Sugar Dragon Slayers


littleg

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One other thing that helps me when I want to eat everything in sight is to stop and think about WHY I am wanting to eat everything.  Then, really think about the future and how this will make me feel in the future.  Is the food that I want to eat worth the feelings I know I will have later?  And how long will the hangover last?  Will I be disappointed in myself?  Will sharing this information with others make me ashamed of my eating habits?  And really, sometimes just knowing exactly how I will feel in the future helps me to avoid a sugar binge.  I would recommend writing down exactly how a sugar binge makes you feel immediately afterwards, as well as the day after.  Keep this with you and reference it before you are wanting to eat everything in sight.  This may ward off a binge.

 

I have the exact feelings written down that I felt the last time I binged (Thanksgiving, the day before I started my Whole 30), and it's not pretty.  The description is actually pretty disgusting and reading it makes me not ever want to feel that way again.  I felt physically sick and awful, I was so full that I felt that my skin was stretching (I told you it was disgusting).  I felt depressed, sad, lacking control over myself.  I felt dehydrated and so full that I couldn't even drink water.  It was hard to sleep and it was a restless sleep and the next day I felt hungover. I was ashamed of myself.  I was in a dark, low place, even though there were so many good things going on in my life.

 

Is sugar worth this?  I will never let myself forget this.

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Yesterday at work I did think about why I wanted to binge - I was sad that this is another month where pregnancy isn't going to happen.  I'm worried about our change in insurance and how this is going to effect fertility treatments.  I'm sad that I keep taking care of babies that aren't really wanted.  I am frustrated with my 12 hour work schedule and how it makes it harder for me to eat in a way that makes making good choices easier rather than harder.  And I thought about not ruining tomorrow and waking up hungry and proud and happy... And I didn't eat the M&Ms or the crazy caramel and chocolate popcorn that seems to keep appearing at random places (2 giant tubs of it in the break room yesterday!)  And I came home (stopping for apples on the way home of course...) and ate 2 and then put them in the fridge!  And ate real food (last of the potatoes and roasted eggplant, HB egg with mayo and a few bites of taco meat).  And still felt really binge-y.  When beloved went to sleep, after 14 hours of NOT giving in, I gave in.  I always think to myself - you are going to feel like shit tomorrow - don't do it.  And that darn animal brain always responds "it'll be ok, tomorrow will be different than the last 2000 times... you'll wake up and feel fine...".  I have notes that I've written to myself too and I'll read them as I'm sitting there eating coconut butter out of the jar...   I just feel like I've tried every "trick" out there.  But I know there isn't a trick.  It is simply abstaining.  And I am doing better at abstaining.  The urges are less frequent and for more benign food.  I just can't let last night be the first of a cluster of binges.  

 

 

So next time I'll come here for help :)  I promise.  

 

On a totally unrelated note... have you guys watched Homeland from Showtime?  We signed up for a 30 day free trial for our ROKU... today is the first day in probably 10 years where I have sat on the sofa and watched episode after episode of a TV show.  I *never* do that (though binge eating last night probably helped me with the choice to sit and do nothing today :)  ).  

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On a totally unrelated note... have you guys watched Homeland from Showtime?  We signed up for a 30 day free trial for our ROKU... today is the first day in probably 10 years where I have sat on the sofa and watched episode after episode of a TV show.  I *never* do that (though binge eating last night probably helped me with the choice to sit and do nothing today :)  ).  

 

I have not watched 'Homeland.'  The last show that I watched like that was 'Breaking Bad.'  It was SO GOOD!  We actually own all of the seasons on DVD.  My husband and I watched one episode while we ate dinner almost every night last spring until the series was over.  I kindof went through withdrawal after the series ended.  I haven't found a TV series that I like to watch so much since that one.  My sister really likes 'Gotham.'  I watched half of the first episode and kindof lost interest, but think I could probably get into it.  I have a hard time sitting down long enough to watch TV.  One bad habit that I have maintained (and one that the Whole 30 discourages) is that I watch TV while I eat dinner.  I should eat dinner mindfully, enjoying every bite.  What do you think of this bad habit?  I eat breakfast at the table without TV, and eat lunch in the break room with my co-workers and although the TV is usually on, it's not the focus of my meal, but dinner is another story.

