On the Road Again

[Emma]

I've done some Whole30's and they've been pretty revolutionary for me.  I'm not always the best at following a map and like to do a little off roading in life, and, well, sometimes that off roading takes you to places that still lead to your destination and sometimes they don't.    My recent trips have definitely taken me in the opposite direction of my goals.

 

I've gained weight.  I hate that my clothes feel tight.  I feel sweaty.  I feel bloated.  I am still only drinking one or two cups of coffee, but I'm eating gobs of sugar.  I almost started Whole30 last week, but I didn't want to give up the Cadbury Caramel bar I had hidden between my Paleo cookbooks.  Funny huh?  Between my PALEO books was a chocolate bar that prevented me from getting back on track.  I've been sneaking foods, eating foods, picking up extra foods at the store.  I've been stuffing my face with foods.  I'm definitely not traveling along in my ideal car with the wind blowing in my hair.  I'm traveling along in a vehicle that is running on fumes, beat and battered, and the wind is blowing the hair into a big knot in front of my face.  It's time to break out the map.

 

My destination - a place where I feel strong, healthy, and fit.  A place where I recover quickly from the common cold and the seasonal flus.  A place where I feel attractive, enjoy trying on new clothes, and jump at the idea of climbing a mountain or entering a 5K.  A place where I feel confident I will be a healthy older person.  And, a closer destination is a wedding that I'm attending in six weeks.  I'd really like to be feeling better by then.  I want to look and feel good when I go see people.  I want to feel good enough about myself that I don't think about my own issues and can instead focus on other people and what's going on for them.  I want to feel open instead of unhealthy and insecure.

 

Where I'm at:  I'll weigh myself tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure I'm at least thirty five pounds from a healthy BMI and, though I know that's just a number, it's still a number that would match a much healthier me.  I have tendonitis in my foot that triggers problems in my knee if I exercise - it's a great excuse to not exercise.  I don't eat breakfast.  I don't exercise regularly, but I do take the dogs on walks so I'm not a total loafer.  I used to meditate and really liked it, but now I don't.  I eat all sorts of things including cinnamon cake, chocolates, pizza, and beer - all just today!!!

 

However, I'm not a completely lost cause.  I did eat eggs with brussel sprouts today, I did walk the dogs in stormy weather, I did think about Whole30 beginnings, and I usually do avoid dairy because it's really not my friend.  I also sleep about eight hours and often wake up without an alarm.  I rally from colds better than I did before my earlier Whole30's.  I've got potential.

 

So tomorrow, I wake up, weigh myself, shower, eat breakfast BEFORE coffee, and then will sit down to reflect on my daily goals which will most likely be: Follow Whole30 guidelines, meditate for a minimum of 5 minutes (but hopefully 20), post every day (something that helps me immensely) and exercise.  I'm going to need to work out that exercise goal so that it's realistic and doable and will help get me feeling better before that wedding.

 

Here's to New Beginnings or Getting Back on Track!

 

 

[Emma]

Day One Morning Reflection

 

Of course nothing goes like planned.  School was canceled today due to weather.  My son just threw up.  I can't take the dogs for their morning run.  But I said I was starting Day One and I am.  What I really wanted was coffee.  What I did not want to do was eat, but I know that's part of the deal so I unlovingly ate two hard boiled eggs and a bunch of baby carrots.  I'd had visions of cooking up eggs with veggies, but those darn hard boiled eggs are taking up a lot of room in the fridge.  I also wanted my coffee and knew I needed to eat first.  I then weighed myself and I'm at 170.  The top edge of a healthy BMI is 137 I think.  A super idea healthy weight going by my mom's body and my younger years is probably 120, but I'm quite cool with anything in the 130's.  Ugh, I have some work cut out for me.

 

I'm doing Whole30 because I want to be healthy.  I'm also going to try to lose weight because it's getting in the way of health.  I know a lot of the weight will come off because I'm going to eat Whole30 and try to follow the template, but the exercise thing....I've got no vision of that.

 

I picture going out for a run!  It's not gonna happen.  I have kids.  The streets are icy.  My knee and foot really do hurt and really would protest the sudden assault.  Walks and hikes are limited by kids.  I've got some videos at home that I could put in, but it seems so hard!

