When husband isn't bought in...

[BrittanyHernandez]

Hello everyone!

 

I failed at my first Whole30 last month. It is completely my fault. I am starting again this Friday though, and am very excited! This time, I am reading the book fully, have some girlfriends doing it/have done it for support, and am meal planning and meal prepping ahead of time.

 

However, I know I need to clean out my fridge and pantry. Problem here, the hubby isn't invested in doing it too. I'm okay with that, because I think my results and overall feeling amazing-ness could be inspirational for him. However, I'm worried about seeing foods I can't eat in my own home!

 

I would love some advice on this and just overall how you've dealt if people in your family whether husband, kids, or relatives weren't doing the Whole30 while you were.

 

Thank you!

Britt

[Physibeth]

Instead of thinking about it as foods you can't eat, think about it as foods you are choosing not to eat.

 

The power of words and attitude are incredible. Don't be a victim, don't be on a diet, make empowered choices about what you are putting in your body.

 

When I stopped telling people "I can't" and started telling people "I don't want...I'm choosing not to" it rocked my world!

[texasbred]

What Physibeth said.

[Karen]

My husband and 4 stepkids have some serious food issues. There is candy and chocolate all over this house, and not a single meal all 6 of us will eat. Though my husband is better at not bringing the stuff into the house at my request, there still is a lot here.

I can do it. So can you!

[shortystylee]

First thoughts, for the food you are keeping for your husband, are you able to reorganize the cupboards/pantry so that his non-compliant food is in a separate location from the compliant food? If it's just snack and things, maybe even somewhere not in the kitchen? For fridge foods, could you section off a crisper drawer for his things?

 

When I did both my w30s, my husband did not "join in." However, I am the only one that grocery shop and cooks, so if he wanted breakfast, lunch, or dinner that was not made of compliant foods, he had to want it bad enough to leave the house to either buy fast food, or go to the grocery store, shop, and then cook it himself. (I take a tough love approach to him almost 100% of the time, which might not work for you).

[LindaC]

I recently completed my first WH30 and like you, my husband did not join me.  He likes his cereal too much in the morning and his piece of dark chocolate every day.  That said, we always eat a WH30 compliant dinner and he has gone out of his way to help with the cooking and shopping (of which he does most of).  He likes his junk food too much to completely join in, but I have noticed his eating habits are slowly improving.  That is the best I can hope for.

 

I did not clear out any non-compliant food before I started.  Once I made up my mind to do this, I did not even think about what food I could not have.  Rather, it was all about what I would have.  It's a mind set.  Once you have it in your mind to succeed, I don't think you can fail.  

 

It is now a way of eating for me, with the occasional off road (but not too much!).  My advice, make sure you always have something compliant in your kitchen that you can prepare and consume quickly.  And the words "I choose not to" are all powerful.

 

Good luck! 

[tmhampton1]

I agree with LindaC and the others. I'm almost finished with my first and no one in my house joined. (Mother, husband or 16 YO son). I told them what shelves and drawers in the fridge were mine for my food and they complied with that. I also organized our pantry so my food is in a specific section and easy for me to get to. I was Paleo before this so all my compliant baking ingredients are in a separate area. 

 

This has really worked well for me, and like the others said, I am making a choice to only put nutrient dense foods in my body. I also do 80% of the shopping so if someone wants something non-compliant they need to go get it. I also cook dinner so they always have a Whole 30 dinner. I'm also hoping that my husband will see the great results I'm having and jump on the band wagon. 

 

I am going to keep this life style going with a few reintroduction items like honey and coconut sugar. Most of the other stuff I can live without, but when holiday's come around I would like to be able to have a treat. I also may make some Paleo ice cream from time to time. I will be tracking how I feel when I eat certain food so I know what it does to me.  

[praxisproject]

We're a only-one-Whole30er household and it works just fine, you just need to work together on some boundaries and rules.

 

We do the pantry-sections thing and same with the fridge & freezer.

 

Sometimes we cook together and he adds things to his after that I don't eat, sometimes he just eats what I eat (roast potatoes are always a winner!).

 

While it may seem harder, being exposed to seeing things all the time is actually good for you, as in life you can't live in a bubble.

You will see people eating stuff you're choosing not to eat, so being able to cope with that really makes everything easier

[BrittanyHernandez]

Thank you to everyone for your advice and well wishes. Day 1 has begun and of course, so far so good for Day 1. Looking forward to interacting through this forum and social media as I go through my 30 days!

