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littleg

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Ali - if you live in Utah and are 30 minutes or less from a ski resort, then yes ;)

 

GGG - yeah!  I had a fail using the "failproof" method with ~8$/cup avocado oil.  So I went and got a less expensive oil and made the thickest batch yet.  I admit that I like the taste of the light olive oil the best but I feel better about not eating that by the 1/4c each day... I hope my cold pressed avocado oil is a little better for me because I eat it at every.single.meal.  What oil did you end up using?  Any luck on coconut milk yet?

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So today was not the best day.  I felt really off - sad, anxious, just generally bad.  It has been sorta rainy here for the last 3 days, I'm a little cranky with stuff going on at work, haven't slept great the last two nights... so lots of "could be"s.  Mentally I was right back where I was 7 weeks ago after my m/c.  I actually cried while I was hiking today, just replaying that moment when there was no heartbeat on the ultrasound.  I'd really felt so much better these last 3 weeks or so it kind of took me by surprise today.  

I had a very VERY complicated m/c of twins almost 11 years ago. Yesterday I was taking the boxes of Christmas decorations out of the storage eaves in my bedroom (it's an attic room) and as I was moving things out of the way I spotted my 'memory box' from back then - as I opened the lid of the box (which I haven't opened for maybe 4yrs) I was completely overcome with emotion & wept. And I wept uncontrollably whilst I rummaged through the sympathy cards, the hospital wrist bands, the few scan photos & positive pregnancy tests.... 

Not helpful to you, I know, but I just wanted to say it's okay - really. You're doing good. And I know it's hard, really hard at times. But it does get better. And right now you're doing the best for you that you possibly can.

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Day 15 - day off

 

OOB at 5:30 

 

 

M1 @ 6:30 AM - ok, so when I said I was going to change things up, I can't.  I may eat egg salad everyday for the next 47 days (because last time it took a W60 so I'm kinda thinking I may be on that path again...)

 

3 HB eggs with mayo, sliced orange pepper, sautéed fennel and onions, sweet potato with ghee, coffee with coconut milk

 

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I *almost* switched out the HB eggs for a goose egg but just didn't want a fried egg.  Check out the size of this guy!

 

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versus my sweet potato :)

 

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Thank you jmcbn.  I appreciate your support.  Until one loses a pregnancy it is impossible to understand what it really feels like.  I wasn't all that far along and the grief was unbearable for a while.  I watch parents lose babies (at 24 weeks through term) and even worse, children, at work from time to time.  It is just awful.  It took this experience to have even an idea of what those parents at the hospital are going through - and (thankfully?  unfortunately?) I think a lot of the nurses and doctors have no clue.  

 

Did you read that link someone posted on my other post about m/c grief?  It really resonated with me.  Or did you post it?  I forget!

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Backtrack to Day 14 :)

 

Work day

 

M1 @ 6 AM.  The usual.  3 HB eggs, mayo, sweet potato with ghee, broccoli, small breakfast sausage.

 

Food I brought

 

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Zucchini ginger soup, mayo, coconut milk, 3 eggs (with more mayo!), left over beef shank, roasted beets, broccoli, orange pepper, taco beef with sweet potatoes and spinach, onions, peppers.  

 

M2 @ 1 - not even that hungry (wtf?!)

 

I ate the soup with the shank, the broccoli and beets and the 3 HB eggs with some mayo.  Had a coffee with  coconut milk too.  Never had time to eat M3 at work (I see a pattern here...) AND I wasn't really hungry.  But, the munchies got me.  Grabbed an apple before leaving the hospital and had 3 more small ones and a small orange when I got home.  So...

 

M3 @ 8 PM - 1 big apple, 3 small apples, 1 small orange.

 

I was really struggling with maybe giving in to some coconut butter when I went upstairs to take off my scrubs.  When I bent over I could feel my stomach pressing down on my lower torso.  This usually doesn't happen.  I totally freaked out that maybe all of this fat isn't working for me (what a switch from an hour earlier when I was thinking "this rocks - I'm not hungry and I've only had 2 meals today!)... I looked like I had swallowed a bowling ball.  This morning my GI tract feels a bit wonky.  I guess 4 apples and an orange isn't a good idea :/  And hopefully that giant belly I was sporting was just bloat.  

