Depressed and needing a little encouragement

[Twilightfirefly]

So I know what I say will be nothing new...but at least I can vent here to people who will get it.  So here's the deal:

 

I finished my first Whole 45 at the end of August last year.  I didn't exercise while doing the program  (on purpose - I wanted to see the effects of just the program alone) but still ended up losing 7 pounds. I was feeling pretty good. Here it is now - April, and not only did I gain those 7 pounds back, but an additional 10 more!  And that is just from going back to my pre-whole 30 diet.  I am the heaviest I have ever been in my life, most of my clothes are starting to become too tight, and its frankly, pretty depressing. Several people tell me I still look good, but I know its not true.  Just because I don't look fat doesn't mean I am healthy.

 

I originally thought about doing another whole 30, but to be honest, the thought of doing it again is not a pleasant one anymore.  Part of it is because I have no one to support me in this.  My bf was always getting upset when I was on it because every time he tried to cook something (he loves to cook), I couldn't eat it.  Especially with the spices and marinades for meat, as well as salad dressings.  I never felt supported by anyone; work, friends, etc. (My family was supportive, but they live an hour away, so that didn't help too much).  I even went camping with my bf and his sister and husband while on it, and even though I brought everything I needed to eat, she made a snide comment like, "I am NOT cooking a special meal just for her!"  Dining out with friends was near impossible - especially when out of town all day and trying to eat at a restaurant where the only thing I could compliantly eat was a salad.  And going so long without protein was difficult (there is only so much I could bring along). Coworkers were counting down the days until I was done since we all go out for lunch every Friday (I am with a new group of co-workers and I felt that me going was a good chance to fit in and get to know them).

 

I did get one person at work to try whole 30, and while she did eat better, she didn't follow the program like she was supposed to (her comments were that even if she did have some cheat meals, it was better than how she ate before, so it was fine).  

 

So here I am, feeling fat, miserable and depressed...mad at myself for letting the sugar dragon overtake me.  For letting my thoughts control my actions ("Well, why not finish off those last pieces of chocolate - they are going to be eaten anyway eventually, so why not just eat them now so they won't lurk around tempting me later" - haha, nice justification, right?!). I never really had a problem with grains or wheat really, or dairy for that matter.  But the sugar....oh, the sugar!  And too much of it causes me to be lazy and tired and instead of cooking a nice, healthy meal after work, I will just nuke a potato, add a little butter and salt, and call it good. And skipping breakfasts again. I KNOW how bad that is, and I am now on a mission to get healthier AND exercise now.  Starting today.  

 

I guess what I wanted is to open up and be heard by people who would understand, maybe get a little encouragement / opinions about whether to do another whole 30 with getting virtually no support from anyone except for this community, or do a modified one, just eliminating sugar and eating more veggies.  

 

Thanks for listening.

[MeadowLily]

You've come back for many reasons.    Support and encouragement. 

This time, make your own way.  Input from relatives or friends is not necessary. I've been tooling along without support from the homefront. Laying a food program on those closest to us is too much of a heavy. It makes them feel guilty for eating whatever they want or they simply tune all of the food talk out.

 

When we take complete responsibility for our own health - we take ourselves out of their hands, thoughts and comments from the peanut gallery.  We simply choose to eat compliant food and leave others to their own choices. 

 

If coworkers were counting the days....this time, don't talk to them or anyone else about it.  Go Cold Turkey with food and W30 talk.   When we put ourselves in their shoes, it's understood and appreciated why others simply do not want the blow-by-blow food log.  The suspense of what we're having for dinner is not interesting to them.

 

"Now that you have the basic plan, you need to know how to implement it. It’s simple, actually. Start now. Today. This minute. Count out thirty days on your calendar. Plan out a week’s worth of meals, using the Resources we’ve given you here. Take our Shopping Guide to your local health food store, farmer’s market or grocer and stock up on things you’ll be eating. And then… go. Cold turkey. Just start, using our MealSimple™ template to take all the guesswork out of meal planning. But don’t put this off, not for one more day. If you give yourself excuses or reasons to delay, you may never begin. Do it now."

 

At the end of 30 days, do a Slow Roll Reintro.   Goooo soooo sloooow that it may take another 30 days or more to reach your setpoint.  When you get there, you will have created a weight stability maintenance strategy for yourself.  You will know your food triggers (you probably already know those), food sensitivities and you may not choose to off-road with those until your maintenance strategy is set into blue steel and you have a solid plan going forward.

[ShannonM816]

There is a happy medium between doing a true Whole30 and letting the sugar dragon rule your life, you know. 

 

Obviously, I think the Whole30 is worthwhile -- but I also understand that there are times in life when it's just really hard to be 100% compliant, for any number of reasons. If you feel like a true Whole30 is just not possible right now, think about what would be possible for you. Maybe you eat Whole30 compliant when you control the food, but figure out which things you're okay with relaxing on when other people cook or when you're out at restaurants. If your bf likes to cook, there are tons and tons of W30 compliant recipes, including sauces and dressings. Once you've figured out your plan, talk to him about what you're doing, make it clear you're not going to make him also do it, but that you would appreciate when he cooks for you that he focus on leaving out certain ingredients and emphasizing lots of veggies and proteins and healthy fats -- give him links to blogs like The Clothes Make The Girl and Nom Nom Paleo, or show him specific recipes that look good to you that are compliant, and explain the meal template so he know what you're aiming for. Show him that it's not all dry chicken breast and steamed broccoli, which is what people usually assume you mean if you talk about cooking healthy food. If he truly enjoys cooking, he should be able to see it as a way to challenge his abilities and maybe find new ingredients or new ways to use things he's familiar with. And if he loves to cook, say, pasta dishes or cream based sauces, maybe make a plan that allows for that occasionally, if you enjoy those things -- ask him to keep it simple most of the time, but maybe once a month, let him go all out on whatever meal he wants to make, including wine and dessert if you want. On the other hand, if you know that eating pasta makes you feel yucky or you're lactose intolerant and cream-based sauces are just not worth it to you, tell him that. If you can give concrete examples of how eating this way makes you feel better, it should be a lot easier for him to understand that this is not something you're doing on a whim or something you're doing just to be difficult, but that you're really trying to be healthy and feel better.