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Laura - I haven't watched Homeland either. We are currently fans of Bluebloods and Gilmore Girls.

 

I can't remember if we have already covered this... have you tried eating very low carb, Whole 30 style? Like ketosis low? The reason I ask is that I'm starting to think that all the years of binges and struggles I've had with emotional eating may have had more to do with blood sugar swings that I ever realized. When I eat Whole 30 and when I ate keto this past summer, I did not have the same struggles that I typically do. Something to ponder and discuss if you haven't already. 

 

Ali - I know that the majority eating programs encourage "mindful eating." Slow down, notice your food and how it tastes. Chew. Enjoy it. I am an avid reader - when I was a kid, I'd read the back of the cereal box in front of me at breakfast if I didn't have something else. Now it is very easy for me to sit in front of the laptop or my phone and read while I eat, most especially while no one else is home or if I'm eating at a different time than the others in my home. I wax and wane in terms of how much I work on this. Sometimes, I resolve to do better and put away the distractions. Other times, not so much. When our family sits down to dinner together, I ask that we turn off the TV (if it has been on) unless there is an event that we are watching together (like a big football game or something of that type). I agree with the concept that it's best to eat with fewer distractions, whether alone or with others. 

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Gang I had a bad day yesterday... :(

 

Short version: bad news at fertility clinic, NICU assignments of babies that weren't really wanted, maybe too many days of trying so hard to not eat all the candy around... pigged out at home last night.  On the bright side since we have no real off-plan food in our house the worst of it was rice cakes with butter... but I can still put together a decent binge of W30 foods.  I even had almonds, wtf?  Small victory in the middle... I somehow found a bar of Green and Black's White Chocolate that had survived a pantry cleanse... I took one serving, ate it and realized, this isn't even that good.  It got tossed with 3/4 of the bar left.  Laura: 1, Binge: all the points - 1.  

 

Oddly enough, there wasn't much sugar involved and I feel less post-binge than I often do... 

 

Sorry I ruined our thread :(

 

But this really makes me realize that life is still going to suck sometimes.  So where do I/we go... hot bath, cup of tea, mani/pedi... boo - right now those won't work for me.  So how do I make them work?  How do I find something that feels as good as binge eating?  Maybe I should have just posted on here and asked for help when I was considering giving in - because I guess even I know the real way out of this is to just not do it... 

Laura, first of all, I'm so SO sorry about your bad news re: fertility treatments and insurance coverage.  That is a LOT to weigh on your mind.

 

And you didn't "ruin" the thread.  This is the whole point of this thread (for me, anyway!).  I can absolute binge eat just about any food (toasted rice cakes with peanut butter were a favourite of mine, because they're "healthy" right?).  But I agree, the aftermath of bingeing on mainly compliant foods seems to be much easier than when there is a lot of sugar involved.  I know that I was mentally in a bigger funk after my Paleo baking fiasco than when I went overboard on almond butter and dates or bananas and coconut butter during the Whole30.  I can also absolutely relate to the cumulative sense of deprivation leading to a bigger binge when it does happen (this is why I'm still wrestling with the moderator vs. abstainer thing).  I don't have solutions but I am here for empathy!

 

Yesterday at work I did think about why I wanted to binge - I was sad that this is another month where pregnancy isn't going to happen.  I'm worried about our change in insurance and how this is going to effect fertility treatments.  I'm sad that I keep taking care of babies that aren't really wanted.  I am frustrated with my 12 hour work schedule and how it makes it harder for me to eat in a way that makes making good choices easier rather than harder.  And I thought about not ruining tomorrow and waking up hungry and proud and happy... And I didn't eat the M&Ms or the crazy caramel and chocolate popcorn that seems to keep appearing at random places (2 giant tubs of it in the break room yesterday!)  And I came home (stopping for apples on the way home of course...) and ate 2 and then put them in the fridge!  And ate real food (last of the potatoes and roasted eggplant, HB egg with mayo and a few bites of taco meat).  And still felt really binge-y.  When beloved went to sleep, after 14 hours of NOT giving in, I gave in.  I always think to myself - you are going to feel like shit tomorrow - don't do it.  And that darn animal brain always responds "it'll be ok, tomorrow will be different than the last 2000 times... you'll wake up and feel fine...".  I have notes that I've written to myself too and I'll read them as I'm sitting there eating coconut butter out of the jar...   I just feel like I've tried every "trick" out there.  But I know there isn't a trick.  It is simply abstaining.  And I am doing better at abstaining.  The urges are less frequent and for more benign food.  I just can't let last night be the first of a cluster of binges.  

