ChiggerCane Rising From Failure


ChiggerCane

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I'm coming close to the end of this with mixed results.  No where near the improvements I had hoped or expected.  Which is very disheartening.  I had looked to this as a way to get back to me, clean up my eating - and along the way, cleanup my life, if you know what I mean.  I don't really have emotional issues with food - I'm not a binge eater and I don't have massive reactions to food (at least that's the conclusion I draw from not seeing much improvement...). So, I guess I'm in a rather blah state of mind right now.  I've actually gained weight - and I look much more puffy than I did at the start of this.  I'm in a mental fog/haze wondering WTH is happening to my body?  If eating in a much healthier fashion has not made any improvements to my body - I'm kind of screwed no matter what.  As you can tell, I'm rather bummed.

 

The strict/harsh structure is bothering me.  I've never been an obsessive type person - I can be structured, I can be dedicated - but when you spend so much time THINKING about eating - it's not right FOR ME.  So I know I will annoy/PO some people with my comments.  I have written and deleted a couple paragraphs.  I abhor social media and the backlash you get from stating an honest opinion.  So - I will stop expressing my opinions for now.  I will finish - and then I will continue to eat in a fashion that works for me.  I wish my results had been better.  I wish I could say this was a fantastic experience.  But, for me, it hasn't made much difference.  I will trudge along - eating in a healthy fashion - and hope that I can find what works for me.

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ChiggerCane, I'm always cruising the backroads of this forum for answers.  

This helped me.

 

 

Whole9 Moderator/First Whole30 May 2010

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Posted 21 June 2012 - 09:18 AM

Drop it. During a Whole30, we want you to practice listening to your body. Counting/tracking gets in the way. You don't even need to keep a food log. A log helps so that we can spot when you might need to eat more protein, fat, or carbs, but a log should not be a substitute for tracking/counting. Your body may not be giving great signals now, but ultimately, your body is more authoritative than any record could be. 

 

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So - I have a pre-colonoscopy appointment in a couple hours.  Husband had his a few weeks ago - one polyp removed.  Now it is my turn.  Fun times in our household. :P 

 

I am still bummed about the results I have experienced/not experienced.  This is not where I wanted to be - weight wise or mentally or physically.  We took a family walk last night - all three of us - each one had a dog to walk.  It was a beautiful evening.  My son ran a little with his dog.  I slowly jogged a couple times with my dog dragging me - of course I had the most chipper dog.  The knees and ankles were not happy about that.  Immediately, I thought - "I must need new shoes.  These shoes are worn out."  Can it be PART of the issue?  I know I am heavier than I have been in the past, but these shoes are 2 years old.  So, i will go to the running store, get some new shoes - and then USE them.  I will walk...then I will incorporate slow jogging into my walks...and maybe, just maybe, I will get back into jogging/running.

 

As for eating - I am going to incorporate some brown rice and quinoa back into the meals and see what happens.

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Walk again last night - again a beautiful evening - walked the field instead of the roads.  Came upon a very large king snake - I hate snakes - even 'good ones'.  Dogs about went crazy when snake took off for shelter. Weather is supposed to turn tomorrow, returning to freeing temps. Won't last long, I hope.

 

Food has been good.  I have not added in the rice or quinoa yet - maybe tonight.  I did have a greek yogurt yesterday.  Did not notice anything 'odd' or alarming.  I will be very slow to add in foods so I can get an idea of what affects me.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Been out of town the last few days.  Some 'off' eating that needs to be tightened up.  Lots of walking.  LOTS.  Hips are a rather irritated at the moment, but can't decide whether it's the excessive walking or a combo of walking and food.

 

Bought a couple magazines to browse on the plane today.  Found some exercise plans that have inspired me. 

 

Tomorrow - back to better eating, more water, getting back into a routine. 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Been lurking around some.  Been eating bascially what I want and been fairly happy with my choices.  Although, one weekend ended up eating too much bread and I could tell a difference amost immediately.  I have backed off bread completely again in hopes of calming my hips down.

