Beyond Whole30


ThyPeace

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Thanks, JenHZ.  When I was in my 20s and 30s, I weighed between 165 and 170 and thought I was too fat.  Ha.   Today I'm at 178 and the goal is to get to 168 -- back into that range I thought was too fat when I was young.  Because, well, it's better than where I am today and it's something I know I can maintain.

 

I've been at 178 when DH and I had our handfasting, and when we got married, and then once last fall.  Each of those times was very brief, like no more than a couple of days.  This time I've seen it twice within a week.  Still, I won't be sure of anything for several more pounds.  And that means some really focused work, I think, to change thoughts and habits and body composition and how I metabolize food.  Tough stuff.

 

On a more positive note, DH and I joined a CSA today.  We bought some vegetables from them last week at the local winter farm market, and decided that we would go all in.  I am looking forward to it.  I've only been a CSA member once before, and that was before I learned to cook greens into anything worthwhile, so I didn't really get my money's worth.  This one is a smaller amount of food -- five to eight items per week for 30 weeks -- and I think we will easily eat most of it.  We eat so many vegetables now that eight of them will be only a part of what we would normally eat, and it will likely increase the variety.  I also like the idea of supporting a small (15 acre) farm that's close by and organic. 

 

ThyPeace, likes food.  Likes connection.  Likes food that makes connections.

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It's been a frustrating week that ended up okay.  Thursday, because of work stress, I went on what I would call a carb bender.  Chocolate (the sweetened kind), tortillas with butter, apple, grapes, dried mango.  And then a handful of DD's leftover candy and the last of the Thin Mints.

 

I enjoyed every bite.  And when DH finally got home and calmed me down, I slept incredibly well and woke up with a ton of energy and oddly refreshed.  I had a bit of a carb hangover, but not terrible.  I'd had a really freaking terrible stomach ache earlier in the day, so I should have had a several pound weight loss.  Instead, I gained a bit more than a pound, which I have now lost again.  I'm actually surprised at how little damage the single day did.  Even so, I did notice my heart beating differently and didn't enjoy that sensation.  Nor did I enjoy the pangs that I used to interpret as real hunger and now experience as "something is wrong with what I ate today."

 

And Friday, I ate normally (okay, I had an extra apple) and drank lots of liquids.  Today, I'm back to my lowest point in a long time.  That part is a little frustrating -- what if I hadn't gone on the bender?  Would I finally have broken through this particular plateau?  Ah well.  I'll keep working at it.  DH is planning meals for next week right now, and my own goal is to eat salmon or tuna for several lunches.  Because it will help too.

 

ThyPeace, morning weights are at the goal for the next month of DietBet.... just have to get the evening weights there, and reliably so.  This will take focus.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Gee, it's been a while since I posted.  I have been doing fine since that stress-related binge.  Calmed myself down, ate well, and have continued to slowly lose weight.  My evening weights are at this month's goal and weigh-in is tomorrow.  A few extra bits here and there this week because of family being in town.  I can't say as I really feel bad about black beans, hummus, and a couple of slices of bread spread out over a week.  I am now at a lower weight in the mornings than I have been in 13 years. 

 

And I seriously need to buy new pants.

 

ThyPeace, did find a belt she hadn't been able to wear in years.  That's helping with some of them.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Made it to my goal weight for the month, and that's even with having already had breakfast that morning.  (It was DH's birthday and Easter was the next day, and that was the only time I had to do it.)  Had my fill of sugar and other treats on those two days, as they are two of my eight feast days of the year.  I was, of course, bloated and weird-feeling afterwards.  Took an extra day to get back to compliant eating, and then had a dinner with DH's boss this past Saturday.  Even so, I am steadily below my weigh-in weight, and feel confident that I am back on track.  I need at least two weeks of very careful eating to get down to my next goal in a reliable and consistent way.  Careful means not just Whole30 compliant, but also eating less fruit, nuts, and unsweetened chocolate and more tuna and salmon.  It also means continuing to work out regularly, and getting enough sleep.  This week and next week look pretty good for that, knock on wood.

 

In other news, my ex says DD is really unhappy and stressed at school.  I can't tell whether it's a problem specific to her disabilities, whether it's a problem with school and friends, etc., or whether it's part of middle school being permanently awful for everyone.  She (DD, not my ex) calls me at least once a day to tell me she doesn't feel well, which I'm starting to think has more to do with just not wanting to be there than anything else.  

 

Other than DD's stress, though, life is (again, knock on wood) really pretty good.

