Starting May 25th


Guest bfree11

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Thank you for the support! I agree, if I eat more at my meals I won't want to snack or even reach for unhealthy things. My meals are made up of yummy healthy foods, but I'm just not eating enough of them. We're going to a farmers market this weekend in the city and I told the hubs we're going to be stocking up!

 

As far as your cherries go, its funny because I keep looking at fruit as evil since I started this w30 when it shouldn't be. I used to have fruit with breakfast EVERY DAY and knowing that it only baited my sugar dragon, I don't know if I ate it at all this round.  The thing is though, fruit isn't the devil and its not like I'm eating little debbies snack cakes, ya know. Good for you for including some cherries, I had fresh cherries for the first time in years a week ago and they were so amazing!

 

I also had an interesting motivator today... I took a test called a "bod-pod", they have them at the gym at my work. Pretty much its a really accurate way of telling you your body fat percentages. I took one in January and was pretty disappointed, its like you know things aren't great but seeing them in black and white solidifies it for you. Well I started healthier eating, and then my first 30 attempt in February. When I retook the test in April (you can take it every 3 months) I had dropped 2.4% body fat, and 7 pounds (without losing any muscle mass). So I was pretty happy about that. So I just took another test this morning, now this is the change since April so its more than just the last W30 round but I lost another 2% body fat and 8 pounds! The 8 pounds I knew bc of my whole30 pre and post weigh-out, but I also found out I lost 2 pounds of muscle mass so only 6 of those pounds were fat. I was disappointed at first but realized I didn't work out a lot and I've been babying my hip a lot because its likely i'll get surgery this summer. So my overall numbers are -4.3% body fat and 13 pounds body FAT since January. Slow and steady!

 

The technician gave me my results and he said I was only .3% away from going into the "Excess Fat" to "Moderately Lean" body fat category. "Excess Fat" being above 30%. I cannot wait to be below 30% body fat,  to me that isn't just a number, its a healthy goal that isn't just based on the scale but my actual body composition. I'll take this test again in October but I know I need to focus more on my working out again and not just healthy eating because both are important for our well-being.

As far as my hip goes, I saw a doc yesterday and he would like to push forward with hip surgery this Winter. I was supposed to have it last winter but we moved to Germany earlier than expected. I hurt when I run and now when I walk, so I basically stopped running, which isn't good because I have to pass a PT test for my job. I stopped doing yoga because I read online that stretching it in certain ways can make it worse but the doc yesterday told me to go back to yoga because it is good to have flexibility prior to the surgery. He also told me there is a 50% chance of running again, which has freaked me out. I understand that 50% is based on all the patients and everyone has varying degrees of ability, but I need to run for my job and although I've never been super fit, the idea of not being able to do something is terrifying. Also the idea of being laid up on the couch and not moving for weeks sounds like I'll gain a ton of weight, which isn't cool either. I think I'm freaking out a bit because this is new news and eventually I'll figure out some coping mechanisms for dealing with the changes, but for now, it looks like I've got some big plans ahead!

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Thanks! It is a journey and I love having some company and encouragement from people who are struggling the same issues. 

 

You've done a great job of getting back on the train - eating to fuel health in your body and being grateful for what your body can do. Keep it up!

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Day 47 (of healthy eating)

 

Breakfast: 2 eggs, onions, hot dog, rainbow chard, berries, avocado, black coffee

Lunch: chicken, green beans, 1 yuca fry, tiny scoop of sweet potatoes, kombucha

Dinner: chicken, asparagus, avocado, almond butter

Exercise: Rest Day (I felt so tired. I will ride my bike tomorrow.)

 

I wish I could say that I'm "cured" and finally have my head on straight, but today was hard! I was very fixated on junk food today, which was so disappointing considering I was in such a good place with all of this in yesterday's post. I kept looking at junk food and thinking about junk food. I started trying to justify in my head why it would be okay to have it... like, "You're not on Whole 30 anymore, so you technically can try that mac & cheese, who cares if it hurts your stomach!" I resisted. But then I started telling myself that I could have all of the junk I wanted today on my birthday in a few days. I started making a list in my head of everything I want to indulge in on my birthday, which is hilarious because 3 weeks ago I made a deal with myself that I would have 3 healthy meals, a glass of wine, and a dessert. Now, all of a sudden, I want focaccia bread, acai bowls, mac & cheese, french macarons, and peanut butter banana cupcakes! Oh and pizza and ice cream, of course. I thought about it all day! 

 

I have lost weight and I can definitely notice it, but I kept thinking today that this is too hard and I just want to eat junk food. :( I really didn't enjoy having all of these cravings! Especially when I went so long without any cravings at all. My meals have been very repetitive and boring, maybe I should put more effort into making my meals more exciting. The only thing I can think of that could have put me in this funk today is that I got a few less hours of sleep than I usually do last night. I still got like 5 or 6 hours, but my body is used to getting at least 8 hours. 

 

I was having feelings about how unfair it is that I not only have to eat healthy to lose all of this weight, but I'm going to have to keep eating healthy if I want to maintain the weight loss. I started panicking when I thought about having to eat healthy for the rest of my life. I guess I was subconsciously thinking that there would be some end point, where I would get to look thin and then go back to eating whatever the hell I wanted to. HA! This is precisely what my sister is always trying to explain to people that is so untrue!

 

This all made me start wondering why eating healthy for the rest of my life feels like this awful punishment to me? Shouldn't that be great news? For the rest of my life, I'm going to allow myself to fuel my body with the most nutrient-dense foods possible so I can look, feel, and perform my best. Why is that such a bummer? Why does mac & cheese have to look so cheesy and delicious? Why do ice cream companies have to come up with flavors like "balsamic fig and marscapone?" I mean, come on, It's just not fair!

 

I hope that today was just a one-off and I'll be back to myself tomorrow. I know that weekends can sometimes be triggers for me because of all the downtime, so I plan to stay active and busy. I also want to commit to making some more exciting food than the typical stuff I eat everyday. I was thinking about what I would actually feel like if I ate all of those things on my "birthday list." In reality, it would make it the worst birthday ever, not only because my stomach will hate me, but the guilt, regret, and shame I'd feel afterward would be so painful. 

 

My sister explained to me that some people don't have an emotional connection to food, so if they eat too much/unhealthy, they feel regret, but not the guilt and shame. They just move on with their lives. I don't want food to have all of this power over me. It's definitely extra hard because I work in a culinary paradise where food is always the topic of conversation and everywhere you turn, there's the most delicious looking food you've ever seen! But still, I want to let go of this deep emotional connection that I have with food!

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Day 47 (of healthy eating)

 

Breakfast: 2 eggs, onions, hot dog, rainbow chard, berries, avocado, black coffee

Lunch: chicken, green beans, 1 yuca fry, tiny scoop of sweet potatoes, kombucha

Dinner: chicken, asparagus, avocado, almond butter

Exercise: Rest Day (I felt so tired. I will ride my bike tomorrow.)

 

I wish I could say that I'm "cured" and finally have my head on straight, but today was hard! I was very fixated on junk food today, which was so disappointing considering I was in such a good place with all of this in yesterday's post. I kept looking at junk food and thinking about junk food. I started trying to justify in my head why it would be okay to have it... like, "You're not on Whole 30 anymore, so you technically can try that mac & cheese, who cares if it hurts your stomach!" I resisted. But then I started telling myself that I could have all of the junk I wanted today on my birthday in a few days. I started making a list in my head of everything I want to indulge in on my birthday, which is hilarious because 3 weeks ago I made a deal with myself that I would have 3 healthy meals, a glass of wine, and a dessert. Now, all of a sudden, I want focaccia bread, acai bowls, mac & cheese, french macarons, and peanut butter banana cupcakes! Oh and pizza and ice cream, of course. I thought about it all day! 

