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The "Return of the Dirty Thirty" 12 January start date


dcducks1

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I like what Nadia says.   It applies to so many things and everything.   I love this.

 

 

 

Nadia B

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Posted 21 April 2015 - 01:31 PM

 

Sad news - if something is like crack to you you probably have a real emotional attachment to it and proooobably don't need it all that much. Good news - a lot of people managed just fine and there is not better time for you to try and give it up entirely. It's actually a no science miracle here. You will probably be so distracted by planning, shopping and cooking, that the absence of coffee will be less and less painful. As the energy (and hormones) will be balancing out, you will notice that it will become take it or leave it kind of deal. 

 

Before you roll your eyes at my lecture, I will tell you that I've spent a lot of very sad days trying to give up coffee because I was truly addicted to it (cream and sugar then just black). It took some time before coming to a place where 2 cups is an absolute max I can possibly want. I CAN have as many as I please, because I am giving myself permission to. I don't because Whole30 gives you one amazing thing - being in tune with what your body truly wants/needs. 

 

All this talk aside, buy a good quality coffee and a good quality coffee maker (AeroPress for example) if you can. Find the one that tastes great without the fat sugar covering the flaws of the roast. Go for darker and creamier blend. Go to the local coffee shop (coffee snob in me whispers that Starbucks is not a local establishment I am talking about) and talk to the barista. Let them know what flavor profile you are looking for and buy beans there. Make it a fun adventure.

 

If all else fails, coconut milk for the win.   

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That's a great post of Nadia's, and very true. If something is like crack to you then you need it out of your life - especially if it *is* crack  :P  Seriously though, food & drinks can be like an emotional crutch, and when you've got to that stage you're selling yourself short - performing sub par, relying on a food/drink to give you your super power when all you have to do is look within.

Kick the crutch away & find the power within to walk on your own again.

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"Kick the crutch away & find the power within to walk on your own again."

 

"Sad news - if something is like crack to you you probably have a real emotional attachment to it and proooobably don't need it all that much. Good news - a lot of people managed just fine and there is not better time for you to try and give it up entirely. It's actually a no science miracle here."

 

It takes more than willpower.

 

Good News.....it can be done.

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Denial and Addiction

Denial is an essential component of becoming addicted to food– after all, none of us really like to admit we have a problem with anything; and in the addictive process this tendency becomes all the more pronounced.

Denial is a major barrier in the way of overcoming food addiction– an absolutely essential first step is for the person to actually accept that at least they might have a problem. If the person you are concerned about does not admit that they might have a problem (in professional terms this is called Pre-Contemplation), you are facing an, almost, impossible task . If they are able to reach this conclusion, then they may become amenable to speaking to a professional in confidence. If they remain convinced there is no problem, then it is highly unlikely that they will wish to speak to anyone– after all, what would be the point?

 

The truth of the matter is, you have very little verbal control over a user. Things that you say will have very little control over them, even if they are food sober.

If you are to motivate this person to seek help, you must do your best to stand back from these feelings. I recognize that this is very easy to say, whilst being very hard to do. However, you must do your best if you wish to maximize your chances of success in convincing the person to seek help.

 

The bottom line here is that people nearly always need to make decisions for themselves. This is not just related to food but is generally true in life. Someone is much more likely to want to do something if they feel that this has been their own decision, rather than an ‘order’ from someone-else, or that they have to do it just to keep someone else happy.

 

So what can you do?

The healthiest decision you can make is for yourself. That decision is, for you to be healthier in terms of your relationship to food. There is nothing you can say that will make someone magically stop food addiction.

 

Helping motivate someone you care about to seek help for their addiction

People Nearly Always Need to Make Decisions For Themselves. Someone is much more likely to want to do something if they feel it has been their own decision, rather than an ‘order’ from someone-else, or that they have to do it just to keep someone else happy.

 

* Never directly disagree with them – rather walk away if you are about to.
* Do not pretend that you do agree with them either.
* In general, avoid making statements of fact.
* Do ask open-ended questions (questions which deliver a response other than a simple yes or no) if you can. Closed questions (requiring a yes or no answer) are still much better than making statements.
* Keep in mind the idea that you are going to let the resistance wash over you. You are not going to become resistant or defensive you response to the person’s statements, but you are not going to give in to them either.

 

Responsibility

If someone is going to make changes to their using behaviour, they must first accept that it is their responsibility to make these changes and no-one else’s if this is to occur. Others may support and advise, but it is the person with the problem that has to take the ultimate responsibility for actually making those changes. This applies to most situations in life.