 

My daily goals:

1. Follow Whole30

2. Meditate

3. Thirty minutes of some type of exercise (walks, yoga, runs, pilates, etc - just something!)

4. Sleep 8 hours

 

Is that it?  I think it is. 

 

Meal 1: Hard boiled eggs and carrots

Meal 2: Eggs with brussel sprouts (Had egg salad romaine lettuce wraps with lime mayo instead, carrots, and a sweet potato)

Meal 3: Spaghetti squash, ground beef, tomato sauce, onions baked all together 

 

Early Evening Reflection:

Whew - sigh of relief!!

1. Whole30 achieved!  I haven't eaten dinner yet, but it's in the oven and the time of day when I would have cheated is long gone.

2.I meditated for 20 minutes.  There were lots of interruptions from the sick kid, the dog needing to go out, etc, but I got through the entire 20 minutes eventually.

3. Thirty minutes of exercise had me stressed out because it's the easiest to procrastinate on, but I finally got my arse in gear and popped in a New York City Ballet workout.  It was 30 minutes or so of stretches and exercises - no sweat broke out, but it was good for my body.

4. I got just under 8 hours of sleep before the kids woke us up this morning.

 

On to tomorrow.  I've got more groceries so breakfast should be a little snazzier.

[Emma]

Day Two off to a good start.

 

I slept about 8 hours, though I had to get up three times to use the bathroom so it wasn't the best sleep.

I exercised for 30 minutes doing a Tai Bo DVD.  That is the biggest relief.  Exercise is the thing that is so easy to flake on and the thing I really need to make happen.

I have meals planned for today, though I could sure use some new ideas!!

 

Meal One: Leftover spaghetti squash, ground beef, tomato sauce from last night

Meal Two: Egg salad with paleo lime mayo and Romaine lettuce wraps, some more of the leftovers or sweet potato

Meal Three: Lamb leg cooked in the crock pot, onions, carrots, sweet potatoes

 

I went to the grocery store yesterday and found that I was back to shopping on the edges of the store again.  It is nice to be on those edges instead of those middle aisles or the baked goods deli cases.  

[pjena]

Hi! Welcome back.  It's always fun to see a friendly face.   Good luck with this round! 

[Krista Billows Rodriguez]

Good for you for getting started! I hope this month goes smooth for you. As far as exercise goes, schedule that junk in! I'll do it "sometime" is a recipe for disaster. Even if you're only planning it out one day ahead at a time, and I know how hard it is with kids, that should help you stay on track.

[Emma]

Pjena - Great to see you too!

Krista - Yes, I totally agree!  I'm so good at flaking on the exercise which is why I have it built into the daily goal and leave it as open as 30 minutes of anything.  I figure even if it's just going for a walk, that counts.  But I really do have to get it done in the morning or it hangs over my head and really stresses me out because I know the potential for flaking is high.  I like posting on my day because it really helps me stay focused.

[Emma]

Day Three - Done!

 

Last night when I went to bed I had big plans for exercise today.  I was gonna pop in a DVD and really sweat and rip some muscles.  Ha!  I woke up this morning and one of the first thoughts was, "Oh.  I can't fathom exercising today."  Nor could I fathom breakfast, but I made my eggs and broccoli with some lime mayo, appreciated how good it tasted, and then made my coffee and things began to get better - well, semi.  The stomach bug has hit our home and between the sick kids and the dogs needing a good run and the laundry that was quickly mounting, I didn't exercise.  But I did prep dinner during lunch time and so eating went okay all day.

 

Goal 1: Eat Whole30

•  Meal 1 - Two scrambled eggs, broccoli and Paleo lime mayo
•  Meal 2 - Leftover lamb roast with cauliflower and carrots
•  Meal 3 - Turkey, sweet potato, onion meatloaf

Goal 2: Listened to a guided meditation with my kid on my lap (not the purest meditation, but it still counts)

Goal 3: Took a 30 minute walk tonight after the kids were in bed

Goal 4: Slept almost 8 hours - One of the kids woke me up a bit earlier than I was ready to tell me they were puking, but I got almost a full night's sleep.  And, I only got up once to go to the bathroom.

 

I'm a little disappointed in the lack of exercise that's going to help me see big changes, and yet I'm pleased that I stuck to my goal which allows for the days where a walk is what happens - plus, a walk is not a bad thing at all.

