Jacs' 'get on with it' journal

[Jacs]

I'll start by saying I hope I don't post here very often

 

I'm hoping to do my whole 30 is a low key, unstressed way - and focusing on describing it doesn't fit with that plan. But on the hard days, it'll be nice to have a place to rest.

 

I haven't weighed myself for a while, so that's not an issue right now. I'm 'morbidly obese' according to the standard measures. But I don't fit my wedding rings, and I have a pair of jeans that would fit me if I didn't bloat up with a sore stomach every day. So those, and improving my sleep are the things I'm hoping for.

 

Today is day 1, and I've been compliant but not really effective, if that makes sense. My meals have been too 'carby' and I have a headache and hunger pangs - it's only 4pm!! However, considering I was travelling for the last couple of days and made no plans at all for this, I'll call that a win.

 

I've been eating a mostly paleo diet for the last 3 years, and have managed to slay the coke zero, processed food, and evening snacking dragons. I still play host to the sugar dragon, and the 'life's too short to be deprived' demon. That means I've had fairly frequent slips.

 

I have a feeling that dairy will be the challenge for me. I used to think I had lactose intolerance until I had the allergy and gut tests and it turned out to be the proteins in all grains that had created a leaky gut. I've been literally sucking back the dairy for the last 18 months or so, making up for 25 years of not having it!! Now it's the thing I'm most anxious about giving up, which is probably a good indication of an unhealthy attachment.

 

So - almost the end of day 1. Can't wait to the 'kill all the things' days

[FlyingCrow]

Good luck!

I'm on day 19 and I thought I would miss dairy too, but I haven't at all

[Beth49]

I thought no- dairy would be rough, especially with regard to coffee.  But good rich whole trade is just fine black.

I want this whole thing to be low key too.  I've tried so many other diets, all with fanfare, some with blogs.  That this time its all about me and life.

[Jacs]

Hi ladies - welcome to my occasional journal

 

Day 3. Hmmm. I'm following a fairly predictable pattern - too much fruit, some eggs, and too many nuts. Not 'too many' because of the programme, but because of IBS. There are 2 big issues in there for me. I'm about to write a novel about, lol. It helps me to process it all, though, so bear with me.

 

Firstly, my IBS manifests in 2 ways (and it's taken me years to figure this out) - the first is an almost everyday pain and bloating, with varying degrees of constipation. I get that if I overeat, eat gassy foods, eat too fast, get too hungry, eat lots of sugar, overdo the fodmaps, eat too much of the things I'm sensitive to, stay tense for too long, wear clothes that constrict my waist . . . blah, blah, blah. I can sometimes avoid this by taking a digestive enzyme, but other times it just gives me a horrible acidic feeling and doesn't seemt to do a thing. The thing with that pain is that it's short term, and if I manage it properly with heat, peppermint, deep breaths, pajama pants (lol) and sometimes antiinflammatories, I can get over it pretty fast. I'm hoping that this whole 30 will help me to heal my gut to the next stage where this kind of thing isn't as common or as severe.

 

The second manifestation is a full IBS flare caused by eating the wrong foods or by not managing the above scenario carefully. A flare starts more slowly and builds up to crippling pain in my belly and joints, frequent BMs, and takes about a week to resolve. At the end of that I'm exhausted. All up, I'm not back to normal for about 10 days.

 

Foods that can cause a flare include eggs, nuts, seeds, fodmaps for a couple of days in a row, and of course grains (including the supposedly 'safe' ones of brown rice, quinoa etc).

 

So, I took the dairy out of my diet on day one and had nothing to replace it with to achieve satiety without a huge plate of food (remembering that if I eat too much I get pain and bloating - in terms of quantity, it doesn't take much). I couldn't have the milky, sweet (xylitol and stevia), plus MCT oil coffee I've been having in the morning, so I didn't eat. Bad move. Then I was out and went to the supermarket to find something to eat as I was so hungry - and ate some mixed nuts. I came home and ate fruit. Then by dinner I was so desperate for protein and fat that I had steak and eggs. Bad moves all round. I have some pain, lots of bloating, and a real fear that I've started a flare.

