Have I erased all the good I did?


sholmes

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So...I finished my 3rd Whole 30 on January 30th and I was doing soooooo well.  I was doing the slow-roll re-introduction and I was feeling great mind and body, in control of my choices, no real temptations...and then something went terribly wrong. 

 

In one way or another, I've been on a food bender since Sunday and I feel like I can't stop myself. It's been everything from lattes, to french fries, to hamburgers, to pasta...and I keep telling myself to stop and it's like I've lost control. If I'm being completely honest with myself, I'm not even loving the foods I'm eating. It's more like I feel like I've been deprived and now I'm making up for lost time.

 

I'm so disappointed that I'm at this place and, even more disappointed in myself for spiraling like this. I'm trying not to beat myself up but I'm worried that I've undone all of the work I did during the Whole 30 in the last 5 days.

 

I feel like I need some tough love and some compassion. I know I've read on here that people have had slips before but right now I feel like I'm on an island, eating big macs, all by myself and I just want to swim back to shore.  :(

 

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Ok. Take a breath. You're going to be just fine.

 

Great job coming here now and asking for help.

 

You can do this. First, set down the Big Mac. Next, return to the template for the next meal. Make sure to drink enough water. When it's time for the next meal, eat to template again. Just take it one meal at a time, one day at a time, until you've strung together a few W30 days. Then you'll feel so much better.

 

You might also want to remind yourself that you're a grown up and you can eat what you want whenever you want. You also know the consequences you'll suffer for certain choices. But you're in control at all times. You're making the choices. No punishment, no guilt. Just choices. When you're ready to make different choices, you will. There's no moral failing here. Just choices.

 

Congrats on finishing three Whole 30s! And best of luck getting back to feeling as good as you know you're capable of feeling!

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If you're like me, some of this comes from feeling like "Why do I have to miss out on everything? I've been good for so long now. Everyone else gets to eat this fun food, why do I always have to say no?"

And the truth is that everyone else gets to live with the consequences of their unhealthy choices, too. And for me, at least, I haven't really been eating well compared to how many years I ate all of the unhealthy foods and ingrained those into my lifestyle.

I'd suggest when you come back to W30, pay attention to healthy foods that you enjoy and can use as an alternative when you want a comfort dish: sweet potatoes, a perfect steak, a blended soup. Anything to reinforce the idea that you don't need to feel deprived when you eat healthy foods. It takes a long time to build up memories of comfort, so start building your new memories now.

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I think you are right - it's like I feel like I'm always depriving myself from foods that I've enjoyed all my life (and have lots of great memories of). I keep trying to remind myself how good I felt while I was making more W30 choices...but even knowing that, it's still so hard to get back on track. I've done better this week but still a little all over the place.

I find I'm better when I have really tasty compliant food ready for me so it's finding those foods, like you said, that fuel me and then I can make new memories.

Mentally, I'm just struggling with the idea that I might as well have not done it, given where I am today. And I know I'm not ready to do another full out W30 again...and I don't even know if I need to. Maybe I just need to get back on track...

Ugh, it was so much easier before I introduced anything back in. I was so in control. :(

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Mentally, I'm just struggling with the idea that I might as well have not done it, given where I am today. 

 

I know you're disappointed that you've gotten off track, but please don't feel like your whole30 was a waste. You have learned things. You've learned that you feel better when you eat healthy, and you feel bad when you eat the way you used to eat. I think pretty much all of us have to learn that on our own. Some of us take longer to really embrace that lesson. It's okay, though. You know what you need to do to feel better again, and you know that you can do it, because you've done it before.

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I can certainly relate.  Only for me I finished my third Whole30 at the end of January.  The month of March was a complete derailment.  Total train wreck.  I am tired.  I ate sweets with complete abandon.  I stopped trying to control it and let all rational thinking go.  Here is what I learned about myself.  I cannot eat one bite.  If I eat one bite, or one cookie, or one whatever, I am off an running again.  I am a sugar addict.  Once I pick up the first one I have no control.  I was reading in another forum that 30 days may not be long enough to slay the sugar dragon.  I choose to look at it another way.  I am prone to addiction (23 years of sobriety this month)  the first one is the one that will kill me, not the next 1000.  I believe that some of us have a biochemical make up that once sugar is ingested, it sets off a physical craving for more, coupled with a mental obsession.  

