Noelle Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 Day 25 B: Pork belly, collard greens, eggs, sweet potato, ghee Black coffee L: Decaf coffee Salsa-chicken, tomatoes, cucumbers, avocado T: Hard boiled eggs Blueberries with coconut cream D: Meatballs, sautéed kale, baked butternut squash Bananas, figs, and prunes with almonds and coconut butter Exercise: 1/2 hour yoga *** I'm not thrilled with my choices today. I threw the template out a little and went with what "sounded good." Nothing disasterous, but I didn't feel in control of my choices. I know nuts don't agree with me—I wonder if I might be continuing to eat them out of some old, self-sabotaging habit, or desire for a "treat." Or maybe both. My urge for a "treat" definitely goes through the roof on stressful days, and today was hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noelle Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 I hate that I'm thinking about quitting on Day 26. My sleep last night was abysmal. I know that sugar throws off my sleep, and I ate a bunch of sweet fruit last night. I'm also feeling the nuts today—my hips are sore—but that could also be the poor sleep. The worst part is that my mood is in the toilet. I just do not want to do any of the things I have to do today. I really want some sugar. (That's the fruit talking, too.) I wish taking care of myself—eating well, exercising, drinking enough water, getting enough sleep—didn't take so much time and energy. I wish I weren't responsible for the care and feeding of three other people at the same time. I'm not going to quit (quitting Whole30 would accomplish exactly nothing), but I'm going to be okay with being grumpy today. *** Lunchtime update: I'm feeling better (and less sorry for myself) already. Thanks, Good Food! I'm taking a few days off fruit and other "sweet" tastes (I'm looking at you, nut butters, kombucha, and specialty-foods-friends) in a palate-reset experiment. The old "your body doesn't know the difference between a Larabar and a Snickers bar" line? My body/brain doesn't know the difference between a big bowl of fruit and a Seattle Chocolates Birthday Cake truffle bar. I am just as crabby and moody today as I would be had I eaten a candy bar last night instead of some banana and figs. It's exactly the same short temper I was experiencing all the time for months (because I was eating sugary things before bed all the time for months). Which raises the question: where will fruit/sweet foods/actual sweets fit into my long-term diet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noelle Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 Day 26 B: Pork belly, collards, eggs, fingerling potatoes Black coffee L: Big Ol' Salad: ground pork, romaine (a whole heart!), cucumber, bell peppers, salsa, 3/4 avocado, Tbsp avocado oil mayo D: Thai Coconut Chicken Curry (The Frugal Paleo Cookbook) with extra coconut cream Riced cauliflower with ghee Exercise: 1 hour elliptical *** I need to take my own advice, re: binge eating, concerns about eating "too much," and so on. It's not about eating as little as possible. It's about feeding your body what it needs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noelle Posted June 28, 2015 Author Share Posted June 28, 2015 Day 27!!! B: Pork belly, collards, poached eggs, sweet potato hash browns Black coffee L: HUGE bowl of curry (seriously, it was probably about 4 cups): chicken, onion, carrot, zucchini, mushrooms, coconut oil, coconut milk, curry paste Iced decaf coffee D: Salmon Cakes (Whole30) Romaine with avocado oil mayo Big handful of olives Lemon seltzer Exercise: Lots of walking in the sunshine, running errands on foot, carrying groceries home—it felt good to be out in the sunshine being productive! *** Really good day today. I bought myself some new (thrifted) workout clothes to remind myself that I am a fit person who works out. Fake it 'til you make it, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noelle Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 Day 28 B: 2 scrambled eggs, hash: garlic-herb chicken sausage, sweet potatoes, collards Avocado Black coffee L: Monster salad: salmon, mayo, romaine, beets, sunflower seeds S: About 2 cups chicken bone both (it seemed weird to be drinking hot broth in the middle of a summer afternoon, but this was so delicious!) D: Slow-cooked chicken thighs with apples Red cabbage Sunflower seeds S: Hard boiled egg Carrot Exercise: The Firm Body Sculpt *** Today felt like non-stop food-prep, in part because my daughter kept asking for a meal and then not eating what I have her. By the time I got a plate made up, she'd be off to the next thing and/or demand a food we haven't had in the house for months. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noelle Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Day 29 B: Smoked oysters, grilled asparagus, and homemade sauerkraut (made from Trader Joe's Cruciferous Crunch) topped with three poached eggs Baked sweet potato topped with avocado oil mayo Black coffee L: Salmon cakes with avocado oil mayo Monster salad: romaine, tomato, carrot, whole avocado S: Coconut milk matcha latte D: Brazilian Fish Stew Exercise: The Firm Total Sculpt Plus Abs (AM) 1 hour ballet class (PM) *** My energy is good, my mind feels clear, and I actually have the mental space to work on some deep, emotional and relationship stuff that I won't get into here. The one hing I'm struggling with is the food budget. I haven't actually crunched the numbers for the month yet, because I know we're waaaaay over budget. My husband is joining me for my next 30 days, and I'm going to challenge myself to find lots of frugal meals for us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noelle Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 Day 30 B: Brazilian Fish Stew topped with two fried eggs Black coffee S: Coconut milk matcha latte L: Coconut milk green curry with clams, carrots, and asparagus 2 Brazil nuts (selenium!) Homebrewed apple-chai kombucha D: Classic Chili (Whole30) topped with avocado Baked red potatoes with olive oil Exercise: Ballet Beautiful Cardio Fat Burn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noelle Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 I didn't write anything yesterday, mostly because it was late and I was tired and yesterday was HARD: not Whole30, that was easy, but home life was rough. Kids are people too, and sometimes people are jerks. Especially when they're sick and sleep-deprived. But! It's July, and Day 1 again! Why not just Day 31? I weighed and measured myself this morning. That was always the plan, mostly to see where my body is hanging out, but also to help me see that I won't gain a zillion pounds in a month by not dieting and just feeding myself. My results: my weight stayed the same (as in exactly the same), and my measurements all changed only slightly: a half inch up here, a half inch down here. Nothing that couldn't be chalked up to regular fluctuation. The one exception is my lower belly measurement, which is down 3 inches. Inflammation is no joke, people! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fmr_sailor Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Noelle, I've enjoyed reading through your log. I can definitely empathize with your family life. While nobody in my house is nursing anymore, I was pregnant and/or breastfeeding for 8 years! My third child weaned (with a little help from mom) a few months after her third birthday. I also feel overly responsible for planning/providing meals for my husband who completely wants to do the Whole30. Sometimes that feeling the EVERYBODY IN THE HOUSE is dependent on me feels overwhelming! Hang in there, I'm just on my first Day 1, but plan to check on your log this month. Take care of you!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noelle Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 I was pregnant and/or breastfeeding for 8 years! My third child weaned (with a little help from mom) a few months after her third birthday. Eight years! That's awesome! It's amazing what our bodies are capable of doing... I appreciate the support. I'm definitely commuted to nursing as long as my kids want to nurse, but it can be hard when you don't know many people who do extended breastfeeding. My daughter is slowly, slowly reducing the amount of time she spends nursing, but I wouldn't be surprised if we made it to four. She just loves her mama milk so much! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noelle Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Day 1 B: Hash of sweet potato, bok choy, and garlic-herb chicken sausage topped with two fried eggs Sautéed mushrooms 2 Brazil nuts (selenium!) Black coffee L: 3 No-Fuss Salmon Cakes (It Starts With Food) Monster salad of romaine, tomato, and olives topped with homemade ranch Large kiwi Home-brewed apple-chai kombucha D: Ultimate Taco Meat (The Frugal Paleo Cookbook) topped with a tablespoon of cashews Baked butternut squash Exercise: 15 minutes Sun Salutations (AM) 1 hour ballet class (PM) *** Smooth sailing today. I had a long stretch between breakfast and lunch (we ended up staying at the park longer than I'd planned), and it ended up being fine. I was definitely hungry when I finally sat down for my meal, but not shaky or panicky like I've been in the past. NSV of the Day: I had planned to do weights in the morning, but when I got up, my body said, "I need a break, please." It get really good to just do some yoga, follow my breath, stretch out my hips, and not worry about "working out" or "feeling the burn." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fmr_sailor Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Eight years! That's awesome! It's amazing what our bodies are capable of doing... I appreciate the support. I'm definitely commuted to nursing as long as my kids want to nurse, but it can be hard when you don't know many people who do extended breastfeeding. My daughter is slowly, slowly reducing the amount of time she spends nursing, but I wouldn't be surprised if we made it to four. She just loves her mama milk so much! I even tandem nursed my two daughters for 10 months. Now THAT was an adventure for sure! However, I could eat anything as the weight just fell right off! