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Starting again - making peace with food


lcs75

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Day 2 wasn't too bad :)

 

Put some more thoughts into the dessert question and will try to incorporate fruit into my main meal from now on. I felt pretty good with my food choices today and had no major inner battles. I gave in to having nuts - I think I did not feed myself enough at breakfast after the run/walk and although I tried to bulk lunch up with an egg, it did not keep me long for full. The roasted nuts - note no apple! - in the afternoon kept me well full and I could not eat all of my dinner. Will take a while to get this right. Tomorrow I will eat an egg before my run!

 

Meal 1: Coffee with coconut oil, sausage, pork belly with veg and avo

 

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Meal 2: Mince, coconut, zucchini, bone broth soup with egg. Stewed apple + rhubarb with coconut cream

 

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Snack: Roasted almonds in coconut butter with salt and rosemary

 

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Meal 3: Cabbage with mince meat and sweet potato

 

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I also did a slow jog through the national park for 4k and walked back barefoot. And I did some mindfully colouring in :)

 

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All in all a good day and now I need a good nights rest, so the tiredness from travelling is beaten completely!

 

Cheerio x

 

 

 

 

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Day 3 has started!

 

Today I am back at work, but I already celebrate that I made it through my first weekend!

 

I initially started the Whole 30 on the 1st of March and had many set-backs but have tried to incorporate some of the ideas even when I went off plan. So i don't feel like I am in the hang-over phase. The sugar dragon is not too bad at the moment - let's wait until I cut fruit and nuts out more! My IBS has been better, since I cut the dairy out and apart from a few occasions I have been off dairy since March. I am still upset that it might be the dairy, but my cravings have gone close to zero and the few times I tried cheese, I did not really like it that much - and I had immediate reactions to it.

 

I think my palate is changing a lot. I have tried raw celery sticks - and I hate the smell of celery with a passion, but liked it with some nut butter. I have even eaten a little beetroot and had a juice that included beetroot - and I could handle it, I am not saying I like it yet. But I think my change in taste is great! I will try raw carrot sticks at some point and might even give fennel a go!

 

In general I require more sodium than the average person and I have been using the salt shaker a lot, probably due to cutting out dairy - I did not have much processed food before I started.

 

Amazingly I find that walking past stores, especially bakeries, I do not feel much cervings anymore. I have tried a few old favourites when I was off plan and had sweet-chilli chips, kebab, pie - but they have somehow lost their attraction a little bit. I intentionally pause and take a good sniff, but I don't get this urge, I guess this is due to me not being hungry all the time?

 

I am still worried about how much I eat / should eat and what will happen to my weight. For me that is the biggest battle, but I am not giving up! I have put on weight since March - about 4lbs - but I am not sure if that is due to my off plan binges, the IBS getting better or me eating too much. I guess I can only find this out with time.

 

Here is to an amazing Day 3 at work! Cheerio x

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Day 3 is over :)

 

I tried to eat sufficient, so I would not get cravings or need snacks, but I was uncomfortably full after lunch :( I think I just had way too much meat!

 

I am tired and I am not sure if that is from the "hangover" or if I am still recovering from the business trips of the last few weeks. Will have an early night tonight!

 

Pre-workout snack: 1 egg, pure magnesium, water, coffee with coconut oil

 

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Meal 1: Cabbage and mince, 2 scrambled eggs, sweet potato, tomato and avo

 

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Meal 2: Cabbage and mince, sweet potato and avo; 1 persimmon with nutbutter - TOO BIG!

 

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Meal 3: Mexican mince with avo - SMALL PORTION

 

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Exercise: 15x100m sprints with 10min warm up and cool down.

 

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I was thirsty all the time and I am tired today.

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Good morning Day 4!

 

I feel very much relaxed this morning - and hungry ;) Dinner was a little small and I have been hungry for a bit. Will cook up a storm now :)

 

The fatigue from travelling is finally lifting, I am always stunned to see how much that knocks me around!

 

Have a great day all!! Cheerio

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These are the days that test me... Jammed something mid spine / ribs, 2 appointments later lying on the floor hoping that the pain will go...

Keep telling myself that junk food and wine won't make it better...

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Thanks Loulabelle,

 

I made it, I stayed strong! It was very tempting to hide in my bed with a bottle of wine... but then that does not mix with the meds anyhow.

 

I went for a gentle walk to loosen those muscle spasms and spend time on the floor, lying there and also massaging a bit. At least I know the protocol, I have been there before...

