Crimsann

Tigers and Turtles - 2016

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Quick check-in... SO tired. That's my primary depression symptom, and it's in full swing this month. Went to bed at 8:30 last night, and couldn't get up at 6am. But I'm up and at work, so that's a step in the right direction. I grabbed two containers from the freezer for breakfast and lunch--not sure exactly what's in them, but they'll do in a pinch and I know they're W30-compliant. Nibbling at junk again. Going to have to do another 30 soon. Why is that so hard to stop???

Are you using your light machine, Nancy? I can hear you are struggling and wonder if a good clean out of the cupboards, scrubbing the floor or some other activity that doesn't require a lot of thinking might help? It can be classed as exercise so has more than one beneficial spin off!

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I am realizing how easy it is to slide back into old habits. I have started a new project and am focused on that to the exclusion of all else! Not good. I stayed up far too late one night -- didn't go to bed until almost 1am. Then the next day didn't have breakfast until almost noon--I had been up for several hours at that point. Then didn't have lunch and only minimal dinner, no water through the day. Honestly I finally have an understanding of how easy the slippery slope is and much more compassion for those who struggle with similar issues even though involving specific foods.

 

Today I am back on track, good breakfast in record time, almost a litre of water down before 10am, and getting on with it. This long term stuff is the more difficult part of this programme.

 

Hope you are all doing well. L

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Change takes time and multiple attempts - celebrate each good choice.  It's very easy to backslide because that is what is familiar and comfortable.  We are pushing ourselves way out of our comfort zone here.

 

I am completely failing at getting to the gym like I want to but . . . nothing's perfect.  Like MissLindy said - the long term stuff is the difficult part.  We can do anything for 30 days, right?!?

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And...it's another menu time, how did it get to be Friday already?! 

 

I looked up the nutritional yeast thing from the cauliflower "alfredo" recipe and it's considered compliant but with an asterisk that if you tend to overindulge in cheesey tasting things it could be a personal no-no.  I've never tried it, so no idea if it's something I would even like and probably best not too think too deeply about what it is.  I can just tell myself that yeast makes bread taste good so let's not consider it any closer.  I am very curious to see how much like cheese this would really get, so I on a mission to find some and try that recipe this weekend while I still have sweet potatoes to use.

 

I'm planning a really simple breakfast for dinner thing for next week, so all I really need to pin down now is lunches.  So far I'm drawing a complete blank, but I know I need it to be something other than chicken.  :P

 

February is over half-way done and I've only used my "flex" month once to make those blueberry muffins.  This is good and bad, great that I've not strayed into non-compliant intentions that much even given the chance to do so, but less great on the experimentation front.  I have tried some new recipes though and that was the ultimate goal, it doesn't matter that I played it safe overall.  Besides, I do still have a full week and one more weekend to go to do something more creative and there is that almond flour pasta.  I may try to do something with that next weekend before heading into a strict March. 

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Sometimes it feels like all the recipes I find are for the same 6 dishes with moderate variations...LOL!

 

But, just ran across this one that was a breath of fresh air, so thought I would share it.  I think this would make a great M3 option for me, that mini meal I need to do in evening before I get home...light and good source of veggie with a bit of the fat/protein from some walnuts.

 

http://www.deliciousobsessions.com/2012/09/tangy-green-bean-salad-with-crispy-walnuts-gluten-grain-sugar-and-dairy-free/

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It's beginning to echo in here with lack of chatter. That is what this particular thread is for though so am not complaining, just wondering how everyone is doing.

 

I have had a strange week and had a major talk to myself the other day. I am struggling to stay on my programme and as I have said there were a few days when I was sliding back to old habits, staying up late, not eating meals on time or at all. I have realized that even though I am not eating poor choice foods, I am making just as many poor choices because I am not compliant with my times, amounts and content of my meals. So just having protein is as much non-compliant as high sugar items. Eating compliant foods is not good enough if I am not eating all the foods: so protein, no veg or fat for two meals a day is not compliant. Time to pull my socks up.

 

Thinking about all this last night I realized that I am more than 2/3 of the way through my AIP and I do not want to start over: I couldn't bear it, could easily start over a 30 days but not 90! So three squares a day is my goal now and keep going.

