highly recommend the website http://beautyredefined.net for a lot of really good reading which may help you find that part of yourself that is YOU and gets to make whatever decisions she wants.

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I think one of the most powerful things that happened to me in my Paleo/Whole30 journey was learning how to let go of food guilt. (not saying I'm perfect but I've come a long way). 

 

The choices we make about food have absolutely no impact on who we are as human beings. When I removed words like "bad", "good", and "cheat" from my food vocabulary it opened a lot of freedom for me. I've found it is easier to make healthier choices when the less healthy choices are no longer "naughty" and I can enjoy the less healthy choices when I make them knowing that in the grand scheme or things I make more healthy choices more frequently.

 

We as women have been taught from very young ages that we must be perfect to be lovely and loved. This isn't true and it is debilitating. Nobody is perfect, nobody has a perfect diet.

 

Give yourself permission to make choices without guilt and see where that takes you.

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I think the guilt is good. I feel guilty when I cheat, and then I feel like I blew my whole 30. but I now take my whole 30 one day at a time. No one is going to notice if your not having a drink besides you. I think you should find out do you really want that drink or sugar? Wait 10 minutes see if you really have to have it. Cheats are treats, is it a birthday, are you celebrating something special is it a special reason to have it, that's a treat. Because I'm on a date and I ate healthy today not a reason to treat yourself. This diet is as much learning about food as it is training your will and won't power.

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: Help me break up with my scale

11 September 2014 - 10:36 AM

There is a scale inside your head that is harder to jettison than the one you stand on to abuse yourself with your perceived failures. We all do this weird, abusive crap to ourselves in some form or another, whether it be body shaming ourselves or picking away at our inadequacies as parents, friends, lovers and on and on and on. It is the unhelpful idea that there is some Platonic ideal that we should be holding ourselves up to, a perfect version of you, if you will. This is the greatest bunch of bulls*&t ever sold and it is a bestseller baby. You know those signs in the mall that say "you are here"? Well, here is where we all are and its ok. There is no greener grass on the other side of losing weight or that boob job you've been planning, or finally fitting into a size 2. Because you and I will still be right here with ourselves. So that's where we need to reset the mind, around the crazy, frantic attempt to chisel off the outer layer of ourselves to reveal some perfect structure beneath. The only thing under this carapace is muscle and bone and if you chisel off the stuff on the surface that you hate so much you will fall apart. Oh the humanity. 

 

I feel you, I really do. I don't weigh myself on a scale anymore, but I do weigh myself against other people I think have got things more figured out than me. I weigh myself against the image I think I should project over the truth of who I am. All I can offer you is my mall sign and the moment I take each time I feel that twinge of self-loathing to remind myself that I am here and here is ok.

Best of luck and good times rolling,

Rose

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#2 icon_share.pngTom Denham

Whole9 Moderator/First Whole30 May 2010

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Posted 06 May 2013 - 10:43 AM


You shared that you were happy with how much weight you had lost after a week of following Whole30 guidelines. Another person replied to your post sharing how happy she was with how much weight she found she had lost when she weighed after a week too. I don't know if you had a chance to see that, but here is the problem. This type of sharing encourages people to weigh themselves. However, we want people to ignore the scale for a month. Knowing what you weigh is not part of developing a healthy relationship withfood or your body. And for everyone who is happy with the number they see, others are unhappy.

I am sure you did not mean to encourage anyone to break the Whole30 guideline about not weighing, but that was the effect from my perspective. So, I just deleted the topic. 

Do you know the forum rules? Review

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Prepare Your Holiday Game Plan

Now, we aren’t giving you a free pass to go completely off the rails during your holiday season.  (Your Gram’s baklava may be special, but the donuts your co-worker picked up at the grocery store are most certainly not.)  Here are some ways to stay happy, healthy and sane while still enjoying the special offerings of the season.

