Katie's 3rd Whole30! :)

[katieblue]

Hey everybody! I'm Katie, I'm 26 and from New Jersey, and I have undertaken two Whole30's since February. Now I want to start a third! I saw a lot of improvement in the first one, and had WILD success after the second one, but since I finished, I've started to return to unhealthy habits and I think I might need a longer stretch of taking care of myself to do some better work on myself.

 

I first started on this journey because I have a history of an unhealthy relationship with food. I grew up in a household where we weren't allowed to eat ANYTHING remotely unhealthy, ever; it was a very restrictive environment that was full of empty carbs and little protein. I had a vegetarian mother who believed pasta with marinara sauce or just a plate of roasted vegetables was a nutritious dinner. And we never had sweets or "junk" food like chips or anything in the house. So anytime we were out and were able to have it as a "special occasion", I would pig out like you read about. Obviously, as I got older and was able to grab food for myself, I started in on some pretty bad habits. Fast food burgers, fries, desserts, you name it. I gained some weight and was very unhappy with my body for a long time. That is until about two years ago when I got sick for about a week and magically dropped about 20 pounds. For the first time, I felt like I was actually thin, and like I looked good. All my clothes were big on me, I had a thigh gap, my stomach didn't push over the top of my pants.

 

And I became addicted. I HAD to keep this new body. And it wasn't good enough. I started restricting what I was eating and felt proud of myself when I didn't eat at all. I slowly continued reducing the amount of calories I would eat in a day until it was 600-800. I didn't lose any more weight, but I did lose my period. And then I started to binge. I was so hungry and deprived, that I would return to old habits of attacking junk food with a vengeance anytime it was near me. This went on for a long time, and instead of losing weight, I steadily gained it back and then some. I started to realize, through help from my therapist and my own research, that what I was doing was really, really bad. I tried different approaches to losing the weight, like going low-carb, but I still kept gaining it, even after I stopped the bingeing. I was terrified to stop restricting. I wasn't sure what to do to break the cycle.

 

I found the Whole30 because I work in a library and stumbled across the second book. It really resonated with me, and so in February I started my first one. I live with my boyfriend, and he decided to do it with me. My mood started to stabilize, I quieted my sugar dragon, and I was able to stop obsessively logging calories and weighing myself for a whole 30 days, among many other NSV's! We finished up right before Easter, and on the holiday I totally botched my reintroductions and felt like hell afterward. I also wanted to continue to see improvement in my relationship with food, I still had no period, I wasn't sleeping well and hadn't experienced tiger blood yet, and I'll admit, I had gained more weight while on the Whole30, and was still uncomfortable with this. I started my second Whole30 on April 1st, and finished up with even more success (while starting both a full-time job and being a full-time grad student!)! All my food cravings stopped, my mood was better and more stable than ever, I never snacked or binged at all, and my energy and sleep both improved, I lost the desire to weigh myself at all and stopped caring what the number would be - and I even stopped counting calories in my head!

 

But I still have no period, and I messed up reintroductions again, even though I know how important it is to properly manage them. And now that I have been off of it, I feel my relationship with food slipping back into old habits. I've started weighing myself and am freaking out because I'm the heaviest I've been in my life, and I started logging my food again as a result. I started being mean to myself again, and feel my depression creeping back in, as well as the sugar dragon and other cravings... and I refuse to go back down this unhealthy road. I've seen what it's like to take care of myself and to feel good about myself. Everything is my choice, and I choose to be healthy.

 

My big goal this time around is to eat mindfully. I think I starved myself for so long that now that I allow my body to eat, I just go absolutely insane and don't stop until I'm full, pretty much every night at dinner. Breakfast and lunch are portioned out so I have control there, but with dinner, I will have seconds, thirds, etc. And I want to be able to eat until I'm full and then stop, not eat until I'm uncomfortably stuffed.

 

So, here we go! Day 01/30!

 

M1: Two eggs scrambled with a little coconut milk, cooked in clarified butter, with homemade turkey sausage, green beans and clarified butter, and a tomato sliced up with salt and pepper.

M2: Salad with balsamic marinated chicken, homemade balsamic vinaigrette, cucumbers, tomatoes, olives, and hearts of palm.

M3: Baked chicken breast with homemade ketchup, roasted sweet potato with clarified butter and cinnamon, kale sauteed in olive oil with salt, pepper, and lemon juice.