 

I have been fasting today - water, tea, homemade chicken broth, ... and frozen coke.  Bad, bad, bad.  I have a colonoscopy tomorrow.  I am about to start the dreaded gatorade mixture that willl clean me out.  I am dreading this.  I'm curious to see how much weight I 'lose'...LOL. 

 

I so want to come off this fast with a plan for 'staying clean'.  Will do some planning tonight between trips to the restroom.  LOL.  Must LOL to keep from worrying.  My friend who is battling colon cancer has been having a very rough month.  So hard to hear her issues and not worry.  SHe has been fighting for almost 2 years.  My best friend battled stomach/esophogeal cancer for 2.5 years before she passed - and...I hate to write this...but I see the same signs.  I pray not.  If anyone's reading this - please say a quick prayer for my friend Chris.  Thanks.

 

This past weekend, we were at my husband's niece's wedding.  One of my husband's cousin's was there - his younger brother passed away from colon cancer in his mid thirties.  My husband and his cousin were comparing colonoscopy results (my husband's 1 polyp to his cousin's 5...) and the recommended recheck.  My husband was advised to redo the test in 3 years max.  His cousin's dr said he was good for at least 5 years.  Even though his brother died from colon cancer???  I'm glad my husband and I have the more cautious doctor.  Let's hope all goes well for me tomorrow.

 

So - do I take this opportunity to restart a whole30?  I'm not feeling it 100% - but based on what my results are tomorrow...maybe?

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Colonoscopy results great -nothing to worry about, so i have been told.  Thank you, God!  Had blood work done last week for a yearly recheck that was today.  LDL levels went up significantly from last year  - but they are still way below where they are considered 'troublesome'.  Doctor's advice was eat an apple everyday.  Discussed dietary plans with her - Based on her recommendations, I will not be doing another whole30, at least until after summer.  I want to do what she recommended and see what happens with the LDL levels, inflammation issues, weight issues, etc.  Guess I should find another place to post as I am not following this plan through summer.

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The title of your thread caught my attention. I recently listened to a podcast interview of a Jesuit priest named Fr. Greg Boyle who has made strides in helping young gang members in Los Angeles. Helping them leave the gang life and head down a new path. A massive and important undertaking, for sure. It took many mistakes before he found a system that is working. He stated something that caught my attention. It is not a pretty quote. It ends in a preposition. He said that "Anything worth doing is worth failing at."

I have failed at attempts at improving my health many times, but have decided that it is worth it. Worth failing over and over again. Starting over and over again, until I get there. Wherever "there" is. So I encourage you to keep at it!! Best wishes. Congrats on colonoscopy results!

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Thanks for visiting Sue - yes, I like the rising from failure.  Not sure if you read my starting post/explanation - but to sum it up - failure is (can be) a good thing.  you learn things, you get stronger.  You learn to rise - sometimes over and over again.  I rise again everyday it seems sometimes...LOL.  And yes - the LOL is a very important part of life.  And no matter where you go - there you are.. :P

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  • 1 year later...

So - I found my old journal.  Mixed feelings about tagging on...but I love the idea of rising from failure.  Strange, I had forgotten I had named it that.  I remember the 'rise from failure' speeches from son's graduation like it was yesterday.  Good day.

So - beginning again.  Tomorrow, October 17.  I will try to find a way to delete the other topic I started.

Starting date of October 17.   I completed about 15 days on my first attempt awhile ago. I guess I should see if my log still exists and read through what gave me problems.  A conversation from earlier today with my son has me here for my next attempt - hopefully a successful attempt this time.  He bought an engagement ring today.  Not planning on popping the question until later this year - but at least he's giving me some notice to give me time to lose the weight I want to lose.  No - he did not say that...those are my thoughts!  My joints are acting up, I am very unhappy with my weight, I am uncomfortable with myself, and I want to feel better about my food choices.  While my eating is really not 'that' bad...there is room for improvement.  So - starting tomorrow - well, actually tonight, but logging from tomorrow.  I CAN do this. 

