tamxocolf

Feeling bad

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I completed my Whole 30 2 weeks ago and have only reintroduced Almond Milk and Gluten Free oats. I enjoy eating this way but I find everyone is bringing me down!! It doesn't matter how I explain it, I constantly get asked - When are you going to be done? Why are you still doing this? See, I knew you were dieting! Let's go to the movies, we need popcorn! Well, if you aren't trying to lose weight why are you doing this???  Seriously? Everyone around me knows how much I have suffered with stomach issues. It really makes me feel like they don't care about me or my health., I don't understand it. Then I complain to hubby and he says "they mean well". What does that even mean? They know I am feeling better and are constantly trying to get me to stop, how does that translate to meaning well? Sorry to rant.

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I don't think people who pester you to fall back into unhealthy habits 'mean well' and I personally think that is a cop out... they are reacting in a pretty standard way for people upon whom change is being inflicted... you're changing and that means that they are probably looking at their own habits and wanting to get you back on the party train of crap so they don't have to feel bad... I think the easiest and most truthful thing you can say to them when they ask is that this isn't a 'one and done' type thing.  It's a lifestyle change and as with other lifestyle changes like quitting smoking, you don't put an end date on it where you just go back to your old habits because the new lifestyle makes them uncomfortable.

 

Why exactly can't you go to the movies and just not eat the popcorn? 

 

I don't think you need to explain it to people, especially if you've tried and they're not hearing it... I would just tell them that you're eating this way because it makes you feel better and you were tired of feeling sick... and that the SECOND you decide to fall face first into a bucket of ice cream, they'll be the first to know.

 

Also, wth is up with 'see, I knew you were dieting'.... that's such a rude and dismissive statement... perhaps the new lifestyle change after this is finding friends that lift you up instead of trying to tear you down...

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People react all kinds of ways when we make changes in our lives.  They judge or may even, oy vey, sabotage...consciously or unconsciously.    Judge me.   I've arrived at a place that peer pressure from relatives or friends no longer moves me.   When we change, it can make others uncomfortable. 

 

They don't have to live in my body and I'll tell them that if I'm pushed to the walls. 

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Most of the reason why I read this forum daily is so I don't feel so alone in this. It reminds me that there are others out there who care about their health. My family and good friends want this for me but others resent it, I can tell. This is about me, not them.

Stay with it...you are not alone!

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Ugh. Sorry you are going through that!

 

Many of my friends haven't even noticed I'm eating differently (we don't usually get together around food). All that have, or I have told, have been supportive. It's silly not to be! A few days ago, there were ice cream sandwiches for the kids and one of the mom's said "oh, you haven't had one!" and held one out to me. One of my friends saw and said "Don't you dare! You stick to your plan, lady!" THAT'S the sorta friends you need!

 

My mom has been pretty awful. She doesn't understand why I've gone beyond 30 days. She is horrified at the amount of meat I eat (she is militant vegetarian and I didn't eat meat until 4 years ago, so this is a BIG change for me). She is constantly trying to convince me with scientific articles that certain aspects of this diet are wrong. Nutrition science is lagging so far behind most other medical sciences at this point. You can find a scientific article to support almost any theory. Bottom line is that I sleep better, feel better and might even be seeing improvement in my arthritis (reason I started). Scientific studies can say what they want. My body is telling me what it wants!

 

You stick to the plan, lady!  :)

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I love that every one here is so supportive. It really makes be feel better that you guys agree that the behavior of some of the people in my life is not nice!! I will continue on and hopefully continue to feel better and better. 

 

Sugarcube-  I think you are right about finding some new friends as well.

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There's plenty of science on the benefits of eating meat but people hear only what they want to (and are ready to) ;)

 

If there's loved ones who you feel are letting you down, it's worth a private chat about how it makes you feel when they say those things.

 

There's a lot of social pressures in bad behavior, some really isn't meant to be harmful, it's just thoughtless.

 

If you find though that you've put your foot down with someone and they are continually disrespectful, it might be time to review the value of that relationship.

Just like those who give up drugs and alcohol, sometimes social circles can be part of the problem, it's okay to remove yourself if you need to.

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Several years ago I lost over 100 lbs by, quite frankly, changing my entire life. I changed what I ate, what I did for fun, how much I exercised, and a zillion other tiny things. I lost some friends over it. And while every now and then I'm sad that they weren't able to accept the new me and I wonder what they're doing with their lives, overall, I am better for it. 

For me the first step is to very honestly self-examine. Are you being the Debbie Downer to your friends with a lot of "I can't" and blaming it on your Whole30? Are you using the Whole30 as an excuse to not be social or to do things with friends or co-workers? When I first started losing weight and changing my life I was like a reformed smoker - talking about it to everyone all the time and making my diet and my exercise schedule and my life changes as a stepping off point for telling people why I couldn't do x or y or z. When really I could do those things and I could adapt them without making a point of talking about it. So that's the first step.

After that, IMO, the next step is to just be matter of fact about what you eat and what you do. If someone questions it, you just say "I like it" and move on. 

In my experience, after a while of me being very matter of fact about what I eat and do and not constantly mentioning it in context of why I can't/won't do something, people stop even noticing it. 

As an example I'll use going to the movies as mentioned above. I love movies and we go all the time - both me with my SO and with friends. He loves popcorn with "butter" and gets it every time. I just say "no thank you" when it's offered. I don't talk about how I can't or shouldn't eat it. I don't talk about how it's not on my plan. I don't talk about how fattening it is. I simply say "no, thanks, I don't want any". I might add "right now" or "I'm full from dinner". But that's it. And honestly, at that point, no one cares. I get to enjoy the movie with my bottle of water and they get to enjoy their popcorn. And everyone is happy. 

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I haven't found it to be a very big deal - maybe it's because I'm a pretty private yet direct person.

If someone questions my decision to order a burger without the bun or whatever other menu adjustments I might make, I simply say "I don't want to eat the bun."   If anyone asks why, I just shrug.

My kids, for a while, felt bad when they would eat things in front of me that were non-compliant.   I told them "Look, I'm eating exactly what I want to eat and not eating what I don't want to eat.  If I really, really wanted that (cookie, pizza, etc), I would eat it!"

And it's true.  I want to stick to Whole30 and the benefits much more than I want to eat noncompliant food.

I can't imagine anyone pushing past "I don't want to eat that" or "I don't care for any, thanks."  But if they did I would tell them not to worry about me, I do what I want when it comes to what I put in my body. 

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