 

 

So next time I'll come here for help :)  I promise.  

 

On a totally unrelated note... have you guys watched Homeland from Showtime?  We signed up for a 30 day free trial for our ROKU... today is the first day in probably 10 years where I have sat on the sofa and watched episode after episode of a TV show.  I *never* do that (though binge eating last night probably helped me with the choice to sit and do nothing today :)  ).  

I am just highlighting those sentences because I can relate.  I will know it's coming.  It's this weird mental state where I just accept it.  And while I'm in the middle of a binge, I'm totally aware of what I'm doing (it's not as if I wake up surrounded by empty packages and wonder how it happened), and I actually somehow rationalize that it's okay.  And if only "simply abstaining" were actually SIMPLE!  On the rare times I am able to side-step the binge-y feeling it is to just NOT take the first bite.  Like this mental contest in my head to just NOT open the coconut butter jar.  Force myself to walk out of the kitchen.  Quite often I have to get straight into bed and try to fall asleep.  Two nights ago I actually woke up hungry around 10:30pm and forced myself to eat some cold chicken and olives and then go back to bed.  I don't know how to make it easier other than to make certain foods less accessible, but if, like me, you have the ability to eat just about ANY food in a binge fashion, than that's pretty hard to do.  Hopefully we can learn together how to do this.  Some sort of pre-emptive strategy when the binge-y feeling comes on BEFORE that first bite of trigger food.

 

Laura - sorry to read of your rough day, especially the bad news from the fertility clinic, and subsequent binge last night. Listen, this is the safe place for honesty and asking for help, so no talk of "ruining" our thread. What would be the point of a thread that didn't allow for the truth?

 

I think the fact that there wasn't much sugar involved and that you notice you feel different today due to that is an important factor.

 

Also, I hear you - when I go to food to comfort me after something happens, and then evaluate later and people suggest taking a bath or getting a mani/pedi or the like - WHATEVER!!! That is not how this whole emotional eating thing works. It just isn't. If I had the presence of mind to stop and take a bath, I wouldn't be in the emotional eating situation. 

 

I do think if we can realize that we're on the edge and post here, that could be a help since we know that the others "get it." (I promise I will never suggest a bath!!!) Ultimately, it seems like it comes down to two things (at least that I can see right now).

1. the physiology of the brain - making sure that we don't eat things that set us up for failure chemically/hormonally speaking

2. retraining the brain that food won't solve our problems

 

Hang in there. One foot in front of the other as you process all that's going on in your world and get back on track.

EXACTLY!  My mind doesn't WANT to take a bath.  My mind wants to stuff food in my face!  Hopefully we can cultivate enough presence of mind to post about it.  Mental habits CAN be learned, right?

 

I think you make some interesting points here, that a binge sans sugar yields better hangover effects compared to a sugar binge.  Sugar is so awful.

 