 

Yesterday was a bit better, but I still didn't eat first thing. I sorted it by the time I had a late lunch, with steak and kumara, although it was pretty dry and not much fat in there. I finished the day with 4 sausages (locally made and all good ingredients), a banana and some mandarins - the citrus season is just starting here. I did, however, get some clarified butter so that's a start.

 

Today will be the day I'll find out if I'm having a flare. I'm sore, and feeling it in my back and neck. I'm staying home today to try and get better. I've had the last 2 sausages, a banana, and a (truly horrible) bulletproof coffee with ghee, MCT oil, and no sweetener for breakfast. At least I'm satisfied and won't have any problem lasting til lunchtime.

 

I have some ghee and some really lovely butter to clarify later today. I also bought some sweet almond oil to make a mayo later on. I may try a tomato sauce, too, if I'm still in the groove.

 

My main reason for avoiding the whole30 for the last years is that I can't figure out how to eat breakfast. I know that sounds stupid, but I'm realising that the lack of an easily digestable, fairly quick breakfast to rely on has probably affected me for years. I don't care about variety, I just want to know what I'm going to eat that won't prompt any pain. At the moment I can't physically handle having a meat and veges meal first thing in the morning, even though I can digest it comfortably later in the day, so I end up starting the day feeling sluggish, bloated and sore.

 

I have a probiotic to introduce once these starting issues are sorted out - if I start it now I'll end up confusing the picture, and since most supplements start a flare I need to have a clear week before I start anything new.

 

Does this all sound really confused and confusing?? I think I'm slowing getting clarity, but there are still areas of mess in the story. My starting place is to increase my fat intake and find the right breakfast. Everything else will follow. I hope.

[wholemango]

How about just making breakfast similar to a regular meal?

Some ideas: chicken, avocado, sweet potato, butternut/buttercup squash? Those are some protein sources, starchy vegetables, and fat. Not eating eggs would be awful for me since I rely on them Whole30 or not. 

[jmcbn]

How about a seafood chowder made with coconut milk rather than heavy cream - I make mine thick enough to stand in so I have ample supplies of protein, fat & veg (sweet potato, leeks, parsnip, carrot) all in one pot...

[Jacs]

The seafood chowder and the thoughts it led me to are excellent thank you! I don't seem to be able to tolerate full meals in the morning, but chowders and meat-based soups would be really useful to try. I have to do a full grocery shop tomorrow so I'll stock up on some good ingredients.

 

Day 4 is over. The flare didn't eventuate, thank goodness, and actually I haven't needed any pain relief at all in the last 2 days. I'm having panic attacks, though - they're triggered by a bully I've come into contact with but they're way out of proportion in relation to my own position of power in the relationship. I'm kind of glad to have already started the whole 30 since it means I'm having to manage them without food. But on the other hand I know that some sugar would help me to self-soothe . . . oh well, I'm on a steep learning curve!!

[Jacs]

It's 8am on the morning of day 6, Monday 25 May. It's been fine so far - the main thing I miss about dairy is the convenience of it to moisten meals. However, yesterday I spent some quality kitchen time and made some tomato sauce, apple sauce, roasted nuts and coconut, and a big pot of 'breakfast stew' consisting of some shin beef with heaps of veges and some spices. I've blended it all together and now have an option for breakfast.

 

I had bacon and eggs for lunch yesterday, and my heart rate was up and racing for the whole afternoon and most of the evening. I took a digestive enzyme with the meal, but I'm thinking that my problem with eggs isn't just digestive - that seemed to be a full system response to them.

 

My panic has retreated into more like of waves of anxiety, and I'm working on it. I've decided that the timing of the whole situation is a wake-up call from the universe. I routinely and frequently let my concern about 'other people getting angry at me' derail my efforts and silence me. So this time with no food to numb me, and a serious enough event that I can't ignore it, I can learn how to take care of myself. I'm rereading Clarissa Pincola-Estes' book Women Who Run With the Wolves and considering the archetype of the naive woman in relation to this dangerous space I'm occupying at the moment.

