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The non-paleo spouse


CaseyD

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My husband is amazing. I mean, he is, but then sometimes he is amazing in that "what were you thinking?!" kind of way. ;)

A few days ago, I told him that I really need the sweets to stay out of the house because I'm having a really hard time with that right now. That evening, he went to the store to get some diapers and came back with two boxes of Nutty Bars. Really?!

I don't expect him to change his diet if he does not want to, but he sure can make it hard on me when it comes to clean eating. Sometimes he gets really bummed out if we don't go out to eat somewhere because I can't make it paleo. Then, I feel guilty.

I'm sure I'm not alone here, and ultimately, I can't let what he does be my excuse, but it just feels good to hear from people who can relate.

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I can totally relate!

I'm lactose intolerant, but I love ice cream! My DH knows how hard it is for me to resist even having a bite, but he brings it in the house all the time! To his credit, he is doing this program with me and we are on day 21 with not a single cheat. I really hope that he will stop sabotaging me after going through this experience together. Eating clean is not a vanity issue for either of us, but a health issue. I'm intolerant to dairy and gluten. On top of that, I'm addicted to sweets! I understand what you are going through and I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

Hopefully, we can lead by example ;P.

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My husband is non paleo too. He's a runner and believes he's needs bread,pasta etc as fuel (sheesh, honesltly he *is* a smart guy!). I just adapt the meals I cook to suit him & the kids - I do not cook different meals, just different accompaniments.

He has supported me in my W30 in so far as dropping our weekend bottle of wine habit with me (though he will have a few pints of he goes to the pub). Eating out in Ireland is not as popular (or cheap!) as it in in U.S so that's ok. He does still eat his junk with his cup of tea in the evening but I haven't wanted to eat that kind of stuff in a long time so it's a non-issue.

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My husband and I started w30 at the same time (after months of me trying to convince him that I needed us both to be on board with it), but he's not quite as prone to a sweet tooth as I am/was. I told him that I didn't want a ton of fruit in the house, especially not dates and I specifically said, "Do not bring dates home." We used to buy 5 pound boxes from a Middle Eastern grocery and they'd be gone in less than a week (mostly because of me). They are totally a "gateway" sugar for me and bring on more cravings for things like Nutty Bars and Oreos. About a week into the w30 he came home with a box of dates. ?? I was stumped by that one, and gave him quite a bit of hell for it.

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Hi, Casey -

When I did my first Whole30 my husband was supportive and proud, but non-participatory. He still ate cereal and chips by the box and bag full. Our compromise was that his processed stuff had to be kept out of sight. As long as I couldn't see it, it wasn't a temptation.

That's been about 2 years ago. I'm happy to say that he is now on board with the Paleo lifestyle and has completed several Whole30's along the way. Our old cereal and chip cabinets and drawers are empty now! :)

The good news is you can do this on your own while keeping your marriage intact! Focus on all the amazing things your hubby does for you. Thank him for those things - like running to the store for diapers! I'm pretty sure thank you are the two most important words in a marriage anyway!

Best wishes,

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I'm about a year and a half into life with no grains, legumes, dairy, etc. and my husband is not. I figure he's a big boy and can make his own food choices, but I'm pretty hard-nosed about mine. I do not allow his feelings about my diet to dictate my choices. I completely understand a woman's natural tendencies to be people pleasers - especially our beloved spouses. I pretty much stick strict to my diet except one meal a week where we eat out - usually Mexican food. During my recent Whole30 I skipped that weekly indulgence and I could tell it bummed him out - after all, it's a time we sit close, reconnect, talk, all that stuff. So I can see this from his perspective for sure. But ultimately, it's just food. And we have food at home and we can reconnect and talk anywhere we just need to make it happen. So repeat to yourself over and over if you have to that YOU have to make the choices that are best for YOU. And likewise, he is responsible for his choices and his happiness. It's 30 days. Be firm and make the best choices for you. I still have to remind myself sometimes that the proof is in the pudding. And when I feel better, sleep better, have less joint pain and enjoy life more he will always understand why I do what I do...and maybe someday he will join me. Hang in there.

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I too am married to a non-Paleo eater (who is genetically blessed with a metabolism that won't quit, lucky man). I do 90% of the cooking and grocery buying in our household, so what has worked really well for me is to find "treats" that he likes and I hate, so that I know I can keep whole boxes of whatever it is around the house and I won't be tempted to eat even a bite. This results in our stocking lots of peanut butter- and coffee-flavored ice creams and other sweets, because I can't stand either one.