 

I have lost weight and I can definitely notice it, but I kept thinking today that this is too hard and I just want to eat junk food.  :( I really didn't enjoy having all of these cravings! Especially when I went so long without any cravings at all. My meals have been very repetitive and boring, maybe I should put more effort into making my meals more exciting. The only thing I can think of that could have put me in this funk today is that I got a few less hours of sleep than I usually do last night. I still got like 5 or 6 hours, but my body is used to getting at least 8 hours. 

 

I was having feelings about how unfair it is that I not only have to eat healthy to lose all of this weight, but I'm going to have to keep eating healthy if I want to maintain the weight loss. I started panicking when I thought about having to eat healthy for the rest of my life. I guess I was subconsciously thinking that there would be some end point, where I would get to look thin and then go back to eating whatever the hell I wanted to. HA! This is precisely what my sister is always trying to explain to people that is so untrue!

 

This all made me start wondering why eating healthy for the rest of my life feels like this awful punishment to me? Shouldn't that be great news? For the rest of my life, I'm going to allow myself to fuel my body with the most nutrient-dense foods possible so I can look, feel, and perform my best. Why is that such a bummer? Why does mac & cheese have to look so cheesy and delicious? Why do ice cream companies have to come up with flavors like "balsamic fig and marscapone?" I mean, come on, It's just not fair!

 

I hope that today was just a one-off and I'll be back to myself tomorrow. I know that weekends can sometimes be triggers for me because of all the downtime, so I plan to stay active and busy. I also want to commit to making some more exciting food than the typical stuff I eat everyday. I was thinking about what I would actually feel like if I ate all of those things on my "birthday list." In reality, it would make it the worst birthday ever, not only because my stomach will hate me, but the guilt, regret, and shame I'd feel afterward would be so painful. 

 

My sister explained to me that some people don't have an emotional connection to food, so if they eat too much/unhealthy, they feel regret, but not the guilt and shame. They just move on with their lives. I don't want food to have all of this power over me. It's definitely extra hard because I work in a culinary paradise where food is always the topic of conversation and everywhere you turn, there's the most delicious looking food you've ever seen! But still, I want to let go of this deep emotional connection that I have with food!

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Guest bfree11

Thank you for the support! I agree, if I eat more at my meals I won't want to snack or even reach for unhealthy things. My meals are made up of yummy healthy foods, but I'm just not eating enough of them. We're going to a farmers market this weekend in the city and I told the hubs we're going to be stocking up!

 

As far as your cherries go, its funny because I keep looking at fruit as evil since I started this w30 when it shouldn't be. I used to have fruit with breakfast EVERY DAY and knowing that it only baited my sugar dragon, I don't know if I ate it at all this round.  The thing is though, fruit isn't the devil and its not like I'm eating little debbies snack cakes, ya know. Good for you for including some cherries, I had fresh cherries for the first time in years a week ago and they were so amazing!

 

I also had an interesting motivator today... I took a test called a "bod-pod", they have them at the gym at my work. Pretty much its a really accurate way of telling you your body fat percentages. I took one in January and was pretty disappointed, its like you know things aren't great but seeing them in black and white solidifies it for you. Well I started healthier eating, and then my first 30 attempt in February. When I retook the test in April (you can take it every 3 months) I had dropped 2.4% body fat, and 7 pounds (without losing any muscle mass). So I was pretty happy about that. So I just took another test this morning, now this is the change since April so its more than just the last W30 round but I lost another 2% body fat and 8 pounds! The 8 pounds I knew bc of my whole30 pre and post weigh-out, but I also found out I lost 2 pounds of muscle mass so only 6 of those pounds were fat. I was disappointed at first but realized I didn't work out a lot and I've been babying my hip a lot because its likely i'll get surgery this summer. So my overall numbers are -4.3% body fat and 13 pounds body FAT since January. Slow and steady!

 

The technician gave me my results and he said I was only .3% away from going into the "Excess Fat" to "Moderately Lean" body fat category. "Excess Fat" being above 30%. I cannot wait to be below 30% body fat,  to me that isn't just a number, its a healthy goal that isn't just based on the scale but my actual body composition. I'll take this test again in October but I know I need to focus more on my working out again and not just healthy eating because both are important for our well-being.

As far as my hip goes, I saw a doc yesterday and he would like to push forward with hip surgery this Winter. I was supposed to have it last winter but we moved to Germany earlier than expected. I hurt when I run and now when I walk, so I basically stopped running, which isn't good because I have to pass a PT test for my job. I stopped doing yoga because I read online that stretching it in certain ways can make it worse but the doc yesterday told me to go back to yoga because it is good to have flexibility prior to the surgery. He also told me there is a 50% chance of running again, which has freaked me out. I understand that 50% is based on all the patients and everyone has varying degrees of ability, but I need to run for my job and although I've never been super fit, the idea of not being able to do something is terrifying. Also the idea of being laid up on the couch and not moving for weeks sounds like I'll gain a ton of weight, which isn't cool either. I think I'm freaking out a bit because this is new news and eventually I'll figure out some coping mechanisms for dealing with the changes, but for now, it looks like I've got some big plans ahead!

Congrats on your bod pod progress, that's amazing! I've always wanted to try one of those! Sorry to hear about your hip problems. I had to get back surgery a few years ago and I gained a lot of weight, it was tough. :( 

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Day 47 (of healthy eating)

 

Breakfast: 2 eggs, onions, hot dog, rainbow chard, berries, avocado, black coffee

Lunch: chicken, green beans, 1 yuca fry, tiny scoop of sweet potatoes, kombucha

Dinner: chicken, asparagus, avocado, almond butter

Exercise: Rest Day (I felt so tired. I will ride my bike tomorrow.)

 

I wish I could say that I'm "cured" and finally have my head on straight, but today was hard! I was very fixated on junk food today, which was so disappointing considering I was in such a good place with all of this in yesterday's post. I kept looking at junk food and thinking about junk food. I started trying to justify in my head why it would be okay to have it... like, "You're not on Whole 30 anymore, so you technically can try that mac & cheese, who cares if it hurts your stomach!" I resisted. But then I started telling myself that I could have all of the junk I wanted today on my birthday in a few days. I started making a list in my head of everything I want to indulge in on my birthday, which is hilarious because 3 weeks ago I made a deal with myself that I would have 3 healthy meals, a glass of wine, and a dessert. Now, all of a sudden, I want focaccia bread, acai bowls, mac & cheese, french macarons, and peanut butter banana cupcakes! Oh and pizza and ice cream, of course. I thought about it all day! 

 

I have lost weight and I can definitely notice it, but I kept thinking today that this is too hard and I just want to eat junk food.  :( I really didn't enjoy having all of these cravings! Especially when I went so long without any cravings at all. My meals have been very repetitive and boring, maybe I should put more effort into making my meals more exciting. The only thing I can think of that could have put me in this funk today is that I got a few less hours of sleep than I usually do last night. I still got like 5 or 6 hours, but my body is used to getting at least 8 hours. 

 

I was having feelings about how unfair it is that I not only have to eat healthy to lose all of this weight, but I'm going to have to keep eating healthy if I want to maintain the weight loss. I started panicking when I thought about having to eat healthy for the rest of my life. I guess I was subconsciously thinking that there would be some end point, where I would get to look thin and then go back to eating whatever the hell I wanted to. HA! This is precisely what my sister is always trying to explain to people that is so untrue!

 

This all made me start wondering why eating healthy for the rest of my life feels like this awful punishment to me? Shouldn't that be great news? For the rest of my life, I'm going to allow myself to fuel my body with the most nutrient-dense foods possible so I can look, feel, and perform my best. Why is that such a bummer? Why does mac & cheese have to look so cheesy and delicious? Why do ice cream companies have to come up with flavors like "balsamic fig and marscapone?" I mean, come on, It's just not fair!

 

I hope that today was just a one-off and I'll be back to myself tomorrow. I know that weekends can sometimes be triggers for me because of all the downtime, so I plan to stay active and busy. I also want to commit to making some more exciting food than the typical stuff I eat everyday. I was thinking about what I would actually feel like if I ate all of those things on my "birthday list." In reality, it would make it the worst birthday ever, not only because my stomach will hate me, but the guilt, regret, and shame I'd feel afterward would be so painful. 