 

How did it get to be a weekend again?  We are getting some cooler weather and the days are shorter, birds not waking up as early therefore not waking us up as early. Winter will be here before we know it and I will be complaining about the cold! The water looks a bit chilly this morning so don't know if my swimming will be curtailed soon. I wish I could brave each day and go in regardless of the temperature outside--perhaps that should be a goal. I do love being in the water so once the initial shock is out of the way it should be fine--shouldn't it?

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I'm afraid I've slid right back into old habits. It happened at about the same time it did after my September W30, and it happened in the same way. Pizza. I don't know if it was the fact that it was pizza, or if it was just the idea that I strayed so far off track, but I'm back to having far too much junk. NOT happy with myself right now. Perhaps this is why I'm not meant to be an abstainer? Sometimes I think Weight Watchers had the right idea with their Core/Simply Filling plan. Eat whole healthy foods, and have a limited, measured amount of non-plan things each week. I did very well with that plan a few years ago. There's a place between W30 and where I am now that I seem to skip over instead of learning how to live there. It's the place where I'd like my eating to be. It's not the crazy place I am now--I'd give my right arm for lots of things I'm better off without. And it's not W365, which I don't think is meant to be my permanent home either. But I can't seem to land there. I'm at a loss right now and I feel like I have to start over. But I can't face that right now. <sigh> Back to the drawing board.

 

Crimsann, that green bean recipe sounds great!

 

misslindy, I can tell that we are on opposite ends of the world. Our days are getting a bit longer, and my cat is enjoying the bird activity picking up outside my window.

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Nancy, don't give up! You can eat healthy like the W30 and enjoy pizza occasionally without having to beat yourself up. WW has changed as well and now their emphasis is on protein and fat and you pay dearly in points for simple carbs. One small slice of pizza is now 11 points and I was only getting 30. Maybe you need to do introductions following the suggested plan and then you can incorporate your favorite foods. As for me, I always loved, loved, loved a good loaf of bread. I'd get one from the bakery, a stick of butter and a cup of tea and that would be dinner. Then I was diagnosed with celiac disease and that ended bread. You can learn to live with a healthy diet is my point. While simple carbs aren't something I'll be eating every day, I'll have a DQ blizzard a few times this summer, I'll have a slice of gluten-free pizza and a salad with my friends. You don't need to do another W30 right now. Just do reintro and go on from there.

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Hi

I agree with Susan, Nancy. Just do one meal at a time and don't worry about the next stuff. If you do one compliant meal a day that's good. Increase your water intake, anything to get off the roller coaster. And don't be so hard on yourself. A lifetime of habits is not going to change in a few days--and let's face it, W30 once or twice is only a few days in a lifetime.

 

 

We are having a windy, rainy blizzardy day today. The ocean is rapidly coming in and the tide is high so I might go swimming even though it is arctic conditions compared with even last week! Such fun living in the tropics. Mind you it is still 22C and high humidity so not that comfortable.

 

Food has been okay with me but I am now having to bake today--never ending. Tuesday will be shopping day and I get to make breakfasts for myself so that will be fun as I am running low.

 

We have a full week this week so have to get my skates on to keep up and keep my meals straight. 

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On the other hand...I know of at least one person who will be doing a Whole30 in March and wouldn't mind the company, LOL! 

 

I think what Nancy is saying is that the pizza was the splurge and it led to even more bad choices, not that it was the only step off the path so I'm not sure a true reintro is really possible if you have been eating a lot of mixed things for the two plus weeks since the end of January.  But what I hear her saying too is that the struggle she has is with snacking and with non-compliant foods, not so much looking for food sensitivities so I don't think she needs to go straight back on a Whole30 to purify again either. 

 

My suggestion, from what I've read in her posts even as far back as September is that she might need to make her own set of rules and she needs to figure out what those are.  The black and white and the group accountability seem to work, but when it goes back to grey areas it's too easy to just jump right in the deep end again.  She doesn't want the full on Whole30 rules for her daily routine, that feels too restrictive even still, but if she doesn't have some rules...it's the same as having NO rules. 

 

I'm kind of the same way, which is why I planned out my entire year months before it started.  When it was all still a theory, I could make rules for myself, decide if I thought they were doable, and once they were in place then I committed to them.  I wanted a year where I was on Whole30 nearly as much as I was off it, I planned months I knew would be easier than other months so the temptation to cheat would be minimized...and I built in some rest periods where I had more flexibility so I was never facing a full 90 day chunk of the hard and fast rules at a time.  I always had "just a few weeks" until there was some kind of break or change up in my routine.  I also knew I had "just a few weeks" before I would be back on program too and it wasn't going to pay to try and cram a years worth of cinnamon rolls into that time off. 