 

I did separate our food into drawers and shelves and pantries, and I'm only going to be making Whole30 friendly meals for him. I also made a calendar with mini Whole30 Post-Its and put it right on my fridge so I can cross one out a day to show progress. 

 

Thank you all again!

[LydiaJo]

tmhampton1

I separate out my daughters snacks and food I don't choose to eat. Additionally I make compliant meals that she sometimes adds non compliant items to. It works for us and I see definite changes in her in the 2 weeks.

 

Happy journey to you.

[Alexislock27]

I am in the same boat. However the "tough love" approach does not work with my husband because he won't buy his own food or do his own cooking so he ends up getting fast food or takeout which is expensive and we are already on a budget. Plus I don't want him eating that crap everyday! I am starting my first w30 this monday so wish me luck, but my plan is to make w30 compliant meals for me and add a side of pasta or rice with his meal. Hopefully he will see the results in me and maybe start eating his veggies too:) And then simply hoping my willpower is strong enough not to give in to "his foods". The really tough part will be when we go out. I'm still a little nervous about that...

[Karen_Suep]

Every time I do an "eating" change whether it's a w30 or elimination diet or whatever, I usually ask my husband to list a few foods he wants to eat that meet the parameters of the lifestyle change. Sometimes it's a simple sub or making at home rather than buying out (hello homemade gyros!), sometimes it's being creative. Our rule, as a whole, since we've been married is that what I fix, we all eat. If he doesn't like it, I'll remember for the next time. I think there's only one time he didn't like what I cooked (low carb pizza fail. It was gross). There are other things that he likes if the texture is just right (peppers in stir fries... He usually pulls them out and gives them to me but there are other veggies he'll eat in them). As for lunch, he eats at work during the week so he has full reign (usually leftovers or a sandwich he makes there) and I only need to worry about myself. He usually doesn't feel deprived. He also shares a "snack" drawer with the toddler so I'm not nearly as tempted by it. My snacks hide elsewhere and, to be honest, I've forgotten I've had them until I'm looking for something else for a meal and don't want the snack, but that's been my experience for me.

Hopefully having him involved in meal planning will help some and segregating your food from his will help too.

[tmhampton1]

 I am starting my first w30 this monday so wish me luck, but my plan is to make w30 compliant meals for me and add a side of pasta or rice with his meal. Hopefully he will see the results in me and maybe start eating his veggies too:) And then simply hoping my willpower is strong enough not to give in to "his foods". The really tough part will be when we go out. I'm still a little nervous about that...

This is a great plan. I've actually been making dinners that my whole family will eat. If I add in a potato and at least 2 other veggies my hubby normally won't want his side of rice. He only wants it when he doesn't think there's enough food, or there isn't a starchy veggie he'll eat (think squash...it's a no go for him.)

 

When eating out I look at the menu online first. I've found several places I can eat with no issues. I order my eggs poached (no oil of any kind), I tell the restaurant I'm allergic to milk so to please not use any butter when cooking a steak or hamburger (Chili's actually pre-butters their grill so they clean off a section for me) and I ask them to steam any veggies. It's worked for me, and I find that if I tell a restaurant I'm allergic they are much more willing to comply with not using something. I've grown fond of Steak and Eggs for breakfast. 

[MTNan]

I've done two Whole 30's in a house with a junk-food junkie husband and 13-year old, and a 16-year old who honestly thinks she will DIE if she can't have bread in some form at least four times a day. Unlike many others, I didn't purge the house of non-compliant foods, nor did I divide up the fridge or pantry. I even made cookies and malts for the kids and their friends. Once I made up my mind to do W30, I was all-in and wasn't going to be tempted.

The strategies I used were to make simple switch-outs to make everyone happy (or kind of not unhappy, anyway). If I made sloppy joes, they got buns and I ate mine over roasted sweet potatoes. I had taco salads, they had soft shells. I used spaghetti squash, they had pasta. In our house, everyone is on their own for breakfast and we're all at work or school for lunch, so those aren't issues. I also found that if I made sure to add in potatoes or cauliflower rice with meals, my crew didn't rely on wheat quite as much.

In the end, I think my family ate as much sugar, wheat, and dairy as they always did, but they also ate a lot more veggies, so that was a "win" in my eyes.

Good luck!

[Real Food Y'all]

I've done two Whole 30's in a house with a junk-food junkie husband and 13-year old, and a 16-year old who honestly thinks she will DIE if she can't have bread in some form at least four times a day. Unlike many others, I didn't purge the house of non-compliant foods, nor did I divide up the fridge or pantry. I even made cookies and malts for the kids and their friends. Once I made up my mind to do W30, I was all-in and wasn't going to be tempted.

