KEW's Whole30 Log

[kew]

I thought I would start a log, rather than continuing to post in the "Join Whole30" spot. I guess this is day 11 of my second Whole30.

I am 43, mother of two, married, working full time. Part of my living involves writing, so I tend to write really long posts....

I have been "heavy" or, at best, "curvy" ever since puberty. I'd like to see some change for the leaner, so my goal is not so much weightloss but change in body composition: turn some of that mush into muscle. I'd also be delighted if my allergies went away forever and I never had another headache or sinus infection. But I think my South Florida location leaves me a prey to allergies pretty much forever, and the rest....we will have to see.

I posted my goals for my 2nd Whole30 in the "Join Whole30" spot first, and then immediately had to tweak them. (This was immediately following my first, with no off-roading). I am condensing them here, and changing where needed.

on my second Whole30, I need to focus on some things that I did not handle so well in my first.

1. Snacking between meals.

- emotional eating. Even if the snacks are Whole30 approved foods, they still come from a junky place in my mind/behavior.

- planning: I am so busy that I have not been good about planning an adequate lunch, nor taking an adequate lunchtime. I have been better at this. I have a new lunchbox and have been doing a major Saturday or Sunday cook-up, Mel J style, and so I have good food for lunch.

2. Exercise.

I was planning to run 3x/week and CF 2x/week, but I think I am going to drop the half-marathon training. I'm just not into this year, for whatever reason. I will still run 2x/week, but not worry about the mileage. Or the speed: I'm really slow this year, and perhaps that is because of changing from being a pronating heel striker to a forefoot runner. But I'm practicing not being competitive about this, and just going for the run for my own sake, and not for some number.

3. Evening ritual.

Decaf or herbal tea. Not fruit, with or without coconut milk, or pumpkin seeds with coconut flakes, etc. SWYPO. Also unplug (I was pretty good about that last month.) This is not happening, but for a distinct reason. I now have the invisalign dental trays, and so I have to eat and brush my teeth right away. I am having a small serving of fruit, or fruit+cocounut, or whatever, as part of my regular meals. And then I brush teeth and consume nothing but water or plain seltzer until the next meal. This is an astonishing change for me, as a confirmed graze-a-holic. I have to admit that I hope this will reap big dividends in the body-composition/size/weight department, and I will be disappointed if it doesn't.

[Other goals were not Whole30 complaint. I dropped them after whining a bit about it, and I am happier for it: outsourcing the decisions to Whole30 reduces another source of stress. Decision fatigue is a big problem for me, I think.]

6. Emotional health

a) As often as I can manage, I will practice gratitude, mostly by writing down a list of things big and small I feel grateful for -- this is not a "should" list, but a getting-in-touch-with-feelings practice.

Continue the practice I began in my first attempt at a Whole30 of building body acceptance, my own and others'. "All bodies, all sizes; all human, all striving." I have not been doing the former much, but have been working on the latter pretty well.

I have added giving up caffeine to the mix: not totally, though. I'm drinking decaf tea and decaf coffee, and I will stick with that for rest of this Whole30.

I have made sleep a real priority, but since I have to get up at 5, and can't get to bed before my own kids are tucked away, it's hard for me to get 8 hours a night regularly. I get 7-7:30 nightly on weeknights, usually 8-9 on weekends.

I think the best lesson from this experiment so far is that I do much better -- as I thought -- with bans than with moderation. Moderation leads to decision fatigue so quickly, and thus to bad decisions. At the same time, I don't want to give up cheese (etc) forever, and I won't, unless the eventual re-introduction goes badly. I'm not expecting to find bad reactions to any of the foods I have given up, and I don't plan to reintroduce everything that is not Whole30 compliant at home. But I expect (at the end of my second Whole30, or whenever), to reintroduce pretty much anything when I go out to eat -- after the reintroduction protocol tells me whether I can. I would still expect to avoid starches, breads, etc, but not to tell the server to hold the cheese, etc. And if re-introduction goes well, I think I would taste someone's pasta, mashed potatoes, or whatever. Tasting is a big deal in my family when we go out to eat.