 

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Made it through Day 1 with a massive headache that started mid afternoon - my 'trouble' time.  I have picked up the habit of iced coffee the last couple years. Crushed ice, leftover coffee from husband's morning pot, and a splash of Int Delight - never a Tablespoon, just a smidge per 16 oz glass.  Not too bad...right?  Ugh.  The glass or 2 had become an all day thing, into the evening - with my remaking a pot of coffee about lunch time.  So - going cold turkey yesterday was a challenge.  I did make a pot of black tea, instead of the green tea I normally have, so that the caffeine would help.  I will get back into my black, iced tea sipping days for a while until I can handle switching back to green tea.  Woke up today feeling ok.  We will see where today takes me. Roasted a butternut squash this morning.  Cooked it a bit too long so it is more smushy than I like - I may end up with butternut squash soup.

Day 1:

egg, spinach, avocado

apple, cashews

salad with grilled chicken, avocado

Zoodles (in olive oil) with grilled snapper, green beans, bite of potato

 

Day 2 plan:

egg, small amount left over flat iron steak, spinach, avocado, apple

Salad with grilled chicken, avocado, butternut squash

Grilled turkey tenderloin, butternut squash, broccoli

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Just wanted to say hello.  Surprised to see that we both started the same day.  I was going to join a group for support/motivation/inspiration but I am not in the mood to post so I am just going to read the posts. 

If eggs are your only source of protein, consider eating 3 of them.  Try to eat 3 template meals a day. 

 

 

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Hello Laurie - So glad to hear from you!  Yes - ironic we started the same day.  Like you, I am not joining a group.  In past, I last a couple days, miss a few - then when I join back in, I feel (possibly incorrectly) that the group dynamic has been established without me and I just don't 'fit in'.  Feel free to join me here if you ever want to post something. I'd love to get an update from you on how you're doing.  Forgive the words if they are wrong - but I hope the pain is less intense.  I know it will never go - but I hope you can breathe through the day with some happy memories.

The last few days have been good and bad.  SO, as I have experienced in my past attempts, I am stuck on repeating day 1 several times.  And will begin counting again tomorrow.  I am falling into a routine of ratatouille with lots of things - eggs, chicken, turkey, etc.  I know I will get tired of this after a while (especially if I continue to have it 2-3 times a day), but we will see how long I can keep it going.  I made a new batch this morning to get me through this week.  I need to shop tomorrow for eggs and a few things.  I will grill tomorrow night.  Many things.  I am currently trying to figure out what took me off-road today.  ?? I was doing really well - a busy morning and afternoon.  Then a few minutes of down time - and I don't know what grabbed hold of my brain.  I think I was basking in my perceived success - feeling better - and thought - a little bit can't hurt...:P

This week has been planned.  I have managed to get some house organizing done today that I needed to have done several years ago.  I have a list of things to get done this week. The year end is looming.  I can't remember if I mentioned my 16-16-16 effort here or not.  I came up with 16 habits I wanted to do for 16 weeks to end 2016.  That is progressing fairly well.  losing 16 pounds was to be  a side benefit of that...;)...will see how that ends up in...30 days - or at least I will have a better idea in 30 days.

My issues for this week include lunch with my mom and sister Weds.  I WILL be able to find something to eat.  I just hope the emotions of that lunch will not cause me to reach for something that night.  Tension, frustration, etc. have a habit of messing with me.  I need to get over it - and not let them push me over the edge.

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Day 1...day1...day 1...I wonder how many day 1's have been started and if I am the one who has the most day 1's...:(  I will have another Day 1 tomorrow.  So, I must figure out why I do well for a week and then crash and burn.  What is causing me to do what I do?  It is in my head, I know.  But why???  Where is that tough, strong, determined person I know I am (or used to be)??