 

With this new found knowledge about myself, I began again this week.  Day 3 for me.  Already I feel better, with the exception of a nasty headache that comes and goes.  (But that very same headache began two days before I gave up the sugar again!)  So, that's OK by me.  My sugar disease needs to be treated.  The best way I know to treat it is total abstinence.  I will have to do this one day at a time, because I cannot fathom giving sugar up for the rest of my life.  I am shooting for a Whole100 this time.  Perhaps a longer stretch of this wonderful way of eating will help me make healthy choices in the end.  

 

My train wreck was an educating experience.  I suggest you look for your lessons, pick up the pieces, stop beating yourself up and move on.  We only heal when we are sick and tired of being sick and tired.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I agree with you 100% Pickle14. I am also a food addict, and it's bad. I seriously cannot control myself when I have that one piece. But for me it's truly anything sweet. I had a really bad weekend, and just decided to roll with it, it's only two days and I would start again Monday. Well Monday came and I had my normal, very filling, compliant breakfast. Everything was copacetic until I decided that I was hungry and wanted an orange. First, I wasn't hungry. My breakfast easily holds me for 4 hours so I know that 2 hours in I WAS NOT hungry, but I ate the orange...and then another....and then I had grape nuts with bananas and sugar for lunch....and then I decided that I had blown the meal so I might as well have Panda Express for dinner and a large Blizzard. Then I felt HORRIBLE, arthritis pain in my knees and shoulder, horrible allergy symptoms and sinus pressure and just an overall feeling of disdain. But I went through the same dance yesterday as well...and then I read an article someone linked to about a Sugar Addict and realized that is what I am. I have anything sweet and it completely rewires my brain and keeps me from making logical decisions. So I have to take accountability and stop the madness. Today I am two meals in, and while my brain is telling me it's ok to have an orange (My husband takes them to work) I am vehemently disagreeing. I am working on my Whole30 compliant meatloaf muffins and all the fixings that I'll make for dinner and the wonderful left overs I'll be able to eat for the next few days.   

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Did you call the Big Mac Wilson?

 

It's OK, so it didn't work out today, try again tomorrow :) You can only make your choices as they are presented to you and you can only do today what you can do today. Start again in an hour if tomorrow is too far away. You still have the choice.

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Thank you for this forum.. I completed my whole 30 successfully the previous May.  Last January I went completely off the tracks and have felt so bad about myself.  I really feel horrible now and I am going to start the program again today.  I don't have to tell you all how awful I feel about my self, both physically and emotionally.  I am such a food addict and I have such shame associated with it.  

 

After reading the posts on this subject I feel hopeful and the camaraderie. I will be glued to these posts for now to help me get through this.  I have faith that ultimitely I will feel good again if I stick to the program 

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  • 2 weeks later...

If you're like me, some of this comes from feeling like "Why do I have to miss out on everything? I've been good for so long now. Everyone else gets to eat this fun food, why do I always have to say no?"

 

 

I totally know how this goes. For me, it's also a bit of guilt - and even embarrassment! - at staking claim on my own health and eating preferences. I feel bad telling people, over a meal, why I won't eat a particular thing. Or am predicting their response: "Oh, you're still doing that diet thing?" Rather than being strong and saying, "Hey, thanks for bringing the bread to dinner, I'm going to stick to not eating gluten for now." It doesn't have to be hard to say no, or to make the space for my own health, but it seems like that is what holds me back. 

 

And then, of course, once I've eaten the bread, or the cheese, or the wine.. all bets are off. By the next day, the slippery slope has fully taken hold, and I'm knee deep in a jar of M&M trail mix. Bleurgh. The life of a sugar addict can be so unglamorous. I know, rationally and logically, that those foods are not for me. The hard part is honoring that commitment to myself and to my health on a daily basis. 

 

OK, so today is a new day. Lots of water (with lemon squeezed in it, to re-alkalize the body!); lots of walking around; lots of W30 compliant foods.

 

Like ChillyJilly, I am so grateful for the camaraderie, the understanding, and the hope that I get from reading these posts! So thanks, y'all!

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