 

ThyPeace, had an awesome weekend.

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Gosh I love eating well.  I feel so much better when I do.

 

And in this case, it means that I actually jogged yesterday.  Not an alternating walk and jog, not a staggering can't-breathe-my-heart-and-legs-are-dying lumber.  But just... jogging.  This morning, I went 2.1 miles in 24 minutes.  I'm sure that's horribly slow.  It's also faster and longer than I have ever run in my life.

 

ThyPeace, remembers the 12-minute run in high school with utter horror.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Gee, it's been a while since I posted.  Since then, well, I've eaten well, I've exercised, I've worked through the soreness associated with new shoes and come out stronger at the end, and I have lost weight.  All good stuff!  I have seen weights in the last couple of days that I have not seen since before DD was born 13 years ago.  (I'm not her biological mom, but it's a good marking point for some vast changes in my life...)

 

I was worried that I wouldn't make my goal weight for this round of the DietBet, and am still a little concerned.  But it's basically going well.  I just have to be consistent and not worry about the daily fluctuations.  And also not eat things that I know will load me down -- pulled pork and butternut squash soup, even if made compliant, still makes me gain a few pounds for a few days! 

 

The dietitian says I look thinner and would like it if I added a strength workout.  I don't know how to explain to her that running IS a strength workout for me.  She's far more fit than I am, and far smaller.  She's pushing around maybe 120 pounds when she runs.  I'm pushing around 175, and up and down actual hills to boot!  And I know that I would progress faster if I took her advice and mixed it up some.  I just really like the groove I'm in.  Ah well.  She knows if she keeps talking to me about it, eventually I'll find a way to do what she's asking.

 

ThyPeace, 2.4 miles this morning.  Could use a massage for all the muscles I've worked in my legs the last few days.

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Woo!  I made my goal weight with a half pound to spare.  And that's after a Passover seder feast that left me stuffed to the point of being uncomfortable and involved all kinds of non-Whole30 kosher-for-Passover foods.  (And I don't even know what's in gefilte fish!)  With the exception of that meal, I've eaten pretty consistently for the last couple of weeks:

 

Weekdays:  

Breakfast:  2 eggs, an ounce of ham, cooked veggies (onion, mushrooms, zucchini, yellow squash, and cabbage), and a small grapefruit or other fruit that's handy.

Lunch:  Chicken thigh and enough ham to make the total about 4 ounces, 1 2.6 ounce packet of tuna/salmon, about 9 ounces of raw veggies (carrots, celery, cucumbers, radishes), 1 ounce of mixed nuts (almonds, pecans, walnuts), and an apple.

Supper:  Varies some, but salads have been alternating with protein-vegetables-potato-butter meals most of the time.  

When I'm hungry on one of these days, I will often have a small snack of dried fruit, unsweetened chocolate, and nuts.  This is an area for great caution, as I can easily overeat on these things.  However, when the dried fruit is prunes, I have a great incentive not to overindulge.  Keeps me, err, thoughtful.  As well as regular. 

 

Weekends are usually just two meals and two snacks.

Snack:  Banana and egg or banana and almond butter or a few bits of ham and an apple or... you get the idea.

Meal 1 (usually around noon or later):  Salad and protein.  Olive oil and balsamic vinegar for dressing.

Meal 2:  Varies, but commonly the protein-vegetables-potato-butter version of a meal.

Snack:  Salmon or tuna packet or fresh fruit or dried fruit, unsweetened chocolate, and nuts.  

 

I'm sure I could tweak further to lose weight faster.  I am not sure that I want to lose weight faster, though.  I find that I am much better at the slow-and-steady than sprints.

 

Which brings me to the running efforts.  I bought a running book this week.  The author is Jeff Galloway, whose claim to fame (other than being an Olympic medalist) is that he invented a run-walk-run training method by watching a bunch of out-of-shape adults try to learn to run.  As I am an out-of-shape adult, this is clearly something I should have read a few months ago.  I'm still reading and trying to figure out how to apply what I've read, and the things that I've figured out so far seem to be helping quite a bit.  I came back from my first try at it feeling better than I have in a long time.  Did it again today and pushed myself a little more, still enjoyed it.  I'm going to keep trying this.

 

One thing he emphasizes is how important it is not to go on runs on successive days.  He does say it's okay to work out -- just to give the calves a break and not do something that is pounding the way running is.  So yesterday I pulled out my bike and rode it for 30 minutes.  It's now light at 6am, so I felt safer doing it than I would have a few weeks ago.  Lovely ride!  Amazing how much larger my range is on a bike.  I know, it's obvious.  It was still amazing.  I went just under 5 miles in just under 30 minutes, so I guess that's an average of about ten miles per hour.  That includes about a minute at 25 miles per hour, though, so my flat-ground average is probably less.  It's a really fun hill, though.