 

During my meditation, I was feeling really nice and clean inside my mind and body and I had a side thought as one is prone to do in meditation that I want my body to match my mind.  My mind felt so clear.  I want to be fit and healthy so that my body can feel like my mind.  Instead, it's usually my mind matching my body.  My body feels bloated and then my mind follows suit.  It doesn't seem like such a revolutionary thought, yet it stood out for me.  

 

When I go visit relatives in six weeks, I usually wish to feel confident in my body and to look fit and fantastic, yet what I really want is to feel confident in my mind and to feel at ease with who I am and where I'm at so that I can really enjoy other people and feel open to them. When I'm eating well, my mind feels better and then my body follows suit.  

[Emma]

Day 4 

Phew!  I exercised!  THAT is the most stressful part of this Whole30 for me right now.  "Right now" will probably change as I go to baby showers and dinners with friends - places where I look forward to eating crispy fries and Reuben's.  Sighing.  Thankfully those outings aren't for a week or two.  In my dream last night, I was at a graduation, but everything was going to be delayed another hour so I thought, "Oh, I could run and get some super cheesy pizza all by myself".  I battled with myself a bit in the dream about that idea because it would give me gas and it's nice not feeling bloated and wasn't I doing a Whole30?  Dreams!!!  

But back to exercise - it is the most stressful part because it's so easy to skip and I'm so out of shape.  The added weight really makes a difference too.  But I did exercise.  I popped in a Jillian Shred DVD and did the level one workout which is 20 minutes.  I still need to get in 10 more minutes to meet my daily goal, but that's not as overwhelming.  I broke a slight sweat during the workout.  My legs were slightly shaky afterwards.  I needed to stop and pause momentarily throughout - I'm outta shape!  But, I'll get back in shape (or at least better shape than I am now).

 

Goal 1: Eat Whole30

Meal 1: Two scrambled eggs with broccoli

Meal 2: Leftover turkey/sweet potato meatloaf and butternut squash risotto (which didn't turn out so good so maybe I'll try to spice it up somehow)

Meal 3: Red curry chicken with mushrooms, onions, and whatever other veggies we have on hand

Goal 2: Meditate (not yet) - 15 minutes breathing meditation

Goal 3: Exercise (20 minutes of Jillian Level One, 8 minute abs, 20 minute walk)

Goal 4: Sleep (I got about 8 hours, but the wake up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night makes it not so satisfying.  I was also woken by the kids at 6:30, but it was around when I would have woken anyway.  However, no complaints.  This is a zillion times better than when the kids were younger!!!!!!)

[Emma]

Day 4 Officially Completed!

 

As I was out walking this evening, I was aware that inside my body and head I felt good, clean, okay with things.   And yet, I was also aware that I was a bit grumpy which is the underlying desire of wanting something more - maybe that little zing one gets with sugary foods?  I didn't have any cravings for them, but I wanted something and, of course, most of my old style eating is more of a questing for something (and then a lot of sampling of things!  ).  It was nice feeling good in my head and even okay with not having other foods, but I was also aware of my too tight pants and my jacket that won't fit over my hips.  It's a shame that my body isn't matching my inner self this week - ah well, keep plugging along and something positive will happen.  If anything, having my inner self feeling better is a heck of a lot better.  I do wish I could eat an Oreo and maybe want one more, but then be just fine after that.  

 

Tomorrow's meals are not lined up!  It could be a big problem if I don't deal with it in the morning - yikes - tonight!  I need to get some meat out of the freezer to thaw for the next few days.  Things are easy when they're easy, but when they're not....!

[pjena]

I really like this:  I think feeling nice and clean in your mind and body is a great goal.  You should write that on sticky notes and put it around your house to help motivate you! 

 

I hope everyone feels better soon.  I was woken up by a kid puking a couple weeks ago and it's not fun!  I hope nobody else gets it.

 

 

 

During my meditation, I was feeling really nice and clean inside my mind and body and I had a side thought as one is prone to do in meditation that I want my body to match my mind.  My mind felt so clear.  I want to be fit and healthy so that my body can feel like my mind.  Instead, it's usually my mind matching my body.  My body feels bloated and then my mind follows suit.  It doesn't seem like such a revolutionary thought, yet it stood out for me.  

 

 

[Emma]

Pjena, I should put that up on the wall somewhere.  It's nice because it's a goal that's not so goal driven - more just a way of being.  Thanks for the idea.  

