Getting Back on Track

[Emma]

Day 16 is done - the food part at least.  

 

Breakfast: leftover nom nom spicy tuna cakes, banana, eggs

Lunch: spinach, ground bison, cashews

Mid-afternoon: Tri tip, spinach, pesto

Dinner: Tri tip, chicken, sweet potato, asparagus, arugula

 

I was seriously thinking of sweets this afternoon.  Seriously thinking of how good a frozen banana dipped in melted coconut oil/chocolate would taste.  So, I had a mid afternoon meal.  My lunch was pretty small.  My mid afternoon meal was delicious.  Dinner was huge.  We had tri tip and chicken that needed to get cooked so I popped them each in a crock pot after rubbing them with smoked paprika, rosemary, oregeno, coriander, and salt.  The tri tip came out wonderfully.  The chicken was super tender on the bottom and a little dry on the top, but tasted fine and will be good for leftovers.

 

My stomach is a little stodgy right now.  I did have a bunch of sweet potato.  I'm drinking my soaked flax seeds kinda curious if that will help and if not, I'll take a digestive enzyme and see how that goes.

 

Overall, today I felt so much better and much less bloated.  It was pleasant.  My mood was eh.  I didn't stay off my computer like I wanted to, though I did better than I could.  I didn't meditate in the morning.  I was a bit stressed and I think I need to deal with that.  BUT, I didn't fall behind today and things are in decent shape going to bed so if I can motivate myself in the morning to get cracking, then tomorrow should be okay.

[Emma]

Day 17 - Sometimes I think how wonderful it would be to have another kid and then nights like last night make me so thankful those days are done.  I fell asleep about ten.  The puppy woke me up at 11 to go out.  I had that deep sleep headache as I let her out and back in.  I started falling asleep and she needed to go out again.  Oh, that feeling in one's head of wanting to puke from being so tired.  And then again a little after midnight.  I remember those nursing baby days and that feeling of being woken so well and I don't miss it one bit.

 

As for the puppy?  She's not even a puppy anymore.  She's almost two!  However, she found some delicious wonderful disgusting things to eat out by the river yesterday (aka rotten fish) and I think it was throwing her for a loop.  She's just learned how to go through the night without going out and how to wake me up when she needs to go out so she's made great progress (we rescued her a year ago), but it does make me appreciate our old dog who goes to bed and stays in bed - though right where my body should be.  And then, she woke me up at 5:50 to go out again, but that one wasn't so bad because I had already woken up and was just lying there having fun going in and out of dreamland.

 

I had some breakfast and now my coffee.  My head feels clear.  There are some rumbling movements in my belly again signifying good things.  My head is tired, but overall I'm okay.  It would be nice to get that eight hours of sleep though!

 

My Goals:

Eat Whole30

Eat mindfully - I might not be being mindful, but I'm not reading and eating and I grudgingly agree that this is better

Meditate - Been doing very very short guided meditations with the kids at bedtime, but I don't think it really should qualify for my time at it

 

Tentative Goals for Today:

Meditate this morning

Limit my grazing on the computer

[HedyF]

Oh, I hope you get some good night's sleep soon!

[Emma]

Day 17 Midday Reflection...

 

I am HUNGRY!

 

It is so exciting to feel my stomach hollering at me and it's my stomach, not my brain getting all foggy and moody.  I'm also not bloated which means I feel pounds and pounds lighter and can even suck in my gut.  Of course, reality is that I'm not as svelte as I'm feeling and my gut doesn't suck in very much, but I'll take what I can get and I am loving that my digestive system is telling me what's up.

 

I'm making some hard boiled eggs right now to possibly take deviled eggs for the Saturday potluck (though I'm still open for suggestions!!!!).  I've got Nom Nom's spicy tuna cakes ready to pop in the oven for lunch.  I can't wait to eat!!

 

And energy today?  Eh - it's okay.  If I make myself get up and start Doing, then I get things done and am pretty even and consistent, but if I sit, well then I demonstrate just how good I am at sitting. 