[katieblue]

Alright, so yesterday was rough. I got in the worst car accident of my life, and I was so shaken up and scared and there was SO much to do with calling/visiting insurance, rental car companies, tow companies, body shops, police, etc. All I wanted to do was go get some ice cream - which obviously meant that was the last thing I should do! But it was really interesting to observe how automatically I wanted to go to food for comfort, even after two Whole 30's to train me out of that thinking. This is why I'm here, and why I'm doing this again - there are still habits to be broken!!

 

Otherwise, my stomach hurts, I have a headache and I'm a little sore, but I'm not sure if that could be from the accident and stress or if it's from food starting to detox out of my system. We shall see!

 

Day 02/30!

 

M1: Two eggs scrambled with a little coconut milk, cooked in clarified butter, with homemade turkey sausage, green beans and clarified butter, and a tomato sliced up with salt and pepper.

M2: Salad with balsamic marinated chicken, homemade balsamic vinaigrette, cucumbers, tomatoes, olives, and hearts of palm.

M3: Turkey burger with lettuce, tomato, homemade ketchup and pickles, grilled eggplant with EVOO and salt and pepper, baked sweet potato "fries".

[katieblue]

Day 03/30:

 

Woke up EXHAUSTED today, wide awake at 3am with crazy anxiety. My body might be detoxing out of all the gnarly stuff I ate on vacation, or just from stress from the accident. I'm luckily not really sore anymore.

 

M1: Two eggs scrambled with a little coconut milk, cooked in clarified butter, with homemade turkey sausage, green beans and clarified butter, and a tomato sliced up with salt and pepper.

M2: Salad with chicken, Tessemae's southwest ranch dressing, cucumbers, tomatoes, and olives.

M3: Turkey burger with lettuce, tomato, homemade ketchup and pickles, kale sauteed with EVOO and salt and pepper, baked sweet potato "fries".

 

Day 04/30:

 

Still really freaking tired!! Lol. It was really difficult to work out today and I feel kind of wobbly. Trying to drink a ton of water!

 

Post-WO: Homemade turkey sausage patty.

M1: Three scrambled eggs in clarified butter, green beans, diced tomato, and olives, and some cubed watermelon.

M2: Beef burger in lettuce wrap with tomato, homemade ketchup, and pickles, Whole30 potato salad and pineapple cole slaw, salad with cucumber, tomato, olives, and homemade balsamic vinaigrette.

 

Today's schedule was a little off because we had breakfast at, like, 11am with my dad for father's day, and then are having dinner at, like, 4pm with Rob's family.

[katieblue]

Day 05/30!

 

Woke up tired again, and my face is all blown up from allergies. Classes start again today so I'm stressed and frantic!! Luckily we have a lot of leftovers!!

 

M1: Three scrambled eggs in clarified butter, green beans, diced tomato, and olives

M2: Salad with balsamic marinated chicken, homemade balsamic vinaigrette, cucumbers, tomatoes, and olives.

M3: Jerk-seasoned turkey burgers with fried plantains, lettuce, and tomato, leftover Whole30 potato salad and pineapple cole slaw.

[katieblue]

Day 06/30!

 

Five days down, twenty-five left to go. I'm already feeling SO much better than I was, albeit still tired. I feel like the bloating/inflammation from our vacation has gone away. I think my body is used to existing in this state now and it's easier to slide back into it!!

 

Also, some guy at the gym this morning came over to me while I was doing my arms workout, fist-bumped me and went, "You look awesome, girl, keep going!" It totally made my day and motivated me even more!! I'm feeling so positive and happy, even with the start of classwork bogging me down - it's not KEEPING me down, which is the important part!

 

Post-WO: Homemade turkey sausage patty.

M1: Three scrambled eggs in clarified butter, green beans, diced tomato, and olives.

M2: Salad with balsamic marinated chicken, homemade balsamic vinaigrette, cucumbers, tomatoes, and olives.

M3: Beef burgers in lettuce wraps with tomato, homemade ketchup and pickles, leftover Whole30 potato salad and pineapple cole slaw.

[katieblue]

Day 07/30!

 

I can't believe after today it will already be one week - this is so spectacular how easy and second nature this is all becoming!

 

M1: Two scrambled eggs in clarified butter, homemade turkey sausage patty, green beans, diced tomato, and olives.

