Former anorexic needing advice on getting through the psychological struggles of eating enough

[mfustos]

Hi -  I have just finished day 3 of W30 and up until today, I was advised that I was not eating enough food, which would be contributing to my fatigue, brain fog and headaches as well as feeling hungry only a couple hours after finishing a meal. 

 

My concern is this: I have a history of anorexia, although I have been okay for the last 10 years (with a few struggles here and there, of course), but I have always come out sending my food aversion to the curb. As I was eating today I had a small anxiety attack that I am eating too much, especially too much fat (which is always good fat, like coconut oil, EVOO or avocado and within the meal template amounts) and that if I continue this way I am going to get fat. I have purchased the It Starts with Food book and am in the process of reading it to understand food and why you need to eat a lot more of good nutritious food to become full and healthy in comparison to carb-dense food that lacks much nutrition (like chips, bread, etc). 

 

Prior to this I always thought that less was better..."don't eat more than 4 oz of protein" "Eat on a smaller plate to help your portions stay smaller"... you all know the things us ladies "learn" to try and not eat too much. 

 

I guess with all of this past brainwashing about food, it is just hard for me to eat enough and not feel guilty about it. Does anyone have experience with this or could give advise on what I am feeling right now? 

 

 

Here is today's food log to give an idea of what I had. 

Brunch (around 10:30am)

• 2 eggs scrambled
• 1 1/2 medium potatoes sliced and pan fried in EVOO - dipped in HM mayo
• 1/2 avocado
• 1 cup sauteed red peppers
• 8 oz black coffee

Snack

• 1 T coconut oil with cinnamon 
• 1/2 cup watermelon

 

Dinner

• Palm sized - 1inch thick chicken breast cooked with 1 tsp of coconut oil inside
• 2/3 cup beets
• 1/2 cup raw carrots
• 1 cup summer squash
• 1 T hm mayo for dip
• a couple of small pieces of watermelon 

Water - approx 75 -  90 oz

 

Thank you to anyone who can advise.

[MeadowLily]

Mfustos,  you'll get your portion sizes adjusted this week.  Your lunch is missing but tomorrow is another day. Try to eat your breakfast within the hour that you awake.  Give yourself 4-5 hours inbetween each meal. Breakfast  Lunch and Dinner.    Make small changes and build on them.  You'll have this down pat in no time. You build on the small to make your Whole 30 a BIG SUCCESS on Day 30.

[chezjulie]

Hi mfustos,

 

First of all, congratulations on your success over the last 10 years. I have several friends with histories of EDs, and they worked really hard to get to a healthier place and it was not easy.

 

In case you haven't seen it, there is some good info for people who have dealt with disordered eating, including a series of articles that are linked from this post. http://whole30.com/2014/06/dear-melissa-eating-disorders/

 

I also wanted to say that starting with a Whole30 eating approach is a challenge for just about everyone who went through the "no fat/low fat" decades or has been eating whole grains and a little protein or followed the various dieting "rules." It's just a really different way of eating than we've been taught. Your two meals look pretty good today although you are missing an entire meal. And if a moderator stops by, he or she will probably say that eggs should be the number you can hold in your hand without dropping them, which for most women seems to be three.   

 

Maybe see how the next few days go. If you aren't able to eat more, or if you keep having anxiety attacks, you might need to rethink the Whole30. You could always make the changes to higher protein, more vegetables, and more fat gradually without being part of a restrictive program.

 

Good luck!

[SugarDemonBaby]

I had binge eating disorder, had some treatment for it in 2010 and have been better since.

Better in the sense I no longer have an eating disorder according to diagnostic criteria but I definitely struggle with my relationship with food, especially sugar.

I have a lot of weight to lose and a mound of other health problems intertwined with the excess weight. That and to conquer my sugar cravings are why I'm doing Whole 30. I am on Day 7 and am finding it really fantastic. I'm tired but apart from that feel great. 

I think it's very easy to tie onesself up in knots regarding nutrition - because there are a lot of opinions out there and the "scientific" studies are of varying quality. I've driven myself off so many eating plans because I'm trying to improve it, and make it perfect. I started following the Fat Around the Middle diet once and then got to reading about Green smoothies and that led to me to the raw food diet, and then I had all this conflicting advice in my head and I just gave up. 

I'm consciously not doing that for Whole 30. I have decided to trust the programme for the 30 days and then I will evaluate what to do from there. 

I am not going to stress about it because my body is stressed enough already, and I was reading about the stress in It starts with Food, and how important it is. That said, I am purposefully and deliberately not allowing myself to get stressed about it. It takes effort. 

