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Feeling horrible and embarassed


Momof4

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Momof4, don't feel badly about taking care of yourself, or trying to take care of yourself, to the best of your abilities. Is there any way you can NOT spend time with them this summer? If they are that judgmental and jerky, it sounds like a bad summer ahead. Taking care of yourself doesn't just mean eating well, it means not ingesting anything poisonous. You can ingest things on a spiritual and emotional level. When you are around people who make you feel like that, you're swallowing little bits of cyanide. They will slowly kill you. 

 

In my mind, family are people you choose to spend your life with, not people you are "obligated" to be around because you have some blood "relation" to them. If you don't like them and they are that toxic consider excising them from your life- like cutting out a tumor. Some people are tumors in our lives, because they kill us emotionally and will never, ever change. Most human beings don't change much, emotionally or philosophically or personality-wise, after the mid-20s. 

 

Just my two cents. Be well. 

 

Incidentally, I also have interstitial cystitis. What helps me is keeping my urine extremely alkaline with baking soda. Get urine ph test strips at the health food store and aim to keep your urine at around 8 or so, until the inner lining of your bladder heals. Your bladder is like an open wound inside and if the urine is acidic at all, it will give you symptoms. The baking soda thing and dietary changes are the only thing that has ever helped me; the medication was useless.

 

Lexical....its not just my parents that I spend the summer with but also my in laws. I start feeling stressed in April about the upcoming months and by September I am so emotionally drained I am hysterical if my husband even mentions going to the beach house. He would like to be there every weekend beginning in April and ending in November. We spend our family vacations with my husbands entire family in a cramped beach house. I literally do not get a minute of downtime and there is absolutely nothing relaxing about my "vacation". Then I have to spend time at my parents house where there is even less down time. At least at my in laws my husband and I can go out by ourselves one or two nights. My parents cannot handle me leaving even for things like a 45 minute run/walk. They of course think they are helping me when I am there but it's just constant stress and annoyance. Not to mention that I am in a constant state of packing and unpacking. I am getting upset just thinking about it. I basically just grin and bear it and pray the the summer goes quickly. My husband tells me that everyone would love to be in my position and have a house at the Jersey shore. I guess I am just weird.

How to you take the baking soda? How often and how much? I am so exhausted right now between giving up the coffee 3 days ago and getting up every 2-3 hours in the night. I just can't handle having to go to the bathroom all the time. I just hope that it can get better.

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I think what Lexical was getting at is that you are choosing to spend this time with your family. It may not feel like you can choose otherwise, but it is actually possible to do so. I wonder if a heart-to-heart with your husband is in order here? Make some alternative plans and send him to the beach house without you for a few weekends? You deserve some down time and some support, even if you have to ruffle a few feathers to get it.

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A beautiful place can be ruined if you dislike the people you're stuck with. I'd personally rather spend the summer in a concrete cubicle alone than b e surrounded by people who are toxic, but that is just me. Your husband is not you and is not the one being judged by the sounds of it. You can tell him he can go if he wants, but you don't want to go. It's your choice, remember.  :)

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A beautiful place can be ruined if you dislike the people you're stuck with. I'd personally rather spend the summer in a concrete cubicle alone than b e surrounded by people who are toxic, but that is just me. Your husband is not you and is not the one being judged by the sounds of it. You can tell him he can go if he wants, but you don't want to go. It's your choice, remember.  :)

 

I totally agree with this...except that it isn't necessarily as cut and dried as saying she doesn't want to go. With some family dynamics saying she doesn't want to go will create an even bigger rift/issue in the family. My in-laws are going through a divorce right now and despite all the kids wanting to stay neutral between each side it still has created divisions. They did beach trips every summer and things are getting heated right now because of it.

 

As someone who's seen the consequences of people in cramped quarters on beach trips turning into huge family rifts (MIL and middle BIL don't talk more than once a month or so after the trip in 2013, even though he and his wife just had a baby in March...MIL almost didn't go to middle BIL's wedding in October 2013...) not going could be just as bad as going in the long run.

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Mom of4

Please know at some point we all go through this

Families even in the best situations are a challenge

IMG_5901_zps32867546.jpg

You must pick and choose W30 and let the dust settle

Those of us learn through experience that some people live their lives the way they want

They make choices that affect everyone else

Let go it's their problem to sort it out

Choose what's best for your family as you W30

You'll find you are calmer clearer headed and happier

Good Luck I'll pray for you too

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Momof4, how are you doing? Maybe you're updating elsewhere so I'll have a look around.