[Emma]

Day Five and I am CRABBBBBBY!

I wasn't so bad this morning, but right after lunch, woooooeeeey.  I'm drinking some afternoon coffee and I've been getting things done and I have plans to take the dogs on a good walk this afternoon, but my head is pissy feeling.  It could be stress.  There was way more I wanted to accomplish today and I haven't yet, but I don't think it's just that because I am getting some things accomplished.  Or maybe it's my body which is feeling so unattractive and too big in the clothes a friend passed on to me.  I tried them on and took them right off.  The trying them on brought up the feelings of wishing I was already there.  Ah well.

 

And to top it off, I have tendonitis going on in my thumb.  Or carpal tunnel.  Or just some pinched nerve.  I get tendonitis easily and am aware that I use my thumb a lot for scrolling on my phone and space barring on the computer, but still!  My thumb is achy and there's some spasm thing going on and my fingers are tingling.   All I've done differently is pick up a knife (finally) to cut and prep vegetables.  Ah well - I'm wearing a brace and letting it chill out.  

 

But underneath the crabbiness, I still feel better and cleaner on the inside.  And I definitely feel better feeling in control of myself again, which I don't when I'm eating all the junk foods.

 

Goal1: Eat Whole30

Meal 1: Three eggs, butternut squash, lime mayo, and an apple

Meal 2: Egg salad wraps

Meal 3: Ground beef (Either spaghetti bolognese or nonnom paleo's curried cabbage)

 

I'm eating a lot of eggs and looking at lunch, not a lot of veggies there!!  My lunch was really tasty though.  

 

Goal 2: Exercise (8 minute abs and 8 minute arms, 30 minute walk planned for later).. Walked the dogs outside in the snow.  It was't very vigorous, but it was good outside time.  Tomorrow, though! I have big plans for a long brisk walk.  We'll see how I'm feeling

 

Day Five - Evening 

 

Goal 3: Just completed a 20 minute breathing meditation - went well enough - my mind was here and there, but that's part of the process.

 

Goal 4: Slept 8 hours last night and woke up on my own this morning at 6:45 which is 5 minutes before the alarm.  I did get up once to go to the bathroom.  I'll be glad when that stops happening.

 

I ended up having a mini meal of lamb leg and roasted carrots mid afternoon.  I wasn't hungry, but I was crabby and hadn't had a rounded meal at lunch.  I think it helped with my mood somewhat. I am grumpy on the outer surface of my forehead, eyes, and scalp - interesting way to experience feeling a mood.

 

My thumb aches!  Ah well.  Tomorrow is Day Six and we have plenty of meat thawing, leftovers in the fridge, and veggies in the house.  

[Emma]

Day Eight and It's Going Okay

 

I didn't do so hot on my goals over the weekend, but I did stick to Whole30.  

My Goals:

1. Eat Whole30

2.  Exercise 30 minutes

3. Meditate

4. Sleep 8 hours

 

Whole30 went well.  A friend of ours also started the same day and we had dinner at their house one night and they at ours the next.  Our partners are not on Whole30 so there was also some pizza and breadsticks, but their was plenty of Whole30 food and it went well.  It's really nice to have somebody else's cooking!!!  I'm doing a terrific job not snacking.  I have yet to really feel any hunger pangs, but I know it's time for the next meal when my mood starts to go a bit downhill.  I'd sure like to snack though!!!

 

I did some walks over the weekend and maybe they added up to the 30 minutes for each day, but I'm doubtful.  They were also not very vigorous and were more like ambles.  I was outside though and that counts for a lot.

 

No meditating.  I can pretend that I meditated in bed as I was falling asleep, but I think that would be a bit disingenuous.  It's amazing how easy it is to fill up the time.  It really takes a commitment each day and it's hard when the normal routines aren't there. 

 

Sleep was also a bust!  I've been waking up to go to the bathroom a couple times a night.  Friday night I woke up for the second time at 4:30 and couldn't get back to sleep so that meant I only had five or six hours.  Saturday night, the DOG woke up at 5:30 needing to go out so that meant only six hours of sleep.  Last night went better, but I stayed up late reading and was woken with the alarm.  