[Emma]

Day 17 - Hunger Pangs!  I ate my lunch and my dinner and could still feel my stomach telling me something.  It was great!  It was cravings for food from my body and not from my brain area.  I mean, I know it's from my brain, but it's like the difference between addictions and legitimate signals.  I'm also drinking/chewing on the soaked flax seeds after each meal and I really think it helps with the upset stomach a bit, like the mild one I had after dinner.  

 

Currently I have a headache, but I think it's just because I'm tired.  It was a good full day after a night of not great sleep.

 

Breakfast: Arugula, chicken - then coffee - and then because I was hungry and could feel grazing behaviors, I had a banana and a couple eggs

Lunch: Nom Nom's Spicy Tuna Cakes

Dinner: Chicken, super delicious homemade salsa with lots of onions, grilled onions and mushrooms with garlic, and some cashews, and two raw carrots

 

I was starving before lunch and starving before dinner, but starving in a just-in-my-stomach kind of way.  The lack of bloating is really pleasant.

 

I did not meditate during the day.  I have no idea what's preventing me because there are no good excuses, but that's why it's a tentative goal.  Perhaps tomorrow.  And I didn't do such a hot job staying off the computer.  Life is so much better when I do just keep it shut.  However, I did have a good day and my family had a good day.  The healthy eating and my healthier mood impacts everyone.

 

Off to bed and meditation with the kids.

[Present4Life]

I love the fact that you meditate with your kids - I just love that really want to start a daily meditation with my own.  Mine are both pre-schoolers (3 & 4) - how old are your kids?

 

I am having the same problem with my own personal meditation practice recently.  I know it is great for me.  Helps me become more patient and positive, but squeezing in even 10 minutes meets with so much resistance.  I used to have a regular daily routine to meditate for 10 minutes while my husband fed the kids breakfast, then 10 minutes at night before bed, but I just can't back into my routine   Maybe we can cheer each other on.

[Emma]

Oh MommaGem - We should!  My kids are five and six.  We use the CD Sitting Like a Frog which is aimed for kids, but frankly, I'm surprised that my kids are doing this.  I'd like to find something that does a bit more visualization or meta kind of stuff, but this is it for now and it's good.  And yes - for grownup time - I am able to find the time, but just don't.    At some point when I was trying to meditate a couple years ago, I gave up on the idea of quiet stillness around me and just started sitting smack dab in the middle of the kids and the dogs with the timer showing and my kids knowing I wouldn't talk to them during unless it was an absolute emergency.  There were a number of meditation days where the entire time was spent actively ignoring them talking into my face to see if I would respond.    I didn't and then they started leaving me alone.  

 

I'm gonna try again today as a tentative goal!  It really did positive affect so many other things in my life.

[Present4Life]

I did it, I did it! I just sat for 15 minutes of meditation.  You can do it!

[Emma]

Good going MommaGem!  I saw your comment and then buckled down and did it too!    Thank you!

[Emma]

Day 18 

 

Gosh darn - I wrote a whole bunch and then hit the back button accidentally and lost what I had written.  Shucks!

 

Last night's sleep was better, though the pup woke me at four to go out and then I stayed awake for an hour before falling back asleep.  I was also WIDE awake when I got up to let her out and I considered just staying up because I felt so good and clear headed, but I know that would have changed during the day.  The extra 90 minutes I managed to get helped a lot, though I was not quite as peppy when the kids landed on my lap.

 

I did some good things today:

Made Shepherd's Pie

Meditated during the daytime for 15 minutes!!!!

Got some stuff done and worked on a sewing project in the evening and went out and listened to music and got to bed on time

 

I did some lousy things today too:

I snacked when I was stressed and it wasn't good snacking.  I ate a non-modest amount of nut butter and coconut.  I didn't even try to put on brakes.   I was feeling antsy and frustrated and wanting to get more done and not getting things done and so I ate.  Bleh!  Sigh - live and learn and try again.

 

Meals:

Breakfast - Eggs, mushrooms, homemade salsa, spinach

Lunch - Chicken, spinach, salsa, sweet potato

Snack - Nut butter and dried coconut (and a carrot so I wasn't totally violating the mini-meal template - what a cheat I was being!!!)

Dinner - Shepherd's Pie with ground beef

 

I think cauliflower gives me the grumbles.  I love roasted cauliflower though and I liked the mashed stuff I made tonight for the pie, but it does seem to gurgle things up a bit.

