Sex with Pants II

[Muddy]

Hello Whole30 Land! You're all crazy, but I like you anyway.

 

I am no expert or moderator, but I have developed a three-pronged approach to determining if a food is Sex With Pants and I thought I'd share. Anyone can feel free to correct/update this, but this is easier for me than figuring out the emotional/psychological underpinnings of a certain food prepared with a certain methodology, which just seems all kinds of shades of gray.

 

If a food is made with compliant ingredients, it is SWYPO if:

 

1.) You cannot reasonably add other foods to it to put it into the W30 template  protein-veggie-fat ratio (Palm-plate-thumbs or, say, 2:4:1). In this ratio system, fruits are accents. So, in order to make an egg-banana pancake into a ratio meal, you'd have to add another 4 eggs, three meals worth of vegetables, and a fat. Good luck with that.
 

2.) It feels like you're dry-humping. Let's be real about those pancakes, and I've had my share bc I've been off gluten for years...They kinda blow. You know what else kinda blows? Those muffins with arrowroot powder. Yech. Not good food.

 

3.) It brings you farther away from, rather than closer to, skills you'll need to cook real food sustainably in your life. It is possible that you could add a fake-flour muffin into a template meal - as an accent piece, contributing fat and part of an egg But, you probably already knew how to make a muffin with flour - learn something new.

What I'm saying is that, yesterday, I made spaghetti squash with compliant marinara meat sauce and some kalamatas and, even though spaghetti has probably my favorite comfort food my whole life, I 100% would not consider this meal SWYPO, because it's ratio-perfect, it's DELICIOUS, and cooking spaghetti squash and finding sugarless sauce are all skillz.

The same goes for those almond-crusted chicken tenders. They fit easily into a ratio meal (just add veggies), they are better than the original (I never liked the original so ??) and it's a good skill. I'm cooking it myself. Also, for the record, we just call them "chicken nuggets" around here because I have three kids five and under, and propaganda is an important part of my strategy. We also call it "egg pizza."

 

Cooking a sweet potato in a waffle iron? Template, check. Dry humping? I have no idea, I haven't tried them. And I guess I'd call creative waffle iron use  a skill. I made eggs that way at mom's the other day, and it worked quite nicely. Your only challenge is going to be a compliant non-stick spray. Anything to make eggs less boring is a win.

 

That much-discussed sweet potato doughnut (aka a baked sweet potato with a smear of almond butter and a sprinkle of coconut)? Just fine. It's nicely template, it's real sex, and I learned something new.

 

I originally asked about a flax-egg wrap that I make at home. By these prongs, it's fine but borderline. I can't put it with a nut-butter and bananas, because the flax is already a fat and the one egg isn't enough protein, so that meal would fail the template test. But I can put it with salmon and veggie (and maybe a bit more fat) to be template. It would not fly under these rules if I bought it from a store, bc opening bags and dumping onto plates are not skillz I need.

For the record, there are a lot of things (larabars) that don't fly under these rules that are part of this program. I consider those to be - I dunno - emergency situations. Sometimes, life happens. You're starving but your boss is all Now!, there are Deadlines! and your options are Larabar or Own Left Arm. For this I'd say, Meh? You gotta do what you gotta do. And you're going to need LOTS of veggies to put your arm anywhere close, right?

 

FWIW: I'm on my second Whole30, though the first ended, as planned, at Day 17. Ho, Ho, Ho. I'm on day 10.

 

[kirkor]

Wait, how does the donut fit the template?

[Muddy]

+protein, obvs.

[Melissa Urban]

While this isn't the criterai we use, I think it's great that you have your own set of standards that you apply... as long as it's ON TOP OF what we've already outlined as expressly forbidden as part of the SWYPO rules. We ask that people think critically about what is okay for their individual program, based on their goals, health history, context, and triggers.

[Muddy]

Hi Melissa! I love your rules, I just found myself needing a way to sort stuff out when it's cusp-ish.

[Sleeve]

Not to be the slightest bit evil, but my zipper is getting stuck on the formality.

 

Q: Are you giving yourself a treat you miss using compliant ingredients?

Yes = SWYPO

No = Creativity

 

Sex is a treat, at least for those of us who don't have it three times a day and mostly with vegetables.  Food is a necessity, to shut up those screaming leptin producers we carry around.  You can shape necessity creatively, or you can treat yourself to satisfy a sense of lost pleasure.

 

This is how we can justify zoodles and cauliflower rice.  Spaghetti and rice are staples when made with non-compliant ingredients, not treats.

[Muddy]

Bread though. The staple. As in, "our daily bread" bread, is SWYPO.

[Muddy]

Pretty sure breadfruit is fine though.

[Regina Runs Far]

Hey, whatever works for you, but I think your post has somewhat confused and overwhelmed me.   I am a complete newbie on Day #3 and endurance athlete, with an irregular sales job where I cannot plan when I'm going to be working or not working more than a day in advance, and sometimes a few hours and I have to jump and go. Then, I might need to squeeze in one of my 2 aday workouts in between appointments, or late after my last appointment...........   I'm hungry and tired a lot. 

 

Luckily, this is my slowest time of year, so a good time to start Whole 30, and I do have some time to read up on stuff and try some new things. 

 

My goal is to get as much healthy food in me as often as possible, that takes as little time as possible to find, prepare or clean up, and that can be as portable as possible.  I don't care if it is pretty, interesting or gourmet.........just edible, and not a million dollars.  

 

Is it SWYPO, or against the rules for me to take the simplest, compliant foods, chop them up and have them ready in zip lock bags, to grab and go, or grab and eat?  Then, if my BF and I are home one weekend with time and we want to make a special meal, or we are going to a dinner party or to friend's house and we want to bring an interesting and yummy dish, then we can take out the recipes and learn some skills with exotic ingredients?  

 

I would prefer to save my skills for running, selling houses, or sex with  my pants off, but not cooking...............

 

 

 

[ladyshanny]

Is it SWYPO, or against the rules for me to take the simplest, compliant foods, chop them up and have them ready in zip lock bags, to grab and go, or grab and eat?  Then, if my BF and I are home one weekend with time and we want to make a special meal, or we are going to a dinner party or to friend's house and we want to bring an interesting and yummy dish, then we can take out the recipes and learn some skills with exotic ingredients?  

Hi Regina,

 

It is definitely NOT SWYPO to take foods and prepare them for simple grabbing. Something that would constitute "sex with your pants on" with those same simple ingredients would be "Banana ice cream" whereby you process the crap out of a frozen banana until it resembles ice cream.  That is a big no.  A banana pre-peeled and placed into a baggie is totally fine.  Does that distinction make sense?

 

Whole30 can be as absolutely bare minimally simple or as gourmet complicated exotic as you personally want it to be.  It's using those simple ingredients to create those "food type things" that are not permitted that we refer to as SWYPO.

[Regina Runs Far]

Totally makes sense. Thank you for sharing.