I am not sure whether I can introduce a hard-and-fast rule that allows some wiggle room and not too much -- that very sentence is so weird that I think I have my answer. Wine only on date night with husband? Yes, but, what about dinner parties? Or what about holidays? Or what about?..... Dessert only on alternate Saturdays when there is an R in the name of the month? This will require some thought..... In some ways, I almost hope that reintroducing sweets and wine makes me violently sick and I discover that I cannot eat them ever again. (Although that would be sad, too.)

[Derval]

Great post, I love your introspection!

Hope the next 19 are awesome!

[kew]

I was thinking some more today about this body problem. Specifically, the imagining I don't like -- and sometimes loathe -- my body. And it dawned on me that it's pretty strange for someone like me to think there is a me separate from my body. Where is my brain? In my body. What tastes my food? My body. What hugs my children and enjoys a cool breeze? My body. What enables me to think these thoughts and a thousand others besides -- sometimes at the same time? Yep, you guessed it. Same answer.

So what I hate is manifestly not my body, because I don't hate my life; I don't hate sensation and thought. What I hate is an image of how I look, and that image is not an enduring transhistorical truth, but a function of my place in time, of the many thousands of media images we see every day, plus all the mean-girl comments from school-days, and all the well-meaning 'just try to eat a little less, dear' comments, and the rest of it. So I'm going to try to remember this. How my body looks is the least of it. After all, I inhabit it. I don't look at it very often, really. So what really matters down deep is my hearing, my sight, my senses of touch and taste, and all the other less physical senses that make up the ways I interact with the world.

Now if I could just get a little elf to whisper this over and over to me while I sleep.....

[Derval]

Great post, you are right how your body *looks* is the least of it really, just think what your body is doing now as you are reading this!

[kew]

This morning, in the universally unflattering position of sitting in the bathroom (TMI), I was thinking disparaging thoughts about my thighs. Then, I corrected myself with this little dialogue:

Did you get a good night's sleep?

Yes, I did.

Did you exercise this morning?

Yes, I did.

Did you eat a healthy breakfast?

Yes, I did.

Okay, so you cannot change 30 years of yesterdays, but you have done everything you can do for today. That's good.

[kew]

Great post, you are right how your body *looks* is the least of it really, just think what your body is doing now as you are reading this!

Hmmm...Sitting slouched in a chair and leaning on the desk, and typing....Not so inspiring....except that having a body which can do that at all is pretty darn cool.

[kew]

So tired.......What's with this giving up caffeine idea that I had? Am I nuts??? Must make it through tonight's seminar....somehow.

[EmmaSthlm]

Interesting read and I am happy that you write long posts...;-)

I can relate to a lot of your goals. One thing that really helped me with my emotional eating was a course in Mindful Eating last year. It completely changed my way of eating.

I am looking forward to follow your thoughts.

[Derval]

Hmmm...Sitting slouched in a chair and leaning on the desk, and typing....Not so inspiring....except that having a body which can do that at all is pretty darn cool.

I more meant your eyes seeing and your brain computing slouching & leaning count too though

[kew]

So, last night I dreamed that I was eating "forbidden fruit" without realizing it -- cheese and yogurt. I guess I am lucky that I didn't dream about eating cake and potato chips!

[kew]

Dangnabit, the snack monster is back in town.

What gives? I'm on Day 44 of a planned Whole75, and I'm wearing these invisalign trays which you cannot wear while eating, and so snacking means stopping, taking them out, brushing your teeth, etc.

And still, I feel a strong urge to snack. Even the reflection that the things I most like to snack on -- cheese, if I'm being paleo+dairy, or real junk, if SAD -- are out of bounds anyway is not helping. This is frustrating. I want the freedom from thinking about food between mealtimes, from the conflict and strain of choosing, over and over again, whether to give in or resist.

(As Hobbes once said, "Should I, or shouldn't I? Too late, I did!" In fact I have not returned to my serial grazer ways, but the urge is strong today.)