M2: Salad with balsamic marinated chicken, homemade balsamic vinaigrette, cucumbers, tomatoes, artichoke hearts, and olives.
M3: Tacos! Ground turkey meat seasoned with fried onions, cilantro, and homemade seasoning mix, in iceberg leaves, with tomato, pico de gallo, hot sauce, fried plantains, olives, fried jalapenos, and of course guac!!

[katieblue]

Day 08/30 - One week down!

 

Woohoo!! Seven days done! I did have a dream last night that I ate off-plan; I was having a big plate of taco meat with some taco seasoning mix from a packet and sour cream (which I never eat anyway!). I woke up super stressed out but relieved that I didn't have to start over. It's interesting because I rarely had dreams like this in my first two Whole30s. In fact, I can only remember having one other, and I don't remember which round it was in.

 

I also found myself getting sweet cravings after dinner last night. I think it's because we closed out dinner with watermelon the night before, and it seemed almost like a "dessert". Even the fried plantains may have been too sweet! We added cinnamon and Rob actually stated that it tasted like a dessert. But I just brushed my teeth and went about my business and they went away.

 

Post-WO: Homemade turkey sausage patty.

M1: Three scrambled eggs in clarified butter, green beans, and sliced tomato with salt and pepper.

M2: Salad with balsamic marinated chicken, homemade balsamic vinaigrette, cucumbers, tomatoes, artichokes and olives.

M3: Pulled chicken in homemade strawberry BBQ sauce inside half a sweet potato, with sauteed kale in EVOO, salt, and pepper.

[katieblue]

Day 09/10

 

I had ANOTHER dream last night about going off plan! This time I ate ONE piece of cinnamon Chex, and I was devastated when I realized I had to start all over! It's funny because I do get cravings occasionally for cinnamon Chex, so this isn't completely random. But it was really stressful! I would love to understand why we have these kinds of dreams when we do.

 

Anyway, I'm feeling pretty tired, still. Yesterday I was actually really depressed, and it was a hard day. Work was stressful too, so that didn't help. So I ate some extra starchy carbs at dinner, and today I feel much more positive, in spite of a nagging sinus headache which I attribute to either yesterday's stress or allergies, which are SO bad right now. I think my hatred of my job is going to wear on me always and I just have to accept that until I can get out of there. I don't think I'll feel "good" as a whole until I am in a position that I find positive and fulfilling.

 

M1: Two scrambled eggs in clarified butter, homemade turkey sausage, green beans, olives and sliced tomato with salt and pepper.

M2: Salad with balsamic marinated chicken, homemade balsamic vinaigrette, cucumbers, tomatoes, artichokes and olives.

M3: Leftover tacos! Ground turkey meat seasoned with fried onions, cilantro, and homemade seasoning mix, in iceberg leaves, with tomato, pico de gallo, hot sauce, fried plantains, olives, fried jalapenos, and homemade guac!

[katieblue]

Day 10/30 - double digits!!

 

Woohoo!!

 

My anxiety is through the roof right now. I didn't have much in the way of starchy veggies last night with dinner and I wonder if that affected it. I couldn't fall asleep until well after midnight which is SO out of character for me. My mind just kept racing with all the crap I have to get done. It's just been one of those weeks. We came back from vacation which is always sad, I got in the worst car accident of my life, I've been dealing with the aftershock of that, I started my new quarter, and I got told at work that I can't work up at the reference desk the two days a week I was doing anymore, which was the only thing that made my job bearable because it broke up the monotony twice a week. This all hit me in seven days. There's a lot of stress. So I have to manage cooking and food prep, schoolwork, handling insurance nonsense with the cars, my full-time job which I hate, and going to the gym because it's the only thing that is all 100% for me right now. Not to get whiny. I'm just posting where I'm at so hopefully in a few weeks I can look back and go, "Oh, that wasn't so bad!"

 

We have a baby shower to go to today, but it's from 2-6 so I don't imagine there will be dinner being served or anything. We plan to eat lunch before we go and then have dinner when we get home.

 

Post-WO: Homemade turkey sausage

M1: Three scrambled eggs in clarified butter, green beans, olives and diced tomato with salt and pepper.

M2: Salad with balsamic marinated chicken, homemade balsamic vinaigrette, cucumbers, tomatoes, artichokes and olives.

M3: Grilled burgers with homemade ketchup, pickles, lettuce and tomato, baked sweet potato "fries" and steamed broccoli.

[Laurie]

Katie - You are doing great.  Lots of stress and sticking to the plan.  Sounds like you are doing amazing in the gym.