I, too, sometimes find it hard to determine how to deal with stress when I want to eat everything in my fridge and cabinets.  I am not a bath person.  I'm sorry, but sitting in a pool of my own filth doesn't sound very comforting to me.  I don't drink alcohol, so I can't use that as a crutch.  Really, going on a run or taking a nap are my two stress relievers.  I think you just have to find what works best for you.  Can you go get a massage, or ask your husband for a back rub with scented candles and soothing music?  How about calling a friend and venting your frustrations to her over the phone?  You could watch a funny movie that you enjoy.  Unless you're going to go crazy and spend tons of money, you could go shopping (but don't give into the nasty foods at the food court or that Cinnabon.  Goodness knows what 's actually in those foods.)  And yes, I would recommend coming onto this forum log, posting to get some help, and I have a feeling that one of the three of us will be here to help.  And if we are not here immediately, there are others on the forum or moderators who can offer good advice to help talk you off of your sugar binge ledge.  Here's an example of that: the other evening, I wrote a post saying that I am planning to do some paleo baking.  All of a sudden, three different people had responded saying 'I thought you were trying to be sugar free, what's going on?!'  That made me think.  And after some serious self heart-to-heart introspection, I realized that ohmygosh, they're absolutely right.  And (I'm sorry, Lauren), but hearing about Lauren's paleo baking yielding similar results to real sugar/butter/flour baking really helped me too.  Immersing myself in healthy eating habits, reaching out to others, really having serious heart-to-hearts with myself and getting down to the 'why do I need this' answer, and learning from others have really helped me conquer my sugar dragon.  That being said, I have no doubt that I will need help fighting off the sugar cravings in the future.  So don't go anywhere, girls, I will need you on standby!

 Ali - that first sentence about filth literally made me laugh out loud!!  And don't apologize - I'm GLAD to hear that it helped you and that was the whole point of me posting about it in all of its sordid, sorry detail!

 

All good stuff.  The most recent series I got into was "Game of Thrones."  I tried watching "Breaking Bad" (hubs is a big fan), but it just never appealed to me.  I also watched Modern Family for a while.  Lately we just watch movies on the rare nights I awake past 9pm.

 

I'm excited for Star Wars tonight!  Butter reintroduction is underway and I'm going to make a little video of the movie theatre so you can see what it's like.  Actually, I decided I'm going to make a whole series of little videos about life in South Korea.  If you pm me your e-mail address I can send you the YouTube links rather than broadcasting them in here for the entire internet.

 

Cheers!

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Thanks everyone :)  Ali I sure hope you get pregnant easier than me!  You have a 6 year head start though :)

 

Went for a run and then did my 531 lifting.  I strict pressed 75 lbs tonight.  Just one rep (but I did do it two times - with a rest in between) and I'm pretty sure that is a PR - so go glycogen filled muscles!

 

Ok, I'm going to try to hit main points brought up :)

 

- New Years resolutions: meh, not for me.  Coming up with a list of goals to strive for (like the 2016 miles thing) I like.  I don't know that one ever needs a day to set some goals, but I can see why a New Year is a good time for most people.  Fresh start and all.  

 

- Distracted eating: I go back and forth on this.  Hubs and I do the crossword together each night (and the jumble :) ).  Does that count as "being distracted"?  If I eat a meal with lots of people I'm distracted too.  Being distracted is kind of my thing - I'm always distracted :)  Oh the stories I could tell about being distracted (see look, I'm getting distracted!).  So, personally I guess I always *think* I should be more focused during meals but now that you guys have forced me to type out I think I've decided it is a silly rule.  I love to sit and drink my coffee reading the paper, do the crossword during dinner, have a good conversation over a meal with people.  Ok, non-distracted meal time is off the list of things I will strive for!

 

- Binge stuff.  Can you guys add Brain Over Binge to your lists of reading?  Or Rational Recovery?  There is so much in there that I think is so important and I totally agree with I'm just totally falling short on the application part.  I have no idea if those books are available anywhere for less than full price... I just don't think I do a good job of explaining what the authors are saying :(

 

- Keto stuff: oh, the conversations Brewer and I have had about this... I tried it for breakfast and lunch one day :)  I was weighing my broccoli and that was it - decided it wasn't for me.  She says it is *the* difference for her.  Lets talk more about this :)  I don't know if its for me.  I want to hear more about how it is for you and why it is working for you.

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I do not, under any circumstances, weigh broccoli.  There is no need for this.

 

I do not count calories or macros.  I do not use My Fitness Pal, or any tracking software.  

 

I don't talk percentages.  That is the danger zone.

 

I am here because I believe in the Whole 30 way of eating.  I am here because I have done ~pretty much everything else~ and I always end up right. back. here.

 

I have found that a "Keto Whole 30" approach is my sweet spot -- and that just means MUCH more fat and MUCH less carbohydrate, to feel my best.