I'm still ingesting two tablespoons of soaked flax seeds over the course of the day.  I'm giving some to my daughter too wondering if it will positively impact the constant eczema patches she has.  However, I've also been cooking with garlic and that's one of the things that seems to trigger flare ups so I should probably knock off the garlic - it's just SO good.

 

So that's where I am.  Plugging along.  Feeling better.  More consistent energy, but still at risk of making a sharp turn off track.

[Emma]

Day 19 - The puppy slept all night, but I did not.  Of course that is how those things work.  I was up at one to use the bathroom and then went right back to sleep and then awake at four.  I stayed in bed an hour trying to go to sleep, trying to daydream, trying to clear my thoughts and focus on my breath.  Finally, I just got up and started reading, had some leftover Shepherd's Pie, and brewed some coffee.  I can feel the 90 minutes missing from my sleep, but at least I got six hours.

 

Today is a busy day followed by some travel.  I'm doing lots of talking to myself about eating well and the reasons for eating well:

 

To reduce inflammation in my body

To be a healthy older parent

 

That's really it.  I'll try to pick our food places ahead and think about the menus so I can order well.  Breakfasts can be hard boiled eggs and sweet potatoes which are portable and easy.  I'll get through it.

 

On another note, I was googling this morning, looking for an article I'd read a couple years ago about how food manufactures purposely design foods to be addicting and to bypass our satiation signals.  I couldn't find the article, but remember that is was a reputable source.  However, I found these three:

 

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/04/26/AR2009042602711.html

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/24/magazine/the-extraordinary-science-of-junk-food.html

https://chriskresser.com/why-its-so-hard-to-lose-weight-and-keep-it-off/    (It's near the end of the article)

 

I don't think these articles provide excuses for my behaviors around food.  I know I'm the one in control, but they do help me feel more aware of what I'm up against and how it's not a total lack of character on my part that leads to my overweight self.  When it comes to alcohol, I really don't have any issues.  I can drink a beer or two and then just be done.  I can enjoy it while I drink it and not want any more.  I can leave a beer half full without noticing.  I can pick up beer on the way home, put it in the fridge, and then never touch it.  I can't do any of these things around cigarettes or around food, but wouldn't it be really, really nice if the way I interact with beer was the way I interact with food.  Okay, well aside from the idea that part of the food thing is the preparation and process, but I'm pretty sure I could have fun brewing beer at home and enjoying the process and still not over indulging.

 

So, as I travel, I will keep these things in mind and I will work on the entire mindful eating thing.  However, I don't leave till tonight so I will probably be on to post before I go

 

And today is the potluck.  I didn't come up with any other ideas so I'm making the deviled eggs and was going to try making some with a bit of anchovy and horseradish - mmmmm - sounds gross, but the recipe sounded good.  I'm also going to make some pretty normal ones.

[beckerj88]

How was the shepherd's pie, aside from the cauliflower upsetting your stomach?

[Emma]

Day 0!

 

Good news and not so good news.  I went to the potluck last Saturday with some fine tasting deviled eggs and some paleo banana muffins.  Another woman made some meatballs and I ate one - meatballs right?  Wrong - they had Bisquick and cheese added!  I noticed right away that they didn't seem to be just meat and seasonings.  I shoulda asked before I ate.  And then I traveled and was doing okay until we went out to a great lunch and I ordered a kale salad that was fantastic with cilantro pesto and almonds and blueberries and arugula - good stuff - and after eating it all I discovered it had a light soy dressing.  Exhale.  Again - my fault for not asking well enough.  However, even though those things happened, what I noticed that I love was that I had no desire to snack or eat or take advantage of all the great treats that usually happen when I travel to the city.  I had no yearnings for a croissant or a sandwich or a big hunk of hot steaming bread.  I did okay.  So then today we ate out and I had sushi with rice and enjoyed the meal with friends and am now back home feeling a bit guilty that I didn't make it through the trip, but feeling good that my body was not trying to steer me down the wrong path.