My advice to you is trust the programme - follow the meal template exactly, and let it go as much as you can until the end of your 30 days. Then decide what you want to do. Nothing irreversibly bad will happen to you if you eat whole foods for 30 days, no matter how much you eat. Even gaining weight isn't actually the end of the world either, although I know it can feel that way. 

Remember there's no such thing as a perfect whole 30!   You can't actually do any better than your best, so no point stressing about it.

[Noelle]

You're doing so well, mfustos. Truly.

In terms of eating enough food, focus on three (or four) template meals each day. Fix a generous plate, sit down to eat, eat as much as you feel comfortable with in the moment. If there's any left over, put it in the fridge, and as soon as you feel hungry again go back to your plate and eat a little more. If you start to feel anxiety or panic, stop. Breathe. Separate yourself from the food. Try again later.

I know it feels impossible to do this, but erase "perfect" from your Whole30 vocabulary. Not only is a perfect Whole30 impossible, striving for perfection will send your anxiety levels through the roof and undermine the healing you're working towards.

Your body is doing its best to heal. It wants nourishment, and the more you can be on your body's team, the better. It's hard, but it is possible. You can do it.

[mfustos]

Thank you, everyone - sincerely. I am starting on Day 4 and honestly this is the first time in months that I have woken up and been just a "little" groggy, but quickly became alert and able to focus. Normally, I can sleep 10 hours or more and still feel like i haven't had enough sleep. So...YEAH! In the right direction. I also have several pimples on my jaw/neck that are being extremely stubborn in the healing process and just continue to stay that are FINALLY going down and starting to heal...double YEAH!

 

I used to do what you did SugarDemonBaby, and go on a nutritional "journey", and then drop it because of someone else's opinion or because something else sounded more successful. I am completely with you on the way you are handling the Whole30... let's do it and then scientifically decide the outcome of our experiment after 30 days.  And you are correct, what is the worst than can happen following this plan? There isn't anything. It's not a flash in the pan fad diet, it is healthy, and a lifestyle change.

 

Since you and I are newbies SugarDemonBaby, I say "Good luck" to you and let's stay connected through this. For my advanced member responders, thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom. It can truly be an overwhelming life change to make and I appreciate you all taking the time to lend your support.

 

Oh...and the reason that there was no lunch on there, is b/c we headed out on the boat. I did not plan well for the day.

[chezjulie]

I believe that fish fresh from the water and a seaweed salad would be considered compliant. 

 

Glad you are having a better day today.

[mfustos]

LOL chezulie - Although I DID have fishies nibbling at my toes (I have copper colored toenail polish on and I think they think it is bait), if you saw the lake we were in, you probably wouldn't want to eat the fish.  

[Munkers]

Glad to see that today is a better day and that you've had some good support from other forum members. However, if you have a past history of an eating disorder, then I do want to gently, but firmly encourage you to maintain a relationship with a counselor or other mental health professional. They're trained in helping you to work through the nagging guilt and self-criticism and are the folks best equipped to help you maintain your recovery.

[mfustos]

Thank you, Munkers. I am seeing a therapist for anxiety issues and we do talk about my past ED history. My GP also knows about the past history and was the wonderful woman that introduced me to this. We keep in touch as well on everything to make sure that I stay on track. Thank you so much for the concern, I am very humbled by the amount of sincere support everyone provides to each other on these forums. You are all truly amazing.

[Guest Andria]

Hi -  I have just finished day 3 of W30 and up until today, I was advised that I was not eating enough food, which would be contributing to my fatigue, brain fog and headaches as well as feeling hungry only a couple hours after finishing a meal. 

 

My concern is this: I have a history of anorexia, although I have been okay for the last 10 years (with a few struggles here and there, of course), but I have always come out sending my food aversion to the curb. As I was eating today I had a small anxiety attack that I am eating too much, especially too much fat (which is always good fat, like coconut oil, EVOO or avocado and within the meal template amounts) and that if I continue this way I am going to get fat. I have purchased the It Starts with Food book and am in the process of reading it to understand food and why you need to eat a lot more of good nutritious food to become full and healthy in comparison to carb-dense food that lacks much nutrition (like chips, bread, etc). 

 

Prior to this I always thought that less was better..."don't eat more than 4 oz of protein" "Eat on a smaller plate to help your portions stay smaller"... you all know the things us ladies "learn" to try and not eat too much. 

 

I guess with all of this past brainwashing about food, it is just hard for me to eat enough and not feel guilty about it. Does anyone have experience with this or could give advise on what I am feeling right now? 

 

 

Here is today's food log to give an idea of what I had. 