 

I don't know, could be way off base, but I wonder if it would help to sit down and make a list of the top ten trigger foods.  Start that list off with pizza, and then commit to at least another 30 days or I would say it's maybe time to push that even more and make it 90 days where you can eat what you want except those ten things.  You have a much wider variety to choose from than being on a Whole30, but you are just saying "no" to the things that are causing you to stumble the hardest.  Just as black and white as a true Whole30.  I liked the comment from someone else the other day about "we can do anything for 30 days" because that is true from both sides...it's sometimes what we can do for more than 30 days that is going to change us the most.  I'm already starting to analyze the things I really want to have in April, and if I feel the pull of something is so strong that a single serving wouldn't be enough it will go on my very own temporarily banned list until I can think about that food without swooning.  :D  

 

I keep hoping that I will someday just be able to eat sensibly without really thinking about it, but I know for sure I'm not there yet and I will continue to use the program and to use my variations on it in between until I feel like the old habits are really dead and not just that, but that they are replaced with new instincts.  The longer I push myself to stay as close to the core of the plan as possible, the closer I feel like I get to that. 

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GULP.....well, hullo....

YES, Nancy, I am on the same path...the path of disgust with myself for being so far from the program in such a short time. I am learning how it goes for me, starting innocently enough with some cream in my coffee...which then leads directly to wanting SWEET...and so then, just ONE really nice piece of gourmet, handcrafted local chocolate...

And on another dimension, just one glass of red wine one night, leads to red wine every night...and then cravings for wine pairings like great cheese, bread...you name it.

BUT here's what is GREAT: I feel bad. Not so easy to wake up in the morning. I take some Advil every night so as to ward off the post wine headache...I am moody and grumpy...and one of my zero balancing clients the other day told me I looked pale.

HMMMM.....the disconnect competes with the dimensions of the Grand Canyon....

I like your strategy, Crimsann, and your suggestions. I just cannot do another W30 without being a caricature of myself. So, maybe for now I launch into my own good plan, sort of following what you've suggested Crimsann. This reminds me of advice from Meadow Lily about each of us having our own food management plan...

So, that is partly why I have been absent...slinking away in shame...by also just super busy. I did finish my big speech...hooray...and now on to other goals. I am happy that the weather here is getting milder, so more walking is easier to do...and that feeds better eating , etc...but I really must say: wine is my downfall. Not that I drink so much, just that it erodes my sense of well being in ways I never recognized until W 30.

Your humble servant,

Merg

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Sounds like everyone has been absent for the same reason I have been - not following through with my plan.  MissLindy - that's why you've been hearing crickets in here :)

 

Merg/Nancy - I'm in the same boat you are.  After my first W30 it was the holidays and I told myself that I had permission to basically eat whatever just to see what happened.  What happened?  Gained 5 pounds and felt like crap, that's what!  Did W30 in January with the great plan of doing a slow roll reintro - what happened?  Worked for a few days then got muddled up.  Worse yet, I had gluten :ph34r: which I had completely abstained from for almost 2 years and I know that I am intolerant.  What was I thinking?!?  In the past I had the same relationship with alcohol - over indulge, feel like crap, never gonna do it again - next time same thing. Over and over for years.  In the last couple of years I have changed that relationship to the point where I am much more mindful - not that it wouldn't be easy to go back mind you.  I figure it took me about 35 years to conquer that so I guess a little more time on the food relationship won't be too bad.

 

Misslindy - I think you are doing awesome following the AIP protocol and it humbles me.

 

Crimsann - you have given some wonderful advice and I am so glad that you are here with us.  You seem to be the calm in the middle of our storms.I'm really good about reading and researching but it's the putting into action that I have a problem with - I love to collect recipes but never know what to fix for dinner :wacko: Have read several good nutritional books lately but not following through - seriously?  I love the way you have planned it out and are following it through.

 

Lets give ourselves some grace.  At least we are mindful of what we are eating - most people don't give it a second thought!