 

My sister explained to me that some people don't have an emotional connection to food, so if they eat too much/unhealthy, they feel regret, but not the guilt and shame. They just move on with their lives. I don't want food to have all of this power over me. It's definitely extra hard because I work in a culinary paradise where food is always the topic of conversation and everywhere you turn, there's the most delicious looking food you've ever seen! But still, I want to let go of this deep emotional connection that I have with food!

I don't want to bum you out, but 7+ years after losing all my weight, I still have days where I think "Man, I just want to go home and binge eat brownies and caramels until I puke and then go to bed.". Those thoughts get fewer and further between but they don't go away in my experience. It's how you handle them (you did it perfectly) that's the trick.

Also, those mac and cheese and wiggy ice creams lose some of their magnetism, just keep going, it gets easier. Like quitting smoking. 7+ years later I'm so grateful every day that I quit....but I still get faint little cravings on the odd occassion. It's the fact that I don't do anything about it is what is important.

You'll be fine! :)

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Guest bfree11

I don't want to bum you out, but 7+ years after losing all my weight, I still have days where I think "Man, I just want to go home and binge eat brownies and caramels until I puke and then go to bed.". Those thoughts get fewer and further between but they don't go away in my experience. It's how you handle them (you did it perfectly) that's the trick.

Also, those mac and cheese and wiggy ice creams lose some of their magnetism, just keep going, it gets easier. Like quitting smoking. 7+ years later I'm so grateful every day that I quit....but I still get faint little cravings on the odd occassion. It's the fact that I don't do anything about it is what is important.

You'll be fine! :)

 

Thank you! Phew. I feel much better after reading that. I'm so thankful that I've been able to find other people out there that "get it." 

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Day 48 (of healthy eating)

 

Breakfast: 2 eggs, chicken, swiss chard, onions, berries, red bell peppers

Lunch: 2 hot dogs, swiss chard, pickles, avocado

Dinner: ground beef, avocado, green beans, yellow bell peppers

Exercise: 9 mile bike ride

 

Pretty low key Saturday. Hung around the house, went on a bike ride, and relaxed at the pool. All of the downtime around the house did make me think about food a little, but there's not a single unhealthy thing to eat in my house and I wasn't about to drive somewhere and get unhealthy food. So I just kept pushing through the day. I keep telling myself that there's more things in life to enjoy than just food. I can enjoy a TV show without snacking. The TV show is enjoyable enough, even without the snacks. 

 

I really do see/feel a difference in my appearance. Things are getting smaller and firmer. Clothes are getting bigger. I've got plenty more weight to lose, but I know it will be gone within a few months if I just keep going. I thought about weighing myself to see my progress, but I won't allow myself to do that. I already do see progress, so why do I need to know how much I weigh? I'm not binging or snacking, I'm eating clean, I'm exercising regularly, I'm bound to reach my goal sooner or later!

 

If/when I decide to have a non-compliant meal, I think I'll be better prepared this time.  

I will expect to feel the following things:

1. My stomach will feel a little gurgly after

2. I'll crave more non-compliant things

3. My energy levels will be a bit off

 

Now that I know those things are going to happen, I will be able to get through my non-compliant meals and then get right back on track. I bring this up because I know I can't just be on strict Whole 30 forever. It's not realistic. However, I know that I'm not going to feel great physically or emotionally after I eat non-compliant foods, so it's going to have to really be "worth it" for me to go off-road. If I decide to eat a sandwich with bread everyday for lunch, I probably could still lose weight, but I'd have to fight through the stomach problems, cravings, and energy level issues everyday. Then I'd probably get tired of fighting and give in and go back to my old ways. No thanks. Special occasions only!

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Guest bfree11

Day 48 (of healthy eating)

 

Breakfast: 2 eggs, chicken, swiss chard, onions, berries, red bell peppers

Lunch: 2 hot dogs, swiss chard, pickles, avocado

Dinner: ground beef, avocado, green beans, yellow bell peppers

Exercise: 9 mile bike ride

 

Pretty low key Saturday. Hung around the house, went on a bike ride, and relaxed at the pool. All of the downtime around the house did make me think about food a little, but there's not a single unhealthy thing to eat in my house and I wasn't about to drive somewhere and get unhealthy food. So I just kept pushing through the day. I keep telling myself that there's more things in life to enjoy than just food. I can enjoy a TV show without snacking. The TV show is enjoyable enough, even without the snacks. 

 

I really do see/feel a difference in my appearance. Things are getting smaller and firmer. Clothes are getting bigger. I've got plenty more weight to lose, but I know it will be gone within a few months if I just keep going. I thought about weighing myself to see my progress, but I won't allow myself to do that. I already do see progress, so why do I need to know how much I weigh? I'm not binging or snacking, I'm eating clean, I'm exercising regularly, I'm bound to reach my goal sooner or later!

 

If/when I decide to have a non-compliant meal, I think I'll be better prepared this time.  

I will expect to feel the following things:

1. My stomach will feel a little gurgly after

2. I'll crave more non-compliant things

3. My energy levels will be a bit off

 

Now that I know those things are going to happen, I will be able to get through my non-compliant meals and then get right back on track. I bring this up because I know I can't just be on strict Whole 30 forever. It's not realistic. However, I know that I'm not going to feel great physically or emotionally after I eat non-compliant foods, so it's going to have to really be "worth it" for me to go off-road. If I decide to eat a sandwich with bread everyday for lunch, I probably could still lose weight, but I'd have to fight through the stomach problems, cravings, and energy level issues everyday. Then I'd probably get tired of fighting and give in and go back to my old ways. No thanks. Special occasions only!

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Rebecca, I totally get the junk-food demons... I'm finding that I can do a meal at home and be totally satisfied, but I want to run to snacks... like oh maybe I should reintro dairy because some ice cream sounds nice, or how bad is the yogurt sauce for my greek meat plate, etc etc. Before my w30 I could eat pizza for any meal ever, and that really hasn't gone away, and obviously it hasn't been long enough, but I'm worried that once I start with some bad stuff I'll never stop.

 

Because of all the trips we're taking, my slow roll reintro is taking longer than I thought, and i'm not 100% bc we're eating out so much. I knew I would get to the point where I"m just antsy and want to get it over with, and that def happened, so now i'm craving junk but I know the junk will screw with the results. Like the snacks I had last week... they def had gluten and sugar and god knows what else. Well I'm sure that messed with my rice reintro, and prob everything for a bit so I'm mad I didn't have the willpower to overcome.

 

On a positive note, I found a decently compliant eating out option last night. Turkish Doner and Kabob stands are really popular in Germany... I don't know how they're not more popular in the US. They're cheap and easy to eat, but because of the Tzaiki sauce and the bread for the wrap they're out for me. The hubs has been craving one but hasn't wanted to put me in a bad spot... if we were in the States I"d ask them to turn it into a salad or something, but with the language barrier it never turns out exactly as planned. Well, we went last night to an English friendly spot and I was able to get a platter which had no bread and I asked for no yogurt sauce, so it was perfect. A stack of shaved meat, some salad like mix (lettuce and cabbage) a tomato and some cucumber. Of course it came with fries but so does literally everything in Europe, so I eat the crispy ones I like and leave the rest.

 

I plan on sitting down today and trying to make my meal plan more organized so its easier to figure out what we're making for the week, but also so we don't always feel like we're eating the same thing. We have a handful of meals that we liked and would keep on the rotation, but also a lot of meals were meh, so I'm hoping to find more options when I do some pinterest time today :)

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Day 49 (of not-so-healthy eating) :o 

 

Breakfast: 1 egg, 1/2 bell pepper, 1 tbsp almond butter, berries

Lunch: chia kombucha

Dinner: mixed drink, baked rigatoni with meatballs, bread, salad

Exercise: Yoga

 

Alright, alright, let me explain.