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noelle Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 Day 2 B: 3 eggs and 2 cups chopped frozen spinach cooled in coconut oil and topped with the last of the salmon cakes, crumbled Mashed pumpkin with coconut cream Black 1/4-caf coffee L: Ultimate Taco Meat (The Frugal Paleo Cookbook) Salad with cucumber, tomato, yellow watermelon, green onion, avocado oil and lime juice S: Home-brewed apple-chai kombucha D: Hard-boiled egg white (kid leftovers) and 2 Brazil nuts (ate this while preparing dinner) Salmon-spinach frittata topped with salsa Roasted sweet potatoes Exercise: Ballet Besutiful Sculpt and Burn Cardio Blast *** About an hour and a half after lunch, I totally crashed and had to lie down for a little while. That hasn't happened to me in a while, and I wonder if it was actually a sugar-crash from the watermelon in my salad. (Or it could just be the 4:00 AM wakings still throwing me off.) I had 8 fl oz of kombucha mixed with some seltzer, and that picked me up a little, and I was fine until dinner. NSV of the Day: I took the kids to the thrift store in the afternoon (air conditioning! Inexpensive entertainment!) and the woman in line behind us was absolutely gorgeous: model-thin, with thick, dark hair, and legs that reached up to my neck (and I'm not short). Usually I would launch right into the negative body-image thoughts in the presence of someone so objectively beautiful. But I just finished reading Sexy by Nature, and I was walking around with Stefani Ruper's voice in my head. I reminded myself that just because this other woman is beautiful doesn't mean that I am not also beautiful. Beauty is not a finite resource. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fmr_sailor Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Day 2 D: Hard-boiled egg white (kid leftovers) and 2 Brazil nuts (ate this while preparing dinner). Glad to know I'm not the only one that sometimes need a small bite before cooking! Of course, my hunger disappears in the middle of prep, and then when I sit down to eat I'm not even hungry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noelle Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 Glad to know I'm not the only one that sometimes need a small bite before cooking! You're definitely not the only one! I try to eat two Brazil nuts every day for selenium, and I often eat them (along with my PM supplements) while cooking dinner—partly so I won't forget to get them in, but mostly to keep me from mindlessly snacking on the dinner as I'm preparing it! Fortunately, that habit seems to have mostly fallen by the wayside in June. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noelle Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 Day 3 It's about to get all TMI up in here: I got my period! Happy Hormone Dance! I'm a little early, based on when I would expect to get my period if everything were normal with my hormones (it's not), and my luteal phase was on the short side: 10 days at the most, and probably more like eight. So my progesterone is still in the basement. Scratch that: my progesterone is still deep within the earth's mantle. But my bleeding seems really normal for Day 1 of my cycle, which is great. My fatigue, irritability, and lower abdominal "heaviness" symptoms are all exactly where I'd expect them to be (not bothersome, but noticeable), and I was ravenous today. B: Last of the Brazilian Fish Stew topped with two fried eggs Simple romaine-avocado salad with apple cider vinegar and a few sliced strawberries Black 1/4-caf coffee L: Chicken breast, zucchini, carrot, and cucumber said dressed with coconut-lime dressing (basically my take on Sunshine Sauce using coconut butter instead of sunbutter) T: Half serving of Classic Chili with roasted sweet potato chunks, diced avocado, and a few (half a tablespoon) sunflower seeds Half a large orange Almond butter and coconut butter Late afternoon: 8 fl oz apple chai kombucha D: Stupid Easy Asian Beef (The Frugal Paleo Cookbook) using green beans instead of asparagus Riced cauliflower Exercise: Nothing, but I walked around the zoo for a couple hours with my family *** I was feeling frustrated for hitting up the butters at teatime, and then I realized: I was more depleted than I thought. Lunch was relatively light, I'd done lots of walking, and my daughter nursed in the car before we headed home. And I'm menstruating. My body needed calories and it needed them now. I refuse to fall into the old thought-habit of feeling guilty for a suboptimal food choice, which is what I was very tempted to do this afternoon. So I ate a ton of food today. So what? NSV of the Day: That paragraph above, maybe? Or how about the fact that this morning (before my energy took a little nose-dive) I was over-the-moon joyful? One of the best, most surprising effects of Whole30 is the shift in my mood. I feel more positive when I eat this