----------------------------

[Later]

Right now, being my own best friend consists of reminding myself that I don't have to not feel these cravings. And I don't even have to not find the feelings unpleasant and distressing. I just have to not act on them.

[kew]

Harrumph. So, on Day 51 of a planned Whole75 (crazy, much?), I went off-road. It was sort of deliberate, sort of incidental. The family was invited to join friends for dinner and movie at a club they belong to. For a variety of reasons, including the small one's karate class, I didn't get a snack organized for myself. By the time we had any food, it was at least 90 minutes after our usual mealtime. The first thing to arrive was a pre-dressed salad with cheese on top. Since that was the first time I had seen hide or hair of any waitstaff, and since I wasn't going to cause a fuss in this setting, I went with it. And for dinner, I did not try to ask how the food was prepared. I was pretty good with focusing on chicken and greens (cooked in who knows what). But then one thing led to another -- a glass of wine to ease the major case of social anxiety/resentment, some dessert, etc. At least it was only the one glass of one. And while I had a little bit of a racing-heart feeling at bedtime, and a touch of a headache this morning, I actually felt.....fine. Which makes me wonder whether all I have learned is what I already knew: the problem is in my head, not in any pattern of intolerances or whatever.

On the plus side, I feel reasonably confident that my arms are looking leaner and more shapely, and I am sticking with my commitment to practice honoring the body I have, rather than hating it until some (mythical) day when it will be lovable. And it is certainly easier for me to practice not over-eating when whole categories of food are off the table. Don't get me wrong: I can gorge on practically anything, but it's harder to do, and less damaging, on a Whole9 plan than off of it.

I can say to my relief that I didn't want more than that one glass of wine -- it was no act of will to stop at one. I did finish it, but it was less momentous than I thought it might be. It was "meh" more than anything else, which was a blessing in its way. And yet I also had a glass tonight....and can imagine another one next Saturday. (I had planned to abstain until election day, when I feel like I will "NEED" a drink.) Well, one glass a week would certainly not be Whole9-compliant, but it would still be a hell of a lot better than what I used to do.

I am wondering whether slaying the sugar monster would require taking all fruit out of my diet for the indefinite future. And the fact that this notion immediately has me thinking about sweet potatoes is, I think, sadly informative. I have not been able to avoid the SWYPO tendency: not making paleo muffins or such things, but using fruit and coconut to scratch the sweet itch. (And I don't remember, and don't want to check, whether coconut milk in coffee is considered SWYPO as well....)

Blah, blah, blah. I suppose I should have saved this for a private journal, since I cannot imagine anyone would find it either entertaining or edifying..... oh well.

[Derval]

Blah, blah, blah. I suppose I should have saved this for a private journal, since I cannot imagine anyone would find it either entertaining or edifying..... oh well.

Don't be so sure! or so self-deprecating!

I am sticking with my commitment to practice honoring the body I have, rather than hating it until some (mythical) day when it will be lovable.

Love this,

I can say to my relief that I didn't want more than that one glass of wine -- it was no act of will to stop at one...... one glass a week would certainly not be Whole9-compliant, but it would still be a hell of a lot better than what I used to do.

I agree, when I'm not on W30 I think this is ok

I am wondering whether slaying the sugar monster would require taking all fruit out of my diet for the indefinite future. And the fact that this notion immediately has me thinking about sweet potatoes is, I think, sadly informative. I have not been able to avoid the SWYPO tendency: not making paleo muffins or such things, but using fruit and coconut to scratch the sweet itch. (And I don't remember, and don't want to check, whether coconut milk in coffee is considered SWYPO as well....)

I think you are being overly stringent. Sweet poatoes are a great source of energy, unless you're planning to have them with marshmallows I think they are a fine part of a healthy paleo diet. And cc coffee - if that's swypo, it's pretty mediocre sex

I think maybe look at when & why & how much fruit you eat but there's no reason 1-2 pieces a day can't be part of a balnced diet if you use rather than abuse it .

Huge kudos for 51 days - well done!