 

Breakfast was not as robust as usual because I was going to yoga right after I ate and didn't want to feel weighed down by a big breakfast. After yoga, I ran errands and didn't get home until 3pm. I had dinner plans at 5pm, so I decided to just wait it out. I didn't feel hungry, especially after the chia kombucha. Then dinner happened. My friend wanted to take me out for my birthday, which is tomorrow. We started at a rooftop bar at the beach. It didn't seem like the kind of place that would have good red wine (which is probably the best alcoholic choice, in my opinion), so I decided to have a watermelon puree rum drink. I realize that this has tons of sugar in it, but I made my choice and I also made sure to enjoy it. I didn't have any other drinks. I thought about having wine at dinner afterward, but I didn't feel like it was necessary. The drink was okay, I'm glad I had it, but I don't feel like I want to do rushing back for more sugary drinks anytime soon.

 

Then came dinner. My friend knows I love Italian, so she took me to a nice little Italian place. I had already made up my mind in the car that I was going to order whatever the hell I wanted. I looked around and saw a baked rigatoni dish on the table next to me and it looked delicious, so I ordered it. When the bread came, I ate it. When my salad came, I ate that too. Then came my rigatoni. I ate some, but wasn't feeling hungry at all after everything else. But, I was enjoying eating it and didn't want to stop. I couldn't believe after all this time that I was eating pasta and cheese. I made a line on my plate and announced that I wasn't eating anything on the other side of the line. It wasn't that hard to portion control because I was pretty full. I didn't even eat all of the part that I had sectioned off for myself before I tapped out. My stomach was gurgling hardcore. 

 

The way I see it, my choices at dinner can be looked at two ways:

 

Way #1: Sorry Not Sorry

  • I was supposed to wait until my birthday to eat something unhealthy, but I made a choice to do it the night before instead, and I'm okay with that.
  • Plenty of fit looking people were eating Italian dishes at the restaurant that weren't healthy and they're all still alive, so I'm probably going to be alright.
  • I made some choices, I don't regret it, but my stomach didn't enjoy it. I can't wait to get back to clean food tomorrow.
  • I could have asked for no bread, no dressing, and gotten a non-pasta based meal, but I was out to dinner for a special occasion, and I enjoyed myself. I do not eat like this at restaurants when it's not a special occasion and I do not eat like this at home. 
  • I am not out of control or going down a negative spiral back to old behaviors. It was one meal, and not I'm moving on.
  • I didn't eat it all! I didn't get dessert. I didn't order a drink. I totally would have done these things in the past.

 

Way #2: WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

  • My stomach feels HUGE. Did I gain all the weight back? I think I gained it all back. I'm back where I started. What was I thinking?!!?
  • Wow, Rebecca, no self-control, you couldn't wait one more day and follow through with your agreement?
  • I had sugar, grains, and dairy. Now I'm going to be addicted and not be able to stop.
  • Ouch, my tummy hurts.
  • I've undone everything I've worked so hard for.

 

I keep going back and forth in my head. The bottom line is that I made a choice and it's done. I don't need to keep making the same choices now just because I made it once. I don't have the fondest memories of Italian food anymore. Now Italian food is associated with a gurgly stomach feeling for me. Not something I feel like rushing back and putting my body through again. It was a learning experience. I'm not sure what my plan is now for tomorrow, which was supposed to be my off-road day. I can tell you right now, I'm staying away from pasta and cheese! I kind of can't wait for Tuesday because then the festivities will be over and I will eat 100% clean again! 

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Day 49 (of not-so-healthy eating) :o 

 

Breakfast: 1 egg, 1/2 bell pepper, 1 tbsp almond butter, berries

Lunch: chia kombucha

Dinner: mixed drink, baked rigatoni with meatballs, bread, salad

Exercise: Yoga

 

Alright, alright, let me explain.

 

Breakfast was not as robust as usual because I was going to yoga right after I ate and didn't want to feel weighed down by a big breakfast. After yoga, I ran errands and didn't get home until 3pm. I had dinner plans at 5pm, so I decided to just wait it out. I didn't feel hungry, especially after the chia kombucha. Then dinner happened. My friend wanted to take me out for my birthday, which is tomorrow. We started at a rooftop bar at the beach. It didn't seem like the kind of place that would have good red wine (which is probably the best alcoholic choice, in my opinion), so I decided to have a watermelon puree rum drink. I realize that this has tons of sugar in it, but I made my choice and I also made sure to enjoy it. I didn't have any other drinks. I thought about having wine at dinner afterward, but I didn't feel like it was necessary. The drink was okay, I'm glad I had it, but I don't feel like I want to do rushing back for more sugary drinks anytime soon.

 

Then came dinner. My friend knows I love Italian, so she took me to a nice little Italian place. I had already made up my mind in the car that I was going to order whatever the hell I wanted. I looked around and saw a baked rigatoni dish on the table next to me and it looked delicious, so I ordered it. When the bread came, I ate it. When my salad came, I ate that too. Then came my rigatoni. I ate some, but wasn't feeling hungry at all after everything else. But, I was enjoying eating it and didn't want to stop. I couldn't believe after all this time that I was eating pasta and cheese. I made a line on my plate and announced that I wasn't eating anything on the other side of the line. It wasn't that hard to portion control because I was pretty full. I didn't even eat all of the part that I had sectioned off for myself before I tapped out. My stomach was gurgling hardcore. 

 

The way I see it, my choices at dinner can be looked at two ways:

 

Way #1: Sorry Not Sorry

  • I was supposed to wait until my birthday to eat something unhealthy, but I made a choice to do it the night before instead, and I'm okay with that.
  • Plenty of fit looking people were eating Italian dishes at the restaurant that weren't healthy and they're all still alive, so I'm probably going to be alright.
  • I made some choices, I don't regret it, but my stomach didn't enjoy it. I can't wait to get back to clean food tomorrow.
  • I could have asked for no bread, no dressing, and gotten a non-pasta based meal, but I was out to dinner for a special occasion, and I enjoyed myself. I do not eat like this at restaurants when it's not a special occasion and I do not eat like this at home. 
  • I am not out of control or going down a negative spiral back to old behaviors. It was one meal, and not I'm moving on.
  • I didn't eat it all! I didn't get dessert. I didn't order a drink. I totally would have done these things in the past.

 

Way #2: WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

  • My stomach feels HUGE. Did I gain all the weight back? I think I gained it all back. I'm back where I started. What was I thinking?!!?
  • Wow, Rebecca, no self-control, you couldn't wait one more day and follow through with your agreement?
  • I had sugar, grains, and dairy. Now I'm going to be addicted and not be able to stop.
  • Ouch, my tummy hurts.
  • I've undone everything I've worked so hard for.

 

I keep going back and forth in my head. The bottom line is that I made a choice and it's done. I don't need to keep making the same choices now just because I made it once. I don't have the fondest memories of Italian food anymore. Now Italian food is associated with a gurgly stomach feeling for me. Not something I feel like rushing back and putting my body through again. It was a learning experience. I'm not sure what my plan is now for tomorrow, which was supposed to be my off-road day. I can tell you right now, I'm staying away from pasta and cheese! I kind of can't wait for Tuesday because then the festivities will be over and I will eat 100% clean again! 

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Day 50 (my birthday, please excuse the ridiculous food choices I made!)

 

I reeeeally don't want to tell you what I ate today, but here it is:

 

Breakfast: black coffee, 1/2 of an acai bowl (acai berries, almond milk, honey, granola, blueberries, banana, chia, raisins), egg bagel with cream cheese

Lunch: 1/4 of a peanut butter banana cupcake and 1/4 of a banana split cupcake

Dinner: 2 mixed drinks before dinner, 3 1/2 slices of a pumpkin pizza, few bites of caesar salad and bread, cannoli for dessert

Exercise: Nothing :( Had to miss yoga to go out for my birthday, which I was genuinely bummed about. Didn't exercise in the morning because I had a food hangover from the junk I ate last night. (eating unhealthy repeatedly creates a vicious cycle!)