 

When I was at the store today, I was again super aware of how the last month, every time I went to the store, I'd pick up a small treat such as a donut or some processed hot food from the deli or some tortilla chips.  It was interesting to compare and to see how off track I was.  I knew I was off track and I didn't like how I was feeling, but it wasn't so easy as to just stop.  It's always easy to tell someone what they should do to make life better, but it's never so easy to do it yourself.  And with food, I think it does feel like my body responds to many things like an addiction.  And, of course, I'll slip up again in the future, but then I'll get back on track and in the long run, the back on tracks will be more than the fall aparts.

 

My body is feeling thinner - it's those darn leg exercises I did today with the Jillian video.  It's amazing how you don't have to do much to start feeling better.  I am feeling better.  It makes me hopeful.

[pjena]

I'm glad things are going ok and you're sticking with it.  How nice to have a friend in it with you!  Hopefully, you can get some good sleep.  That will help all things!

[Emma]

Ahhh - and I did get good sleep - last night!  I went to bed around 10:40 and woke up at 6:50.  I know I rolled over a few times because my leg had fallen asleep, but other than that, it was some solid sleep!!

 

I did not wake up, however, excited to exercise. My feelings around exercise are more like stress and anxiety wondering if I'm going to actually get it done. I've only been up two hours at this point, but I have had breakfast, taken the dogs for a good romp, and started my coffee.  I have two hours till I have to be somewhere and in that time I hope to exercise, clean up a bit, and do some paperwork.  The exercise is such a small part of things and yet I put it off and put it off....because it's not easy.  But it is worth it and I feel good once I've done it.

 

The sore thumb thing is continuing.  I've been wearing the brace and now the soreness is mainly just in my thumb and inner wrist, rather than tingles in my fingers.  Yesterday, my right hand also often felt cold compared to my other hand.  It sounds so carpal tunnely and I am guessing that it is triggered by something up in my shoulder.  I really didn't have any new overuse issues in my hands, but I did do shoulder exercises last week.  I'm trying to be more aware of pulling my shoulders down and googled some shoulder stretches that I might remember to try out.  

 

Yesterday - All goals were met. 

Meal 1: Eggs and spinach

Meal 2: Salmon, coco crusted cauliflower, apple

Meal 3: Spaghetti squash, tomato sauce, salmon, wild blueberries, coconut milk

 

Today's Food Log:

Meal 1: Two eggs with spinach and kimchi

Meal 2: Lamb leg leftovers and raw carrots

Meal 3: Hard boiled egg, salmon with spaghetti squash, an apple

 

Goal 1: Eat Whole 30 - check

Goal 2: Exercise 30 minutes -check (Jillian Level 1, 8 minute abs, walk)

Goal 3: Meditate - about to go do that

Goal 4: Sleep 8 hours -check! 

 

Day nine is almost completed.

[Emma]

Day 10 is officially over and all the goals are met.  

 

Goal 1: Eat Whole30

• Meal 1: Two eggs with broccoli and may
• Meal 2: Spaghetti squash with a few bites of salmon, raw carrots
• Meal 3 that begin an hour before the actual meal : Cashews, raw carrots, an apple, and then finally three eggs with arugula and mushrooms.

My lunch time meal was pretty small and I saw it in the way I started eating foods as I was prepping dinner.  Dinner for the family was a sweet potato turkey meatloaf that the kids loved last time we had it.  It was for me too, but I had to run to work before it came out of the oven so I ended up grumpily cooking up some eggs.

 

Goal 2: Meditated 12 minutes - Was hard staying on track and was hard relaxing, but I did it

Goal 3: Exercise 30 minutes - Walked three miles

Goal 4: Sleep 8 hours - I slept eight hours without getting up to go to the bathroom, but I was aware much of the night that I kind of needed to so it did not feel as restful as the night before.  Still, I'm glad to get out of my middle of the night bathroom trips!!!  I also found that my right leg was falling asleep when I slept on my right side, which I usually do, so I slept on my other side.  Not sure what that is about.

 

Today, my left foot which has tendonitis was pretty achy.  My right thumb is still slightly sore, but I can use it now if I'm gentle.  Gadz - my body is testing me!!  I feel like I really need to prove to my body that it can trust me and that I'll continue to eat so well and for so long that it doesn't have to do this freak out inflammation thing over little matters.  Oooof - that could take a long time to prove that!

 

My energy today was great.  Well, maybe not super great, but I got a lot done and that felt good.  My energy isn't super consistent, but it was better.