 

So this is 2 instances where the urges to munch got me.  They weren't intense binge urges - I easily avoided the random candy corn that showed up in the break room yesterday and I didn't want "junk".  I wanted to munch my way through a bunch of delicious crunchy apples or grapes or something.  I honestly wanted something "juicy" more than I wanted something sweet.  I really need to be better about NOT giving in though (to eating fruit in a compulsive way).  If I want juicy I am probably thirsty and need to drink.  So maybe 1 apple and some seltzer.  I do not want to get into a mindset that apples are "bad" and to be "avoided".  But I also don't need 4 instead of a meal.

 

Ok, enough rambling :)

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It wasn't me who posted it, no, but I did read it - and yes, it was really very good..... 

I had to have quite serious surgery following my m/c, and had an ectopic pregnancy after that - that was tough too, but in a completely different way. I don't think I ate at all in the days I was having the methotraxate I just felt so completely numb that I was allowing someone to administer a drug that would ultimately kill my baby. I wonder now how I would have felt had I have been eating differently, & looking after myself.... I don't seem to 'wallow' anymore - I just deal with things directly & move on.

Those goose eggs are really hard to crack open by the way!!

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So yesterday kind of took a nose dive.  My husband took out the scale from its top secret hiding place and left it right in the middle of the guest room.  In his  defense he though the batteries were dead... anyway, I had a brief internal argument about just walking away... but I didn't.  And I was about 4 lbs heavier than I was when I started my W30 (which at this point really was 30 days ago - with one "I quit" day right in the middle).  I then proceeded to try on the pants that I took pictures in about a week ago for this W30 and they were skin tight, which is tighter than they were a week ago.  So melt down proceeded.  And it was worse than normal because I've been feeling soooo good.  I really felt as bad as I do after a bad binge.  Ugh, sucked.  And now I'm all over the place about how to continue... should I eat these giant satiating meals but only eat 2?  Should I eat less at each meal? Or maybe this is just the beginning of healing... and I'm going to gain a little before my body is willing to let it go?   Cried a little more this morning but hopefully now I'm moving past things.  But I am going to cut the fat a little - maybe no more M1 with ghee and coconut milk and mayo... 

 

So Day 15 finished out with:

 

2.5 mile dog walk

 

M2 @12:30

 

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Big salad with roasted broccoli, roasted beets, sliced yellow pepper, handful of baby carrots and beef shank.  Oil and vinegar dressing.  

 

2 hour nap

 

1.5 mile dog walk

 

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M3 @ 7 PM - Asian broccoli slaw (the whole bag) [coconut aminos, tsp sesame oil, fish sauce, grated ginger, fresh cilantro, red onion <-- next time leave out... I felt like I ate the onion like an apple but otherwise delicious], sautéed broccoli and a burger.  Ate a bunch of baby carrots too.

And most importantly I solved all 4 jumbles before my husband :)

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Day 16 - going to go the gym in the morning so if a turn into a blubbering mess again at least its done.

 

OOB at 5 AM - Pre WO at 6ish - 1 HB egg, coffee with some coconut milk

 

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Ali - if you live in Utah and are 30 minutes or less from a ski resort, then yes ;)

 

GGG - yeah!  I had a fail using the "failproof" method with ~8$/cup avocado oil.  So I went and got a less expensive oil and made the thickest batch yet.  I admit that I like the taste of the light olive oil the best but I feel better about not eating that by the 1/4c each day... I hope my cold pressed avocado oil is a little better for me because I eat it at every.single.meal.  What oil did you end up using?  Any luck on coconut milk yet?

I found some light-tasting olive oil at the Hyundai Department Store (yes, just about everything in Korea is owned by Hyundai, Samsung or DaeWoo).  Excellent results!

 

P.S. - I vote for the "give your body more time to trust that you're not going to claw back the fat" before your experiment.  Or you could decrease the fat a little bit and see if you're still satisfied between meals.

 

I'm not even going to bother stepping on the scale even after the Whole30, I don't think.  If the number went down, it's lost muscle mass.  If the number went up, I'll have a meltdown (or not).  I'm trying to just not care about the number.  I've gone full years without knowing my weight.

 

Cheers,

 

-Lauren

 

P.S. - I am currently sick as a dog (bronchitis, sinus infection, fever, aches & pains, etc.) and finding it hard to stay compliant, especially since I can't make any damn soup because I don't have any coconut milk or bone broth (roasting an animal with bones to then turn into bone broth is at the bottom of my priorty list while sick).  I had a Larabar today to try to comfort myself.  For the first time in over thirty days (since I started my unofficial Whole30), the bar of dark chocolate in the cupboard (hubby's stash) looked really appealing.  Gotta hang in there.  At least I'm not blaming the Whole30 for my sickness.  Just bad timing.