 

I had a beautiful birthday filled with love, friendship, generosity, kindness, and FOOD. I'm honestly so relieved that my birthday is coming to an end so I can get back to eating food that doesn't hurt my stomach and make my belly extend out 10 feet. Seriously. I forgot what this overly stuffed feeling felt like. I don't know how I used to do this to myself everyday! I never feel this way after I eat Whole 30 foods!

 

I bought myself a yummy acai bowl for breakfast. It was nice to take a break from cooking and it was fresh, sweet, and delicious. It's not something I would ever have on a routine basis though because it's really really sweet, almost too sweet. As soon as I walked into work with it, I saw bagels on my desk (and flowers  :D). My coworkers are all either chefs or serious foodies. The coworker that bought the bagels said, "take a break from Whole 30 and eat a Whole bagel, Happy Birthday!" Oh man. It was so sweet of him to buy bagels. Eating half a bagel would have been the smart thing to do, but instead I gave the other half of my acai bowl to a friend and ate an entire bagel with cream cheese.

 

Later on, another coworker told me that they all wanted to bring me a cupcake for my birthday from our bakery and she felt badly ruining the surprise, but she wanted to make sure I was comfortable with it because she knew I had been eating really healthy. I thought this was so sweet! My coworkers are so considerate and kind! I told her it was fine as long as someone would help me eat it! My boss asked me what I ate for lunch for my "special day" and I told him I was still stuffed from breakfast and was also expecting to eat a cupcake later in the day, plus try to save some room for dinner, so no lunch was necessary. I probably would have exploded. At the end of our manager meeting, everyone started singing and 2 beautiful cupcakes with a candle appeared! All eyes on me, I couldn't stop blushing! I cut both cupcakes into fourths and I ate 1/4th of each one, for a total of 1/2 of a cupcake.

 

Then came drinks after work. We were on a rooftop bar and it was HOT out. Wasn't exactly the right temperature for red wine. I said screw it, and ordered a mixed drink. I nursed it for several hours, but everyone kept trying to buy me more drinks! I had one more and then called it quits. I decided not to have a drink at dinner. For dinner, we went to an artisan farm-to-table pizza place. I had a few bites of a caesar salad and 1 small piece of bread, and then I went to town on the most delicious pizza ever. It had a pumpkin puree, pumpkin seeds, micro greens, smoked provolone, and fresh mozzarella. 3 of us split a 12 inch pizza and I had 3 1/2 pieces. The waiter kept pushing me to order a glass of wine because it was my birthday but a stayed strong and said no! I had wanted dessert until I realized how full I was and decided that I didn't want dessert. Then, my friends and the waiter insisted that I "had to" because it was my birthday. It's kind of hard to fight a group of people that are telling you to eat dessert! As we walked out of the restaurant, my stomach was feeling terrible! All I could think was, "Phew I'm free, it's over. I don't have to be tempted by junk food anymore!" 

 

This is when I either make the choice to get back on track tomorrow and eat food that makes me feel good and exercise, or I go down an unhealthy spiral of snacking and binging. Every time I've relapsed after a long time of eating healthy it's been because of one special occasion that trickles into unhealthy meal after unhealthy meal until I'm totally off track and it gets out of hand. I have the power to stop myself in my tracks, turn around, and go back to my clean, healthy place. It's not too late!

 

I made a few decent choices today and I also made a few not so decent choices. I had a great day and it was nice to indulge and have some fun with friends. However, these stabbing pains that I'm currently feeling in my stomach are my body's way of telling me that the party is over and this is not something that should become a habit.

 

I'm not sure what my next "special occasion" will be that I'll go off-road for, but I'm in absolutely no rush to put my body through that again!

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Day 50 (my birthday, please excuse the ridiculous food choices I made!)

 

I reeeeally don't want to tell you what I ate today, but here it is:

 

Breakfast: black coffee, 1/2 of an acai bowl (acai berries, almond milk, honey, granola, blueberries, banana, chia, raisins), egg bagel with cream cheese

Lunch: 1/4 of a peanut butter banana cupcake and 1/4 of a banana split cupcake

Dinner: 2 mixed drinks before dinner, 3 1/2 slices of a pumpkin pizza, few bites of caesar salad and bread, cannoli for dessert

Exercise: Nothing :( Had to miss yoga to go out for my birthday, which I was genuinely bummed about. Didn't exercise in the morning because I had a food hangover from the junk I ate last night. (eating unhealthy repeatedly creates a vicious cycle!)

 

I had a beautiful birthday filled with love, friendship, generosity, kindness, and FOOD. I'm honestly so relieved that my birthday is coming to an end so I can get back to eating food that doesn't hurt my stomach and make my belly extend out 10 feet. Seriously. I forgot what this overly stuffed feeling felt like. I don't know how I used to do this to myself everyday! I never feel this way after I eat Whole 30 foods!

 

I bought myself a yummy acai bowl for breakfast. It was nice to take a break from cooking and it was fresh, sweet, and delicious. It's not something I would ever have on a routine basis though because it's really really sweet, almost too sweet. As soon as I walked into work with it, I saw bagels on my desk (and flowers  :D). My coworkers are all either chefs or serious foodies. The coworker that bought the bagels said, "take a break from Whole 30 and eat a Whole bagel, Happy Birthday!" Oh man. It was so sweet of him to buy bagels. Eating half a bagel would have been the smart thing to do, but instead I gave the other half of my acai bowl to a friend and ate an entire bagel with cream cheese.

 

Later on, another coworker told me that they all wanted to bring me a cupcake for my birthday from our bakery and she felt badly ruining the surprise, but she wanted to make sure I was comfortable with it because she knew I had been eating really healthy. I thought this was so sweet! My coworkers are so considerate and kind! I told her it was fine as long as someone would help me eat it! My boss asked me what I ate for lunch for my "special day" and I told him I was still stuffed from breakfast and was also expecting to eat a cupcake later in the day, plus try to save some room for dinner, so no lunch was necessary. I probably would have exploded. At the end of our manager meeting, everyone started singing and 2 beautiful cupcakes with a candle appeared! All eyes on me, I couldn't stop blushing! I cut both cupcakes into fourths and I ate 1/4th of each one, for a total of 1/2 of a cupcake.

 

Then came drinks after work. We were on a rooftop bar and it was HOT out. Wasn't exactly the right temperature for red wine. I said screw it, and ordered a mixed drink. I nursed it for several hours, but everyone kept trying to buy me more drinks! I had one more and then called it quits. I decided not to have a drink at dinner. For dinner, we went to an artisan farm-to-table pizza place. I had a few bites of a caesar salad and 1 small piece of bread, and then I went to town on the most delicious pizza ever. It had a pumpkin puree, pumpkin seeds, micro greens, smoked provolone, and fresh mozzarella. 3 of us split a 12 inch pizza and I had 3 1/2 pieces. The waiter kept pushing me to order a glass of wine because it was my birthday but a stayed strong and said no! I had wanted dessert until I realized how full I was and decided that I didn't want dessert. Then, my friends and the waiter insisted that I "had to" because it was my birthday. It's kind of hard to fight a group of people that are telling you to eat dessert! As we walked out of the restaurant, my stomach was feeling terrible! All I could think was, "Phew I'm free, it's over. I don't have to be tempted by junk food anymore!" 

 

This is when I either make the choice to get back on track tomorrow and eat food that makes me feel good and exercise, or I go down an unhealthy spiral of snacking and binging. Every time I've relapsed after a long time of eating healthy it's been because of one special occasion that trickles into unhealthy meal after unhealthy meal until I'm totally off track and it gets out of hand. I have the power to stop myself in my tracks, turn around, and go back to my clean, healthy place. It's not too late!