 

I don't think I can do another W30 yet - my plan was to never do another one - but might need to eventually.  For now my plan is to attempt to eat well until I feel as good as day 30 of W30 and go from there.  In full disclosure, not only did I have gluten 8 days ago I had it again tonight when I took husband out for birthday dinner - talk about insane!  I'm also dealing with a roller coaster of hot flashes/ chills from cutting out estrogen but on the positive side my dry eye syndrome is 95% better.

 

I think it was Jimmy Buffet that said at the end of one of his songs "this song's gone on way too long."  Same for my post :lol:   This is a journey and there are no failures, just opportunities to learn.

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Remember not to drive your car while you relax and close your lil baby eyes.   Deep breath and relaaaxxx.

 

It's never too late to change your life.  Relax.

 

Take 5 steps UP to well lit double doors.  Open the doors and cross over the threshold into the most beautiful place on earth you can imagine.  What fragrance is in the air?  What do you hear. Are there living creatures..birds and animals.  

 

Your body and mind are interacting.  It's calm and soothing.  You sit down to a table of beautiful food.

You savor every taste, chewing carefully and slowly.   You enjoy the taste of your food and revel that your physical and mental appetites are satisfied.

 

It is life giving.  You're more satisfied than you've ever been before.  With every bite you are stronger in a healthy and gentle way.  You maintain this feeling and sensation in an effortless way.

 

You have your anchor.  You can come to your beautiful dining area every day.  You take 20 minutes to savor your delightful food in a calm and relaxed place.   Your new habits for health are still with you 10 years from now.   They are strongly implanted in your mind and body.

 

Slowly awaken now or you can go to sleep.   A peaceful, restful sleep.

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Wow, thanks to everyone for all the thoughtful input! All of you are awesome. 

She doesn't want the full on Whole30 rules for her daily routine, that feels too restrictive even still, but if she doesn't have some rules...it's the same as having NO rules. 

I think this is closest to what I'm going through. It's not a matter of how I feel physically after eating the food, as much as it's my eating disordered brain reacting to having ANY food that's been off limits--like a kid in a candy store. It's late, and I'm tired after a long but fun day, and I'm going to think about all this as I hit the hay. There has to be a place where I can find food peace, and I'm going to find it, eventually. 

 

On the upside, after walking outside today in the sun, with temps in the mid-40s, I feel like a new woman. I had forgotten how wonderful it feels to have a day like that this time of year, and to have the time to enjoy it!

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New day... new attitude.  Nancy - glad you enjoyed your day.  I think that sentence from Crimsann really does say it all.  Until my first W30 my one rule was no gluten - anything else was fine.  Even though I knew that I had had positive food allergy tests in the past I routinely ignored that part :ph34r: Going forward my rules are:  NO gluten, dairy or legumes; minimize sugar; more veggies; minimal non-gluten grains (corn/rice).  If this doesn't re-set me then another full-on W30 is in order.  When I am back to feeling great again re-intro dairy and legumes to determine effect if any.  Will also increase gym time - I have had a shoulder problem for a few weeks that I have used as an excuse - even though I know it needs the proper exercise to recover.   Even though I should not be doing the gym activities that I enjoy I will go and do appropriate exercise for shoulder along with some cardio and general strengthening/flexibility.

 

Have lunch made for the week for the most part:  ground beef, sauteed onions and broccoli slaw mix.

Have breakfast made for the week:  sausage, sweet taters, onions hash and hard boiled eggs. (at some point want to do more low carb but not giving up my breakfast hash just yet - still fairly low carb though)

 

Merg - that was a beautiful post that MeadowLilly posted here :)

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Hello! Glad so many are back and voicing life journeys. 

 

Crimsann we will have to crown you class guru--love your suggestions.

 

Nancy, I am glad to hear you are feeling more settled after your time outdoors. I have been a bit concerned about you. I think Crimsann is right and we have to make our own rules. I think a lot of us are so used to having a 'diet' and following the rules given to us, we have forgotten how to think for ourselves regarding food. That is part of the learning process with W30 and AIP, we have to listen to our bodies not a food 'expert'.

 

bpaistel, I have to admit I like that you admire my efforts but I do want to say I am not finding AIP difficult just a bit discouraging as I am not seeing results I would like. I don't think it is as problematic as others do. There is not a lot different from W30 and aside from eggs, coffee and some spices (mostly I didn't use anyway) nothing much has changed for me. I do think staying on is a challenge some days only because I want to rebel! Silly me.