 

My day with food was not too bad, actually had a break through with my portion size at brekkie and got it spot on :) I started feeling hungry at about 11:20, so I had a nice and healthy appetitte at 12 :) I like eating when I have this nice little hunger in my belly!

 

How is my meal timing??? Dinner was prob a bit early today, normally around 7pm, but Meal 1 and 2 are pretty standard. I normally have 5-7 hours between meals.

 

6am Meal 1: Mince with eggs, avo, tomato and radishes.Coffee with coconut oil AFTER brekkie

 

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12pm Meal 2: Mexican mince with egg, avo, 1/2 apple and nutbutter - and I ate apple and nutbutter during my main meal :)

 

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6pm Meal 3: Veggie beef curry. 1/2 apple with nutbutter for dessert - straight after dinner, that was my "junk food" allowance for feeling shit.

 

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Fingers crossed that I feel better tomorrow and that the meds don't screw up my digestive system, as they normally do :(

 

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Good morning Day 5!

Not a good start today with pain and stiffness, but I have been here before and know what to do, so fingers crossed that it will all work out the way I believe it should do :)

Hoping that the big morning meals will make it easier for me when taking meds, I hate taking them, but they do help.

My brekkie once again contained mince and eggs, thought it was a great idea to pre-cook mince on the weekend, but must admit I am fairly over mince by now...

Hope you all have a great day! Cheerio x

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Day 5 - is over!

 

And I am not sure if I have to restart after starting pain killers / anti-inflammatory drugs yesterday :(

 

My day was ok, little nauseous from the pills, but so far so good, only little gut disturbances :) rest and gentle physio has helped my back a bit, fingers crossed!

 

Meal 1: last of the pre-cooked mince meat (yay!) with eggs, capsicum and avo. Coffee with coconut oil after.

 

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Meal 2: Beef + veggie curry with avo, apple and nut butter

 

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Meal 3: Steak with carrot + sweet potato chips, creamy mushroom cabbage. 1/2 apple with nut butter for dessert straight after

 

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Back to work tomorrow! Cheerio x

 

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G'Day and half way through Day 6!

I am getting bettet at this! Was in no mood to prepare lunch today after my "boring" brekkie and have just wondered around the food court with the longing for a mixed kebab, discussing in my head and finally deciding, I will go for the kebab. The the question popped into my head if it is worth it, and now I am standing at the Thai take-away eaiting for freshly prepapred Chicken Chilli Basil with extra cashew nuts, no rice :)

So so proud of myself :)

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While I was eating my yummy thai, I was wondering why I always feel like I need to eat so much more than other people - and I don't think I am... If you leave the bread, rice, pasta etc away from the main meal, there is quite a significant gap to fill up :) So I am in search of an approriate second meal now :) No bad conscience :)

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I had a bunless buger last night, that unfortunately had dairy in it and some potato chips. I was just exhausted after a day at the office and a long treatment for my back and only got home at 7:30pm. By then I was tired and hungry... I paid for it, with a gurgeling stomach and lots of wind and it started so quickly I was not sure whether it was the food???

 

It is a journey and I will make it eventually :) I have an appointment with a dietitian next week that specialises in IBS, food intolerances, but also ED.

 

Meal 1: Breakfast mess: ground beef, carrots, potatos, bone broth and eggs with red cabbage and avocado

 

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Meal 2: Thai Chicken chilli stir-fry with extra cashew, while the healthiest choice I am actually not sure which oil was used. I also found a bar that just contained walnuts, date, cacao nibs - nothing nasty

 

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Meal 3: bunless burger and chips - no more pictures upload???

 

 

 

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Good morning Day 7!

It has been nearly a week!

Breakfast within the first hour of waking seems pretty natural to me already. Today I thought I would drag it out a bit, as I was awake at 4:30, but nope 5:20 I was starving and ready to cook - so I did :) Let's see how I feel at noon!

I have also moved my one coffee a day to after breakfast and think my stomach enjoys the change - the only reason why I have 1 coffee a day is because I only tolerate one a day - so surely to have that on an empty stomach is not the best idea... I am slowly learning :)

I will put some thought into different meals for next week to beat the boredom. I still don't understand why I cannot have a pancake - I agree with not loading it with "sugar" - fruit sugar that is like banana and raisins - but still struggle to understand what is bad about my apple-egg pancake with coconut cream... But then ok it is only for 30 days!