 

I'm still not feeling hunger pangs, but I do notice I get grumpy in my head when it's nearing a meal time.  I think my portion sizes have begun dropping down to more appropriate portions.  During the beginning of Whole30's I eat a lot and it's nice to see that taper down naturally.  Maybe my body is more on board with this than I give it credit for.

 

And I guess that is that for now.

[pjena]

Great job meeting all of your goals - not just the food ones!  Lifestyle changes are tough. 

[Emma]

Day 11 - Going well, even though I'm not feeling the love

 

I slept 7.75 hours last night.  I woke up when I heard my kid get up.  I'm pretty sure I was about to wake up anyway, but I had no zest for the day.  I ate some leftover turkey sweet potatoes for breakfast and then made my coffee which I nursed for the next hour and a half and go absolutely nothing done.  I was dragging!  Oh, Last night before bed, I realized I had my period.  Truly surprised me because I didn't have any clue it was coming.  Maybe that's the low energy today.

 

I did, however, stand up and turn on the DVD for Jillian's Shred Level 1 and I did it.  I'm definitely stronger than I was last week and I've really only done it a few times.  It is amazing how much better we can get.  I was also breathless and tired during it all, but I could still do it.  AND, I can now stand up from the ground without using my hands at all.  

 

I read an article in the paper about how doctors could predict future health of older folks by how well they stood up from the ground.  Each time they used their hand for support (on the ground, their knee, etc) they racked up a point.  Ideally, we'd wish to have fewer points at the end of this screening.  It sticks in my head because I find that I put a hand on the ground before getting up, or a hand on a knee.  It's only one point and I claim it's from my sore knees or feet, but I'd rather I was healthier.  And now I am.  Of course, I've got a ways to go, but it's nice to see little changes.

 

Goal 1: Eat Whole 30

• Meal 1: Leftover turkey sweet potato meatloaf
• Meal 2: Leftover lamb leg, roasted carrots, arugula, two hard boiled eggs, mayo
• Meal 3: Bird's nest (Sweet potato hash, pork sausage, eggs) - Kid's choice!

Goal 2: Exercise - Jillians's Level 1, 8 minute abs, 1.6 mile walk

Goal 3: Meditate - Loving Kindness 15 minutes

Goal 4: Sleep - Almost eight hours and no bathroom visits

 

I'm still dragging and the top of my head feels tense.  There's a bunch of work I need to do that I've been putting off.  I loved yesterday's energy.  A bit bummed today isn't the same, but that's okay.  I will spend a good hour outside again later today and that will hopefully zest things up (along with this cup of coffee I just made:) )

[Emma]

Day 12 - Boy, am I dragging!!

 

I slept a solid eight hours last night and woke without an alarm, but was slugggggy!  I had some obligatory breakfast and then drank my coffee.  Still pretty sluggy.  I did my 20 minute workout with Jillian Level One and then I made jam for the first time with berries I picked last fall and that's completed, but I am still dragging.  I'm also achy.  My right side is achy.  My right knee is sore.  My eyes just want to close and take a nap.  I would if I could, but I can't.  I'd contemplate meditating right now, but I think I'd fall asleep!

 

I also snacked!  Oh my gosh - I forgot about that.  I was feeling emotional and grabbed a lara bar when I was at the store.  It was compliant, but I was aware of the connection between my feelings and grabbing some food.  I did have it as my start to lunch, but my lunch first course was not so hot.  Perhaps it's my period.  Perhaps it's my own Whole30 timeline.  It will pass.

 

Meal 1: Salmon and spinach - blech! I ate as much as I could and gave the rest to the dogs.

Meal 2: Lara bar, cashews, roasted pecans, pulled pork, carrots, apple.

Meal 3: Plan to have turkey legs in a red curry sauce with a bunch of vegetables or something like that.

 

Looking back at my lunch, it wasn't THAT bad.  I could have done without so many nuts and the lara bar was unnecessary, but it didn't really take me off track.  I could also have upped the carbs with breakfast.

 

It's now the time of day where everything starts going really fast and there's lots to do and not as much gets done as I wish.  Perhaps I'll get through this coffee and have a bit more zest or perhaps I'll take the dogs out for a romp and the fresh air will pep me up.  Argh - Okay, I'm standing back up!

[pjena]

Hang in there!  You know the draggy feelings will pass and you'll feel great!