 

I have had some results in that my sleep has improved and my pain level has decreased to sporadic and a much much lower level than for years. I can walk without pain most days, am doing a bit more exercise daily and have more sustained energy. Those things alone should be reward enough for now but I have to constantly remind myself to be constant in my commitment to me. And the big thing is, as I said in a previous post, I couldn't bear starting all over again so am not going to ruin it this close to my projected finish--who knows I may have to do it all longer but am not thinking about that at the moment--end of March is my target at the moment.

 

Merg, I have been missing you. Glad you are back.

 

Remember baby steps for all of us. It's the journey not the destination and we may all get so hooked on the journey we won't worry about the destination--too much fun travelling together. :)

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Thanks to Meadow Lily for the beautiful visualization. Have been thinking that this journey is less about don't eat this or that, and more about changing my relationship with food...where all of me is nourished and nurtured by what I eat...not just my taste buds...where my moods and sleep and well being come before some habitual or really temporary pleasure that signals a long downhill slide...

I went ou to dinner tonight with my hubs and ordered the BEST veggie side dish...Mostly compliant...Brussels sprout petals sautéed in butter(probably) and in some kind of light broth with spinach...topped off with a dusting of Parmesan...wow.

I think I can do like bits of cheese in my cooking....and little bits of wine in cooking as well...but no to th straight imbibing for me. I am already looking forward to feeling better this week by making good choices and Geting Out Side.

Also want to remind everyone, as It Starts With Food demonstrates so well, some of th cascade of eating things we think we want to avoid is BIOCHEMIcal....not simply a failure of will power. When we get that there is science behind all of this, maybe it makes it easier to get out of our own way and try to get along with the natural forces waiting there to help us feel strong and resilient??

One meal at a time....

Cheers, partners...

Merg

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Had a very calm, mostly compliant day today. Spent a lot of time thinking about where I'm headed and what my rules will be. I think just coming here and being honest about my situation was a big help. I know I'm not alone in my struggles. I have a freezer full of food for the week, including the best batch of shepherd's pie that I've made so far. Perhaps I should get the recipe down before I forget! G'night all...

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After much thought, I've decided how to move forward. I've always been a fan of Weight Watchers and the point system . It quantifies food in a way I can understand. It makes sense to me. I think I can use the WW framework as training wheels to learn how best to ride my own bike. I'll have to swap out carbs and swap in fat to make it W30/paleo friendly, but I don't see that being a problem. It'll help me to learn some limits especially regarding food that's not W30 compliant. I'll do it online instead of at meetings, because I don't want to feel the need to defend the way I'm eating. WW is pretty fat-phobic, so they won't like that part of it. It's worth a try to help me learn how to do this for life instead of floundering around between total W30 compliance and crazy disordered eating. I chatted with a Facebook friend who's lost over 100 pounds in the last year on WW. She's familiar with W30 and thinks it's very possible to combine the two plans. Thoughts? Am I crazy to think this could work? I really believe it's worth a try.

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Nancy, with the new WW plan that came out in December, I'm sure you can do this. Protein has few points, example 3 oz chicken breast is now 2 SmartPoints and it was 3 before, carbs have higher points (an extreme example is pecan pie which is 26 SmartPoints), and fruits and vegetables have no points so *I think that will leave plenty for fat. The lowest daily SmartPoints is 30 and the Weekly Points now depend on weight, age, and activity level. I'm a lifetime member so don't have to pay as long as I'm within 2 pounds of my goal weight so whenever the plan changes I go to a few meetings just to get the materials and see what it is all about. The Smart Points formula is based on calories and saturated fat and carbs. The Whole30 will work just fine for you when combined with WW. Just keep posting here. You inspire us because you keep on trying.

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Thanks, Merg! And I will keep coming here, because this is the kind of support I need! (And I love you guys!!)

 

Susan, that's what my FB friend said too. I really do think it's doable. And thanks!

 

So how is everyone else doing with their struggles? 

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Nancy I think your plan sounds good.  I know there will be those that would think it's not necessary to count points, calories or whatever and I was hoping to get to that point.  However, I did WW 3 years ago and lost 30 lbs; then started reading and learning about Paleo, how calories don't count, etc., etc. and managed to gain most of it back.  Go with your instinct and keep us posted.

