Reclaiming my health, confidence and life


angincanada

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Little background on me. I have been overweight since I was in grade 8. I have gained and lost the same 70 pounds probably 4 or 5 times. I feel my health has slowly deteriorated over the past 6 or 7 years or so. My son was chronicaly ill as an baby/toddler and I took to eating to comfort my frustrations and stresses. I became anxious all of the time and started having daily panic attacks. I became agoropbobic and couldn't leave the house without first suffering a full blown panic attack. Under the direction of my doctor I started taking cipralex and within 5 months I had gained 60 pounds. He was diagnosed with celiac disease last year after 8 years of hospital stays and nobody willing to listen to me. During the past few years I've experienced a significant amount of joint pain. Knees cracking, fingers swell and ache, constant fatigue, mood swings, zero sex drive. I am really not living my life as i envisioned and want to live. I'm not the mom that I want to be and I'm not the wife I want to be either.

Today I woke up and just felt disgusting. I felt bloated and my feet hurt and my knees hurt and I was exhausted. I tried on a few different scrub tops for a change and none of them fit. I ended up wearing one of the two I usually wear. So I got half way through my shift and a patient asked me if I was pregnant and touched my stomach. I quickly blurted out that I was just fat, turned quickly around and cried as I walked away.

I am so disappointed and angry at myself that I've let my health go. I am so mad at the control that food has over me. I feel so stupid that I just can't get my [email protected]#$ together and lose this weight so that I can take care of the joint pain due to being overweight for 15 years. :(

I am starting an journal here as o embark on my whole30 starting tommorow may 1st. God knows I need the accountability and support.

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Meal #1: attempted an omelette but I was so nauseated :( Coffee with coconut milk

Meal #2: 3 hardboiled eggs with ghee and steamed vegetables. Still a bit nauseated but I did what I could.

Meal #3: burger patty, sweet potato and Napa cabbage salad with Asian dressing. Was really really craving iced tea so I took about 1/8 cup freshly squeezed orange juice and put it in carbonated water.

Friday nights are usually pizza night followed by chips and snacks with a movie so I will admit I was a bit sad lol. Instead my son and I are going to go for a bike ride and snack on some watermelon (I'll add a protein so its compliant) and watch a movie.

I have a headache that is kicking in and I'm tired but I know it'll pass.

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I just read your post and could relate to a lot of what you said.  Today is my first day as well.  I am happy because I have a plan and need accountability.  My husband is doing it with me, but not my daughter. 

 

We can do this.  I have been in the pit before, and I know it is possible to climb out.  Just take it minute by minute.

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I feel like I am too fat for my exercise class, but I refuse to give up.

 

Today is my 2nd day, up all night coughing last night.  Everything is blooming right now here  in the deep south, so I think it was the pollen.  I have been a little nauseous today.  I totally binged out on sugar and carbs the week before my start date, which was May 1st.

 

Also I am not sure how to see if there is a response to my post.  this was a fluke, I just typed in my name, it is a little confusing the threads.  I'll figure it out eventually

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Keep going!!! You started this and that is totally awesome!!! Every movement counts and the laughter with your son is even better :)

Sounds like your journey will be longer than just 30 days - for me it is a long journey too, and we will be able to do this :) I'm not gonna give up :)

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OK tommorow i am back to day 1. I did well all day until 5:00 when I went to my neieces birthday party. I'd packed my own dinner and felt proud. 6:00 rolled around, opened up my bag and realized I forgot my dinner :( by this time it had been 6 hours since lunch and I was starving so I ended up having gluten free pizza. Now I feel like crap and I'm kad at myself. At least it was only day 2 but still hate starting over.

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Today was a good day! Still trying to work on veggies with breakfast though.

Meal #1 2 eggs fried in ghee, apple with almond butter

Meal #2 Egg salad stuffed in lettuce, watermelon, raw veggies

Meal #3 Egg rolls in a bowl. These were amazing. Basically inards of a spring roll without the wrapper. An post the recipe if anyone is interested. Raw veggies (red pepper, carrots, celery, cucumber) dipped on EVOO and balsamic vinegar.

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