 

I made a few decent choices today and I also made a few not so decent choices. I had a great day and it was nice to indulge and have some fun with friends. However, these stabbing pains that I'm currently feeling in my stomach are my body's way of telling me that the party is over and this is not something that should become a habit.

 

I'm not sure what my next "special occasion" will be that I'll go off-road for, but I'm in absolutely no rush to put my body through that again!

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First off, Happy Birthday! It sounds like you had a great day and your friends/coworkers were still being really supportive, even though I know some of your choices were difficult. I also wanted to mention that I finally got a chance to check out your blog this weekend, my work computer blocks "blogs", but I think you're doing great and it will be a great resource for others to use.

 

I have been eating like trash and I don't have a birthday as my excuse. To be honest, I'm having a rough time figuring out what my problem is... yesterday I grabbed two snacky junk foods from our snack bar at work, and I hid it from my coworkers because they all know I'm still doing my reintroduction... if that doesn't scream " I know what I'm doing is wrong" then I don't know what it is. I also went out and got a snack in the afternoon. I had a hard boiled egg to get me through the afternoon, but its like I forgot I even set myself up to make healthy choices and I just went and did my old habits.

 

Even though I'm still going to finish this reintroduction, and it won't be the best but its what I've got, I'm going to work with some Whole 30 principles in mind, first off, take it one meal at a time. Prior to Whole30, I would have diet amnesia, we would go out to eat or someone would have some snacks and I would be halfway through eating it and go, oh my god what am I doing I'm supposed to be dieting. Its like it didn't even cross my mind to make better decisions. Being on the whole 30 consumed me a bit but it made me aware of every little thing I was eating because I didn't want to fail. I don't want to obsess over my diet, but I need to make myself more aware of the choices I'm making. I'm really proud of how far I've come since February when I first started being Whole 30ish, and I cannot let myself go back to where I was, its not even an option.

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Day 51 (of healthy eating)

 

Breakfast: 1/2 cup berries, black coffee (had a major food hangover from yesterday's recklessness. Could barely stomach anything)

Lunch: salad with chicken, veggies, balsamic and oil, nuts & seeds, 1/4 avocado, kombucha

Dinner: 2 hotdogs, sugar-free organic ketchup, 2 pickle spears, frozen mixed veggies

Exercise: Power Flow Yoga

 

Today was refreshing, new, and relaxed. I felt so relieved that junk food was back to being a no-no. I didn't have to think about it, be tempted by it, crave it, etc. Poof, it's gone! All I wanted all day was super nutrient-dense food. My body was begging for it! It felt so good to eat foods that didn't give me stabbing stomach pains and gurgliness. Phew! The mac & cheese still looked yummy and cheesy, but I didn't even think twice about tasting some because it's off limits for me. 

 

When people ask me why I'm being so strict and not allowing any grains, dairy, sugar, alcohol, legumes into my diet, I tell them that it feels degrading to intentionally hurt my body. For a special occasion, I do believe it's worth it. While the physical part doesn't feel so good, it mentally/emotionally feels appropriate to indulge occasionally. But, on a day to day basis, I want to eat food that gives me nutrients and zero stomach pain! I like eating meals that I don't regret, feel ashamed about, or feel guilty about. Now that I'm a clean eater, I'm running out of things to hate about myself! It basically forces me to develop self-esteem. Pretty sweet, huh?

 

This morning was tough, my body was not happy with my birthday decisions, but by lunch time I was back to my normal self. My tummy still feels kind of bigger and bloated, but I refuse to beat myself up about it. I'm moving on!

 

I felt super strong and powerful in yoga class tonight. I was doing advanced things and surprising myself with my abilities. Hard, consistent work has totally paid off. I can't wait to see what else my body can do!

 

The big question is: When am I going to go off-road again with food? Well, I received a bottle of rose as a birthday gift. I decided I'm not going to open it until I have something to celebrate. (I'm trying to find someone to rent my apartment so I can move closer to work, so when that happens, I'll have a glass!). What about food? Gosh, I don't know. I feel so disgusted when I think back to how grains, sugar, and dairy made me feel this week. It's going to take something big for me to want to put my stomach through that kind of pain again!

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Day 51 (of healthy eating)

 

Breakfast: 1/2 cup berries, black coffee (had a major food hangover from yesterday's recklessness. Could barely stomach anything)

Lunch: salad with chicken, veggies, balsamic and oil, nuts & seeds, 1/4 avocado, kombucha

Dinner: 2 hotdogs, sugar-free organic ketchup, 2 pickle spears, frozen mixed veggies

Exercise: Power Flow Yoga

 

Today was refreshing, new, and relaxed. I felt so relieved that junk food was back to being a no-no. I didn't have to think about it, be tempted by it, crave it, etc. Poof, it's gone! All I wanted all day was super nutrient-dense food. My body was begging for it! It felt so good to eat foods that didn't give me stabbing stomach pains and gurgliness. Phew! The mac & cheese still looked yummy and cheesy, but I didn't even think twice about tasting some because it's off limits for me. 

 

When people ask me why I'm being so strict and not allowing any grains, dairy, sugar, alcohol, legumes into my diet, I tell them that it feels degrading to intentionally hurt my body. For a special occasion, I do believe it's worth it. While the physical part doesn't feel so good, it mentally/emotionally feels appropriate to indulge occasionally. But, on a day to day basis, I want to eat food that gives me nutrients and zero stomach pain! I like eating meals that I don't regret, feel ashamed about, or feel guilty about. Now that I'm a clean eater, I'm running out of things to hate about myself! It basically forces me to develop self-esteem. Pretty sweet, huh?

 

This morning was tough, my body was not happy with my birthday decisions, but by lunch time I was back to my normal self. My tummy still feels kind of bigger and bloated, but I refuse to beat myself up about it. I'm moving on!

 

I felt super strong and powerful in yoga class tonight. I was doing advanced things and surprising myself with my abilities. Hard, consistent work has totally paid off. I can't wait to see what else my body can do!

 

The big question is: When am I going to go off-road again with food? Well, I received a bottle of rose as a birthday gift. I decided I'm not going to open it until I have something to celebrate. (I'm trying to find someone to rent my apartment so I can move closer to work, so when that happens, I'll have a glass!). What about food? Gosh, I don't know. I feel so disgusted when I think back to how grains, sugar, and dairy made me feel this week. It's going to take something big for me to want to put my stomach through that kind of pain again!

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First off, Happy Birthday! It sounds like you had a great day and your friends/coworkers were still being really supportive, even though I know some of your choices were difficult. I also wanted to mention that I finally got a chance to check out your blog this weekend, my work computer blocks "blogs", but I think you're doing great and it will be a great resource for others to use.

 

I have been eating like trash and I don't have a birthday as my excuse. To be honest, I'm having a rough time figuring out what my problem is... yesterday I grabbed two snacky junk foods from our snack bar at work, and I hid it from my coworkers because they all know I'm still doing my reintroduction... if that doesn't scream " I know what I'm doing is wrong" then I don't know what it is. I also went out and got a snack in the afternoon. I had a hard boiled egg to get me through the afternoon, but its like I forgot I even set myself up to make healthy choices and I just went and did my old habits.

 

Even though I'm still going to finish this reintroduction, and it won't be the best but its what I've got, I'm going to work with some Whole 30 principles in mind, first off, take it one meal at a time. Prior to Whole30, I would have diet amnesia, we would go out to eat or someone would have some snacks and I would be halfway through eating it and go, oh my god what am I doing I'm supposed to be dieting. Its like it didn't even cross my mind to make better decisions. Being on the whole 30 consumed me a bit but it made me aware of every little thing I was eating because I didn't want to fail. I don't want to obsess over my diet, but I need to make myself more aware of the choices I'm making. I'm really proud of how far I've come since February when I first started being Whole 30ish, and I cannot let myself go back to where I was, its not even an option.