 

I'm now home and glad to be home.  I'm also now ready to start exercising.  Seeing myself in all the floor length mirrors that seemed to be everywhere I went made me look at myself and acknowledge that if I want to change things, I'm gonna need to add in that component.  I'd like to say I'll start tomorrow, but I got home late and tomorrow is a busy day trying to catch up with things so we'll see, but.....it's time.

 

As for the Shepherd's Pie - it was great!  I'm curious if there are any leftovers.  My family took advantage of me being gone and went out to eat so I think the fridge is looking a lot like when I left.

[Present4Life]

Sorry you hit those stumbling blocks, but we're here for you during your restart. Go, Go, Go!  *cheerleader smiley*

[Emma]

Day One

 

I disappeared, but I'm here.  In my disappearance, I learned so many things.  I think I really do need to treat certain foods the same way I do cigarettes and just stay away from them.  It sounds like I really went off the wagon, but I think I did relatively okay.  My stomach has continued to grumble and have hunger pangs and much of my eating has been just fine, but what did happen is that I found myself questing for food throughout the day - opening the fridge, opening the cabinets, wanting to just get something from the store.  It's a behavior that didn't happen when I was eating clean.  Wow - I just looked back at the dates and see that it's been a full week away from this.  Time passes fast, but I'm back in a week and not in two or three or, even worse, months or years.  We also had our family dog pass away and I injured my knee yesterday and can't bend it a lick - it's been an exhausting last few days, but those days are the ones where I realized I should be eating well and taking care of my body so my body and mind and being can deal with other things without me taxing it with crappy food.  So, I'm back.

 

I am having coffee before eating this morning, but that will end tomorrow.  I've been up since 3:30 and, with this knee and kids sleeping, it just seemed easier to make some coffee and do some work on the sofa.  I'm going to need to plan lunch and dinner and make sure we have some meat thawing.  We have some wonderful veggies in the fridge that I have blatantly been ignoring the past few days including some great organic sweet peppers and a yellow cauliflower.  It's semi-good to be back It will feel better once I actually get through today.

[madness]

So sorry to hear about your dog and your knee! Stress is no fun. Sounds like you are going to make a good come back though with the diet. Glad you are back!

[beckerj88]

Sorry to hear about your dog! I definitely have foods that I have to stay away from or else I just lose all control. Glad you're back! I missed reading your blog!

[Emma]

Day One - I'm back on track.  Phew.  I admit that when I went to the market today, I looked at the donuts with the pretty pink and yellow frosting.  I didn't get them.  And I actually wasn't super tempted, but there was always the potential to veer off course.  But I didn't.  My meals today were pretty pathetic and not very good examples of following the template, but all my good intentions were shot when I tried standing in the kitchen.  Cutting the cauliflower and getting that in the oven was enough standing for my knee.

 

Breakfast: Eggs and bananas

A Very Late Lunch: Tuna with homemade mayo, carrots

Dinner: Cauliflower and hard boiled egg

 

Not the best, but I'm not hungry even though my stomach is telling me it is and my knee aches - throbs - pulses - hurts.  It will feel better as the next round of ibuprofen kicks in, but gosh - it is a drag to not be able to get up and move around easily.

 

Enough of the bellyaching.

 

It was a beautiful day and the kids and I went outside for a bit.  I hobbled along (probably not my most brilliant move) and they biked.  I got some stuff done today and some emails sent that I'd been avoiding.  There are things I didn't get to and our kitchen and living room and laundry seem to have exploded exponentially throughout the course of the day.  Oh right - no bellyaching My daughter is completely engrossed in tearing up the paper mache volcano they set off today.  She's such a hands-on kid and so involved in this process that is leaving quite the disaster on our living room floor.  

 

I'm exhausted in my head and my being.  A good night's rest will help.  I'm glad to be back and look forward to reading and catching up with others.

[HedyF]

Sorry to hear about your dog

 

Kudos to you for getting back on track ... keep up the good work!

[Emma]

Day Two - I slept pretty well which surprised me because my knee was throbbing and aching and there was no good position to put it in, but I did sleep and didn't wake up till six.  I don't feel particularly energetic or enthused about the day, but I am up.  And I'm a bit bummed that I only got to Day 19 in my posts!  Things were going really well with good sleep and good energy and I could use those things right now.  Ah well.  I still have those 19 days of clean eating in my body which is far better than 19 days of my previous eating!!!!  I figure the more days I can rack up, the better things will be in the future.