He was skeptical of the Paleo diet at first but he does like what I cook, so he's pretty happy with our regular meals. Sometimes he wants to cook, and when he does, he likes to make a big project out of it. So if he's going to make lasagna with handmade noodles -- yes, I will have the lasagna, because it's special and worth it to me because he doesn't do it very often. But he's also learned to make a few dishes that excite him to cook, yet are A-OK for me to eat, which is also great. I live for his eggs poached in tomato sauce!

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Update...

DH and I will end our Whole30 the day before he graduates with an engineering degree. Of course after his graduation the family wants to go out to one of his favorite restaurants to eat. I assumed DH would be ordering pasta and his favorite chocolate calzone for dessert. However, last night he was looking over the menu for Whole30 friendly dinner options! But wait it gets better...I reminded him that our Whole30 would be over and he was free to order whatever he wanted (without a peep from me). To my surprise, he said that he didn't feel it was worth it to splurge so soon after eating so clean. :huh: He went on to say that he wished we didn't have to go out to eat at all, but he didn't want to offend his parents or mine by canceling our reservation.

So hang in there everyone, the non-paleo spouse can see the light...eventually ;) .

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  • 1 month later...

Dervalc- my husband is from a villiage in Co. Limerick and is OBSESSED with Haribo's thank goodness I don't like them. He is pretty good about eating paleo with me (with the exception of his nightly cuppa with 3 spoons of sugar and bag of jelliess ). So far I have been really thankful that he has been willing to give up the spuds and pastas.

I have actually had more trouble with my parents- my dad is a rice and bean farmer, so they eat a LOT of rice and beans... which I love and miss. And, my dad and I share a love of all things cheese- trying to convince them to not tempt me with my favorites when I go home has been very difficult. Plus I am the family baker and for every event/dinner I receive non-paleo requests. Ugh!

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Cool, great to see other ladies eating clean... my nonpaleo partner will eat what I cook but will toss in a potatoe or bread/pasta to suit his meal...he is comming around to limiting HFC and additives and maybe the Gluten issue (our close friend has celiacs) but he does keep junk in the house (chips, candy etc).

I try to be sure it is not in my line of sight (a sepreate cupbord for his treats. I also am no longer interested in them but chocolate and good ice cream are still on my radar...LOL

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I love everyone's posts on this topic.

My DH has the metabolism of a hummingbird, for as long as we have been together, he has loved to make cookies at like 11 p.m. and eat them dipped in a big icy glass of milk. If I did things like that....well, you know.

He (and the kiddos) still like to eat goodies, he enjoys an icy cold beer on a few of these hot summer days, but all in all, he is really trying to be helpful, he will eat anything I put on the table for dinner (although he many times tops it off with a big bowl of sugary cereal), and if he cooks he checks in with me as far as what ingredients he can and cannot add.

I think him seeing the changes in me, helps him want to help me.

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  • 3 weeks later...

This thread has been so great to read! I am starting Whole 30 on Friday and my hubby is not on board at all :( At first he was VERY unsupportive and I think he considered that I might be losing my mind. My good friend told him to get a grip and that this was about me not him and his job was to be supportive not negative towards my plan. I have told him 'it's only 30 days' over and over. He is of the 'moderation, low-fat, exercise to lose weight' mentality. Even though we have been dieting together for TEN YEARS and nothing has worked (even gastric banding for me). He says this is too drastic and I say, 'well we are fat and we need to be drastic.' Anyway, he's not doing it with me but he has been supportive--even telling me to order a case of coconut milk and he only barely complained about the price of my grass-finished beef. I have been putting a lot of time into my meal planning these last few days so that I can hopefully convince him how yummy the food will be.....still hope for him I hope :)

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My husband isn't following a strict Paleo diet, but he has come around on somethings. At least he gave up soda and snickers! He is also very willing to cook and eat my Whole30 compliant dinners. I have no idea what he eats during the day, since he is a professional chef he has to try everything he serves. I also can't get him to give up his milk. But with just the small changes he has made, he has lost 9 pounds in the 15 days I've been doing Whole30 (he didn't give up the scale either).

He loves that we are buying fresh ingredients and since he is naturally creative in the kitchen he is having fun cooking dinner for me! I know, I'm pretty lucky. :P

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Hey ladies (err it seems to be mostly women trying to get their husbands on board),

I recently had my husband do a guest post on my blog "Guy's Guide to Eating Paleo". Maybe give it a read or have your husbands read it. I think sometimes paleo can be off-putting for guys b/c they are usually not as concerned with losing weight or they refuse to eat chicken and broccoli to do so. My husband gave some great guy advice on what paleo looks like for him. Coconut milk, avocados, sweet potatoes...how can you say no to all that goodness?