 

And just to make things really interesting . . . I'm travelling for the next 2 days (today and tomorrow), and this is a time when every other eating plan, including paleo, has come unstuck. I drive to another city, and spend my days in a pressure cooker situation where I'm multi-tasking constantly and with other peoples' priorities rather than my own. I tend to start the travel tired (as I am right now) and it gets worse until I get home, which will be late tomorrow evening. 

 

I have some good playlists and audiobooks to listen to in the car, I've just had a chicken thigh and 2 pieces of kumara for breakfast, and have plenty of W30 compliant food to take with me. I also have some herbal teabags. Wish me, not luck, but steadiness of purpose and an awareness of my eating plan as self-nourishing rather than restrictive.

[Jacs]

Back from the big city, and I stayed compliant with hardly any issues. I think the main problem is that I'm not eating regularly enough, and it's noticeable that I'm not all that interested in food until I'm really hungry - and even then I'm OK to put eating off for a while. Anyway, I was around all sorts of different foods and shops and nothing called to me at all.

 

I do, however, have a small IBS-related stomach ache - it was bad enough to need neurofen on Monday night. It could be the eggs from Sunday, the cashews I'm using as a stopgap when I miss meals, or potentially the new digestive enzyme. For now I've stopped the enzyme - it's based on several different strains of protease - and the eggs. I'll keep on with the nuts for another few days, and only drop them if the symptoms don't stop. I also have diarrhoea but I don't know if that's associated with the stomach ache or if it's because of the change in diet. Time will tell - but I'm into my second week now!! 7 days completed . . . yay!

[jmcbn]

I do, however, have a small IBS-related stomach ache - it was bad enough to need neurofen on Monday night. It could be the eggs from Sunday, the cashews I'm using as a stopgap when I miss meals, or potentially the new digestive enzyme. For now I've stopped the enzyme - it's based on several different strains of protease - and the eggs. I'll keep on with the nuts for another few days, and only drop them if the symptoms don't stop. I also have diarrhoea but I don't know if that's associated with the stomach ache or if it's because of the change in diet. 

Nuts are notorious for causing digestive stress, and whilst compliant not the most nutritious of food choices. I'd probably stick with the digestive enzyme & cut out the nuts...

Hope the stomach ache improves soon for you.

[Jacs]

It's the beginning of day 11, and I honestly feel like giving it up. The stomach ache has grumbled on all week, so it's not the eggs or the enzymes. I have a bit of diarrhoea as well, and the pain is now into my back which is much more serious. I wasn't having all that many nuts, but they'll have to go as will most fresh fruits and most veges. It's the story of my life, and I'm feeling well and truly sorry for myself.

 

Doing this programme without eggs, nuts or fodmaps is really restricted. I'm hungry most of the time as well - my tolerance level for starchy veges and meat is well and truly reached.

 

Arrgh, I read the Whole30 timeline - is it that simple?? I'm so angry and fed up with everything. But if I wasn't on the whole30, what the f*** would I eat today?? Probably nothing different since it'll all make me sore. Fasting seems to be the only way to cope.

[Jacs]

Day 14. I've been angry and anxious most of the weekend, and it's horrible. I'm never quite satisfied after meals. How much longer can I keep doing this??

 

If I wasn't on the whole30, what would I be doing differently? Nothing really major actually. I would be more relaxed about food, though. We went out on Sunday and I didn't go with everyone to the cafe afterwards because I struggle to pay $5 for a herbal tea bag with hot water. I'd have had a coffee, though. Last night we went to a pub quiz with our son and I had water - it's just depressing. I don't eat grains or beans, but I do have dairy and sugar. I wonder if a sweet flat white would lift my mood (in which case I don't want to do it), or if it's the psychological aspect of not being able to follow my usual patterns that's created this storm?