[Emma]

It's the morning of Day 15 and I'm still here and so are those draggy feelings!  I know it's part of the process.  I just wished it lined up better with the main timeline to give it more merit.  I was SO tired and sore after exercising last Friday and knew it would be good to give my body a bit of a break over the weekend.  I'm no longer sore, but I'm also not peppy.  Last night I pictured waking up, taking the dogs out, doing the exercises and having all that done by eight so I could get focused on work.  Ha!  It's 8:13 and the dogs haven't gone out and the idea of exercise seems SO difficult.  I'm sitting here with coffee hoping for some minor transformation (major would work too).

 

I had some digestive issues over the weekend and I wondered if my lethargy was connected to the stomach bug.  Maybe it was.  Maybe it wasn't.

 

What I do know is that the words, "I felt better when I was eating Oreos" keep going through my head.  One of the Whole30ers wrote something like that and, of course, I encouraged her to stick with it.  But really, I no longer feeling fat and bloated.  I no longer feel out of control.  I'm sleeping well.  What could be the harm in just going out to eat with a friend!  Ha - I'm not going to.  But I am in that disillusioned stage!!

 

And it is so difficult to think of anything interesting to eat. (Timeline again, I know)

 

Something I did notice this weekend was that I did some serious snacking and I incorporated nuts into that snacking and two lara bars on two different occasions.  I was using food to try to change how I was feeling.  I was trying to pep up.  I was trying to alter my state somehow and I was feeling stressed because I needed to get things done.  It felt like I was cheating when I did that snacking and grazing in my kitchen, but I didn't cross any lines.

 

I sound so pathetic!  I'm really not in that bad of shape.  Part of our home is cleaned up.  I did get some work done.  I've been great with the kids and family.  I'm just not feeling the Whole30 love right now, but of course, this is my mind and my body doing some pretty natural resisting to change.  Day 15....I'm so not ready for today, but I plan to stumble through!

[Emma]

Day 15 continued

 

I am feeling lots of stress over some work that I keep procrastinating on.  If I just sat down and got going on it, I would feel better, but I can't seem to get going.  Argh.  It's kinda like getting started on Whole30.  As for Whole30, I'm aware that I still haven't really had hunger pangs yet - at least not in my gut.  I know it's time to eat because my mood gets grumpy.  It's how I feel right now.  I also really suspect that this batch of coffee is not as strong as the last batch, but I also know a huge part is the stress I'm not dealing with.

 

What I want to do right now is go get some food and sit down to work.  Heh - I already had lunch unfortunately so I can't do that till dinner.  I DO have dinner cooking in the crock pot so I'm fine as far as sticking to the program.  The other thing that stresses me out each day is the exercise.  I feel so much better when I have completed it.  Again, it's a bit like my work I'm procrastinating on - that fear of not getting it done and just putting it off.  I guess it shows that these things matter to me, but I'd rather feel on top of my game instead of straggling to stay afloat.

 

I slept eight hours last night and woke without an alarm at 6:45.

I did Jillian Level One today and 8 minute abs.

I will meditate this afternoon after I pick up my kid from the bus.

I ate a well balanced breakfast and lunch and have dinner cooking.

 

It's so interesting how stress can be motivating and also not so helpful.  It's also interesting to note how much I turn to food to change the mood in my head.  And that's it for now.

[Emma]

Day 16 - Well, I woke up this morning in a much better head space.  I didn't need the coffee and my head felt okay.  I did, however, have some serious stomach cramps that had even woken me up in the middle of the night.  Maybe it was from all the nuts or maybe it's a touch of the stomach bug going around, but I admit that I used it as an excuse to not exercise.  Dang!  I also haven't meditated yet.  I'm off the wagon!  But, I am still eating Whole30 - except I'm also snacking.  It's interesting how easy it is to slip up.

 

Tonight I cooked up sausages for my family.  There was one extra that was calling my name.  It looked so good and probably tasted good, but it wasn't Whole30 at all so I told my husband to eat it and thankfully he did.  I think I need to do some menu planning.  Ha - I think there's lots of things I need to do to keep focused and on track, but I am still fumbling along - just not gracefully or efficiently.

 

I wanted to go walking tonight, but I'm single parenting it till late.  If for some reason my honey gets home, then maybe I will walk.  Maybe the day isn't a total bust as far as my goals.