 

Aww thank you so much! I'm so thankful for you and your willingness to keep in contact post-whole 30. I'm so lucky to have you to talk to! You can totally use my birthday as an excuse for you eating like trash :) haha. I think you're doing so great, don't be hard on yourself. You're sort of at this turning point here where you can either nose dive back into unhealthy eating, or pick yourself up and get clean. The biggest thing I've learned from all of this is that your 3 meals have to be huge. A serious palm-sized portion of protein, a ton of veggies, and not forgetting the healthy fats. When I eat the proper amount of these things, I don't think about junk or snacking at all. It's like magic! I know you can do this! definitely take it one meal at a time! You're going to find your way :)

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I like that... I celebrated your birthday, and now that its over, we're both done with making some bad decisions!

 

Nothing too exciting to report on today, I'm trying to get a better focus on my fitness since that took a back burner during my 30. Even though I'm slightly injured in my hip, I'm trying to get back into running. I like running even though I'm not good at it, but my capabilities have gone downhill over the  past 2 years. I got more into strength training, because I enjoy picking up heavy things, lol, but crossfit wasn't a good match for me with my injuries even though I really liked it. However, I do have to keep up my fitness levels and weight training alone wasn't helping my running so I'm slowly easing back into it. We have a trail that runs right behind my house but I never ran on it prior to this week because up until the summer its pitch black when I go running in the morning so I would always go to the lit track. I ran on this trail twice in the past week and I'm so glad its there. Overall its pretty flat because it was where super old train tracks used to lie. And there are a few farms on the outskirts of town so I get to see all the cows in the field when I run by (I love animals). I've barely been able to do over 2 miles, and 3 was my standard before I got hurt but I'm trying to not hold myself to any standard and keep telling myself that I will slowly improve, I just need to give it time. I'm really hoping to take the next 4 months and build me up to a better place so I'm in better shape before surgery and hopefully that will help my bounceback!

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Day 52 (of healthy eating)

 

Breakfast: green juice (was in a rush for work and wasn't well-prepared)

Lunch: salad with chicken, veggies, balsamic and oil, nuts & seeds, 1/2 avocado, kombucha

Dinner: kale slaw, steak, pesto zucchini (dairy free), avocado

Exercise: Hot Yoga

 

Today was the second day in a row that I didn't eat a proper breakfast. This is not going to become a routine. Both days had unique circumstances. But here's what I noticed today when I didn't eat breakfast:

 

I had to come into work early today to teach a class. If I had made breakfast, I would have been late, so I left without food. I drank a bunch of water and grabbed a green juice after the class. The reason I chose the green juice was because I couldn't think of anywhere near work that I could find something healthy for breakfast. In the past, I definitely would have had a breakfast pastry or something sugary. I chose the juice (filled with veggies and wheatgrass, no fruit) because it was the only thing I had easy access to that would give me nutrients. Of course this was not enough fuel and it did not set me up for a strong day and I was super cranky and weak by lunch time, but I was still proud of my choice in a way. 

 

Life happens sometimes and we're not always prepared. In the past, this would be the perfect opportunity for me to make some sort of excuse to eat the pastry for breakfast. Why didn't I just do that today? I'm not technically on Whole 30 anymore! I am genuinely curious why I didn't just indulge. After some deep thought, I think it was because I can't seem to figure out what a pastry can do for my body that would make it worth it to eat. I think about the sugar rush and my body running on sugar rather than fat. Then I think about the crash later on, where all I'll want is more sugar to help me get through the day. UHHH NO THANKS. I'm sure I'll eat a pastry again at some point in my life, but my relationship with them has changed drastically. They're no longer an exciting reward for getting out of bed in the morning. Now I'd rather drink some vegetable and go hungry than trash my body. 

 

I got the same salad I had for lunch yesterday again today. Even though I was starving, I honestly didn't crave an unhealthy lunch. I can't say I find salads exhilarating, but I like nutrient-dense foods! When I sat down for lunch, my friend said "wow, a salad again, you're so healthy." My response was, "Damn straight! I have to be. I am going to reach my goals. I'm sick of living an unhealthy life!"

 

I can't remember ever getting back on the wagon after a binge in the past. I was very worried that after my birthday, I'd really struggle with cravings. I think I just want health so badly that it's relatively easy for me to stay on track now. I have thoughts about eating a burrito from Chipotle for dinner, but then I find myself walking over to Fresh Kitchen for a clean meal or making something at home. Thoughts are just thoughts now. They don't control my life. Eating clean has helped me see that. 

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Day 52 (of healthy eating)

 

Breakfast: green juice (was in a rush for work and wasn't well-prepared)

Lunch: salad with chicken, veggies, balsamic and oil, nuts & seeds, 1/2 avocado, kombucha

Dinner: kale slaw, steak, pesto zucchini (dairy free), avocado

Exercise: Hot Yoga

 

Today was the second day in a row that I didn't eat a proper breakfast. This is not going to become a routine. Both days had unique circumstances. But here's what I noticed today when I didn't eat breakfast:

 

I had to come into work early today to teach a class. If I had made breakfast, I would have been late, so I left without food. I drank a bunch of water and grabbed a green juice after the class. The reason I chose the green juice was because I couldn't think of anywhere near work that I could find something healthy for breakfast. In the past, I definitely would have had a breakfast pastry or something sugary. I chose the juice (filled with veggies and wheatgrass, no fruit) because it was the only thing I had easy access to that would give me nutrients. Of course this was not enough fuel and it did not set me up for a strong day and I was super cranky and weak by lunch time, but I was still proud of my choice in a way. 

 

Life happens sometimes and we're not always prepared. In the past, this would be the perfect opportunity for me to make some sort of excuse to eat the pastry for breakfast. Why didn't I just do that today? I'm not technically on Whole 30 anymore! I am genuinely curious why I didn't just indulge. After some deep thought, I think it was because I can't seem to figure out what a pastry can do for my body that would make it worth it to eat. I think about the sugar rush and my body running on sugar rather than fat. Then I think about the crash later on, where all I'll want is more sugar to help me get through the day. UHHH NO THANKS. I'm sure I'll eat a pastry again at some point in my life, but my relationship with them has changed drastically. They're no longer an exciting reward for getting out of bed in the morning. Now I'd rather drink some vegetable and go hungry than trash my body. 

 

I got the same salad I had for lunch yesterday again today. Even though I was starving, I honestly didn't crave an unhealthy lunch. I can't say I find salads exhilarating, but I like nutrient-dense foods! When I sat down for lunch, my friend said "wow, a salad again, you're so healthy." My response was, "Damn straight! I have to be. I am going to reach my goals. I'm sick of living an unhealthy life!"

 

I can't remember ever getting back on the wagon after a binge in the past. I was very worried that after my birthday, I'd really struggle with cravings. I think I just want health so badly that it's relatively easy for me to stay on track now. I have thoughts about eating a burrito from Chipotle for dinner, but then I find myself walking over to Fresh Kitchen for a clean meal or making something at home. Thoughts are just thoughts now. They don't control my life. Eating clean has helped me see that. 

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Day 53 (of healthy eating)

 

Breakfast: 2 eggs, hot dog, onions, berries, black coffee (no veggies, oops!)

Lunchsalad with chicken, veggies, balsamic and oil, nuts & seeds, 1/2 avocado, kombucha

Dinner: almond flour crusted chicken, green beans, organic sugar free ketchup, 2 pickle spears, tbsp of tessamaes zesty "ranch" (not my favorite variation of ranch..), 1/4 avocado

Exercise: Power Flow Yoga

 

53 days! I've had long streaks of dieting in the past where I've lost a bunch of weight, but these 53 days have been nothing like those attempts. I don't feel like I'm dieting. I feel like I'm just someone who is health-conscious. My friends and coworkers associate healthy things with me. They ask me questions about my lifestyle and they want to learn from me. WOW. I have recruited 7 people to giving Whole 30 a try and 3 people to giving yoga a try! Healthy living is contagious. People notice a difference in my appearance and energy levels and then they start asking how they can incorporate some of what I do into their lives.