 

So...I've got to get things done this morning and I'm thankful that everybody else is still sleeping while I take some time to process, sit, and drink coffee because I'm not ready for the day.  I plan to get up and get some physical things done around the house, then some desk things, and then hopefully I can work from the sofa for a bit and ice my knee.  It only bends about 5 degrees.  I injured it Sunday morning.  I was hoping it was just the medial cruciate ligament and maybe it is, but the lack of any movement has me worried maybe it's something with the meniscus - ugh!  We have no orthopedic folks where I live.  It means a plane flight and a boookooo amount of money.  BUT, I do get inflammation easily so maybe i just need more days for inflammation to go down and movement to return.  I sure hope so!  The knee brace I ordered off amazon still hasn't shipped, but I don't even need it yet because I can't move my knee anyway to cause injury  It's really lousy to be so immobile.  I should probably be taking the time to appreciate my healthy shoulders, elbows, and back!!!

 

I also have to plan meals for today.  We'll have bison for dinner because I used the frozen bison to ice my knee last night Maybe I can ice with some ground turkey this morning and then have that for lunch.  Eh - I am very uninspired right now with the cooking scene and can't seem to think up anything.   Post-coffee I will try to get a plan.

[Raineyrk]

I am so sorry to hear about your dog losing a pet is so sad.

 

Way to go getting back on track. I am very impressed. I tend to just say "oh well" and forget about it when I mess up something like this. Your perseverance is quite inspiring!

[Raineyrk]

And continuing while injured and immobile! That's amazing. Good job!

[Present4Life]

Using your frozen meats to ice your knee, then cook for dinner - I love it!!  Very efficient!

[Emma]

It is pretty efficient, I agree.  I'm a touch pleased with it myself.  

 

Raineyrk - I've disappeared from this forum for many, many months so I'm glad this time was only a week.  The injury, though, is really the universe saying, "Dude - if you're gonna pull it off as an older parent and be healthy and vibrant and all that junk, well then you gotta keep to the path."  As much as I think this is just trying to do 30 days, I really need to somehow (magically, but more likely just small step at a time) incorporate this into my life.  I was happier when I felt more fit.  I was certainly healthier and my tendonitis prone body stood a better chance of exercising without injury.  Dang universe.  I really do like burgers, fries, and beer and not being all intense about food, but I tend to think that if I was healthier, in better shape, and had more months of cleaning eating in me, I might not have snagged my leg and screwed up my knee quite as seriously.  But I'll still take the "way to go" because it wasn't easy dragging my sorry guilty self back to the forum.  

 

I got a decent amount done this morning.  If I get through one more project that I am actively avoiding and get lunch and dinner made then I will call the day a whopping success.  As well, a run for our pup and throw in some meditation while stuck on the sofa and the day will be technically complete.  

[Emma]

Day Two Completed

 

Breakfast: Eggs with a sweet potato and mayo

Lunch: Hard boiled egg and carrots (I almost forgot lunch so this was better than nothing)

Dinner: Bison with carrots, onions, mushrooms made by my hubby

 

The kids wrapped their ground bison and veggies in tortillas with salsa.  The salsa was from the store and not clean so I had to do without that and I substituted the tortilla for spinach.  It was good.  It's nice that we did our first Whole30 as a family so now, while I'm the sole person, my honey still automatically makes clean meals and I don't have to worry about forbidden ingredients.  Things have changed since our first time - just wish I could eat the junk in moderation.

 

My knee still aches, but I can walk on it and I can bend it smidgen more, though it's still essentially straight.  It's tired of being extended.  My mood is still downtrodden (is that a mood or a behavior?).  I'm pleasant and all, but I'm not the peppiest.  I did meditate today and that went fine. I did not get to my big project, but I have the notes sitting out ready to be looked at.  Hopefully tomorrow I will get to it smack dab early in the morning and then be able to move on to other things.

 

So...all is fine.  I look forward to being a couple more weeks into this thing.