Newbie, and don't know if I fell off the wagon or not.

[llism]

I'm providing a quick background about myself so you know where I'm coming from. Not trying to elicit reactions or give TMI, but being open and discussing my issues in a frank manner is part of my healing process.

I'm a sexual abuse survivor and consequently have struggled with my relationship with food my entire life--food was the only thing I knew to help me cope with what had happened. After the abuse ended I started eating, and pretty much didn't stop until I started smoking at age 13. I smoked for 17 years, which helped get/keep my weight down, but quit several years ago, and since then eating took over my entire life once again. I started counseling in 2008 to deal with my issues and related binge eating disorder, and have made great progress, but I still struggle with emotional eating on a daily basis. I decided to try Whole30 after attending my first Crossfit introduction, with the thinking that cutting out the crummy carbs/sugar/junk would help further my work to establish a more "natural" relationship with food (i.e. eat when I'm hungry, stop when I'm satisfied, and don't use food as a Band-Aid for emotional turmoil).

~~~

I'm on day 6. Yesterday was a horrible day. My eating was on program, but I had massive emotional crap, and I was thisclose to having a full-blown binge day, which I haven't had in months. I paced the house. I cried. I felt panicky because I didn't have my usual foods (i.e. crutches) to turn to. I eventually broke down and bought some organic coconut ice cream (organic coconut milk [organic coconut cream, water, guar gum], organic agave syrup, chicory root extract, carob bean gum, guar gum, vanilla extract, natural flavor, vanilla bean specks). It was a better choice than all the rest of the things swirling around in my head (McDonald's french fries and hot fudge sundaes), but I don't know if I set myself back or not. That being said, I know I have to be able to live with the program, so if having the coconut ice cream keeps me from going completely off the rails, so be it. I guess I was just looking for some reassurance that I didn't shoot myself in the foot.

[jrustdc]

Whether or not you have to start your 30 day counter over or not (I leave that up to the mods), what you did was AWESOME and you should be really happy about it. It is so hard to reset these patterns but you struggled to stay in control under tough circumstances and you made a healtier choice.

Go you!

[gatork]

Maybe you could extend your Whole30 to a Whole36?

Either way, i agree with jrustdc. It definitely takes a whole to re-set patterns and habits but you're one step closer by making a healthier-than-you-really-wanted choice, you know?

[Kate File]

I too think you did really well not to completely succumb. And I would just keep going but add 6 days to the end. I had a teaspoon of soy sauce on day 5 and the officials here said that was a definite restart. But I prefer to go for the more positive option of adding 5 days, making a Whole35. I'm actually enjoying the programme, surprisingly, as I had a real sweet tooth, and am quite happy that I HAVE to add 5 days. I find this complete abstinance works much better for me than moderation!

[jennrider]

I think breaking food habits is like breaking any addiction. There is the physical withdrawal, but also the emotional. Unfortunately, we can't always avoid the emotional triggers that we use food to cope with. Continue to make good food choices and the crap won't even appeal to you. It's hard, but you can retrain your response to emotional garbage. Take pride in the fact that you have taken action. It's not an easy ride, but nothing worth doing ever is. Hang in there!