Brunch (around 10:30am)

• 2 eggs scrambled
• 1 1/2 medium potatoes sliced and pan fried in EVOO - dipped in HM mayo
• 1/2 avocado
• 1 cup sauteed red peppers
• 8 oz black coffee

Snack

• 1 T coconut oil with cinnamon 
• 1/2 cup watermelon

 

Dinner

• Palm sized - 1inch thick chicken breast cooked with 1 tsp of coconut oil inside
• 2/3 cup beets
• 1/2 cup raw carrots
• 1 cup summer squash
• 1 T hm mayo for dip
• a couple of small pieces of watermelon 

Water - approx 75 -  90 oz

 

Thank you to anyone who can advise.

Hi mfustos,

 

I saw your other post where we were telling you to eat more and I understand (though, not through personal experience) your struggles with an eating disorder.  I am a bit perplexed, because you have asked for help, yet you still are not eating enough.  Props to you , though, for continuing to ask for help.  Some thoughts:

 

1. What happened to breakfast?? One of the Whole30's main tenants is to eat within 1 hour of waking a full template meal.

 

2. When eggs are your protein the serving size is the number you can hold in your hand.  For a small female, the minimum would likely be 3.

 

3. Fat and fruit not a good combo.  If you are truly hungry, you should have a mini-meal of protein, veg and fat.  The fact that you had to snack demonstrates you did not eat enough earlier - no breakfast (i.e., meal within 1 hr of waking) and the meal you called brunch is too small.

 

4.  Your protein amount for dinner is quite small considering the small amount of food you consumed earlier.

 

Overall, your veggie amount looks ok (could argue to move your starch to the evening meal and add more greens to breakfast), fats would likely be ok if you had 3 full meals but protein is super low.

 

If you haven't already read this, have a look (as well as the articles linked to within this article):

http://whole30.com/2014/06/dear-melissa-eating-disorders/

 

 

Good luck to you. Keep tweaking and asking questions as you need.

[mfustos]

Hi Guys-

 

Here is an updated log of a food entry from yesterday. Let's see if this is looking better:

 

Breakfast

• palm sized chicken breast 
• 2/3 cup sliced potato pan fried
• 1/2 avocado
• 10 oz coffee black

Lunch

• Palm sized chicken breast
• 1/4-1/2 cup beets
• 1 cup raw carrots
• 2 roma tomatoes
• 1 1/2 T HM mayo with Dill weed for dipping
• closed handful of almonds

Pre-WO snack

• closed handful of almonds

Dinner 

• 2 palm sized (although about 1/4 - 1/2 inch thick) tilapia fillet
• 1 cup spinach salad with 2T EVOO and 1T mayo
• 2 cups baked potato with EVOO drizzled and 1/3 cup salsa

 

Seriously, you guys. This feels like a TON of food to me, but my energy was a lot better yesterday and when I did yoga after work I actually felt strong for the first time in months...like I was working at it, not just "getting through". 

 

Thanks for your thoughts.

[Munkers]

Seriously, you guys. This feels like a TON of food to me, but my energy was a lot better yesterday and when I did yoga after work I actually felt strong for the first time in months...like I was working at it, not just "getting through". 

 

Thanks for your thoughts.

 

Remember those feelings. That's what you're aiming for.

[mfustos]

So, I have a question about what you should do when you make your meal and you don't want to finish it. I am not full to the extent of popping out of my jeans, I just feel like I have had enough and don't need anymore to eat. Here is just my lunch and notes from said lunch:

 

Lunch

• 2 cups spinach salad with:
• 8 oz ground beef
• 1/2 avocado
• 2 roma tomatoes
• 1 cup broccoli
• closed handful of almonds
• HM mayo and EVOO salad dress with dill weed - approximately 3 T (hard to tell as part of it was with the broccoli overnight and was slightly runny)

3/4 of the way through my salad and I my satiety is at capacity. Not full like my stomach is distended and can't fit any more food, just don't feel like I need to eat the rest of the salad at this moment in time. 

 

Do I power through or just put it in the fridge and eat it later if I become hungry again? I know snacking is discouraged.

Thanks.

[Munkers]

For that particular meal, you're eatting at the higher end of the template with lots of protein and tons of fat. If you're full and satisfied, then go ahead and put it up. If you get hungry again in the next few hours then go ahead and finish it off, but if you're not hungry again until dinner, then I don't think there's anything to fret about.

[mfustos]

Thanks Munkers (love the name, btw). From this particular lunch, would there be any reason why I might be extremely tired and slightly mental foggy after the meal? I don't feel hungry again, but I am just a bit out of it. I don't know if it is because there was a lot of fat, or if it has anything to do with my food intake from lunch. My stomach is also feeling a little icky this afternoon. 

 

Thoughts?