 

I am so sore from the gym yesterday.  I also have some bruising on my legs which is strange.  I don't remember banging myself up there yesterday.  One bruise pattern matches the machine pads for the hip adduction machine...?  I didn't think I was overly aggressive in my workout.  I am planning on heading back to the gym tomorrow - focusing on upper body workout, but I will work stuff in for a full body.

I ended up snacking on some things this afternoon I should not have had.  Now I feel blah and yuck.  Dinner items are cooking for the rest of the family, but I think I will eat a salad tonight.  Not hungry at all, but I know if I don't eat something, I will get into something tonight.  I would like to sneak into bed in the next hour - but that won't happen.  Dog training class in about an hour.  Need to prep for hitting tomorrow am with a bright attitude - and some resolve.

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Hello my friend,  thank you for your thoughts.   It is almost 1 year since Steve died.  Today is his birthday.  Don't know if I will let today destroy me or celebrate Steve's life.  It is so hard for me to focus on happy memories because Steve was so sick and in so much pain all the time.  To some extent, my  pain isn't as intense but there are many days I don't know how I will survive.

Don't worry about repeating day 1.  This is very common.  For each day you follow the W30, you are taking steps toward being healthier and having a better relationship with food.   I have done so many W30's and more than 30 days but I have never been able to completely follow the recommendations (got the rules part down - only eat compliant foods, no SWPO, etc,).  Do I only eat 3 meals a day and always have template meals?  No.  I  definitely eat more protein than I should;  I am sometimes short on fat or veggies and I also overeat at times.  There are many areas of my Whole 30 that need improvement. I have intestinal issues so I have to be careful and have put on a low fodmap diet by GI doctor - this actually works pretty well wit the Whole 30.    Maybe I should not be saying this but why don't you try to focus on the rules and when you get that down you can focus on the recommendations. 

Rethinking joining a group - maybe that will help me take the next step in improving my W30.  I don't know.  Large groups are hard because I can never keep up with everyone and often don't want to post.  I am going to check out the groups that are starting in the next few days.  I think today is day 12 for me.  I am not too concerned about what day it is because I want to just keep going - not going to focus on 30 days but focus on being a healthy me.  So many things about me that are not physically or mentally healthy so this is just a step in the right direction.

 

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I did not celebrate but I did not totally fall apart either so I take that as a good day.  There are a few other very difficult days coming up - day  we got "married" (tomorrow), day Steve died (Nov.6).  Just got to get through each moment and focus on the love (probably with help from Xanax and my feline children).

How is the W30 going?  Today is day 14  and it's time to step my game for next week.  I ate too much/too often yesterday so I still feel full (it's the middle of the night).   Not a pleasant feeling.  Goals for next week - record food/water in notebook, drink more water, do not eat more than 4 times a day.  I don't exercise so there is no pre/post meals.  I am following a low fodmap plan recommended by GI doctor at Cleveland Clinic. 

Let's do this together and support each other.  Even if we just drink all our water, that's some form of success for the day.

 

 

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The water, I can do!  :)  Today, we had my husband's family over for brunch - and I had a spoonful of grits...:PSo - day 1 AGAIN tomorrow.  I never saw Groundhog Day (movie) - but from what I heard about it, I am in it.  Everyday, I mess up in some way.  It's all mental with me - and for some reason, I just can't get there.  I will still keep my efforts going - and I'd love to have you along for the journey - I can use the support.    I will be thinking of you these next few days - and sending good thoughts your way to get you through the really rough days. I had forgotten that Steve and my husband had the same birthday - Oct 21. 