 

The other thing I'm supposed to do with this program is to do a longer run once a week.  I also need to decide if my goal is fat-burning, in which case I need to work on extending the time I run-walk-run, or whether my goal is to extend my endurance, in which case the longer runs Keep. Getting. Longer.  

 

For now, though, I'm just trying to understand the system and use it to help myself improve.  I'd like to be able to do more than 2.4 miles in half an hour.  It'd be cool to do, gosh, maybe a 5k in that time?  I don't even know what's reasonable.

 

ThyPeace, wow, I have leg muscles!

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Spent the weekend in Birmingham, Alabama.  Ate okay, though not great.  It's hard to eat well when you're eating meals someone else planned.  I did manage to avoid dairy well enough to have no ill effects from that.  Had some grain, a small glass of wine at one meal, a bit of ginger beer and regular beer at another.  Overall, I lost a bit of weight over the weekend, which I would have done at home as well.  Perhaps not as much as I usually would, truth be told, but that's hard to say for sure.  

 

In any case, I also got more than 15,000 steps on both Friday and Saturday.  That left me at a significant calorie deficit for the weekend, and with some happily sore muscles.  It's a hilly city, so I got to use muscles that don't get used that often.  It was a nice change of pace, and really nice to spend so much time walking with DH.  We usually work out separately because of schedule and workout preferences, and it's nice when we get a chance to take a walk together.  The first long walk together was through the length of the Atlanta airport, which took a full 50 minutes.  We weren't walking incredibly fast since we each had a backpack and pull-along luggage.  Good exercise to walk while loaded down, though.  And then there were the Birmingham hills, which gave us two hours of fun with a half hour rest-and-liquid break in the middle.  Nice views, nice way to see parts of a city you wouldn't see otherwise.  

 

Today I was back to my regularly scheduled morning run.  I went about 2.7 miles this morning, and will keep it at no more than that distance this week.  It took me more than 30 minutes, so Wednesday I will try to do a strict 30 minutes and focus on form and cadence.  Words I didn't know until recently.  Interesting things to be learning!

 

ThyPeace, apparently has added some of the other Whole9 areas lately.

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So..... using up the buttermilk by making buttermilk pancakes for DD was clearly not a good idea.  Or.... maybe doing that much exercise with that little food over the weekend was the problem.  Or maybe it was something else.

 

No matter what, it ends up to a bad food week.

 

ThyPeace, what do you mean, the dried mango has sugar in it?

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I feel much better today.  Took an entire day off from exercise yesterday -- only got 3,800 steps after 100,000 steps over the last ten days.  My body was exhausted.  Got some more sleep, too, and ate much better today than I have since the beginning of the week. Got a good run in this morning, ate well today.  Now I'm doing some stress eating, but trying to keep it healthy and reasonable.

 

ThyPeace, coordinated our building lockdown during the active shooter event near my office today.  Glad the day is done.

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I've continued to eat well, and that's good.  I have also not lost any weight, which annoys me.  I'm not so surprised, though.  Hi stress day last Friday followed by none of the usual catching up on sleep I do most weekends.  That sleep is crucial to my continued weight loss.  I also tweaked my back (Learning point:  40 minutes of biking is currently too much for my back.) and have been slow and far from effective in my exercise this week.  I did keep doing it.  Walking and very VERY slow running (think walking pace with a running motion) actually made it feel better.  Still, I worked really hard to keep it light.  Only enough to warm up and loosen the muscles.  

 

So, not exactly a forward week.  However, also not a backward week.  A few non-Whole30 foods in the mix -- a bit of barbecue sauce, a bit of corn relish, a handful of Puffins.  The first two were fine in context -- pulled pork for the former, a big salad for the latter.  The Puffins, not so much.  I'll go back to trying to avoid those.  I did manage to choose, and then not eat, a compliant snack (banana and almonds) on a day when I just had the munchies rather than being hungry.  However, I also need to get back to being hungry a little more if I want to lose weight again.  

 

Pep talk to self:  Good job on several things this week, especially getting the spasms to go away and keeping activity levels reasonable while doing it.  Now. Skip the lunch apple and stop those occasional dried fruit and nuts snacks you've been having.  Add back that half hour of sleep a night.  (Remember, DH needs the extra sleep too.)  And see if it's possible to keep the distances the same next week.  Maybe shave a little time?  And take a rest day.  I know you love it.  Keep it that way by taking breaks.