 

I can't do the W30.  I was admitted to the hospital on Tuesday and I am still here.  Intestinal problems.  I am on an all liquid diet - broth, jello, ices.  Dietician wants me to drink  Boost 3 times a day.  I read the ingredients and I just can't drink the stuff.  Not sure when I can eat real food again but I'll do another W30 in the near future.

 

For now, I am on the sideline but I am following your journey.

[katieblue]

Hi Laurie!

 

I am SO sorry that you are in the hospital. I really hope that you feel better soon. Your health is the most important thing. I will be thinking of you!! xoxo

[katieblue]

Day 11/30 - 1/3 there!!

 

1/3 of the way done and I actually got some sleep last night and I felt great when I woke up today!! My knee was kind of bothering me so I went for a walk on the boardwalk instead of going and doing strength training or faster cardio at the gym. It was lovely and peaceful and I needed it! Now I've been alternating doing homework and cooking prep with the rest of my day! Taking a little breather now to come up for air.

 

Also, that baby shower yesterday was ROUGH - they were catered by Surf Taco, which is this amazeballs Mexicali food chain in southern New Jersey. They had a make your own taco bar!! I had no idea what they cooked their meat and veggies in, so I just sat there and watched everyone else pig out, and oh my lord, it was such a challenge. I wanted a taco so, so badly. But I held strong - and Rob was so sweet and didn't eat anything either, he waited until we got home to eat burgers with me!! I am so lucky to have such a supportive guy.

 

M1: Two scrambled eggs in clarified butter, homemade turkey sausage, green beans, olives and sliced tomato with salt and pepper.

M2: Salad with balsamic marinated chicken, homemade balsamic vinaigrette, cucumbers, tomatoes, artichokes and olives.

M3: Baby back ribs with homemade strawberry BBQ sauce, cucumber tomato salad, leftover cajun spiced sweet potato "fries" and broccoli from yesterday, and sliced watermelon!!

[katieblue]

Day 12/30

 

Woke up with a headache today, which I'm pretty sure is from allergies. It's been gorgeous out so we slept with the windows open last night.

 

Not much else to report right now, just a normal day of work, then going to the chiropractor - although Rob is going to make the sides for dinner tonight, since I'll be home later on, and that's exciting.

 

M1: Two scrambled eggs in clarified butter, homemade turkey sausage, green beans, olives and sliced tomato with salt and pepper.

M2: Salad with balsamic marinated chicken, homemade balsamic vinaigrette, cucumbers, tomatoes, artichokes and olives.

M3: Finally trying kalua pork in the crock pot! Sides of cucumber tomato salad, pineapple teriyaki cauliflower poppers, and rosemary roasted baby potatoes.

[katieblue]

Day 13/30

 

Definitely having trouble sleeping, but I don't think I can blame anything food-related. I think it must just be anxiety. I'm exhausted, but I can't fall asleep, and I keep waking up all night long... and it just keeps getting worse.

 

However, I am noticing that I am almost always hungry when I wake up now, which is a positive, because that had never happened before so consistently! Still not generally hungry for lunch or for dinner, though...

 

Normally I go to the gym on Tuesdays, but I had to skip today because I have a dentist appointment. BUT I am finally getting the crown part of my implant finished which means no more gap in my teeth!! AND I only have a half a day at work today because of it. And after work I'll be seeing my sister for Chipotle and Finding Dory! So, all good things!!!

 

M1: Two scrambled eggs in clarified butter, homemade turkey sausage, green beans, olives and sliced tomato with salt and pepper.

M2: Salad with balsamic marinated chicken, homemade balsamic vinaigrette, cucumbers, tomatoes, artichokes and olives.

M3: Chipotle! Salad with carnitas, pico de gallo, and guac!

[katieblue]

So, some changes to yesterday. Since I got my implant crown in, I wanted to eat something less invasive than a salad, so I defrosted a Whole30 cinnamon sweet potato chili from the freezer for M2. Then for M3, we didn't wind up going to Chipotle after all, because Lauren wasn't hungry, so Rob and I just had leftover ribs from Sunday with some grilled sweet potato rounds and steamed broccoli.

 

Day 14/30

 

I'm so damn tired. My sister didn't leave until almost 10pm and I really have been getting used to going to sleep around 9pm. My body wakes me up around 5am now without an alarm, even though I'm still tired.