  • Get your nutrition in line before the madness begins.  Consider a few weeks of the Whole30 in early November to remind yourself how good clean eating feels before the temptations roll in.
  • Try interspersing days of Whole30 in between special holiday occasions. The more you remember how good you feel when you eat healthy, the easier it will be to pass on those things that aren’t special.
  • Plan and prepare. Identify situations where you may encounter peer pressure, stress, or temptation, and come up with a (nutritional) plan to deal with them.
  • Save your nutritional off-roading for things that are especially delicious or emotionally significant.  Ask yourself, is this really worth it?  If not, skip it.
  • When you do indulge, be smart.  Don’t eat things you know will wreck you, or things you’re allergic or sensitive to. (Gram will understand if you’re allergic to nuts.)
  • Eat only as much as you need to satisfy that craving or participate in your family’s tradition. Eat slowly, savor it and share it with those you love.
  • Most important, remember that there is no guilt associated with a deliberately-made food choice.  Don’t add to your stress by making a conscious choice, then beating yourself up.
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It's true that everything we eat and drink can either make us more or less healthy. However. For most people, food is so much more than nutrition - it's celebration, memories, community.

 

For me, the key is making a conscious decision and enjoying whatever it is that I'm doing. What I don't want to do is mindlessly eat the tortilla chips at the Mexican restaurant just because they're there, because that's not a conscious choice and I'm not really enjoying them (and I know they won't make me feel great). What I do want to do is enjoy a slice or two of the homemade sourdough given to me, or savor a glass of red wine I love, or eat my granddad's cornbread dressing, even if those things are clearly not ideal from a nutrition standpoint. I make a conscious choice to have as much of them as will satisfy me (which is less and less the longer I continue eating this way); I don't let it mean "well, my day is shot so I may as well order pizza," and don't tell myself I'm a horrible person because I ate bread. You make the choice, you enjoy that choice, and you get right back on with your mostly-Whole30 life till the next really worth-it occasion comes along.

 

Having a date or a cupcake or whatever it is for you does not mean that your hard work is ruined. It means you're learning to balance taking care of yourself nutritionally with not stressing out about small deviations from an overall big-picture plan.

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  • "Most important, remember that there is no guilt associated with a deliberately-made food choice.  Don’t add to your stress by making a conscious choice, then beating yourself up."

No food shaming or bullying ourselves.   There's too many people who are more than happy to do that for us.  Coworkers who critique our lunch,  relatives who raise their eyebrows..."you still doing that WD40?"    64900.jpg

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I know, you're all so right! I have to learn that it's ok to treat myself to something once in a while. I guess a little part of me fears that it'll lead me to totally go off, but I don't think it will! I just have to be okay with it, like you all said.

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I know, you're all so right! I have to learn that it's ok to treat myself to something once in a while. I guess a little part of me fears that it'll lead me to totally go off, but I don't think it will! I just have to be okay with it, like you all said.

"there is no guilt associated with a deliberately-made food choice."  If we can think in terms of a deliberate-made food choice vs. "cheating" or even a "treat",   it helps.   We are going to choose every day for the rest of our lives.    We make a deliberate choice to get out of bed and make it to work on time.  We can do this for decades on end.   It's understood if we do not,  we could end up living in a cardboard box in an underpass.    Sometimes, it takes delicate health and the possibility of a shorter life span to make wise, deliberate food choices.

I constantly rail against diabetes.   It might seem patently unfair that I have to continue to make deliberate food choices without sugar...but I choose and I've set my will to enjoy  a longer life span.

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It gets easier to be okay with it the longer you do it. Have you done a full reintro after a Whole30? If not, it would be really helpful to you to do one after your January Whole30, as would just paying close attention to what happens when you do off-road. That will give you some invaluable information about how you personally react to things. For example, there are minor immediate consequences for me after I eat a lot of grains at once (sugar crash, tiredness, bloating), but I don't get horrible stomach pains or have major days-long consequences. But some people do. And for me, ice cream or a latte usually make me feel a little rough immediately, so I rarely have them anymore - it's just not worth it to me personally. Knowing the consequences of your choices for you will help you make informed choices with less regret. :) 

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