[jmcbn]

Could be a combo of the almonds & the broccoli effecting your stomach - both are notoriously hard on the digestive system, the broccoli particularly if raw. You might want to moderate your nut intake and switch to another fat, and include more cooked veg than raw over the next few days.

The mental fogginess could be from a lack of water. How much have you had so far today? Or have you eaten fruit?

The fat should actually help you feel energised so it's unlikely to be from that...

[Munkers]

My first reaction is to say that the icky stomach might be because of too much fat. If you're not accustomed to eating that much, then your body may be having some trouble figuring out how digest it all. All of the raw veg could also be contributing like jmcbn pointed out and/or the nuts. Personally, I have issues with raw broccoli and cauliflower (even cooked cauliflower sometimes) and recently it seems like nuts are not my friend.

 

Experiment with how much fat you're adding (maybe only a few almonds for crunch instead of a closed handful) and think about blanching or roasting your broccoli and see if that's any easier on your stomach. And make sure that you're salting your food. When you cut out processed foods, your sodium consumption goes way down and insufficient sodium can lead to low blood pressure, fatigue, dizziness, etc.

[Hannlib]

I would ditch the almonds. You have plenty of other fat sources - avocado, mayo, evoo and nuts are tough on your digestion.

[mfustos]

Thanks, everyone. Yes, there was a lot more fat in my breakfast and lunch today as I had 3 boiled eggs, a whole orange pepper (about 1 cup), and a peach and about 1/2 cup of strawberries mixed with 4 oz of Thai coconut milk. So I did ingest quite a bit of raw veggies and fat today. 

 

As far as water goes, I think I have had almost 96 oz and about 12 oz of coffee (which is more than I normally drink). 

 

The pilates class was a bit tougher today than normal and I did sweat quite a bit more than i normally would in that class. 

I did add some salt to my meal at lunch, but not a lot. 

 

I have also developed a headache that started slowly after pilates, but has not subsided much.

[mfustos]

Okay, so my stomach is a little off still and my fogginess still present. I am feeling tired and headahcey. I have no appetite to eat anything, but I am guessing that  I should. Any suggestions?

[mfustos]

Today is my day 5... I was feeling very good yesterday; energetic, focused, not a lot of mental fog (if any) today...not so much. I have listed what my breakfast and lunch looked like as well as my exercise and what I was noticing at around 3 - 3:30. Right now I am pretty spacey and just tired. I have a very dull headache and I am not alert at all, sometimes when I get this mental fog and headache it almost feels like my eyes are crossed (they aren't). I( know my blood work and brain and all that other physical stuff is A okay as it has been recently checked.) A couple of moderators have concluded (which I totally agree with) that I probably have overdone it on the fats and raw veggies today and potentially lack of sodium may be causing the vertigo and grogginess. 

 

My question is: I don't feel like eating anything, but I know I should... but WHAT would be good to eat at this point? My go to toast and PB is NOT an option.

 

Day 5 log

Breakfast

• 3 hard boiled eggs
  
• 1 med sized (2/3 - 1 cup) orange pepper sliced
  
• 1 peach and 1/2 cup strawberries mixed with 4 oz of Thai coconut milk (YUM)
  
• 10 oz coffee
  

45 minute Pilates class (more intense than normal with a lot leg work)

      Have a slight headache after class and a little brain fog and grogginess

 

Lunch

• 2 cups spinach salad with:
  
• 8 oz ground beef
  
• 1/2 avocado
  
• 2 roma tomatoes
  
• 1 cup broccoli
  
• closed handful of almonds
  
• HM mayo and EVOO salad dress with dill weed - approximately 3 T (hard to tell as part of it was with the broccoli overnight and was slightly runny)
  

3/4 of the way through my salad and I my satiety is at capacity. Not full like my stomach is distended and can't fit any more food, just don't feel like I need to eat the rest of the salad at this moment in time. Will put back in the fridge to eat at later point. 

 

About 3:30 pm getting a little bit of vertigo and extremely sleepy. Also, a headache coming on behind my eyes and in sinus area. 

 

thanks!

[ShannonM816]

Do you think you could manage maybe a baked sweet potato with some coconut oil or ghee? Starchy stuff usually helps when my tummy's a little off, and it might help with the brain fog and tiredness too. And maybe sprinkle a little salt on it.

 

Other things that are usually good for an upset tummy can be ginger or mint tea, broth, and easy-to-eat foods like scrambled eggs, mashed potatoes (obviously, ones you make yourself, as almost any restaurant is going to include butter and milk in them), or something bland like grilled chicken breast.

[GFChris]

I merged your two threads. Per the forum rules, please do not cross post the same question in more than one place.

[mfustos]

Oh...thanks Chris.