 

I know you have listened to a podcast re: Crossfit and keto....  and I will just say that I don't think those two things go very well together, so it is no wonder to me that you heard horror stories.  Some people just ask WAY too much of their bodies, and then can't figure out why their bodies won't cooperate.  It's ridiculous.

 

But is YOUR goal Crossfit and keto?  Because, last I knew -- it wasn't.  We talked about goals, and your main goal was to stop bingeing.  My point is -- and has been all along -- that you may need to change your thinking about some things in life, in order to achieve that goal.  

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That podcast I listened to was this one.  The crossfit thing I mentioned was just one of the stream of women writing in for whom keto wasn't working.  I haven't listened to any other podcasts - it was totally random I ended up listening to the one I did - no idea why I picked it out of the 100 or so there were.  

 

I'm not crossfitting anymore.  I'm lifting 531 3ish days a week, that is it.  I cut down on the HIIT crossfit stuff for fertility and binge eating.  Except for the random runs I go for because I like it (one every 1-2 weeks) I don't do any cardio anymore.  

 

So if you aren't counting carbs how do I prevent being in that death zone that we've talked about before.  That was why I was using cronometer - because when I eat broccoli or spinach I tend to eat most of the 1 lb bag... doing that 3x a day got me too high in carbs for keto - right?

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I'm interested in keto too, to experience the "magic" that is purportedly out there.  Plus, I think I'm in "No Man's Land" with persistent headaches (I NEVER used to get headaches - only if horribly dehydrated/hungover, or really sick).  My carbs are low, but not quite low ENOUGH.  Maybe I'll drop starchy carbs for a few days.  I don't want to ditch my one clementine orange, though.  Some days (more and more recently) it's my one and only piece of fruit.

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Quick reply cause I gotta get moving - but if you want to try keto (I hate autocorrect, which always wants to make it "leto"!!!), you have to do it for more than a couple meals or even a couple days. "Keto Whole 30" would be a perfect way to try it. Or just "Keto 30" if you wanted to just lower the carbs enough to get into ketosis without adding the extra rules of Whole 30. Truly becoming fat adapted takes a little time and it doesn't feel wonderful the first few days.

 

For me, I needed to track my food for a while on MFP to figure out how many carbs I was eating bc I never really kept track of how many carbs foods had before trying ketosis. As a short term way of learning, Jimmy Moore says he is fine with people tracking. It would not be something you need to do long term, once you get the hang of it. 

 

We can definitely discuss this further! :) I'm looking at going back to ketosis, but without dairy, which will be a different ball of wax. :)

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I have hesitated to post more here about keto, because I really feel like people need to read Keto Clarity.  He just does such a good job of explaining the whole process -- which, as Sara said, is a process.  I went through a quite obvious period while my body adjusted, which I had to tough out because I knew what was on the other side......  but I did all of this with the guidance of the book.  This CAN take weeks.  And you don't just lower carbs -- you have, have, have to really raise the fat.

 

He also dispels a lot of common myths.  He answers the FAQs.  I don't think I will ever try to give people specific instructions, because I feel like you really should read as much info as you can (and I mean from the experts) -- and I feel like this is a very individual experiment.  No one could have told me just exactly what my body needed or what sort of timeline it was going to happen on, and I can't tell anyone else that, either.

 

Other books I've read that are helpful:

 

Both of Phinney & Volek's books:  The Art and Science of Low Carbohydrate Living & The Art and Science of Low Carbohydrate Performance

 

The quick read I found on Kindle Unlimited, about common mistakes:  http://smile.amazon.com/Ketogenic-Diet-ketogenic-beginners-inflammatory-ebook/dp/B00WRDSYSI/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1451576890&sr=8-1-fkmr0

 

Dr. Perlmutter is also in favor of a ketogenic diet, although his books explain more about the WHY and not so much about the HOW to get there:  Grain Brain and Brain Maker.  I absolutely love these books.

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I am going to be the outlier here because I don't have any interest in keto :unsure:  but I support you ladies for trying it out!  Let me know how it goes!