Hope it can help some of you out!

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  • 1 month later...

I haven't started my Whole30 yet, but I, too, am very concerned about my non-paleo husband. I don't really feel the support coming from him and he has no intentions of ever becoming Paleo. He eats no vegetables except for white potatoes and corn on the cob ( he considered rice to be a veggie!). When I ask him what he wants to go with our chicken dinner, he wants macaroni and cheese AND bread, or rice AND bread. Bread and sweets are my weaknesses. I am diabetic, and he wants the best for me, but he is very skeptical and I am having trouble getting him on board. I just don't think he understands what I am up against with my health and severe "bad food" addiction or how beneficial this would be for his health, too!

Not only is he skeptical, but we also have budget concerns relating to it. These are the two biggest factor holding me back from beginning. We do not currently work on a set budget, but I know how expensive this diet can be due to its specialized ingredients. I tried paleo once before buying store bought and sugar filled ingredients because I was completely ill prepared, and it was expensive then. I also failed miserably at it, which ony added fuel to his fire. When I start buying actual clean meat and bulk fresh veggies, whoa!

Does anyone have any advice on how to make a modest budget fit the Paleo way of life and deal with a somewhat unsupportive husband? I am 100% on board and ready to make this life changing transition, but I feel stuck.

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I tried paleo once before buying store bought and sugar filled ingredients because I was completely ill prepared, and it was expensive then. I also failed miserably at it, which ony added fuel to his fire. When I start buying actual clean meat and bulk fresh veggies, whoa!

I'm confused by this - you tried paleo but you were buying store bought foods with sugar?

i like this blog - http://paleoonabudget.com/ (looks like they've even having a webinar soon)

and robb wolf has a paleo on a budget shopping guide - http://robbwolf.com/2012/03/21/paleo-grocery-shopping-budget-know/

and another post - http://www.paleoplan.com/2012/06-07/eating-paleo-on-a-budget/

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To be honest, I don't spend much more eating healthfully than eating "the other way."

Don't get hung up on too many labels at first. Buy the best quality protein, vegetables and fruit you can afford. Conventional protein and produce are much healthier than processed crap.

If you're buying conventional beef, just trim/drain the fat before eating it. Buy frozen veggies in bulk when they are on sale at your local market. If you have a Costco or other wholesale club membership, you can get tons of meat and veggies for great prices.

If you are a Type II diabetic and you do a Whole 30 then stick with the Whole 9 lifestyle, you can drastically reduce the amount of money you spend on meds, MD visits and testing supplies.

Take it one day at a time, one meal at a time!

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I'm confused by this - you tried paleo but you were buying store bought foods with sugar?

That's right. I was ill prepared and didn't know what I was doing reading labels and such. Again, I was going at this completely alone. I have no Paleo confidants in my area. I had only read Dr. Loren Cordain's book and started searching online for recipes, including the paleo-ified foods so I didn't have to feel like I was giving anything up, like muffins, cookies, pancakes, etc. ISWF and the Whole9 has given me a much better insight into what I'm looking for and how the lifestyle really works.

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If you are a Type II diabetic and you do a Whole 30 then stick with the Whole 9 lifestyle, you can drastically reduce the amount of money you spend on meds, MD visits and testing supplies.

I am, according to my doctor, Type 1. They said that because of my age (23 when diagnosed) I was Type 1, but my insulin levels were completely normal. I am heavily genetically predisposed to Diabetes, and I was overweight and very sedentary. I am very much looking forward to having a near perfect A1c and not needing so many expensive supplies or to see my physician every three months!!

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  • 5 weeks later...

Looks like this is quite a bit after the discussion, but I'm just starting my Whole 30 this week and I'm bringing my husband along for the ride. He's not the type to read the books, and isn't really interested in why I'm doing this. He's patient though, cause I'm way geeked out on all this. Love nothing more than a book with tons of scientific references I can go read through. :)

He'll eat whatever I make and is giving this a go, even ate tuna fish with olive oil and onions over mixed greens for lunch this week. Which is kind of a bid deal, because he's in the construction trades. And those guys live on bad cheap food in general.