 

P.P.S - Per above, no preservative-free coconut milk.  I think it's a lost cause in South Korea, unless someone brings it over in a suitcase (and I do routinely get co-workers to bring me North American food products on their business trips to the States).  But coconut milk is a liquid, and really heavy, so I don't think I'd ask that.  I think post-Whole30 I'll just suck it up and consume the potassium metabisulfite.  I'll steer clear of the brands that have even more crap than that added in.

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Lauren - does the place you order your Artisana packs carry coconut milk - or is the shipping cost ridiculous?

 

Finishing up yesterday's Day 16

 

7:30-9ish Gym - last week of Cycle 1 for 531.  Did back squat - got up to 130x10.  Then did 5x70x10.  Then did press and got 70x2.  Then did 5x35x10.  

 

9:15 Post WO - can of tuna + small piece of sweet potato

 

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Then... I made the rest of my day tougher... by not eating M1 because I had a doctor's appointment and had to rush.  So I brought M1 with me but didn't eat it until 12:30 or so... I was hungry the rest of the day.  

 

BUT at my doctor's appointment we went over my recent lab work and he said "your thyroid function sucks".  He doubled my dose.  We'll see if maybe this helps a little.  Currently I take an AM dose only.  To increase dosing means I need to take it in the middle of the day.  I took a dose right as I left his office.  About an hour or two later my ears got hot.  When I got home from getting the other errands I had to do I took my temp.  98.6.  Even when I was pregnant I NEVER got this warm.  I've been taking my basal temps recently again mostly just out of curiousity and I never break 97.  Usually 96.6-96.8.  When I first went on meds about 9 months ago I dropped about 5 lbs and was eating more than I had previously (I was hungrier).   I gained that back during pregnancy and then the Reddi Whip diet after m/c.  I've heard women often end up a little more hypothyroid during pregnancy so maybe this increased dose will help.  I'm also hoping that my new lifestyle of GIANT breakfast will help with the hunger I noticed last time :)  This morning my temp was 97.5 so definitely up a little.

 

12:30 M1 was the packed meal from work on Sunday I never ate - sweet potato, taco beef with spinach, onions and peppers and a little mayo.  Ate that at the car dealership then took an hour walk waiting for the truck.  

 

4 PM - snack.  STARVING.  Sauteed broccoli slaw with the last of the taco meat.  

 

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6:30 - M2/3.  Brisket, roasted beets, 1 lb bag of frozen brussels in ghee.  Still hungry.  Had 2 HB eggs.  Then maybe 1-2 tbsp of coconut butter.  I had to scrape the jar, not much left in there.  

 

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Moral of the story. EAT MEAL ONE.  

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Day 17 Day Off

 

OOB at 5:30 or so.  

M1 - 6:45

 

Today was the first day where I was really hungry for breakfast.  Of course as soon as I started drinking my black coffee I got un-hungry but it was still good to wake up hungry!

 

Hash made with last of the brisket, big scoop of cubed potato, broccoli slaw, haricots verts,  2 HB eggs with scoop of mayo.  Saving my coconut milk coffee for later.  This was an attempt to dial back *just a little* on portions.  I cut an egg from the egg salad and didn't add extra fat to the hash/beans.  The brisket was decently marbled but I reheated it slowly in the pan to let it render out and then used that to cook up the veggies.  Hope I'm not hungry at 9!

 

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Well I wasn't hungry at 9.  11:30 - so that is about right.

 

Finally cooked up that goose egg - it was a double yolk!

 

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Here it is all ugly and smooshed because I don't like runny yolks.  Ate it on broccoli slaw hash with some potatoes and onions.

 

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Walked to the coffee place with the dogs and got a pumpkin spice/decaf mix and added some coconut milk to it.

 

Made sauerkraut because of Brewer5 and some other food for 2 days of work followed by 2 days out of town taking a wilderness first aid course.

 

PreWO - egg with mayo

 

531 bench, cycle 2 started today, got up to 85x5 then did 5x10 at 50.  

 

No post, munched on baby carrots while cooking.