 

Lauren, how was the buttered squid?  Those pictures were great!  Thanks for sending them!  I will take some pictures once I reintro something and send them too.  I'm thinking sushi may be in my future.  :)  Oh, and did you like the movie?  My husband and I watched it on Christmas Day and we really enjoyed it.  I was enjoying a bottle of sparkling mineral water during the movie.  Not quite as exotic as buttered squid!

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Is buttered squid super popular there?  Seems weird to me that they have totally Westernized movie food (popcorn, nachos, soda) but hung onto buttered squid... why out of all Korean foods did that one make it?  Was it good?!

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I have been HUNGRY recently and I'm not sure why. I kindof feel like my fat-adaptation has worn off, even though I know that can't happen if I am still eating protein, veggies, fat, nuts and fruit. Right? Today I had 3 eggs, 1 T. ghee, salsa, and a handful of coconut flakes with crio Bru for M1, at 6am. I was hungry at 9am! I have not been feeling that way for a month, but yesterday and today I was hungry super early. Usually I can make it until 11am and even longer. So at lunch I had about a cup of chocolate chili with collard greens. I was still hungry so I had an apple. I was super hungry 3 hours later, and was about to head to my car to grab either a Larabar or an EPIC bar to snack on but I had to take over a case in the O.R. So, no snack. I got off work and went to Whole Foods and raided their Whole 30-friendly salad bar and am getting ready to eat a salad with lots of veggies, salmon, oil and vinegar and either avocado or nuts. It's been 6 hours since lunch and usually I am totally fine waiting 4-6 and even 7 hours between some meals but today I have been hungry 3 hours later! No fruit with breakfast. I don't know what's going on. Maybe more fat with meal 1. It is so true (at least for me) that M1 sets the mood for the rest of the day! Any ideas?

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Alison -- Gary Taubes is well-known and highly respected... a pioneer in the LCHF movement.  He is the author of "Good Calories, Bad Calories" which came out long before many of these other Paleo books.  It is a HUGE book and I never made it through the whole thing because it is so detailed and jam-packed with information.  So.  I would lean toward his book, "Why we get fat, and what to do about it".   I haven't read the other two -- but "Sugar, Salt, Fat" looks like a good one, and one that would piss you right off.  :)

 

Re: your hunger.  My answer is ALWAYS going to be more fat and less carbs.  Always.  Fat is satiating.  Carbs will make you crave more carbs.  It's not that I am out selling books for the keto gang or anything -- it's just how your body works.  I imagine Gary Taubes is going to explain that quite nicely, too.

 

I wonder if you under-ate yesterday?  These things catch up with us, for sure.

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Brewer, thanks! Gary Taubes was the guy from 'That Sugar Film!' I read the review. It sounds like it will help me better understand being fat-adapted and blood sugar regulation.

I'll try to make sure I get enough fat. I don't think I underate yesterday. I had 3 eggs cooked in 1 tsp. bacon grease, salsa, 1/2 avocado with balsamic vinegar and herbal tea for M1, about a cup of chocolate chili with lettuce, tomatoes, 1/2 avocado and compliant salsa for M2, 2 hard-boiled eggs pre-run, then I ran 4 miles, then had a Baggie of cooked chicken and 1/2 sweet potato for post-run meal, and then I had a small amount of chicken salad, bowl of collard greens, 1 pear and a few sips of unsweetened almond milk for M3. I didn't have as much protein and fat with M3 since I had just had a post-WO meal about 1 hour beforehand.

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Thanks so much, Brewer! I will add Keto Clarity to my ever-growing reading list!

Happy New Year's everyone!

(And yes I tried the squid - sweet, buttery deliciousness! My husband also really liked it - he said "this is a great movie snack - I don't know why we didn't try it sooner!" Millions of Koreans can't be wrong! I tried to post a pic and I also got a video of me trying it. I can send you the YouTube link if you pm me your email address).

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Oh and Ali I would agree that I don't think you ate enough yesterday. Are you leading up to your period? Some women need to almost double their intake in that week. Also, you're running training volume has been steadily increasing so even though it wasn't a long run day you might need more food overall to keep up with your overall increased mileage.

Just my $0.02!

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