 

ThyPeace, has to really work not to run every day.  It's just fun.  And I'm amazed that I am actually willing to say that.

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Hmmm.  So I re-read the pep talk.  I've gotten a little more sleep this week.  Not had much luck reducing food intake.  Dropping weight anyway as I increase activity.  My average step count increased by about 25% between March and April, and probably will go up again from April to May.  That increase in activity is saving me because I really am finding it hard to eat less -- and maybe that makes sense given the added quantity and intensity of activity.

 

Be that as it may, I got enough sleep this past weekend to allow my body to let go of weight.  I'm hovering at or below my next goal, which is still a week away.  So as long as I can stay there, I'll make this goal.  And that will put me 2 pounds away from the overall 6 month goal, which is awesome.  Who knows?  Maybe I'll even make it.... and that will be only 3 pounds above my overall weight goal.

 

So when I get to that, well, then it's a matter of building the body in other ways.  I've been thinking, since I can't convince myself to give up a morning of running for strength work, that I'll try to add strength work later in the day.  We'll see.

 

We got our first CSA box last night -- lettuce (which we used to wrap the burgers), chard and mushrooms (sauteed some for a side), rhubarb (made it into a sauce with apple and maple syrup for dessert, yes I know, not compliant and ooooo yum; does anyone have any compliant rhubarb recipes?), bok choy (going into a stir fry to go with breakfast), and sunchokes (which I'll roast over the weekend).  I am thrilled -- variety, incredibly fresh, yummy.  Woot!  Score.

 

ThyPeace, loves rhubarb.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Yay!  I made my goal on Thursday morning, weighed less on Friday morning, and even less on Saturday morning.  Dropped below 170 for the first time in 15 years this morning.  That was nice to see.  I'm sure I'll slide back up tomorrow -- I was slightly dehydrated and very hungry when I weighed myself this morning.  Which had to do with sleeping late and then cuddling with DH after I woke up and then napping again and then eventually getting up to shower and go on with the day.  We ate sort of well, though I would really like to trade in some of the fruit for protein.  Happens sometimes when the week is over and we haven't had time to cook up more protein yet.  I didn't think until much later that I could have just used a can of tuna or salmon from the pantry to get the protein I was lacking.

 

In any case, after a slow morning and light brunch, DH and I took a long walk.  Haircut for him, stopped to get a drink, went to two ATMs (one for each of us), circled back to have dinner at a new place, then came home the long way.  All told, we walked about five miles, and I now have more than 12,000 steps for the day.  Pretty nice, especially since I've joined a StepBet game to go with my DietBet.  The StepBet is a nice way to increase activity if you need to.  Two "stretch" days with longer distances, 3 "active" days with slightly shorter distances, and one "rest" day each week.  My stretch goal is 14k steps and the active goal is 12k steps.  That's about 15% more than I was getting, so it's a definite jump in distance.  I'll be happy if I can maintain that for 5 weeks, for sure.

 

I will also say that my weight this morning was below my goal weight for the entire StepBet that I'm doing.  I'm kind of psyched about that.  My dietitian, whom I saw yesterday, is also psyched about it.  Apparently she'd had a tough week -- one patient who had pancreatic canced died, another threatened to commit suicide, the food addict is back with her addicted-to-drugs boyfriend... She said it was really nice to end the week with someone who has been successful.  She said that she thinks the major difference between those who succeed and those who do not is confidence and knowledge of limits.  Those who know what they can and cannot do, she said, seem to have a better ability to just keep doing what needs to be done, even if it doesn't seem like it's working in any given week.  It was a really interesting conversation.  We usually just talk about my stuff, but that took all of three minutes and the end result was "keep doing what you're doing, remember to get some strength training, and try this store for running shoes."  So we had plenty of time to talk about other things.

 

I have also caught my first cold in something like two years.  There's been a bit of stress at work, which probably contributed, and my body's been working really hard to keep up with the repairs needed for my increased activity levels.  I suspect the slightly worn-down body, combined with the stress, meant that this particular virus didn't get cleaned out as quickly or as well as it could have.  Interesting, though, because there's been other stress and other sore days when I didn't catch a cold.  Ah, well.  Slightly itchy eyes and a slightly scratchy throat are far better than many people have in a two year stretch!

 

ThyPeace, hoping to get ten hours of sleep tonight.

