really need help - went from whole90 to completely off the wagon

[tag]

I am losing control with every hour that goes by. How is this happening? I thought my psychologically powered relationship with food was cured. I genuinely never wanted to eat a bowl of ice cream, a slice of bread or a lick of peanut butter again. And now I've done all 3 in the last hour.

 

I basically did a whole90 last fall. I thought I was unstoppable. And of course I felt AMAZING. Long story short - I've failed at doing another whole30 FOUR times since then. And each time is longer and worse than the last.

 

All of the shame and guilt and feelings of today I was "good", today I was "bad" are back. I'm basically right where I started. And I don't know how I got back here and I don't know how to get out of here. 

 

For basically 6 glorious months, I controlled food for the first time in 35 years. Now, food is controlling me. Again.

 

I have never read anything about people in this boat. But I can't possibly be the only one. 

 

It might be worth mentioning that over the past 3 months, I've had stretches of about 2 weeks where I've stayed whole30 compliant. One of the things that derails me (and I think this is only a small something to do with it)....is that I no longer have the "flat stomach" feeling I used to have. No matter how well I eat, and I drink loads of water, I feel bloated and my stomach is really rounded. You know, it makes you feel "fat" even though you're not. And when I feel fat, I eat accordingly. Also, I haven't made it even a whole DAY being whole30 compliant in well over a week, though I vow to every morning.

 

I'm 5'5" and my weight after my whole90 was about 123-125lb. I am about 128lb right now. And I feel about 140lb.

 

Please, please, please, pretty please with bacon on top....help me. I have no idea what to do.

[LadyM]

I'm so sorry you're struggling right now. Perhaps reading this might help.

[GlennR]

Please relax. Even by your own words, things are just not that bad. 3-5 lbs. over your post-Whole90 weight is NOT terrible. You yourself have indicated that it's just your mind that makes you feel you're 140. You've done stretches of two weeks where you've stayed compliant. That's great! That's success, not failure! You beat yourself up for having ice cream, bread, and peanut butter. But you know, they're delicious! So it doesn't make you a total failure if you succumb to their charms. It just means you have weak moments. Which is, guess what, something you share with every human alive on the planet.

 

So, yeah. The first step is to relax. Your perfectionist mind is making things out to be worse than they really are.

 

The next steps you yourself will figure out, once you are able to breathe. Maybe you should plan on another Whole30. Maybe you should clear your place of all unhealthy foods, to avoid temptation. Maybe you can do a shorter Whole30, and do an official reintro (not sure if you did that after your Whole90). Maybe you'll talk to a friend. These avenues will open up for you, but first, be kind to yourself. Relax.

[hollylu]

I can relate. I was on the GAPS diet two years ago (similar to W30 but you can have wine and honey but no potatoes - sweet or white) for 4 months and lost 12 pounds (my weight is similar to yours) and felt fabulous. Then I fell off the wagon and everything went to hell in a hand basket: I gained the weight back and every time I tried to repeat my success, it never worked for me. It was as if it only works the first time around and then you're screwed! (sorry, I don't mean to be discouraging - I am not giving up - I'm doing the Whole 30 instead and have stayed with it so far!)

 

So sorry you're having a rough time. I hope I don't get kicked off the forum for suggesting it, but sometimes it works for me to just indulge myself totally for a period of time (a week, maybe?) to remind myself: (a) how crappy I feel when I eat the wrong foods, and ( how those wonderful foods that you have been dreaming of   are not really all that great after the first couple of bites.

 

Hang in there! It's not as bad as you think!

[MeadowLily]

You could be a very fit lean machine at 140 with in the pocket lean muscle mass.  5'5" and 140 is  under for downhill skiers and other women athletes.   128 and 5'5".....One day you'll look back and smile on today.

[kirkor]

I genuinely never wanted to eat a bowl of ice cream, a slice of bread or a lick of peanut butter again. And now I've done all 3 in the last hour.

 

What set it off?

[MeadowLily]

Whole 30 isn't just about losing weight.   It's all about achieving an equilibrium that you will be able to maintain for the rest of your life.  Regulating our pancreatic function, learning to replace carby carbs with real food carbs actually feels remarkably energizing.   

 

We are eating some of the best food we've ever had and not feel deprived for a minute.  Good food should make you feel good and that's what a Whole 30 is all about.   How long will it take to get there?   There is no standard answer to this question.   The amount of time depends on the body's sensitivity.   The rhythm varies widely from person to person.

 

Jotting down a few notes in a personal journal can be a real eye-opener.  Once we've identified our weak spots we can start addressing them.  I really do feel strongly about the rules.   

 

Three meals aday are absolutely required.   Skipping breakfast is a very bad idea.  The blood sugar drops, food cravings and hunger set in and we can end up overeating too much of compliant dried fruits, nuts and nut butters.  We don't have to skimp on flavor.   You can also say Goodbye to snacking if you follow the three meal plan.