 

These problems are ALWAYS the responsibility of the person. if that person is to make real progress in sorting out their life, then they should really start to take responsibility for ALL the problems in their life, whether or not these are directly related to using.

 

So your behaviour may need to be modified to encourage the user to take responsibility. Don’t help; Don’t hinder. This means you don’t reward or excuse behaviour.

 

It is vital that you avoid giving any advice until the person indicates that they are ready to be receptive to this. 

If you deliver advice before the person has indicated a willingness to listen, then your advice will fall on deaf ears. It is only likely to push the user further into denial – to listen to your advice before they have reached their own conclusion that they might have a problem, would be to accept that they do have a problem before they have done so.

Remember the theme that people have to come to their own conclusions; they have to believe that they have reached these conclusions by themselves. You must not force this, and you must not rush it.

 

So you might stop and do some thinking. Long term thinking. Do you really want to be in this same situation, say, 10 years from now? Given the possible outcomes, there are essentially only 3 things you can say to a user:

Let’s take a closer look at the third option, which is setting limits and boundaries. 

If and when you decide to make the healthy decisions, you will then have to determine exactly what is acceptable to you and what isn’t:

 

Decide on your boundaries and set limits

Decide what your limits are. Your limit is not a punitive consequence–instead, it is a limit you are imposing to save your own sanity. Don’t make it about them. It’s about you staying healthy. The limit you set should directly reduce the amount of chaos you have to experience. 

 

Isn’t there some other way to change someone’s behavior?

No, there isn’t. Consider the following thought experiment: Say you enjoy taking walks in the park every day. The weather is nice, it’s good exercise, and you have plenty of extra time for these walks. But then someone in your life demands that you stop taking these daily walks. You resist. Conflict ensues. You think to yourself, I should be able to keep taking my walk every day if I want to.

 

Addiction is Not Logical

Therefore, they seldom listen to reason. They will not hear your well planned arguments about why they should seek help and live a better life. You can promise them the world and it won’t matter. They are trapped. They are stuck. They cannot hear your arguments until they are ready, which may be too late for your relationship. However, there is always hope; and, using the right approach can help them move the user towards accepting responsibility quicker.

 

Motivating to Seek Help for Addiction – Final Thoughts

Try to remember the following essential principles in your interactions

* People need to make their own decisions – support, but do not order, bully or beg
* Never directly disagree with the person, but do not pretend that you agree with them either (if you don’t)
* Ask questions, avoid statements
* Try to highlight inconsistencies in statements made, in a way that does not engender a feeling of resistance in the person you are trying to help
* Roll with Resistance
* Demonstrate empathy and concern – try to avoid outright sympathy or criticism
* Don’t rush it – bide your time and wait for a spontaneous response
* But, remember that you need to feel safe and sometimes you have to make hard decisions (such as leaving) to protect your sanity
* Accept that they're driven by subconscious influences
* Allow the natural consequences of the using behaviour to occur – neither help nor hinder
* Try to avoid taking on the role of the professional helper.  Advise for professional counsel.

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dcducks1

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Posted 24 April 2015 - 01:26 PM

Meadow wanted me to pop in and say hello! I hope everyone is doing well. I have been working very hard to finish my Master's thesis and my Graduate level statistics course. Only one more week left and then I plan on getting on a Whole 30.........HARD! Have a great Friday. Meadow....."ping" me in a week if you haven't heard from me!

 

 

Dave

 

 

It's getting close to PING TIME.

May 1st countdown to PING.

 

 

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That cup & saucer is fab! As are the tea/coffee pots.... 

Project complete, outfit ready, complete with arm jewellery & a neck collar - thic child doesn't like to do things by half!!

Off to the dentist for me first thing this morning.................................................... 

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........................ and as is *usually* the case after a brace adjustment my poor gums are in agony  :( One & a half hours I was sat in that chair while they adjusted brackets, changed wires, tweaked wires, added elastics & some kind of '3 chain' as the dentist put it. Then when i sat down to meal 2 and bit into my chicken whilst trying to be gentle on my teeth I successfully managed to bite into the inside of my lip as well....  :o 

The good news is (or was, rather) that my wires, elastics etc are all nice & white again - well, until I had my roasted veg which had a generous helping of turmeric, and now they're back to my trade mark yellow  :lol: 

The *better* news is that in those few hours since my appt this morning one stubborn tooth has actually rotated to where it should be, and all being well I'll get the braces off at the end of May - at which time I'll be celebrating with a HUGE rare steak  :D

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