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Need advice for doing it alone


Biglew71

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I am starting the Whole 30 for September. My biggest challenge is that my wife is not on board. In additon, I will be traveling out of town to a family members funeral. These two issues combined have me terrified. Any advice on stiff arming family members trying to shove food at me and living in a house divided will be greatly appreciated.

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You've got to get comfortable in the kitchen yourself. Cooking can be easy. You just need some practice. And when it comes to dealing with family around food, it is often best to talk about what you feel like eating (your preferences) rather than explaining your special diet and its health benefits. As someone wrote on the forum recently, people are much more willing to accommodate your taste preferences than your considered judgement about what is or is not healthy. So you might find yourself saying, "I don't feel like eating cake (or lasagna, or mac and cheese) right now. I think I just want some roast beef and some of the green beans."

I've been eating the Whole30 way since May of 2010 and my wife remains as far from eating like me as she did when I started. Oh course, she never cooked, so I'm not missing anything on that count. She eats some of what I cook, but she tends to add a bagel and omit the veggies.

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I'm on Day 9 of my Whole30, alone. I'm in a different situation from you because I do the cooking in my house, and my husband knows not to demand potatoes or whatever with his steak and 2 veg. But it is sometimes hard to face a meal when I am eating salad and chicken (even a lovely salad with avocado and some macademia nut oil and fresh lime juice, or whatever), and the husband and kids are eating spaghetti, or donuts, or whatever.

Mind you, I have not been craving their junky food, at all. In fact, I have had to leave the room because the smells are now sometimes off-putting. But I find it takes a lot of energy to plan food for them and for me, too. (I am not interested in domestic insurrection, so I am not trying to take grains and sugar away from anyone else. I'm just not cooking it, with the recent exception of the boy's birthday cake).

None of this provides you with any concrete advice, unfortunately, about cooking at home. I think perhaps, though, that you might reduce some friction, or just your own anxiety, if you talk in advance with your wife about how you can meet in the middle. What meals, or what portions of meals, can you and she happily share? Will you shop for her, and will she shop for you, or do you need to shop separately?

As for the family funeral.... First, condolences for your loss. And second, it seems to me that you have choices, such as: redirection (actively changing the conversation away from food/drink every time it comes up); telling the truth (and defending yourself against skeptics); fibbing a little (I'm not hungry; you know, I just prefer the beef to the lasagna, today); or fibbing a lot (you know, I had a bit of food poisoning last week, and I just can't stand the sight of XYZ). Perhaps you have the sort of family where you could come prepared with lots of food-centered _stories_ about good times with family members in the past, and you could trot those out and people would be so taken by your food-centered tales that they would not notice you were not eating..... Just a thought. (Probably works better in my imagination than in the real world!)

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I think the suggestions above to have a conversation is the best. I too am doing the whole 30 alone, but I do have the general support of my spouse who does most of the cooking I might add. We generally plan our meals at the begining of the week. Let's say we do chicken curry which is normally served on a bed of white rice. We have had a discussion to be sure that the ingredients for the chicken curry is whole 30 then it is only a small effort to cook an extra bit of cauliflower on the side for me. (of course I try to make it easy as possible for him by cutting it up the night before). I do need to constantly remind him of what I can and cannot have as he has tried to offer me a slice of bread once or twice :-). So my suggestion is to try to stick to as a normal everyday meal as possible - Well Fed's blog is amazing for recipes - Recipe for Comfort noodles is the best for a pasta stand in. Try to prep ahead of time so whoever is cooking has an easier time with it. So Tom's suggestion of familiarizing yourself with the kitchen (if you aren't already) is a good one.

With regards to travelling - Sorry for your family's loss - I travel a lot so I try to prepare as much as I can ahead of time. If you are driving it is easier to bring your meals with you - flying - not so much. If I know I am travelling and driving I freeze a lot of left overs before hand, so it's just a matter of finding a place to heat them up. If I am travelling and flying and staying at a hotel, I try to pick a hotel that has a microwave and a fridge. Then I go shopping. If you are staying with family - have an open discussion with them. I have kept it simple and told people I am on a "30 day cleanse" and my food has some restrictions. (I know the whole 30 is much more than that but I try to use terms that people can generally identify with) I have found that most people are pretty understanding when it comes to that. It then opens the door to the "What" and the "Why" and you can offer to cook your own meals just to make it easier. Who knows people might be interested to know.

Good Luck!

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Thank you guys so much for the advice and condilences. I have been using several of your suggestions and will continue to impliment them. I officially start on the first, but am already easing my way into the plan. Already learned to be very specific, told my father I was only eating bread (after being offered a hoagie) if it was really good and worth it...so he made me whole grain biscuits the next morning...lol! I also have succesfully dodged toxic dishes by puting a very small amount among all the good stuff, nobody even blinked. I have dodged pizza, over 20 different baked goods, sandwiches, and a host of other things. It feels good to be on the edge of destructive change!!! Thanks eveyone.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Be prepared when traveling. I attended a family funeral while I was on W30 last month. I had a long day of traveling (car, plane, train, and car...) to get there. What saved me was having the following snacks available: roast beef (applegate), orange slices, and steve's jerky. Coconut butter would be good too. The day of the funeral was long from the mass to burial to luncheon to after-gathering at my aunt's house. I would not have made it if I didn't have those snacks pre-prepped and ready to go. Sorry for your loss. Keep strong for yourself!

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I am starting the Whole 30 for September. My biggest challenge is that my wife is not on board. In additon, I will be traveling out of town to a family members funeral. These two issues combined have me terrified. Any advice on stiff arming family members trying to shove food at me and living in a house divided will be greatly appreciated.

As for people trying to shove food, here are my favorite two responses:

1. No thank you.

and if they persist,,,

2. That looks great but I am just not hungry right now. Perhaps later I will have some.

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