way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noelle Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 Day 4 ...went really well, except my period chugged to a halt more or less as soon as it started. Heyo, low progesterone! I know the "cure" for my cycle is patience, but I've never been very patient. B: 3 eggs with chicken sausage, sweet potato, and zucchini, cooked in coconut oil "Cheater" creamed spinach (chopped, frozen spinach mixed with homemade mayo) 1/4-caf coffee L: Grass-fed beef burger Shredded romaine Watermelon-cucumber-tomato-avocado salad 2 Brazil nuts T: 16 fl oz homemade kombucha D: Slow-cooked pork shoulder Raw carrot and bell pepper strips Kimchi 1/2 cup fresh, local raspberries with whipped coconut cream Exercise: Nothing *** I don't know if it's female hormones or a sugar-crash from the watermelon, but this is the second time I've had watermelon in my salad at lunch and then been so sleepy I've needed to lie down afterwards. What gives? NSV of the Day I: I noticed (while listening to the Paleo Women Podcast on keritosis pilaris) that my KP is better than it's been in a long time. NSV of the Day II: I ate my slow-cooked meat in a calm, as-relaxed-as-possible manner, off a plate!. Celebrating the Fourth of July with food freedom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noelle Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 Day 5 B: Leftover stir-fry, chopped spinach 1/4-caf black coffee L: Beef burger with avocado Raw red cabbage dressed with mayo Roasted sweet potato 16 fl oz homemade kombucha D (with my in-laws): Beef and vegetable kabob Half chicken breast with skin Bellydance Beet Salad (Well Fed 2) Paleo Sweet Potato Salad (my mother-in-law made this—she totally got on board with making Whole30-compliant dishes for our get-together, and might be contemplating a Whole30 of her own! Yay!) About two tablespoons of watermelon Raspberry-lime Spindrift seltzer Exercise: None, but I stocked up on meats for the week and carried everything in handbaskets instead of pushing a cart. That counts, right? *** My period has come to a screeching halt, which is frustrating. I'm also dreaming again: night before last I was gorging myself on Builder's bars. Yuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noelle Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 Day 6 and I hit a huge wall. It's a long, complicated story full of family drama, but suffice it to say my progress crashed and burned. I was feeling terrible, and decided to binge after lunch (on nuts and seeds, which I know make me feel terrible. Nothing like feeling terrible while you're feeling terrible!). I hate that I still feel like I have to be perfect. I hate that the solution to so many of my issues is "less stress" but I can't control the stress of being related to stupid, selfish people. Or the stress of feeling unsafe and unsupported so much of the time. *** Deep breath. Pity party over. I have ballet class tonight, and ballet class with a stomach ache from too many nuts is still better than no ballet class. I just hope my stomach settles down some in the next 6-1/2 hours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fmr_sailor Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Wish I had crumbled more like you. I fell apart Saturday night after dinner. Got on the scale and ate a box of raisins, oh no! But that was it, I quit. However I'm going to restart tomorrow. I'll be checking on you. Maybe we can help each other!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noelle Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 Day 7 B: Eggs, pork shoulder, kale, sweet potato, avocado Decaf coffee L: Eggs, green beans, romaine, sweet potato, avocado, avocado oil S: Decaf with coconut cream D: Chicken thighs, roasted cabbage, baked potato S: Sweet potato with coconut oil Exercise: 30 minutes on the elliptical *** Terrible, terrible day. Jack LaLanne used to say "what you eat today walks and talks tomorrow." I was my binge today. I was sad, lethargic, hated my children, and really didn't see the point of continuing. I feel like I can do everything right and still feel horrible—so why put in the effort of doing everything right? I ate a lot of potatoes today, because apparently mood and female sex hormones both loves starches, but I feel like eating potatoes just makes me want to eat more potatoes. The same is true of fruit. I love fruit, but I don't have an "off switch" for fruit. At least, I don't think I do. I feel like I could eat 12 apples a day. I hate feeling like "feeling pretty good" is on such shaky ground, and that one meal away from home, or one missed workout, or one less-than-optimal choice is enough to send me right back to where I was: hating life, feeling ugly and worthless, and wanting nothing more than to binge on candy. (I know candy would solve exactly zero of my problems, but I really feel like candy would at least make them tolerable.