[mcjule]

I think part of the problem is that you keep wanting to do another Whole 30.  It's called a Whole 30 because it's for 30 days.  That is enough time to reset eating habits and start to heal the body.  You did yours for three times that long and now you are trying to do it over and over again.  You don't need to eat like this all the time.  I think what might help is to relax a little.  You need to find a happy medium between a Whole 30 everyday and eating ice cream, bread, and peanut butter.  Maybe go back to Whole 30 eating for a couple days to reset, but then just try to maintain a healthful diet that is mostly Whole 30 compliant.  Don't beat yourself up for an occasional bit of ice cream or peanut butter -- that's okay.  You need to find a way of eating that you can maintain.

[baltomom86]

I know this post is really old... but 128 is pretty thin for 5'5". I too am 5'5" and weighed 130 after my W30. That is a size 6 - which is on the smaller side. Feeling out of control is the worst - but remember you are doing this for SO many reasons, only one of them is maintaining a healthy weight.

[MeadowLily]

A Whole 30 is only 30 days.   Diabetes, AIP, MS, IBS, Depression and food disorders can last over the course of a lifetime.   

 

No amount of off-roading may contribute to a quality of life for these conditions.  There are  many Whole 30 members who've embraced their health as a priority.  There are those with youth on their side and without any health problems who enjoy their Whole 30 as well.

 

We're all different and we can't make comparisons with one another due to age, genetics, height, gender and so forth.  For those with these medical conditions and others,   30 days may not be enough.   Five years may not be enough...to maintain the best quality of life, some have made gentle permanent changes for the WIN.

 

Progress.   Not perfection.   

 

I see confusion at times, that somehow returning back to sugar, ice cream and bread is something you can find some real peace with on a hit or miss basis.   For those of us who've diligently worked at removing sugar cravings and "starving the sugar dragon out"....there's no amount of testing the sugary waters or dipping our toes back in the local yogurt shop that will result in any measured benefits.   None.  Zero.  Zip.   It results in stirring everything back up all over again and bringing the chore of  "starving the sugar dragon out" right back into our life.    I can tell you, that for many of us with these struggles,  30 days is just a drop in the bucket.

 

Youth has many benefits.  You can do almost anything and the body will bounce back with amazing resilience.   If at some point in time, the pancreas decides that sugary goodness is a wolf in sheep's clothing...some of us draw a line in the sand and say no more.   Talk to the hand because the head is not listening to you anymore, Sugar Dragon.

 

There are some who are not looking at the freshman 10 or 20 lbs but maybe 100 or 200 lbs over the load limit.  They've reached the crossroads in life.   Another binge or food bender is not a cure for a food addiction.   They want quality of life and they're here to embrace all of the healthy.    Wild horses could not pull them back into dieting h.e.l.l.    While some may be celebrating their return to a size 2 pair of jeans, some may thrilled to get back into a size 16.    A size 12 may be where their body's setpoint takes them.

 

Some of us want to get off the gerbil wheel of Shock and Awe approach dieting and over-restriction that results in rebound weight gain with friends.  It's going to take individuals longer than 30 days to edge their way down slowly to release those 100 or 150 lbs.    For them to immediately return back to Sugar Dragonville after 30 days will not contribute to their well being or peace of mind.   It might bring heartache.   I've watched those with these amounts of weight fall away from the forum after 10-21 days, and I wonder where they've went and how they're doing.   I always hope they'll come back.

 

We can't make comparisons with one another.  That's what dieting clubs do.   They line everyone up like a herd of cattle, put them on the scales and send them through the cattle chute.   Come back next week and put your cash on the barrelhead.   Buy some of those sugary snacks while you're at it and kiss your hiney Goodbye as the door hits you in the  ...

 

We can't turn our genes off and on.  There have been some conditions that were hardwired into an individual's DNA.  We can see the handwriting on the wall.  Some of us know that falling back into the SAD way of life is only going to put us further in the hole.   We may not be able to change our epigenetics but we can change our food choices.   We can reject those foods deliberately engineered to be highly craved industrial foods.

 

We really can't compare ourselves with one another.   Some of us have made the choice not to fall back into bowls of ice cream, pasta, bread and candy...and that healthy perspective that was once a slippery sucker and out of our reach....is becoming our new reality.   

[Maggiedoll]

You're beating yourself up and obsessing over five pounds. 

 

You can't do it out of self-loathing.  It's simply not possible to achieve health by means of self-hatred.  You have to do it for yourself, not against yourself. 

 

What you eat does not make you good or bad.  What you eat may affect your (mental and/or physical) health, but it doesn't affect who you are.  You don't need to eat (or not eat) certain things to be a worthy human being.  You are already a worthy human being.  Worthy of health, worthy of food, worthy of love.  As you are now.

 

ETA: Why not start with a shorter length this time?  Do a Whole7 or a Whole14 just to break the cycle?

 

Also, have you observed any particular foods that cause the stomach distention that's bothering you?  There may be something in particular that's causing a problem.. coconut meat seems to do that to me. 

[Calypso]

Oops old post.