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Only made it to 8 hours of sleep last night because of the darned cold, which has gotten worse.  DH is suggesting NyQuil tonight.  I don't like taking it, and at the same time, I really will feel better if I actually sleep.  Sigh.  Will have to consider.

 

Took today as a nearly complete rest day.  Did a half hour aerobics workout with DH this morning and other than that, my exercise was limited to walking around the grocery store and walking around the outside of the church because it was the celebration of the Feast of Corpus Christi.  (I wasn't raised Catholic, so all these rituals are new to me, and usually fascinating.  Following around a blessed cracker when you no longer eat grains is definitely interesting.)

 

So anyway, just a little over 5,000 steps instead of the 12-14k I have been getting.  Good to have the rest with my body as tired as it was.  I hope I hope I hope I feel better tomorrow!

 

ThyPeace, when I finally die, if I get the chance, I'm asking Jesus how it feels to become a cracker.  And yes, that's probably blasphemy and I'm probably never going to get the chance because I'll get sent straight to H*ck after I die.

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Took the Nyquil, which knocked me out but didn't stop the coughing. DH is afraid I'm going to hurt myself because I cough so hard.  I know I won't, having had coughs like this before, but I'm sure it's worrisome to him.  (It's probably the first time he's really heard multiple nights of this kind of cough; I have many fewer now than when I was younger, and we lived separately for several years because of family and work responsibilities, so he didn't have to live through my colds quite as close up.)  

 

I'm still managing to get exercise and am mostly eating right.  My cough drops are a necessity right now, though.  I need to stop at the store and get some Fisherman's Friend extra strength, though.  Halls are just too wimpy.  I need something that will anesthetize my lungs right now, and a quarter of a Fisherman's Friend will do that just fine, where an entire Halls will not.

 

Not much appetite right now, so I'm continuing to lose a bit of weight.  No complaints there, except that my pants are falling off and I still need to shop for more.

 

ThyPeace, doesn't like to shop.

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It's been slow going some of these tired mornings, MommaGem!  This morning, after finally getting some solid sleep, I was actually more tired than I had been the previous nights.  SO .... mostly walking instead of running.  My resting heart rate is up, too, also a clear sign of the body struggling with stuff.  That's okay.  As I heal and get more rest, it'll all improve.

 

And in other good news, the time spent trying on shoes at the running store seems to have paid off.  I like the new shoes and inserts.  Which is to say, my feet hurt less.

 

ThyPeace, still not much appetite.  Had the protein for lunch, working through some of the veggies.  The rest, well, maybe later.

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  • 3 weeks later...

So, after the cold finally left my system, I came out the other side with a lingering cough that only got better when I added FloNase to my regular routine.  After I'd used it for a week, I stopped for two weeks and was congested the whole time, so am back on it.  I've resisted the notion that I might have any kind of seasonal allergies for years.  This is really challenging that point of view, though.

 

Anyway, other than that, I'm back to healthy.  With some advice from the folks over on the Whole30 for Athletes board and another board I'm on, I've also been able to improve my running in what seems to me a significant step upward.  With new shoes and less pain in my feet and legs, I have been able to start running continuously, rather than doing a combination of running and walking.  This morning I ran about 3.25 miles.  I'm very slow, of course.  But still, more than 3 miles.  Wow.  I never thought I'd be able to run that far.  

 

I have struggled some to balance the increased energy needs from running with the ongoing weight loss that I am trying to accomplish.  And, though the weight loss has slowed, it appears that my body is continuing to adjust.  My body fat percentage appears to be continuing to drop even while my weight stays about the same.  I wonder how silly I would look if I ever had that lean "runner's" body.  I would certainly have some extra skin and flappy bits to flop around in the breeze while I run.

 

I have also done yoga a few times recently, and am hoping to turn that into a more stable habit.  It feels good, for one thing, and for another I think the balance work will help strengthen some of the running stability muscles.  I have no proof of that, but I'm going to try it and see.

 

The food remains Whole30-ish with occasional variations.  Some of them are worth it (popcorn!), some of them are not (those chocolate-covered almonds...)  Only once have I had a milk-belly incident recently.  Still haven't figured out what caused it, but at least I have learned how to relieve the pain fairly rapidly.

 

ThyPeace, having a good week. 