 

Hope your UTI is clearing up (I meant to add on this thread that I used to be very prone to them - acute ones, with pain and bleeding (yikes!) and haven't had even a hint of them since cleaning up my eating. I'm starting a second W30 because I've been letting sugar creep back in - but still, no UTIs since my first W30).

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Thank you for checking in! I am not doing great. I have removed all of the foods recommended by the IC diet and I am still getting up every 3-4 hours during the night. It's definitely better but I am so exhausted all the time. It hasn't been 2 weeks yet so I will just continue and hope that I see more improvement over the next few weeks. Other than the exhaustion I feel great!

In other news my husband is planning to get a week long rental at the jersey shore this summer (working on it today). That means at least our vacation will be in our own house. That takes some of the anxiety out of my summer plans!

Thank you again for checking in!

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Small steps sounds good to me based on everything else you've said - your own beach place (and less anxiety even now about that), feeling great despite the waking during the night - these are good things. You're on the right track!

Sorry - I can't read through all of the above posts to refresh my memory: are you currently doing a W30?

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I am not officially doing a whole30 but I am only eating whole30 foods with some infrequent off roading. I have to admit that I did not follow the program's rules about coffee to a T and I now realize that it may have been impacting my weight loss. With my new bladder friendly restrictions I had to give up coffee and I am definitely starting lose weight! Before giving up coffee I started the day with a cup before eating. Then followed up breakfast with a cup. I think it may have also been impacting how hungry I was. My hunger has definitely decreased as well! I guess there is always a silver lining to those things that seem really horrible at first!

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This sounds good, Momof4! Nice to see the changes from the coffee elimination.

 

Eating mostly compliant should be great for you, and also make the transition into a W30 easier (relatively easier than if you were eating lots of junk!) but I would strongly encourage an actual W30 at some point. The success thread is filled with stories of "well, I was pretty much compliant but 1) once I started the W30 I realized how many little exceptions I had been making and 2) I've seen incredible changes!" [i'm starting my own 2nd W30 today so I'm hoping to write one of those!]

 

Also there is something so empowering about the re-introductions since you learn with certainty about how YOUR OWN body reacts to different foods. It takes food choices out of the realm of the theoretical (or moral) and puts it squarely in your own real-life terms. 

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I am not officially doing a whole30 but I am only eating whole30 foods with some infrequent off roading. I have to admit that I did not follow the program's rules about coffee to a T and I now realize that it may have been impacting my weight loss. With my new bladder friendly restrictions I had to give up coffee and I am definitely starting lose weight! Before giving up coffee I started the day with a cup before eating. Then followed up breakfast with a cup. I think it may have also been impacting how hungry I was. My hunger has definitely decreased as well! I guess there is always a silver lining to those things that seem really horrible at first!

 

Breaking up with coffee is so hard to do.   My mind would rationalize - coffee has antioxidants and even gives you some natural sunscreen protection and has polyphenols, diterpenes, trigonelline and don't forget CAFFEINE!  OOooo, I'd better have at least one cup aday,  I need those compounds!  Back and forth, back and forth.   I had to go Cold Turkey and tell my mind to shut-up.

 

Hunger for breakfast is right there when my feet hit the floor in the morning.  Like you, I'm seeing some positive benefits and they happened within a few days.  Yes, I was stuck for weeks and weeks.  Come to find out, even 1 strong cup of coffee aday was holding everything up.  Yay You, Momof4!

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Oh, Lily... You did it! And you are not curled up in the fetal position, crying on your bed? :D Yay for you.

                                                                              

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Mom,  I'm not sure where you are in your Whole30 program but today is Day 30 for me.  I have been religious in sticking to the program and while I 'know' I'm doing good things for my health and body, I haven't yet seen the results I've hoped for!

 

It wasn't really until I read the Daily emails from Days 29 & 30 that I realized that everyone's journey is different and progress varies by individual.  In truth it was good to know there were others who were like me still struggling with results and we just needed more time!

 

For me, I plan to continue on the program for the foreseeable future and will not introduce new foods unless and until I see more of the changes I'm looking for.  It is for certain, that adding these foods back will NOT aid my progress so why bother? 