 

Goal 1: Eat Whole 30 

• Meal 1: Banana and eggs and almonds
• Meal 2: Hard boiled egg, mayo, carrots, spinach
• Snack: Lara bar and carrots
• Meal 3: Turkey, carrots, apple

Goal 2: Exercise 30 minutes (um, not yet)

Goal 3: Meditate (um, not yet)

Goal 4: Sleep 8 hours (did that, but not restful because my stomach hurt)

 

Well, looking at my meals for today, I'm sure not eating nice well rounded meals!  My breakfast is seriously lacking something green or orange.  Tomorrow I shall try to spiff up that first meal of the day.

[Emma]

Day 17 - Ho hum

 

Amazingly, I met all my goals today.  I didn't expect to, but I did.  The pervasive feeling of the day was a dullness in my head and a yearning for my head to feel peppy or zippy or alert.  I saw my friend scooping up chocolate chips for cookies and really wanted some.  I could imagine a nice salty burger and fries.  I just wanted.  But I stuck to the plan and I tried to improve my meals.

 

Goal 1: Eat Whole30

• Meal 1: Eggs, banana, red peppers
• Meal 2: Lamb, mushrooms, onions cooked with Madras curry, cashews
• Meal 3: Lamb, mushrooms, onions from lunch, raw carrots, sweet potato with mayo, 1/8 cup of a mango banana coconut blend at a party

Goal 2: Exercise 30 minutes - I took two slow 30 minute walks and did Jillian Level 1

Goal 3: Meditation - Only for three minutes, but I'm still counting it

Goal 4: Sleep 8 hours - I did.  Had to use the bathroom, but refused to get up so it wasn't the most restful, but I stayed in bed and I like that

 

Looking back at my meals, I didn't do so bad.  I wonder if I'm forgetting something.  It feels like I am because I distinctly remember foraging for food in the kitchen today on numerous occasions!  No Lara bars, no handfuls of almonds, no spoons of almond butter - maybe an apple.  I think I did okay.  

 

Now onto tomorrow where each evening I go to bed hopeful that I will wake up and get everything done and over with so I can focus on work - it never really happens that way, but I'm still hopeful.

[Emma]

Day 18 - 

 

Goal 1: Eat Whole30

Meal 1: Three eggs, banana

Meal 2: Leftover lamb, cabbage, onions and a whole sweet potato with mayo

Meal 3: Pork chops and sauerkraut and mushrooms, onions, zucchini stir fry

 

Goal 2: Exercise - I did!  I did Jillian level two and it went okay.  I'm certainly out of shape, but at least I'm doing things.

Goal 3: Meditate - I did it!  It was a good meditation though I was very close to feeling out of shape.  I did some nice awareness on separating stress from me which is good because I'm in procrastinating mode today and I really wanted to get some serious work done which is stressing me out which causes me to procrastinate - ugly cycle.

Goal 4: Sleep 8 hours - I did with one bathroom break at 3:30.  I think it was the soda water I had at dinner last night.

 

So, things are going okayish.  My breakfast was not so hot and I'm feeling it.  I'm looking forward to lunch where I can make things right and get in those much needed veggies.  No plan for dinner yet, but it will be Whole30.  The best thing about the day is I have that dang exercise and meditation DONE which means, that other than kids, life, dogs, and regular stuff, I only have my work to get done and nothing that out prioritizes it.  

 

I'm not feeling any Tiger Blood.  My head is still asking for that spark of something, but overall things are good because I'm plugging along and getting things done.  I've also lost some weight.  I noticed that my shirt hung a little lower and my pants felt a little looser perhaps.  It's not any huge amount, but it's something and it keeps me on the path to this future healthier self.  Now, if only I can remember these goals after the 30 days!  I'm such a healthier person when I'm eating this way.  It's interesting to see how I feel better yet miss the addictive whatevers of the processed and sugary foods that made their way into my life.

 

8:30 PM - I never got to my work today. Gosh, I'm good at procrastinating, but I really want to get stuff completed so that next week won't be so stressful.  Tomorrow.  The hardest part is just getting all the other things done and out of the way.  I seem to waste away my morning trying to meet my goals.  I wish I could just wake up at six and exercise, but it seems highly unlikely (and my husband will complain that my jumping around wakes him up) AND it's so much harder to actually exercise in the morning than it is to think about doing it at night!