 

M3 at 6:30 or so - half an eggplant cooked up with beef heart and taco seasoning.  Broccoli slaw with onions.  And mayo.  Of course.  HB egg with mayo when I was done.  Because now apparently I eat HB eggs for dessert :/

 

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If I'm hungry before bed, I turn to HB eggs. 

 

Yes, of course I checked iHerb (source of glorious coconut butter).  No dice on coconut milk.  The have a creamed coconut in a carton product that maybe I could reconstitute with water, but it doesn't look appealing.  Vitacost might ship it but the shipping costs would be astronomical (well more than the product itself).

 

I might just live with the sulfites, post-Whole30.  I can make it another 9 days without coconut milk (but it sure does show up in a lot of paleo/whole30 recipes).

 

Fingers crossed for your bloodwork and everything related to work out!

 

Cheers,

 

-Lauren (GGG)

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That is such a bummer on the coconut milk :(  I totally take for granted that I live in a place where anything can be shipped...

 

Day 18 - work day.  

 

M1 at 6:30

Got a totally late start.  Literally ate M1 out of the frying pan... sautéed broccoli slaw with some onions and coconut oil, small sausage patty, 2 eggs with mayo

 

Work was crazy.  

 

M2 at 2:30 - but I guess I'm fat adapted because I wasn't all that hungry.  

 

Broccoli slaw hash with onions, beef heart and eggplant with taco seasoning (last night's leftovers), mayo, red pepper, few bites of sauerkraut coconut milk coffee

 

M2 at 8 PM - 3 HB eggs, mayo, big bowl of sautéed broccoli, few bites of sauerkraut.  Still hungry.  Contemplating what to do about it :)

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Well, when the shipping costs more than the item I don't think that counts as being cheap - I think that counts as rational!

 

I ended up there too!  Probably more like 4 tbsp than 2  :ph34r:

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Day 19 - Work Day

 

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6 AM - broccoli slaw cooked up with some peppers and onions and beef shank, 2 HB eggs with mayo, coconut milk coffe

 

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1:30 PM - beef heart and eggplant with taco seasoning over broccoli slaw, red pepper, mayo, coconut milk coffee

 

5 PM - 2 HB eggs with mayo

 

8 PM - palm sized breakfast sausage, big bowl of sauteed broccoli, heaping 1 cup of baby carrots

 

Hungry again in tonight. Trying not to break into the coconut butter.

 

Going out of town this weekend.  Trying to stay confident that I can make it and report back on days 20 and 21!

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littleg, maybe if you ate more fat with your M3 you might not need to open the coconut butter after dinner? It looks like a blob of mayo is your main fat at night (and I don't think that's very much), and tonight the only fat in your M3 was the fat in the sausage. Perhaps that might help?

I hate to even suggest this, but maybe coconut butter is one of those foods that is technically Whole 30-compliant, but still has a hold on you (like the frankenfoods we are not currently eating). Personally when I encounter a food that calls to me, or that I tend to overeat (especially at night), I come to the realization that it might be a food that I either need to avoid or make a conscious effort to not eat more than a few times per week in very measured amounts. I buy single serving packs of almond butter so that I don't have to put a spoon into a jar and that has helped me a lot.

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littleg, maybe if you ate more fat with your M3 you might not need to open the coconut butter after dinner? It looks like a blob of mayo is your main fat at night (and I don't think that's very much), and tonight the only fat in your M3 was the fat in the sausage. Perhaps that might help?

I hate to even suggest this, but maybe coconut butter is one of those foods that is technically Whole 30-compliant, but still has a hold on you (like the frankenfoods we are not currently eating). Personally when I encounter a food that calls to me, or that I tend to overeat (especially at night), I come to the realization that it might be a food that I either need to avoid or make a conscious effort to not eat more than a few times per week in very measured amounts. I buy single serving packs of almond butter so that I don't have to put a spoon into a jar and that has helped me a lot.

Thank goodness I've got the Artisana coconut butter packets (although I seem to still buy the jars of Nutiva coconut manna :ph34r: ).  I'll have to see if their almond butter comes in individual packets as well (I think it does).  I prefer Artisana to Justin's.  However, I've actually stayed completely out of the almond butter (yay me!) - coconut butter has taken over as my kryptonite (thankfully it's a higher-ranked fat source than almond butter).  I think once my current jar of almond butter is gone (and I have a SWYPO paleo recipe to use it up on Day31), I won't replace it.  Only with packets, as they're harder to overeat (not impossible, mind you).

 

Cheers,

 

-Lauren (GGG)

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