I have managed to not weigh my food or enter any food in a food diary to check my calorie intake all week, so that is great :) But I have weighed myself a couple of times :( thinking of it, I will take the batteries out and hide the scales!! Done :)

I am eating my fruit - 1 apple - with my meals and also eat my but butter then. I used to eat a lot of fruit! And I mean a lot, so that is a massive change!

Eating all these veggies is ok, still not sure if I eat enough carbs, actually not sure if it matters.

I am still struggling with the question if I will gain weight - hence the scales - I have put on weight since the beginning of the year and I don't like it. Now at 147lbs I am not overweight, but I prefer myself at a slightly lower weight - 140lbs is the lowest I would like to be, I have been 120lbs and 176lbs and both were bad. I don't want to end at either side again and am pretty happy in the 140s. I am just worried if I push myself to not care about the amount of food I will end at the upper area again - that is how I got there in the first place... Obviously this is still in my head, I guess 30days won't be enough to go pass this issue... Ine reason why I think the 140s are the weight to be as this was my weight range before I started going on this roller coaster, I think I was 15 and looking at my body now I keep wondering why I started this in the firat place. I was surrounded by all these mini skinny girls, but I was healthy and happy and fit. Okay I will stop now, just had to get this off my chest, as I said, it is a journey for me :)

So all in all my week has been great, I have made progress and I am looking forward to a sunny weekend with many food challenges ahead, as I will be out and about!

Love reading my daily emails, they really help me to stay on track, so happy I found the Whole 30 :)

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Don't give up! This is a journey for your health and not a race to see who finishes first. Read back over all you have written and see how far you have come. I've been following all your posts and I have seen how you have started to get to know yourself better and realising the relationship and effect food (or coffee) has on you. 

 

You can start again, and again and agin till you figure out what works best for you. Remember you are doing this for yourself. Post here as to why you went off track, we can support and help you through it. 

 

We have your back.

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I am just angry and confused and tired and sad.

 

I injured myself 15 months ago, I worked so hard to get better. I found out that I have to live with it. I try to make the best of it. I always try to make the best of a situation. Then I try just a tiny little challenge - a 5k run (at snail pace that is) as part of a team tri and I injure myself 4 days before the tri. Now I will have to walk. And I will have to force myself to walk, so I don't come home worse. Sometimes I just don't like that my body does not do what I would like to do. I try so hard to keep within my limits, I try to be good. It makes me sad when I have to add up my "active minutes" during the day, to determine, whether I can go for a walk or go dancing, or I just need to go to bed to have a rest. Everyone is talking about being more active - I get told if I want to add an activity, I should play chess :(

 

I cannot move the way I want and I cannot eat the way I want. People say, don't be so strict to yourself, but then they don't have IBS-D and they don't have to worry about some part in their body breaking down. I think it has just been a long journey. I won't give up, I am not a quitter, I just need to refocus.

 

I know the feeling I had in the car today, when my head planned the little binge - I will have to learn how to break that pattern. I went through all the "consequence scenarios" and "it's ok scenarios" but this time it did not click.

 

Tomorrow is a new day.

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I totally get what you are saying. I have very similar limitations physically and go through much the same as you do; see there was a reason I started stalking your posts  :P . Sometimes I hate my body too then I remember how remarkable it is having recovered from the traumas it has been through. It still does get me down though, I'm in constant pain at the moment with my hips; the running I had planned to start again is just a pipe dream now. So I bought a bike, I'm going to see how that goes because you don't recover from the stuff we have and go through all of that to just sit in a corner. 

 

I get the food thing too, for years I tried to avoid certain food while having my ex tell me it was all in my head only to find out I am allergic to some of them. We know our bodies best when it comes to this. Patterns are hard to break and they don't get broken overnight. I still have to think twice about not reaching for the bread bin when I am down or like now when my head feels like it is about to explode. We have had these habits for many years probably and getting rid of them is going to take some work and time. 

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When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit-

Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

 

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a fellow turns about

When he might have won had he stuck it out.

Don't give up though the pace seems slow -

You may succeed with another blow.

 

Often the goal is nearer than

It seems to a faint and faltering man;

Often the struggler has given up

Whe he might have captured the victor's cup;

And he learned too late when the night came down,

How close he was to the golden crown.

 

Success is failure turned inside out -

The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It might be near when it seems afar;

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -

It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

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