Aliking99 Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Yesterday, day four, I made the mistake of not eating much at all. Just a few bites at lunch. I just wasn't hungry. I have never had an appetite for breakfast. The result; I felt like a raw, exposed nerve. The food I usually turn to during times of stress or emotional upheaval was no longer there and it felt as though every emotion was right on the surface to be felt rather than stifled with food. My boyfriend suffered through what I am sure was a completely confusing conversation about our relationship. While my points were valid, they were not expressed as I would have hoped. I had no energy to present my feelings in a rational way. I just wept, and laughed and sulked. He has never seen this type of behavior in our five months together. However, after one or two bites of chicken I felt like a completely different person. The look on his face was kind of priceless. "That's all it takes to get you back? A bite of chicken and a piece of lettuce." I am as offended when my mood is blamed on my "crazy diet" as I am when PMS or work stress is cited as the problem. Feelings are legitimate and should be validated regardless of outside factors. However, I am fully aware of and take responsibility for the fact that I did not take care of myself yesterday and vow to do better today. On the positive side, I feel like I have beaten the sugar cravings at this point and feel so much less "puffy" everywhere. It seems as though even my pores are smaller. Now I just have to get through this weekend without a drink... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derval Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 I can see him now, after an arguement, bringing home a whole chicken instead of a bouquet of flowers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aliking99 Posted September 4, 2012 Author Share Posted September 4, 2012 Day 9 I guess? I have been offline all weekend doing home repairs. This weekend had its share of obstacles. My parents came to visit and we did a diy project in my tiny, leaky, moldy bathroom. Any one of those things would typically send me into a bag of Doritos and a liter of Pepsi but I didn't succumb. Date night on Friday included steak and caeser at my favorite restaurant. I passed on the delicious homemade hummus and bread, picked the croutons off the salad and, biggest challenge of all, drank club soda rather than my beloved dirty martini. Permanent designated driver? Boyfriend is psyched. They make their own dressings at this place and use very little cheese on the salad so I felt pretty darn pleased with myself. Saturday we had lobster. Here on the coast of Maine lobster prices are way down this year so lobster is a pretty common occurrence. We often serve it with clarified butter so no big deal. Just had to resist the fresh corn. Sunday we did hard labor in the bathroom and my first stumbling block reared its head...watermelon. I love watermelon. I am sure I had too much. I took a nap immediately after which is always a sign my sugar is doing crazy things. That night we went to a great inn for my favorite...filet mignon. I had extra veggies rather than the potato dauphinoise that I love so much. That was hard. The chunk of fresh bread that sat staring at me was hard. Not having wine with the steak was hard. But I did it. Monday, more work in the bathroom and more watermelon. Way too much watermelon. This morning I do feel bloated but I don't have the same run-down feeling I had all last week so I guess I turned the corner. Having so many distractions really helped me get through the weekend and I am proud that I did not throw in the towel given so many opportunities. Luckily everyone in my gluten-intolerant, hypoglycemic/diabetic family is very supportive and are all considering giving it a go. That was huge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aliking99 Posted September 5, 2012 Author Share Posted September 5, 2012 Just made poached salmon with a sauce of clarified butter, coconut milk and curry powder. Also had roasted brussells sprouts. The crazy thing is my portions are much smaller than usual and I am stuffed! I volunteered at a bbq at the local high school this morning and was never tempted. I was almost sad that we were "treating " the kids to such pitiful food. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aliking99 Posted September 5, 2012 Author Share Posted September 5, 2012 Day 10 - One of my goals when starting this was to kick my Pepsi habit. It is something I carry around from my childhood and comes with a lot of shame. What was once a treat and something I had in common with my dad became a crutch, a quick pick me up, an alternative to coffee, a habit my friends called "not that bad" when compared to cigarettes, drugs or alcohol. I've kicked it before for months at a time but at the first real sign of stress I ran to the nearest convenience store for my instant high. I don't think I even really liked it any more. It was more habit than anything. It gave me cavities. It gave me heartburn. It made me feel out of control. Even when I stuck to one or two on the weekends I felt horrible that I was a slave to it and knew boredom drove my car to the store. I envied people, who I regarded as morally superior, when they easily chose water over soda. Well, it has been 10 days since my last Pepsi binge and I haven't had a hankering yet. I have been drinking iced coffee every morning, black. There are still triggers left to conquer like long car rides, stressful days at work, long weekends with no distractions. However, what I realized this morning is that the beauty of a 30 day challenge is that you get to practice saying no because there is an end point in sight. When you have your whole life stretching before you you think, what's a once in a while cheat when I have 50 years to go? Now that I have experience resisting temptation, it seems to be getting easier. I feel like I am in training, and it is working. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derval Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 That's a great achievment, well done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aliking99 Posted September 6, 2012 Author Share Posted September 6, 2012 Day 11 - This is almost...dare I say it...boring. I've got the routine down, I am not craving anything and all the withdrawal symptoms are gone. Since I was feeling so great I had my first workout yesterday and had energy to spare. Last week I certainly did not feel like doing anything. I also started the 100 pushup challenge with some friends. Completing the exhaustion test in a dress in the office of a bank exec...hilarious. I do feel that I have insulated myself somewhat from my typical social routine. I have avoided networking events, invitations to a friend's house for cocktails, lunch meetings etc. but these can also be chalked up to being extremely busy at work so nobody is offended. I don't mind becoming a hermit while I get stronger mentally. This weekend will be full of landmines (Garlic Festival-yikes and a pig roast) so I need to be prepared! One scary side effect is that I keep going into the bathroom to look at how flat my stomach has gotten and how big my pants are at the waist. Even at my thinnest I did not have a flat stomach. I always thought it was genetic and short of starving myself the pooch would always be there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derval Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 Bye bye pooch! You doing great, pig roast sounds tasty! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aliking99 Posted September 7, 2012 Author Share Posted September 7, 2012 Day 12 - Yawn. This is just how I live now and therefore unremarkable. I am excited to make the Morrocan Orange salad as a side dish for the pig roast. Other than that, food is no longer my hobby, my enemy or my constant companion. It has been replaced by exciting things like cleaning my closet (which takes forever because I try on EVERYTHING to see how much I have changed), organizing cupboards, ironing. It is amazing how much more gets done when I do not collapse in a food coma every night after dinner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derval Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 I was just saying to my friend today that I remember when I would spend all morning doing nothing constructive around the house while the kids were at school - in 5+hours! I have so much energy now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aliking99 Posted September 9, 2012 Author Share Posted September 9, 2012 Day 14 - where is all that energy I was bragging about? Not sure what the cause is but boy I have done a LOT of napping this weekend! The weather has been gray and rainy and the days are getting shorter so for now I will blame that. I am also forcing myself to read a book for book club that keeps putting me to sleep. I am sure if I was doing something more active I would have more energy. Went to dinner with friends Friday and stuck with mussells (incredibly, not cooked in wine or beer which is hard to find) and a side salad. It was not incredibly satisfying but the many glasses of club soda filled me up. That menu was pretty funny because even the veggie sides had something non-compliant thrown in. The one thing I did find was grilled asparagus...they were out of it. I stayed up way too late but it is amazing to wake up clear-headed rather than hungover! Saturday's garlic festival was a bit less festive than anticipated. Spent a fair amount of time at the playground with a three year-old boy and some friends. It was great to join in the fun and feel playful. Again, having no hangover really helps with the playfulness. On the way home I grabbed a couple of lobsters. For $10 you really can't beat that for a super easy dinner and since they are caught within miles of my house and sold fresh within days, it does't get any more local. Today I am in the office battling the last of my demons...stress. Trying to get on top of everything to make the week less harried. Had a pretty brutal headache today which I resolved with an iced coffee. Guess it is time to wean out caffeine as well. I do not want to become a slave to it. Now that I think I am over my Pepsi addiction (which always had more to do with sugar than caffeine) I think I can slowly phase it out and replace it with sparkling water. Baby steps... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aliking99 Posted September 10, 2012 Author Share Posted September 10, 2012 Day 15 - pulled the fall suits out and my favorite skirt is loose. It is one of those skirts that was probably meant to be low slung on the hips and it was when I bought it. However, over the past couple of years it has been riding up to fit around my waist. Now it is back to being an appropriate length! I resisted the huge iced coffee this morning and just had a small cup here at the office. Cheaper and more weather appropriate given the fall chill in the air this morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aliking99 Posted September 11, 2012 Author Share Posted September 11, 2012 Day 16 - First spin class (or cardio of any sort since starting this). Went well. I am certianly out of shape after a lazy summer but it was a lot of fun. I am supposed to do a 5K at the end of September but haven't been running at all in weeks. Guess I will give the legs a try at some point this week. Today I am wearing a skirt that I bought as an aspiration last time I slimmed down by following the primal blueprint. Now that I am fitting into my clothes I can't wait to have to buy new ones.