Funny part is, the first 2 days, he ate "my meals", didn't have any pop or junk all day, then felt he had to finish his chocolate peanuts and ice cream. Oh well, even if he doesn't Whole 30 without slips, it's an amazing and drastic change for him to eat the meals I'm making and not snack or drink pop. I'll take that.

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I'm on Day 24 of my first Whole30 and my husband has continued to eat his ice cream, chips and pizza. I do all the grocery shopping and meal planning - he hasn't complained at all about the paleo meals he's been subjected to. I've really just been doing it on my own, not talking about it too much. This past weekend we met friends at a wine bar (as in they have a 4-page-wine-menu wine bar) and I could tell he was a little disappointed that I wouldn't try the "spectacular cab" our server recommended. But mostly he's been supportive, from a distance.

Last night a friend was asking me about it and how it was going and he was listening to our conversation. When I said I only have 6 more days, he asked, "And then you're stopping?" I explained that I'm going to take a break for a few days while I'm out of town for a conference, but plan to start another 30 days the second week in October. He said, "Oh good...I think I'm going to try it, too."

:)

I'll be happy to really clean out all the junk in the house when that happens!!

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I'm really hoping that as I stick with it (it's day 7 for me) he sees how great I'm feeling and gets more used to "this" (sleeping 9 hours, healthy whole foods, etc), that he'll want to do his own Whole 30 and really stick to it next time around. He loves working out, lifting weights and such, so I'm considering getting him a subscription to "Performance Menu" and trying to bring him around to Whole9 through Robb Wolf and Paleo (seduce him with the clean mass gain or better performance?)

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I have been doing it alone too! Initially he said I was crazy and it was impossible. But the more he went against it the more I wanted to prove him wrong. We share a Paleo Supper (which he has been really enjoying). Initailly he would add a potato or rice but now he is eating whatever I am eating. For the most part he has been incredibly supportive (There have been a few incidents) But I keep on asking if he would do a whole 30 with me and the answer is still no - he feels he couldn't do it. The man has a very high metabolism and is addicted to his 2 times a week pasta. But now I've noticed (and he has too) that his bloating has come down quite significantly since I started the whole 30. This is only because we share the one meal together. I guess I am starting to become a positive influence.

Initially his mom was kind of unsupportive as well, insinuating that the food I was eating wasn't healthy. Now she sees the proof of it and she hasn't said a peep in the last 2 weeks - even suggesting that maybe I should continue with the program if it was working for me.

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Hi everyone, this is my first post!

I had been gluten free for about 4 years until I began reading about the paleo lifestyle and decided to give it a try about 8 weeks ago. What a great decision it was too!! :D I feel epically better in terms of weight loss, energy increase, better sleep, less niggling joint pains and probably my most favorable - no bloating, ever.

It's been absolutely no hardship for me to make a change to this lifestyle as meat and vegetables have always been my favored diet anyway but when people knew I was gluten free they would always push the gluten free breads, cakes, pastas etc on me (out of the best intentions) because they always thought i'd be missing them. The truth is I wasn't and they are full of garbage for the most part anyway. I now politely refuse those types of things too, normally about 10 times before it sinks in that I don't want it, and then they look at me like I have 3 heads, ask me if i'm joking, and I try to change the subject before the pitch forks come out!!

Interestingly, the way I eat and the results I have gained sparked a couple of people in my extended family to buy literature regarding the subject, only to subsequently tell me that they can't do it, not even for a week, not even just to try it. Incredible!

Anyway, all that was a bit of a digression from the original topic which I would like to bring it back to now. I eat paleo now. To my knowledge i'm 99% accurate on it (I don't like to say strict because that would make it seem like a chore), but the issue arises is that my wife isn't. Now, I cook all our evening meals and she likes the food I produce to the most part (not a big fan of all the offal I have been making :P ). However, for breakfast and lunch she is still eating all the regular american diet items e.g. granola bars stuffed with 700 different types of sugar, tons of cream in coffee, bread, artificially flavored and preserved yogurt and oatmeal etc.

She sees the clear results in me and shows admiration for it but say that she couldn't give all that stuff up and just plain doesn't want to. That's free choice and that's up to her in my opinion. But the last few days it has started to scare me that the combination of her usual daytime diet AND my evening meal choices, where i'm not afraid of using lots of animal and coconut fats, high cholesterol shell fish and eggs etc., could actually damage her health while improving mine.

All those my paleo foods, when isolated, appear to be good, but my question would be, - Could a paleo diet for every evening meal actually be detrimental if you are eating the garbage for the rest of the day?

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