The strategies I used were to make simple switch-outs to make everyone happy (or kind of not unhappy, anyway). If I made sloppy joes, they got buns and I ate mine over roasted sweet potatoes. I had taco salads, they had soft shells. I used spaghetti squash, they had pasta. In our house, everyone is on their own for breakfast and we're all at work or school for lunch, so those aren't issues. I also found that if I made sure to add in potatoes or cauliflower rice with meals, my crew didn't rely on wheat quite as much.

In the end, I think my family ate as much sugar, wheat, and dairy as they always did, but they also ate a lot more veggies, so that was a "win" in my eyes.

Good luck!

 

This sounds very similar to how things are in my house. My husband is a super picky eater: no vegetables whatsoever, and then everything else has to be a certain way. Sometimes we can eat the same meat with different sides (like spaghetti with spag squash or zoodles for me, then pasta for him) but a lot of the time it's just him putting a frozen pizza in the oven (next to my sweet potatoes) while I sautee kale with ground beef.

 

Some people find it helpful to divide all the compliant/noncompliant food up into different spots in the kitchen. I was too lazy to ever fully do that. (We do have different shelves in the pantries, but things tend to get mixed up, and it doesn't bother me.) If you have any junk food that's for YOU ONLY, and you don't want to throw it out, I'd put it in a plastic bag and hide it somewhere. (Done it! although I ended up throwing most away after that W30.)

 

The main thing is, if you are fed up enough and want it bad enough, you will complete the W30 come hell or high water. 

[backpackerchik]

My husband never buys into any detox, cleanse or diet that I do.  He's just a firm believer if you're changing something that means you're doing it to replicate it forever, and doesn't grasp the idea of a change for a period of time to see how it goes, feeling better for a period of time, kind of thing.  So when I told him no dairy and no alcohol for 30 days for me he about fell out of the chair.  Those are two things I'll never give up permanently and he knows it.  So he doesn't get why I would do something for 30 days when I'm not going to stick to it as a permanent change.  I am gluten free and have been for 5 years and pescatarian (and have been for 23 years)  and he is supportive of that--it's a permanent change.

 

He doesn't cook.  Not because he doesn't know how, he just doesn't know how to really take the time to focus in the kitchen.  He has little patience.  He won't even use the microwave to heat up things because he doesn't want to wait.  So when I make something Whole30 compliant and then just say to him "make yourself some rice." He won't do it.  He just eats what I make.  I can tell he's not satisfied, but he doesn't say anything. He'll just grab a bag or tortilla chips to supplement his hunger.

 

The one thing I do like, though, is that I've told him the things I cannot eat, and he has done his darndest to eat all of those things in the house because he knows that he can and he isn't eating something special that I bought for my diet, and the food isn't getting thrown in the trash (we hate to waste food).

 

My husband definitely needs to lose weight, and he admits it, but his preference is to do it through portion control and more exercise.  But beer and snacking (tortilla chips and salsa every night when he comes home from work...) are his demons.

 

I'm on Day 5 and this morning for the first time he actually asked me what the Whole 30 is.  Wow.  Finally, a spark of interest.

 

I definitely feel better, and as long as I can keep my energy levels decent and not be cranky with him, I think he will support me.  But I've been very cranky on cleanses that don't allow caffeine, and eat salads or steamed artichokes and that's all...and he doesn't like me when I'm cranky (but who would?)  I don't like me when I'm cranky!

 

 

 

 

[fitfoodiejj]

Instead of thinking about it as foods you can't eat, think about it as foods you are choosing not to eat.

 

The power of words and attitude are incredible. Don't be a victim, don't be on a diet, make empowered choices about what you are putting in your body.

 

When I stopped telling people "I can't" and started telling people "I don't want...I'm choosing not to" it rocked my world!

Yes! I thought it would be hard having stuff around like the leftover Easter candy.. but I see it and just in my head think it is not worth it, not worth the after affect and not worth the calories. So far it is going well with that but I have a pretty solid mental mind set on transitioning my life this go around and my hubby is supportive of it

[Savil95]

My mom is facing a similar issue (I'm single and my cat doesn't care what I eat as long as I feed him). My dad is a grumpy grumpy man and he does most of the cooking so I told her that if what he makes is compliant to go ahead and eat it, but to not feel discouraged when he wants Mongolian beef and she has to cook her own separate meal. She and I really need to take stock of what we eat as we're both emotional eaters, sugar addicts, and chronic snackers. I'm doing my best to hype up how great I'm feeling and how my clothes are fitting better (even after only 16 days!) and how I'm not hungry or tired during the day anymore.

