Full Tilt Boogie

[MeadowLily]

[MeadowLily]

[MeadowLily]

[MeadowLily]

[MeadowLily]

When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change. 

 

At that moment, there is no pretending that nothing has happened or in saying we are not ready.

 

The challenge will not wait.  Life does not look back. 

[MeadowLily]

Imagine a new story for your life.   Start living it today, right this minute. 

[Laurie]

Your lasts two posts speak to me.  You and Hutlifr know what I mean.  I am failing at this challenge.  I have no courage.  All I have is constant pain.  It's beyond me how I've even survived this far.  I do not want a new story.  I need to turn the pages back but we all know that can't happen. 

[MeadowLily]

Laurie,  there are days I wish dcducks was around.  No doubt about it, he knew how to pull courage out and bolster others through a storm.  He could reach through a screen.  It's a gift.  But you are gifted, too.

You reach through a screen and grab me with your heart.  Your pain is real.  You're here with Hutlifr and me.  We need you.

[Hutlifr]

It's almost 6 pm here, and it's Max's first Angelversary... Soaked my pillow with tears last night, and I can't believe it's been on,y one year since he left us... It feels forever...at the time of his passing today, I released two balloons... One read I love you and the other miss you... It's very cold here, winter has been back for a few days, and on .sinday, I will be waking up in my new place in Heidiland. My life still feels like I am watching a movie, not quite sure if what I am living and experiencing is real...

[Geminimik]

Meadow,

 

Is this where Laurie is following? I think of you (all the Dirty 30) and miss you guys

[MeadowLily]

No one can tell us how to process grief.  We can't divide people up into groups. There are those who have tried to make divisions out of people because it is their framework for interpreting others and their own life.  It has real limitations.

 

Instead of fostering love and understanding, it creates more division.   Categorizing others.  We are more than a taxonomy of personality types.  I support both of you wherever you are today.  You are loved.

 

I listen and weep with you. 

[MeadowLily]

Meadow,

 

Is this where Laurie is following? I think of you (all the Dirty 30) and miss you guys

Yes, Dear Miki.   You are needed here today.  We love and miss you. 

[Geminimik]

Darling Laurie, 

 

I can't begin to imagine the pain and sadness that have wrapped themselves around you these last couple of years. Of course, as always in life, there is yin and yang...because our dearest Steve also brought you great love. I often miss our beginning days together, but as all things that have passed, we don't get to go back.

 

The thing is, it is possible that sadness and focus on the past, will steal your present and rob your future, and that is not what we want to see for you. When I lost my best friend 6 years ago, I embraced my present and her children and her grandchildren. They call me Grandma Iki. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her, but not with sadness, for I am confident that the time we had was the time we were supposed to have.

 

I hope for you that you spend each day looking for the people that are supposed to be in your life at this moment. Love them, help them, tease them and inspire them. You have so much to offer...share wonderful you with the world. Be present to all the love and beauty that surrounds you.

 

Sending you love, light and healing.

 

And so it is.

 

Hugs,

MamaMiki

[Geminimik]

Meadow,

 

My love and appreciation goes out to you and all you do to help and protect those you hold dear. You are a treasure. My life is busy but good. My eldest graduates from Law School in 3 weeks and then takes the Bar, passes it, starts working (has a job) and moves out (1 down, 1 to go). Second son is just starting college, so we have more forward movement with him. I try to enjoy each moment with them, their girlfriends, the dog, the cat, and work. I wish I had more time with you and this group, but please know that you are always in my heart.

 

I still prefer to make my own may, love my tessamae buffalo sauce. My takeaway "keepers" are the souls. Dave, Cassandra, you, Laurie, Deb ...what a pleasure.

 

WITH ADMIRATION AND APPRECIATION.

 

Hugs Miss Meadow!

 

ME

[MeadowLily]

In my fondest memory of you,  I keep the colors and font going.  MamaMiki, your personality is so frickity frick frick awesome.   I still remember the hilarious things you said.  Those were the days and you're right, they're not coming back.   

 

It was a dream within a dream.  Only once in a lifetime does a group like that  Come Together,   Right Now...Over YOU and all of the rest of the WD30 el groupin.  So glad you gave us a flyby.  It means alot.

 

Miki, you're doing what you're supposed to be doing.  Not standing at the door but dancing with lords a' leaping and singing karaoke with croaking frogs.   I wonder if your handsome prince showed up on your doorstep.  

[MeadowLily]

I've been racking my brain all day...what's missing.  I think it's Steven.  We need a guy who's loaded to the gills with charm and charisma to do a Whole 30 with us.  As in Tyler.   Mmmm hmmmm.  How much fun would that be.  

 

SOS to Steven.  We could use your humor, music, beautiful unique artistic face from every angle.  Do a W30 with us.  I'm sending your personal invite out into the Universe...you'll get a lorra lorra attention.   Miki would "weigh" in on that one.  Ayup.    

 

Next. 

[MeadowLily]

[MeadowLily]

[MeadowLily]

[MeadowLily]

[MeadowLily]

[MeadowLily]

[MeadowLily]

I have new roots. 

[MeadowLily]

Every day is worth it. 

 

Do you know what hurts my feelings.  Watching someone lose a limb because of T1 or T2.  

 

I don't drag the trigger foods home.  I don't want to contribute to the progression of T1 or T2 in anyone's life.  I don't want them to do it to me, either.

 

That road runs both directions.  

 

Eating by proxy.  We've all known people who want to do this through our body.  They'll watch you and lay back in the weeds.  Every know and again you can see what they're thinking.  They might actually smile or smirk.   I used to be duped like that.  Not anymore. You can tell when others are using you for their science experiment or lab rat. 

 

Don't start none.  Won't be none.   

 

If some well wisher brings plates of multi-crap to my house,  I don't make up a good storyline. I tell them I no longer eat those things.  Baked goods.  Sugar Sugars,  a blob of white dusty flour and a crisco fat.   I hand it back and politely tell them that I have to stay strong so I can take care of those who need me. 

 

Diabetes and watching someone without a foot really hurts my feelings.   Choices and consequences.  

 

I can live without sugar sugars.  They've been nothing but a heartache in my past.  I don't live there anymore.  

[Laurie]

Miki - it is so nice to hear from you.  Thanks so much for your kind words.  How I wish we could go back in time.  I remember when we all did our W30 together.  Our group went through so much with me - waiting for a donor for Steve, his chemo, stem cell transplant, etc.  I still have the cards you and Deb made for Steve.  He only lived for 15 months after the transplant; and it was a very difficult life filled with so much pain.  Steve was my hero, best friend and soulmate.  I married (not legal - no time) Steve in his bed in the hospital six days before he died.  It was an incredibly loving and beautiful experience.  I don't know if Steve knew he was going to die but I do believe he knew I loved him more than anything in this world.  Thanks again Miki.  Hope you will check in with us.

 

Hutlifr - Sorry I didn't write to you on the anniversary. This life is just so hard and I am in a dark hole. I wish I could say something to help you but I feel pretty useless.   So I will just send you lots of love and hugs.

 

Meadow - I have one word for you - Wonderful.