 

Switching to a healthy lifestyle not only takes strength to push away old behaviors and develop new ones, but it also takes self-respect. A friend was telling me today that he thinks one of my coworkers is romantically interested in me. I laughed and said, "Oh please, he's super fit and used to dating really beautiful girls who look like models. He can't like me, I'm fat!" As I said it, I started thinking about what it will be like when I can no longer use being fat as an excuse for being unworthy of finding love. My friend rolled his eyes and told me that I've made a lot of progress and I'm really not that fat. He's brutally honest, so I really trust him. I'm so used to using my weight as the reason why I'm defective and believing that I'll be fat and single forever. I think it might be time to stop!

 

I spend my entire day every day treating my body with respect, but then I'll still automatically respond, "I'm fat and ugly, there's no way he'd be interested in me." It's just second nature to say things like that. However, it's feeling more and more silly to say things like that when I'm putting so much energy into respecting myself. If I'm treating myself with respect, then that might mean that I value myself and may even like myself...

 

I'm absolutely still overweight and I've got flabby, loose skin everywhere, but either my clothes are magically growing bigger while I'm sleeping at night or I'm getting closer to my goal! I wonder how I'll look, feel, and perform 53 days from now...

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Guest bfree11

Day 53 (of healthy eating)

 

Breakfast: 2 eggs, hot dog, onions, berries, black coffee (no veggies, oops!)

Lunch: salad with chicken, veggies, balsamic and oil, nuts & seeds, 1/2 avocado, kombucha

Dinner: almond flour crusted chicken, green beans, organic sugar free ketchup, 2 pickle spears, tbsp of tessamaes zesty "ranch" (not my favorite variation of ranch..), 1/4 avocado

Exercise: Power Flow Yoga

 

53 days! I've had long streaks of dieting in the past where I've lost a bunch of weight, but these 53 days have been nothing like those attempts. I don't feel like I'm dieting. I feel like I'm just someone who is health-conscious. My friends and coworkers associate healthy things with me. They ask me questions about my lifestyle and they want to learn from me. WOW. I have recruited 7 people to giving Whole 30 a try and 3 people to giving yoga a try! Healthy living is contagious. People notice a difference in my appearance and energy levels and then they start asking how they can incorporate some of what I do into their lives. 

 

Switching to a healthy lifestyle not only takes strength to push away old behaviors and develop new ones, but it also takes self-respect. A friend was telling me today that he thinks one of my coworkers is romantically interested in me. I laughed and said, "Oh please, he's super fit and used to dating really beautiful girls who look like models. He can't like me, I'm fat!" As I said it, I started thinking about what it will be like when I can no longer use being fat as an excuse for being unworthy of finding love. My friend rolled his eyes and told me that I've made a lot of progress and I'm really not that fat. He's brutally honest, so I really trust him. I'm so used to using my weight as the reason why I'm defective and believing that I'll be fat and single forever. I think it might be time to stop! 

 

I spend my entire day every day treating my body with respect, but then I'll still automatically respond, "I'm fat and ugly, there's no way he'd be interested in me." It's just second nature to say things like that. However, it's feeling more and more silly to say things like that when I'm putting so much energy into respecting myself. If I'm treating myself with respect, then that might mean that I value myself and may even like myself...

 

I'm absolutely still overweight and I've got flabby, loose skin everywhere, but either my clothes are magically growing bigger while I'm sleeping at night or I'm getting closer to my goal! I wonder how I'll look, feel, and perform 53 days from now...

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That is so great that your habits are brushing off on other people, way to go!

 

I changed work stations for the next 2 weeks (including weekends) because we have a big event going on. I'm technically working as an aide to a higher up so I'm working much longer hours than normal and also I'm in like this basement office where we can't leave during the day. On the one hand its good because I'm being kept busy, but like yesterday my lunch wasn't big enough and I was stuck there until about 630pm. I was dying for something more, but there are snack bars everywhere filled with unhealthy things! The girl I'm assigned with had some poptarts and I was like oh sweet sugary goodness, but I didn't have any. I don't credit this to my willpower but to the fact that I didn't have any cash on me. Today I"m running to the store on the way in to see what healthy options I may have because alas again I'm not bringing enough food but I want to turn to the "healthiest" options. I don't even know where I'm supposed to be with reintroduction since I fell off the wagon, I think tomorrow may be cheese. We have a pesto shrimp in the freezer (homemade but too much to make in one meal) that the hubs can BBQ, and i may add some feta to my eggs, and I'm not sure how else to incorporate it into my day...

 

Here is to a busy weekend!

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Guest bfree11

Day 54 (of healthy eating)

 

Breakfast: 2 eggs, veggies, 1 tbsp almond butter, berries, black coffee

Lunch: chicken nori wrap, kombucha

Snack: 1 coconut covered vegan marshmallow

Dinneralmond flour crusted chicken, veggies, organic sugar free ketchup, 2 pickle spears, tbsp of tessamaes zesty "ranch"

Exercise: Rest Day

 

I only got 4 hours of sleep last night. I had a lot on my mind and just kept tossing and turning until I eventually gave up on trying to fall back asleep and got out of bed. I woke up really hungry, so I made myself some breakfast and then got ready for work. By lunch time, I was super hungry again because I ate breakfast so early. Tired and hungry is a recipe for disaster. I had a hard time deciding if I was "allowed" to have a nori wrap for lunch. It's got a lot of veggies and avocado inside, but there's rice too, and it always leaves me feeling so full because I finish the whole thing. I don't get them very often and it is a healthier "treat" than a burger or pasta, so I decided to go for it. I checked in halfway through and I was still ravenous, so I kept eating. After I ate the whole thing, my fullness finally caught up with me and I felt SO INCREDIBLY UNCOMFORTABLY full. It didn't upset my stomach at all, but I just felt uncomfortable. I made sure to have a smaller, light dinner about 8 hours later when I finally got hungry again. 

 

I don't feel badly about eating the nori wrap. It is a relatively healthy "special" lunch. I don't have it everyday, or even every week. I know when I decide to have a nori wrap for lunch, that I'm going to struggle with stopping myself from eating the whole thing and I'm going to feel very full afterward, which is probably why I order them infrequently. It will take a few weeks before I put my body through that again. While it is delicious and a nice change, my Whole 30 meals make me feel way better after eating and that's much more important to me. 

 

I think I chose to eat the nori wrap for lunch today because I wasn't well rested and had low energy. Prior to changing my eating behaviors, I typically ate when I was tired or bored, in addition to when I was simply hungry. This is why I ate that marshmallow today. I was tired and bored, I saw the container, and just went for it. While I was chewing it, I was already looking at the others in the container, trying to decide which one I wanted to have next. Then, I stopped myself, put it away, and forced myself to just enjoy the one I had in my hand. I don't even like marshmallows, but I was bored and tired, which made me vulnerable. I at least pushed myself to eat it mindfully and enjoy it, rather than just chewing it fast so that I could move on to the next one in the container. I try to refocus myself when I'm having something unhealthy and really stay present through the experience and at least enjoy the flavors. 

 

I had a bunch more urges/cravings on my way home from work. At this point, I was exhausted and I just kept thinking about comforting myself with food. It's so easy for me to see now that boredom and lack of sleep are emotional eating triggers for me now. I knew when I was tossing and turning in the middle of the night last night that today I'd be way more vulnerable to cravings. I'm proud of all of the cravings I had today that I didn't give into (there were many!). I'm also proud of myself for fessing up to the things I ate that are not Whole 30 approved and not beating myself up about it. I'm not spiraling out of control, I'm not gaining all of the weight back, I'm just living life. Sometimes you have something a little special for lunch, but not too frequently. I guess that could technically be looked at as using food as a reward, but to be honest, we live in a society where food is totally a reward/comfort system.

 

I'm not going to dwell on today's imperfections. I'm going to remember that not sleeping enough makes me vulnerable, nori wraps make me full, and eating treats mindfully is the only way to control the splurge and make it easier to stop. 

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