 

Thanks so much for all the tips in here that I can pass on to her.

[Sharon_Frazee]

My husband has no interest in any challenge/diet/etc so I just don't make a big deal of it. I do most of the grocery shopping and cooking so he gets a Whole30 dinner, sometimes with something added (last night he made a field peas and will have them as a side for several days) but we had the same grilled chicken, collard greens and sliced tomatoes. There is tuna salad (with W30 compliant mayo), hard boiled eggs, apples, oranges, raw veggies, and roasted pork in the refrigerator - all things he likes so he ends up eating better and we don't have to have the diet discussion. After 30 years of marriage he has seen my try dozens of diets so better to just say I am changing the way I eat. He does have a snack shelf in the pantry but I only buy things that are not even slightly tempting. 

[ohsherry]

My husband is not doing the program either and that's just fine with me. He eats pretty healthy and he's supportive of the challenge.  Last night we had grilled salmon and roasted veggies  with a green salad.  I just added some brown rice for him.

 

It's my journey, and while my weight has crept up , his has not. Like Sharon above, he's seen me go through many diets, so this time I'm not even talking much about it. 

 

We have an extra bread box and that's where his "snacks" go. I'm not even opening it. I'm only on Day 4, but I am certain this time is different.

[youngann]

My husband puts SIX tablespoons of sugar on his Frosted Flakes, drinks 6-8 cans of Coke/day and will easily polish off a whole bag of cookies after dinner. He's 6' tall and weighs 205lbs and his blood levels are great. With so many snacks and cakes and cookies around, I have no support with my W30.

 

I made a deal with him, we're both on our own for breakfast although I'll offer him eggs if I'm cooking any. We're on our own for lunch but I'll offer to fix him a salad if I'm having one. I make a compliant dinner with a protein that I know he'll eat, I fix my own vegetables and open a can of veg for him.

 

It's working so far, I'm on day 6.

[Puckertoe]

 

When I did both my w30s, my husband did not "join in." However, I am the only one that grocery shop and cooks, so if he wanted breakfast, lunch, or dinner that was not made of compliant foods, he had to want it bad enough to leave the house to either buy fast food, or go to the grocery store, shop, and then cook it himself. (I take a tough love approach to him almost 100% of the time, which might not work for you).

I'm in a similar position, my husband eats what I cook. Having said he'd join me on it he's not shown any interest in finding out more about it for himself. He knows this is important to me, so I asked if he's really going to do this. He will eat the same meals at home though not when away working. That's fine by me.

Today I emptied the fridge of the cheese and milk and took them to my son. Hubby is home alone tonight....with some homemade burgers and veg.

You take charge, if he wants to pig out on snickers good luck to him...but not at home.

[NoMoreCrunchyCravings]

I'm doing w30 by myself as well. Generally, my husband eats what I cook, but every day I find another bottle of soda in the fridge, and wrappers from fast food restaurants in the trash or his car. I wish he'd want to eat better to realize how much better he would feel, and possibly lose some weight (we've both gained quite a bit in the last few years), and to see how being smaller would make us both feel so much better, but he's just not there yet. Just as he's not there yet with making the decision to quit smoking.

 

Only when someone is truly ready for change will he make the decision to take steps towards a change. But it sure can be frustrating waiting for that to happen, if it ever will...

[Puckertoe]

This morning I asked him what he'd like to eat today...cop out I know. I'm just sick of food today. He asked what I could eat, if I could eat fish! Ok obviously you've not done your home work hubby!

Told him to find out more about it for himself. That I wasn't holding his hand all the way through...or for the rest of his life for that matter.

Grumpy wife syndrome, I want support not a baby to mollycoddle.

[kruddock]

If your spouse is not on board, the best thing you can do is lead by example and hopefully they will get more interested when they see the improvements it makes in you, lead by example!  When I did my first Whole30, my husband was on board for the most part but he could not make time to do any of the reading, only learned from the second hand information I gave to him.  He would eat what I would prepare without a fuss but if on his own and he was not prepared with having the right foods he might stretch the rules with oils or hidden sugars, he was not as meticulous about reading labels, but all in all on the first round he lost 12 pounds without any exercise.  The was much encouraged to go on a second round and a lot more interested in finding out what it was all about.