 

You might also look around the forum for tips on eating at restaurants. It is possible, although it does require more planning and work on your part. Plenty of people do go out to eat on W30. If all else fails, keep emergency protein at your desk at work (like cans of tuna or salmon or sardines, or compliant jerky, or if you have a fridge where you can store things, some hard boiled eggs) -- that way if you go out somewhere and all you can order is a salad, at least you can eat some quick protein when you get back to work to make up for it.

[ingmarie]

I am doing this alone too but I do have support from family and friends. I do cook for my dear husband and I eat the protein with him ,Not the other stuff he eats LOL.

I don't think you have to go out strong, if You don't have the support, try a bit at a time, maybe they  realize this is how you eat, period.?

There are lots of restaurants that will adjust for your way of eating also ,just ask.

Good Luck.

[Krista Billows Rodriguez]

I didn't talk too much about what I was doing during my 2nd W30.  I'm sure my enthusiasm for the program during my first round ages ago made me quite....annoying....to listen to ;-)  

 

you need to do what's best for you, if you make a plan for that and follow through without any big fanfare your family and friends should see that life will not end as they know it.  This is about you and your health, not them, not how they see you, not how your food choices make them feel about their SAD eating.  It is your time.  You can still socialize without eating and drinking.  Maybe find a friend or two at work that would rather spend some time walking together during lunch than eating at a restaurant.  Tell your boyfriend he's taking the month off of cooking but spell out other ways he can support you-hello fresh flowers and massages?!  Move your time with him out of the kitchen and plan for outdoor activities, movies, museums, etc.  Take the focus off food in your social relationships so you can focus on food for your health.  

[Tina Marie]

I feel your pain... I also did not get any support except here  (oh and my daughter but she also lives a little bit away from me) my friends also looked down their noses,.... "what - you not drinking for 30 days ?   No bread ?   No wheat??  Your insane)  

 

I never did bring it up again.  I thought they would be happy that I was trying to improve my health and my life.  

 

The forums here will lift you up when you need it - give you a kick in the butt too when you need it.   Lots of recipes out here,  lots of help to keep you from being bored.

 

You can do it !

[Maggiedoll]

What is your purpose?  You're talking about the weight you lost before, and the weight that you gained since then, and about feeling fat.  Then  you're talking about health.  But losing weight because you "feel fat" really isn't about health.  It's about guilt and self-judgement.  How are you going to improve your health when you're busy feeling like what you eat makes you bad?  Where are you going to find the motivation to stand up and decide to improve your health, if your focus is on guilt?

[Twilightfirefly]

What is your purpose?  You're talking about the weight you lost before, and the weight that you gained since then, and about feeling fat.  Then  you're talking about health.  But losing weight because you "feel fat" really isn't about health.  It's about guilt and self-judgement.  How are you going to improve your health when you're busy feeling like what you eat makes you bad?  Where are you going to find the motivation to stand up and decide to improve your health, if your focus is on guilt?

 

Thanks to everyone who responded.  I was going through a moment when I was feeling down, but I'm all good.    Thank you for caring enough to reply!!

 

Maggiedoll,  in response to your message, I believe that guilt IS a normal response for someone who has been eating unhealthy, and is often a catalyst for spurring on positive change.  My purpose for losing weight is because I have fallen off the wagon and want to be healthy again; I do not have a warped or skewed sense of self. If you picked up from my message that I think I am 'bad' for eating unhealthy, then I must have not quite gotten my thoughts across correctly.  Yes, I feel guilty for not staying strong and giving in to my sugar dragon.  Yes, I want to get back on board to my healthy path once again, yes, losing weight is not the main reason, but it is a reason.  I know what is my healthy range and what is not healthy, and I said in my OP that my goals were to start eating healthier and exercising - those are my focus. I know how great I feel when I am eating right and how terrible and lethargic I feel when I continually eat unhealthy. When I eat healthy and exercise, I know the weight issue will fall in line. I hope that better explains my thoughts...Have a fabulous week!

[Maggiedoll]

Maggiedoll,  in response to your message, I believe that guilt IS a normal response for someone who has been eating unhealthy, and is often a catalyst for spurring on positive change.  My purpose for losing weight is because I have fallen off the wagon and want to be healthy again; I do not have a warped or skewed sense of self. If you picked up from my message that I think I am 'bad' for eating unhealthy, then I must have not quite gotten my thoughts across correctly.  Yes, I feel guilty for not staying strong and giving in to my sugar dragon.  Yes, I want to get back on board to my healthy path once again, yes, losing weight is not the main reason, but it is a reason.  I know what is my healthy range and what is not healthy, and I said in my OP that my goals were to start eating healthier and exercising - those are my focus. I know how great I feel when I am eating right and how terrible and lethargic I feel when I continually eat unhealthy. When I eat healthy and exercise, I know the weight issue will fall in line. I hope that better explains my thoughts...Have a fabulous week!

Guilt could be considered normal in that it's common and not unexpected, but I don't think I'd call it normal if we're using normal to mean positive or healthy. 

 

Maybe we're defining "guilt" differently, though?  To me guilt is a value judgement; if you feel guilty, it means you feel you've done something wrong or bad, not just something inadvisable.   But from the way you responded, I'm wondering if when you say you feel guilty about eating unhealthy eating habits, you just mean that you regret it?