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Sunday was the day to hit my 10% weight loss goal for my DietBet game.  I had been below the goal a couple of weeks ago, then crept slightly above it.  I ate well and got really good exercise for more than a week while the scale continued to go up rather than down, which was a bit frustrating.  Then I got 11 hours of sleep on Friday night and 10 hours of sleep on Saturday night.  I went running on Saturday and got a good bit of exercise on Sunday.  When I weighed in, I had dropped four pounds from where I was on Friday morning.  I could say it was all water weight or something... but really, it's not.  Every time I am low on sleep and then get enough, my weight will shift as long as I have been eating and exercising.  It's very consistent.

 

I've stayed at the new, lower weight for the last several days, so am now within a pound of my overall weight goal.  This last few months has been so straightforward (which is different from easy) that I am wondering if I should just keep going eating this way.  One thing that I've noticed is that my body fat, as measured by my Withings scale (I have some doubts about its accuracy) has been steadily dropping.  I started out at 41% or so, an now am around 36%.  I think it's not accurate because my dietitian's fancy scale had me at 31% months ago.  But whatever -- I think the trend is basically accurate.  So I think I may focus on decreasing fat mass rather than weight for a bit.

 

And on building my strength and running endurance.  Because it's fun.

 

ThyPeace, goals are good.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Returned on Friday from a week of vacation.  It was also our anniversary, and hence one of the eight times a year when it's okay with me to have treats.  I had them in some abundance, though the main dessert at the party was a dairy affair, so I had only one berry from it.  The little bit of whipped-cream-cream-cheese-sugar stuff that came with it was fabulous, and luckily not enough to make me terribly sick.  Still, I had baked beans and corn chips and bread and various other things during the week.  Luckily, that was balanced by a lot of activity -- running, walking, and water slides.  The water slides were interesting.  I weigh 30 pounds less than the last time I was on them and boy, I got thrown around a whole lot more than I used to.  Came off one of the slides so hard that the lifeguard actually checked to make sure I was going to stand up afterward.  Which I did, and there weren't too many bruises to show for it afterwards.  Even so, geez.  No wonder my stepson, who weighs another 30 pounds less than I do, gets tossed around so much.

 

So it was about the week that I expected, with a great deal of fun and far less stress than previous vacations.  Thank goodness DD's Zoloft and Concerta combination work so well.  This was the first time in her life she was able to watch fireworks and see how awesome they are, rather than screaming in fear and hiding.  And she was willing to go into the pool by herself rather than having me right next to her at all times, and a thousand other little things were easier as well.  A really good change.

 

Returning home has been fine, though I am tired.  Today is a complete rest day, which I really need.  My whole body is slightly sore, even my hands and toes, all from being used in novel ways. 

 

What I do not look forward to is returning to work.  Of all the emails I got when I was away, there was one that was directly related to the political stuff I have to deal with at my job, and it really brought into focus how unpleasant some of the job is.  I have spent far too much time thinking about it in the last few days, and the maneuvering that I will have to do to get through this particular item successfully.  It is hard to commit to an organization that spends so much time on in-fighting rather than on getting the mission accomplished.  I've been aware of this problem ever since I started this job two years ago, and have made gains in many areas.  It still frustrates me to have to deal with it, though.

 

ThyPeace, reminding herself of the allies she has in dealing with the politics.

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  • 3 weeks later...

So here I am, after the end of my DietBet. I made it! Lost 15 pounds in six months. I am finally at the goal weight I set with my dietitian. Thirty pounds in 30 months, come to think of it. It's been a long, slow journey. Not hard exactly, so much as requiring constant focus.

The last 200+ days, I had tracked my food every day. It makes me downright nervous not to, and I've only stopped because she challenged me to and see what happens. I am definitely noticing a willingness to try more things. In the week since I finished, DH and I had our planned celebratory treat -- popcorn and Raisinetttes at a movie. That was fine. I've also had bread at a few meals out, a couple of cookies at work, and a little more sites fruit And nuts.

As with any reintroduction, I'm trying to observe carefully to see what the effects are. So far, I'd say I haven't made any changes that are setting me back. I do worry about sliding a slow slope back into unhealthy eating. And I worry that I will eat too much and gain that 30 pounds back, even while eating and living healthy.

My other challenge from the dietitian is to come up with fitness goals that I want to accomplish by the end of the year. I know I want to be strong. And I want to not ache when doing daily things. Those two do not always go together at the moment.

But she want accomplishments, not ways of existing. So I'll think about it more. It seems to be a theme of my life in many ways right now, thinking about and setting goals. It's not somethin I have completely positive experiences with, so I struggle with it.

ThyPeace, salmon and veggies for dinner tonight. Tomorrow morning, I run. These routines are better than goals for me.

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