Goals for me this week:  water, eat the food I should and do not eat the food I shouldn't (as you said, try to get that down first).  I will not worry overly much about template appropriateness, although I will make an effort. also - 3 weight sessions at the gym.  Getting my steps in.  And, I am realizing this is very critical to me - work on my mental outlook.  In case it's not apparent (...:unsure:;):P) I tend to focus on what CAN go wrong, what MIGHT go wrong, what DID go wrong, what isn't 'RIGHT' - and I need to get beyond that. I am heading downstairs from the office as soon as I get off here to plan the week ahead - meals, activities, exercise, etc. Then, I am working on finding a book to read to get me focused on where on need to be.  I have some to choose from here at home - or I may head out tomorrow to get 1-2 I have heard about.  I would like to stop my nightly habit of crawling in bed with TV on, setting the timer, and drifting off to sleep listening to old sitcoms.  Very bad, I know.  A habit I picked up a couple years ago when I couldn't get my brain to turn off so I could get to sleep.  I am also going to work on 'forgiveness ' this week.  I have some frustration/anger/disappointment/angst that I need to get rid of.  Today's brunch was part of that process - altho now I am feeling very blah about it. 

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Made a whole pot full of cabbage soup.  I hear all these negative reactions to "zero calorie cabbage soup' being 'bad' - but I make it because I like it.  Cabbage, carrots, celery, peppers, garlic, onions, tomatoes and chicken stock.  How can you go wrong with that?  This morning I had it with eggs, at lunch I threw in some chopped left over turkey tenderloin.  I go back and forth between the cabbage soup and ratatouille as my 'staple' or 'filler'.  I always think of that folk story Stone Soup when I make these.  :)

Ditched the gym yesterday for a home workout, which turned out fine.  I need to realize that the gym is NOT going to happen on Mondays.  My Mondays are getting caught up with work and home day.  I would like to revamp my mental schedule - years ago (when older son was still in HS) I did come up with a very workable, decent schedule for work, exercise and home stuff.  10 years later, I am still trying to live it - and I need to come to an understanding with myself that my life is different now.  Not that much - but different enough that trying to stuff myself back into that schedule is not working.  It's actually working against me significantly as I feel disappointed in myself for not being able to succeed.  Everytime I look at it - yes, it's printed out in my schedule notebook - I think it should work so why do I mess with it?  I DO need to mess with it - and shake it up - and then live with what I come up with.

 

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Made it to gym and met the trainer again.  My workouts last week by myself were more difficult, but I'll work him in once a week and then do my version another 2 days for strength training 3 x each week.  I walked on the treadmill before we met - and actually did a slow jog to one song.  Then when I got home, took the dogs for a walk.  Feeling more optimistic that I can do this - at least for the next 30 days.

Part of me wants to order the FFF - but then I think ' How many 'eating' books have you read???'  And each time I read them, I think to myself - you know this.  Just DO IT!  As my husband says - quit overthinking it.  Need to head to the kitchen and prep some stuff.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Been recovering from a cold virus this past week, so no exercise and no real effort this week.  And it's so funny, because my weight is the lowest it's been for a while.  My water intake is severely off.  My dependence on iced coffee is too much...in case you can't tell, I'm still repeating day 1...over and over again.  And with Thanksgiving next week, I know I won't make it past Day 5...so - technically I should move my journal elsewhere or disappear until next year.  But - I will stay here and update every once in a while as I sort through my life, plans, objectives, goals, intentions, etc.  It's all good.  It's getting better everyday.

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Hope you feeling better.  I also went off the W30 after about 15 days.  I never weight myself - last time was probably about 2 years ago. Decided to weigh myself (I know we are not supposed to weight on W30) and weight was too low.  Never realized weight was that low.  Lost weight as Steve got sicker and then had bad intestinal issues in June and was in the hospital for a week.   Anyway, doctor wanted me to gain weight and, although I know some people gain weight on W30,  I did think it was the way to go for me.  So I have been off the W30 for a few weeks and I don't like the way I feel.  Started eating gluten and dairy free muffins (way too many) which are basically junk filled with sugar - food with no brakes.  I don't think W30 is for everyone but I believe it is for me.  Need to get back on the W30 as soon as possible.   Might start today or tomorrow.  When you are ready to try again, I'll be your buddy.

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