 

I have been compliant with my rules last couple of days and made it to the gym. :) This might be TMI but here goes any way . . . I have a tendency to have, shall I say slow digestion.  So a few days ago I started taking a magnesium supplement once a day and I think it is working a bit.  Just in case that helps someone else.

 

Also, hot flashes are not fun!

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Hey guys, just checking in as it's been a few days...more drama with my car means I will be sitting in the lobby waiting on news again tomorrow so cue the stress.  This time, I have some reason to think it's something they did or did not do last time and it hopefully won't be major and may not even be a charge.  But of course there is that little voice that keeps hinting it might be totally unrelated and costly.  Sigh.  So far it seems to just be some brake noise and brakes were one of the things they replaced barely two weeks ago so....surely....but still it's both inconvenient to have to take another partial day off and hardly fun.  At this rate I'm not going to have any problems staying under our vacation time budget (cut in half this year as far as how much we can store before we start losing it) but I'm going to be less relaxed than ever!

 

So in between that nonsense, things have been going okay otherwise.  I made a number of different things this weekend, but rather than counting on any of them as weekday meals, I tried something just for the weekend and that way if it was another fail...I wasn't up against the wall for the week.  Gettin' smarter, aren't we all!?!  So for the first thing, I made that chicken meatball/sweet potato noodle/cauli alfredo sauce thing.  Overall, I ate one serving, but that will likely be it.  The meatballs were pretty dry to be honest, the sauce had way too strong a garlic flavor though I feel that was my mistake as I didn't have fresh and probably overdid it subbing powdered, and the noodles far from being last weekends pasta texture were underdone.  Oh sure.  I try to make fries and I get pasta, I try to make pasta and I get carrot sticks.  Just really not worth all the effort, and that's kind of been the bottom line of so many recipes I have tried on this journey.  Probably a lesson in that too.  I also tried the green bean salad and this was better, but that ended up being an eye popping amount of mustard so the end result was a lot less like the typical bean salad I had in mind.  I haven't ever made that myself, but without looking, I would guess the dressing for those is some kind of sugar and vinegar business so I should have suspected this would be different.  It's not exactly bad, but it ain't pretty like the glossy bean salads of my dreams so I may look for some other variations on that theme as well.  Nice green beans aren't that easy to find right now anyway, but come summer that would be a go-to recipe if I could perfect it more.  Lets see...oh and I tried another batch of muffins.  This time with peach and using almond flour.  I had to improvise wildly because I had neglected to take into account that coconut and almond flour absorb moisture in wildly different ways.  I would have been better served in looking for a recipe that used almond flour as a base rather than trying to adapt the one I had, but the end result wasn't much different as far as taste and texture so I must have gotten that part right.  But never one to leave well enough alone, I added a dash or two or three of Chinese five-spice which I just never seem to learn....hasn't won me over in anything I've tried it in yet.  It just feels like it should be fun, and yet at least one of those spices doesn't hit my palate right.  The taste isn't super strong, but it's there enough that I'm less motivated than ever to eat more than one.

 

LOL, possibly I could come up with a whole new diet plan...make all my dishes with chicken and five-spice and pick at tiny helpings for the rest of my life. 

 

You've already seen chicken mentioned once, and it's what I made for lunch again too.  However.  This weeks was a slam dunk.  I put the chicken breasts in the crockpot again, on low, salt and pepper (might have been lemon pepper) and let them cook for most of the day until they fell apart and had soaked the juice right back in it seemed.  Simple but great flavor and I just chopped up some crisp celery and some red grapes, added a touch of Tessemae's mayo and we have chicken salad.  The fewest ingredients and pretty easy prep work, but it is a winner. 

 

I do think, as I start to look towards March, that I'm going to work really hard on keeping it that simple.  Fresh ingredients are starting to show up here and there as the weather lightens a little and I think my palate also wants lighter and simpler fare.  I don't regret playing around with ingredients this month and trying to add some new things to "the table" so to speak, but I want to keep it uncomplicated and success friendly for the remaining few weeks.  If I'm enjoying food going into April I'm less likely to hit the gas headed downhill.  I've got a pretty good feeling about where I'm at right now, I feel like the daydreams of what I would go for first are a lot less defined than they were at the end of January even, and whatever I choose will be more a choice than a capitulation. 

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