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fmr_sailor Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I am certainly no expert, as you've made it farther than I did before I botched my first attempt at Whole30 and ended up having to restart, but.... The thing that got me was I wasn't expecting the EMOTIONAL aspect of sugar withdrawal and the conversion to burning fat for energy. I felt emotionally poor, almost a hopeless feeling. And my mind kept asking me, "Why are you even doing this? This is stupid. You don't have to do this to be healthy." After I took two days and ate a "standard American diet," I realized it was just the withdrawals doing all that talking and the hormone rebalancing was challenging. But there is supposed to be a point where we will come to the other side of that, and we will feel better. It's just the getting there that's challenging. I *very loosely* equate it to a person in drug withdrawal. Begging, crying, miserable, they would do anything to have what they think they NEED. But there comes a place where that passes. Can you hang in there for the other side? And as far as perfection with workouts goes.... I don't know how old you are, but when I was in my late teens and early 20s, if I missed a workout, or didn't have a good workout, I really beat myself up mentally. I'm very Type A, and I like things to be just right and predictable. Now that I've had children and am a bit older (39), I realize I can't expect perfection because there are too many people in my life to control everyone. Lol And the children, those dear sweet children than we love so much but sometimes they make us want to pull our hair out (and theirs too!).... They are such a delightful challenge, especially when they are little and they need you so intensely and immediately. There's another side to this too, it's coming, they're growing. Before you know it, they won't need as much from you and they will be able to help you more. It takes time though. :-) I will be praying for you. I hope you have a better day today! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noelle Posted July 9, 2015 Author Share Posted July 9, 2015 Thanks, Erica. My biggest struggle is patience. I think I feel good right away on Whole30 (or any other change) because I get kind of high on the "newness," the feeling of "I'm doing something productive! This is going to work! Yes!" And then somewhere along the line I get hit with the reality that: things take time, and consistency is key. Yesterday (Day 8) was awful, mood-wise and food-wise. I stayed compliant, but my "meals" were less than ideal. I ate an apple after lunch even though I was stuffed, because I told myself I could have it. Dinner was more or less non-existent, and then I snacked after ballet class, again because I told myself I could. I went to bed stuffed and had a bunch of nightmares (my husband force-feeding me pills, not being recognized by someone who should've known me, watching my yard being invaded by various wild animals, trying to find a private spot in my house and realizing that the ceiling was covered with security cameras...). My barre last night felt pretty good, but center was awful. We worked on pirouettes, and I was awful. I've put on some mass based on how my dance wear fits (leotards and tights aren't exactly forgiving), and I felt it, trying to stay up in passé and turn. My first impulse is to slash my food intake. But I know that's not in the spirit of what I originally set out to do here: boost my sex hormones so I can menstruate regularly (which will protect my already osteoporotic spine), and even out my mood so I can be the energetic, peaceful, patient mother I aspire to be. I've been there before—on Whole30! I was never there when I was starving myself. I feel like I could do all of this healing really quickly and easily in a vacuum. I know I could. My husband and I took a weekend trip at the end of May, and while we ate all the junk food, I felt healthier than I have in a long time. It's not the food—or, rather, it's not only the food. It's the stress, and for me, right now, for whatever reason, everything feels stressful. But. I'm going to keep going. Three nourishing, balanced meals per day. Movement. Sleep. Breathe in and out. Repeat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noelle Posted July 10, 2015 Author Share Posted July 10, 2015 Day 9 B: Decaf 3 eggs, pan-fried chicken livers, red potato, homemade sauerkraut L: 2 eggs, chicken-apple sausage, sugar snap peas, kimchi, kale, avocado (About an hour after lunch, realized I was still hungry) S: Another chicken-apple sausage D: Roasted turkey thigh meat, baked sweet potato with coconut cream, romaine salad with kalamata and green olives and olive oil Exercise: Nothing really, but I tried out a headstand. Yay for getting upside down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noelle Posted July 10, 2015 Author Share Posted July 10, 2015 Here's something I don't understand: it's Day 10, but it would be Day 40 if I hadn't stepped on the scale. I've eaten nothing non-compliant for 40 days, and yet I still have the "Day 10, want to quit" blues. What gives? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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