 

If you are following the program the way it is outlined, things WILL change for you - you just have to be patient - it will come!

 

As for your parents, I know it's hard!  It's not always easy to take an adult stance and hold your ground - you are always the 'child' when dealing with them - but you are an adult now and perhaps you just have to be honest and tell them you now make your own choices and decisions with your life... in time the results will show that those choices and decisions were right for YOU.

 

Good luck in your journey!  You have an incredible amount of support right here when you need it!

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Oh boy.  I wish I could give you a hug.  And say a few things to your parents and in laws.  Why does it seem that people in general have lost their decency filter?  I mean seriously, how about trying to be nice, thoughtful, caring and kind or shut up if you can't? 

 

My mother sucks.  She lies, manipulates and is just downright toxic.  Always has been.  I just spent a good 2+ years of not speaking with her.  And she has my brothers not speaking to me either.  She tells people I did good in school to make them look bad, that I am not on blood thinners, cholesterol meds, and high blood pressure meds because I have "different genes" than her and my brothers  That to get my brothers in my good graces after her lies and manipulations, I need to apologize for crap from when I was a toddler.  Absolutely insane and toxic.

 

My mother in law is crazy and passive aggressive. 

 

One thing I have done is told my husband NOT to tell people I am on a diet.  Don't say anything.  If they ask, I just say I don't eat this or that because I don't LIKE it.  I am super fortunate to have a few of Whole 30 fans at work. 

 

I don't know how you continue to go the beach.  I would not go there at all.  I do believe stress causes inflamation and just weakens you.  I tore a muscle and was physically out of it when I went through a bad time.  Cortisol is a hormone affected by stress and causes weight issues.

 

4 years ago, I weighed 120 lbs.  Prior to doing a Whole 30 around 2 months ago, I was at 150.  Now this may not sound like a lot to some, but I am 5'1" and generally petite.  My husband said to me at the time, I still think you are beautiful.  i told him, I am doing this because I just want to feel better.  I don't feel good in my skin.  I was having hot flashes, not resting and my eyes were not clear.  I was having cravings mid afternoon where I felt like I could gnaw off a limb if there was some honey or sugar on it.  Giving into that craving (from the vending machine, not my arm) caused me to crash and my drive home from work got scary when I felt I could just go to sleep.  I was having nightmares that I did that.  I didn't do the whole 30 for weight but it would have been nice to see more than 8 pounds drop in 6 weeks after I increased my exercise.  But I am feeling so much better.

 

One thing I would take advantage of if they still give you a hard time is tell them your diet is dictated by your doctor.  Tell them you'll listen to them after they complete the 10+ years of college and get so many years of experience being a doctor.  I tell my mother that when she starts talking about what medications people should be on.  Her edcuation didn't go past high school. 

 

Be strong!  And thanks for the information on the effects of coffee. I was under the impression it was okay if it was black.  In your honor and by default, my body's, I am going to attempt to cut it out a week from now!

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Howdy, Momof4!  I am new to your thread and just read it from the beginning.  I cheered when I got to the post where your husband is renting you guys a house of your own for the summer vacation.  First because it means your stress levels will be lower, but even more because it means that he is listening and cares about you.  It probably isn't always easy to tell -- I'm sure he has his own "stuff" to deal with and can't always be the perfect solicitous guy we like to think our men could be.

 

But every step that helps you is a great one, so good for him!  And good for you for letting him know what you need.  Even the very best of them are not mind readers, which means if we don't really know what we need, they have no hope.  Amazing how annoying that part is! 

 

Anyway, you sound like you were in a really bad spot with the lack of sleep, high stress situation, and too many people trying to tear you down.  It probably will take a while before you're on completely solid ground.  But just keep choosing to make clear that you need to take action to make sure that you're healthy.  That can be "no thanks" for cookies, or "no thanks" for the next round of guilt from a family member, or "no thanks" for the stress of being too close to too many people.

 

The thing about all this is, the more you take care of yourself, with gentleness and goodwill, the more you will have the energy reserve to be able to take care of everyone else.  You know that, of course!  I say it to remind you not to feel guilty about creating boundaries that keep you and your family on a low-stress, high-health road.

 

ThyPeace, learned to choose peace over chaos the hard way.  And sometimes the peaceful choice isn't so clear.

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