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aliking99 Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 Day 17 and finally read It Starts with Food. Great book. Although I have read extensively on the subject of clean eating this book certainly had a few more gems that will help. I find that where I had to count the days in the beginning in order to make it through, I don't really care anymore what day it is of the 30 because I am not sure I miss anything enough to indulge at the end. Each day making these choices gets easier. Last night while eating dinner I finally felt like an adult making adult food choices. My boyfriend (who does not live with me) told me he doesn't understand why I am doing this because he has never seen me eat chips or drink soda etc. He is always complaining that there is no snack food in my house. That is because I would buy and eat the entire bag of chips when he wasn't there. I had no self-control. I would do the same with soda. It was never in the house because it never lasted that long! Now, I eat well even when nobody is watching. Huge accomplishment for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aliking99 Posted September 13, 2012 Author Share Posted September 13, 2012 Day 18 - I've got the sniffles and feel generally run down. Can't tell if it is allergies or a cold. Things seem to be holding steady. It is not as much fun as discovering changes every day but I guess this is when it is actually a little tougher to stay motivated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aliking99 Posted September 17, 2012 Author Share Posted September 17, 2012 On Day 18 my cousin had a baby (yay!!) and asked me to be with her during the delivery. I was called out of spin class, went to the hospital for several hours but then made it to book club. I didn't eat all day but was never hungry. I knew there would be a ridiculous amount of sweet food (and wine) at book club so I grabbed a salad at a local restaurant before heading over. It was so amazing to survive a crazy day like that without resorting to a pizza binge. Day 19 I was in the car several hours for a shopping trip with my mom. I probably ate too much fruit and the lunch we had on the road was not very satisfying. It was a tough day but I made it through albeit with hunger pangs probably due to the fruit. Day 20 I was asked to bring homemade cookies to two fundraisers. It was tough having them in the house. Day 21 Spent all day serving food at a golf tournament. Surrounded by cookies, pasta salad, potato salad, cole slaw....had a couple naked burgers and made it through the day. I am happy to be back on my normal schedule. It has been a hectic few days. I don't feel any significant changes happening at this point but I do like that this is my new normal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aliking99 Posted September 18, 2012 Author Share Posted September 18, 2012 Yesterday, Day 22, again, very stressful day at work with no time or inclination to eat. Last week after reading ISWF I was feeling guilty about never eating breakfast so I forced myself to do so as well as lunch every day.Those were the days that I felt crummy. I used to fast a few times a week (not planned, just wasn't hungry) when I was following Primal. Then I read that not being hungry meant my hormones were all messed up. I don't know what to think but I do know that forcing food into my body made me feel awful and I am just not going to do it. Messed up hormones be damned. I went until 6:45 pm with nothing, stopped in the grocery store for some veggies, went home, cooked and all was fine. No ill effects from going so long without eating so I just have to believe that on the days I don't happen to eat when I "should" I will still be OK. Today, Day 23, again no appetite for breakfast and no guilty feelings for not forcing it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aliking99 Posted September 19, 2012 Author Share Posted September 19, 2012 Day 24 - wow it is amazing to keep adding days to this log. It kind of feels like I have been eating this way for much longer and it also feels as though I could keep going. Had a very rough night last night. Went to an old favorite restaurant that has changed hands and I think something in the salad killed me. Probably something on the chicken that was on top. I was awake all night with a crazy stomach ache and digestive issues. Live and learn I guess. Food cooked at home has so much more flavor. I have dusted off nearly every cooking appliance I own. Never one to cook much before and having a small kitchen had forced me to move the crock pot, pressure cooker and mixer to a hall closet. The good news is my cupboards are no longer stuffed with pastas and other "easy" foods so there is more room for pots and pans. The fridge however...is packed to the gills. Although half of one shelf is beer that has gathered from various parties over the summer...I will have to donate that to someone soon. People are shocked to see the fridge since I was always famous for having only beverages and a lime rolling around in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maggief Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 Day 24 - wow it is amazing to keep adding days to this log. It kind of feels like I have been eating this way for much longer and it also feels as though I could keep going. This is awesome! Keep it up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aliking99 Posted September 19, 2012 Author Share Posted September 19, 2012 Thank you for the support. It does seem a lonely journey sometimes but this time for some reason it finally clicked that I do not need my diet approved by everyone around me. I just need to do what is good for me and not worry about anyone else. Good life lesson in general. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aliking99 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Share Posted September 20, 2012 Day 25 - another trip to a restaurant for dinner...another salad with meat and no dressing. I like the social aspect of going out for dinner but it is hard to leave satisfied. I always end up eating after I get home to get some fat in. Boyfriend said I was "inspiring" him. The waitress (who knows us) said I was eating "good" and BF was eating "bad". It is amazing how much judgment from outside sources comes with food choices. He will make the change when he is ready. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aliking99 Posted September 21, 2012 Author Share Posted September 21, 2012 Day 26 - Funny that in the first days each one was a struggle and now they run together. I had pretty much eliminated fruit (save the watermelon debacles on weekends) but today had dried pineapple (dried without added sugar). I am sure I ate too much and that is why it is better if I just leave it alone. Pretty much living on my ground beef plus various veggies for lunch and dinner. The side of beef in my freezer contains so much ground beef that I save the steaks for weekends and company and make myself eat the ground beef all week! Such a puritanical New England mentality! At this point in any diet plan I usually start to sabotage myself. I start to feel good about the way my clothes fit and return to the previous eating habits. I am mindful of that this time and think I can power through. The end of the 30 days is daunting. I think I might just continue this way. I can't think of much I would want to add back in on a regular basis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aliking99 Posted September 24, 2012 Author Share Posted September 24, 2012 Days 27 and 28 - did my favorite thing...stayed home cleaning, doing yard work, watching movies, reading, knitting etc. Never left the house and loved every minute of it. I have finally embraced the concept of cooking for the week on Sundays. I have found the "Well Fed" cookbook is perfect for me. I made chocolate chili and Moroccan meatballs. Wow! I had meatballs this AM for breakfast. Great way to start the day. Everything is packaged in containers for this week's lunches (and a sampling to be delivered to BF at work). This is one of the biggest changes in me...the cooking and planning ahead. I don't even want to think about how much time and money I used to spend going out to lunch. A group of us "young" professionals used to go out for lunch every Friday. Now we each bring our own lunches (homemade or takeout) and meet in a park or in one of our conference rooms. So much less pressure and still a ton of fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aliking99 Posted September 25, 2012 Author Share Posted September 25, 2012 Day 29 was unremarkable but today....today is day 30! I will work on my in-depth analysis of the past 30 days tonight. However, I do think I am going to keep it up. I am trying to think of what I would want to add back in. Everyone was convinced that it would be alcohol but I really don't miss it. No hangovers and no worries about who is going to drive. I think for the next 30 days I am going to work more on incorporating consistent exercise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aliking99 Posted March 2, 2016 Author Share Posted March 2, 2016 It is so interesting to look back on these entries. How far I strayed away from this plan! I won't recap the past 3 plus years but let's just say I took a circuitous route back here. When I heard friends at book club discussing the Whole 30 I thought hey! that's my thing! and then realized, it hasn't been my thing for a while. I attempted many times to do it again and never made it through. I kept my weight under control by being mostly mindful and running a lot. However, the past winter took a toll and I needed a refresher. A great friend became a Beachbody coach and had such fabulous results I got on board. The month of January I did the 21 Day Fix program. It was a good jump start. Daily workouts and portion control worked OK for a couple of weeks. Then I just got hungry and stayed hungry. I kept "cheating" because I never felt satisfied. I was so excited to be "allowed" to eat quinoa and rice at first. Then I realized it just made me want more and more. I looked back at pictures of myself that I love and realized they were all taken during the four months I was following Whole 30. I looked like a different person. The weight was probably 10 lbs different but it seemed like so much more. I switched to Whole 30 last month and what a difference. I am never hungry and, at the moment, I am forcing myself to eat lunch. Before, I was trying to convince myself that lunch at 10 AM was a thing. I was eating tons of fruit because those were the containers that I had left at the end of the night. I just couldn't figure out why vegetables were portioned. Even lettuce?! Is too much spinach making my butt big? Now, I have ditched the 21 Day Fix eating plan but still do the workouts. It seems effortless. I don't miss rice or quinoa. I don't miss going to bed hungry. I feel great and clothes are getting looser. Maybe this time it will stick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.