Extreme binge day than back?

[Iso-bel]

Hello everyone. It took me a lit of courage to share this because I know how stupid my thinking is. I completed my whole40 eating 100% compliant all the time. As a former vegetarian it was kind of hard for me to get the protein in but I did. I am proud of myself. I did my reintro (only dairy, legumes and gluten as I did not need anything else). Now I am one week after my reintro eating almost whole30 compliant but sometimes adding little bit of cheese or chickpeas here and there.

The biggest benefit of my whole30 experience is that I learned to eat 3 times a day without feeling hungry at any times and I also learned how to combine food to satiate me. I used to be a massive binge eater (followed after a period of counting calories and excercising heavily). I am ashamed of this but I was able to eat 3 chocolates in a row, then few minutes break and then do it again..then eating savour things and then sweets again..horrible. Now I do not want to go back to that and I know it is better to have a small piece of something off plan (chocolate) here and there but I really WANT to have a massive binge day and then go back to clean with ocassional cheese or legumes (no choc). I know it would be a massive shock for my body. I know it is bad. I do not even crave chocolate I just want to eat it all after those 60 or so day and then pretend it never happened. I feel so frustrated. Has anyone gone through anything similar? I dont even know what I need to hear. I feel so bad for not being able to use my brain wisely. I think I am able only to do either all chocolate or no chocolate at all.

Thank you for your replies.

[GFChris]

First off, your thinking isn't stupid. This sounds like a long-term challenge for you.

I'm not sure what you're asking, but it sounds like you don't have a healthy relationship with chocolate, and you have thoughts of shame around that. Have you sought help from a professional counselor who specializes in binge eating?

[ThyPeace]

Ah so.  I have had this debate with myself many times.  "Goll dang it, I have been SO FREAKING GOOD for so long what's wrong with going ahead and enjoying for once? I'll go right back to regular eating!!"

 

And to be honest, a couple of very bad days, I've indulged the urge and done it.  Honestly?  I had a hangover worse than alcohol the next day, felt like crud, and remembered why I never want to eat these foods again.  And yet at the same time, it re-awoke the desire to eat those things and I had several days' fight to get back to where I wanted to be.  

 

And that's the risk you take.  It may be that a day like that will reawaken your food urges to the point where you return to a way of eating you don't really like.  So I guess my question is, what kind of risks are you willing to take, and when?

 

If you think it's "all the chocolate" or none, well, at least you get a choice, you know?  Neither one is wrong in terms of good versus evil.  Is one healthier for you?  Probably.  But it doesn't make either choice evil (unless you turn into a ravening monster when you have chocolate, but that's a separate issue).

 

Maybe not so helpful -- just thoughts I've got tonight.

 

ThyPeace, thoughts. 

[hilarypaige]

Unfortunately I can relate to the urge to binge. I have been eating 90-95% W30 for 8 months other than my birthday a month ago--I binged on cake and then binged on it again the next day (because it was still there). I felt horrible for a few days after that, but went back to strict W30 for about a week and felt normal again. I had a very weak day yesterday, lots of trigger food right under my nose at work for a food day (that I resisted), but then my husband was gone last night and after I put my 3 kiddos to bed I had a binge of random food in my pantry. I slept horribly last night, I'm ridiculously bloated today, my mouth is dry, I feel disgusting. And the foods are still out at work and I have told myself several times throughout the day "well you already feel like crap, might as well eat some of this that you denied yourself yesterday!" (The sugar cravings have awoken). So to summarize my experience, it wasn't worth it! But I know how you are feeling--to me it's either binge on it or don't eat it at all. I can't have one M&M or just a handful. I have the whole bag. This is why avoiding these foods is the best way for me to live.

[ShannonM816]

There's been discussion here on the forum in the past about being an abstainer vs a moderator -- some people can do things in moderation, some can't. 

 

You might find these resources helpful: Stop saying "everything in moderation", Gretchen Rubin's explanation of abstainer vs moderator, and if you really have some time to kill, here's google results for old forum discussions of this topic.

 

 

(And as someone who really, really wants to be a moderator, and is still coming to grips with the idea of being an abstainer, I find this piece on the stages of food grief both humorous and a little sad.)