 

Also feeling really down and sluggish in general. My skin is really dry and my hair keeps breaking and looks really raggedy. I've got circles under my eyes and my skin is breaking out again, which it hadn't been for a really long time. I think if I could sleep a little bit later one day that would be really helpful.

 

Really having a hard time being positive today!

 

M1: Two scrambled eggs in clarified butter, homemade turkey sausage, green beans, and sliced tomato with salt and pepper.

M2: Salad with balsamic marinated chicken, homemade balsamic vinaigrette, cucumbers, tomatoes, artichokes and olives.

M3: Leftover kalua pork, baked potato with boom boom sauce (homemade mayo, sriracha, garlic powder, and paprika), and leftover cauliflower poppers.

[katieblue]

Day 15/30!

 

Less tired today! I went to bed before 9 last night - it was still light out!! Lol! But it felt good, and I woke up with enough energy to go to the gym and work out! Which was awesome; I had to skip my usual routine on Tuesday because of the dentist appointment in the morning, and I missed the gym so much. I don't think I realize how much that helps keep my mood elevated until I skip it for a few days, and then go back to it again and see what a difference it makes. It really turned my mood around and I feel a whole lot more positive now.

 

I'm really focused on my weight, though, which is hard. One of the reasons I decided to do the Whole30 a third time is because I feel like each time I get closer to being less focused on my weight, but I boomerang right back. But some habits are hard to break, I guess. I just feel like I look increasingly more squishy, and my chins are multiplying slowly but steadily, and my clothes are tighter and tighter. I think it probably has to do with how much I'm eating with dinner, because I really feel like I'm eating too much. I know a lot of people say that you really can't eat too much on the Whole30, but I think I'm eating way more than I need. This has been a challenge for me that hasn't improved yet after two (and a half) rounds of Whole30. I'm not sure the exact reason why. I eat perfect portions for me at breakfast and lunch, but at dinner, I just go hog wild and shove as much food into my mouth as I can fit. For example, at dinner last night, I ate two palm-sized servings of pork, an entire baked potato absolutely covered in that mayo-based sauce, at least two cups apiece of cauliflower and broccoli, and I felt SO uncomfortably full afterward. I feel like I would have done fine with one serving of pork and half of the potato, but I just kept going back for more. I need to start getting in the habit of just eating what's on my plate and then WAITING to see if I'm actually still hungry or if it's some sort of emotional response. I can do this! I am in control of my choices with food!

 

Post-WO: Homemade turkey sausage.

M1: Two scrambled eggs in clarified butter, homemade turkey sausage, green beans, olives, and sliced tomato with salt and pepper.

M2: Salad with balsamic marinated chicken, homemade balsamic vinaigrette, cucumbers, tomatoes, and hearts of palm.

M3: Chipotle with my coworkers! Salad with carnitas, pico de gallo, and guac!

[katieblue]

Day 16/30 - halfway there!!

 

I can't believe it's halfway already! This is flying by. I love how second-nature it has become!! We're hosting a BBQ on Sunday, and since I'm Whole30ing I decided to make a bunch of sides. We'll have burgers and dogs (the dogs are out for me, but burgers are fine!), and I'll make a green salad, potato salad, pineapple slaw, and cucumber-tomato salad. My friend actually asked me how I was going to manage a BBQ while on Whole30, and I was like, "It's actually easy, I just make the condiments and dressings myself and don't eat dessert!"

 

I'm still having trouble sleeping, so I ordered Natural Calm and I'll see if that helps me out at all.

Also, I'm SO happy it's Friday!! Long weekend - woohoo!!

Lauren (my sister) and I didn't get to see Finding Dory the other night because it was sold out, so we're going tonight, after grilling some burgers. I will have to pay attention to whether being around her affects my mood at all. I know I felt really angry and wound up on Wednesday, and I know she has historically been a very negative influence on my feelings. She has made a lot of improvements for herself, but I'm curious if I will be cranked up again tomorrow after hanging out with her tonight.

 

M1: Two scrambled eggs in clarified butter, homemade turkey sausage, green beans, olives, and sliced tomato with salt and pepper.

M2: Salad with balsamic marinated chicken, homemade balsamic vinaigrette, cucumbers, tomatoes, and hearts of palm.

M3: Turkey burger with homemade ketchup and pickles, lettuce wraps, tomato slices, steamed broccoli, and a baked potato with boom boom sauce.

[katieblue]

Day 17/30

 

Holy wow, is my anxiety off the charts right now. We're hosting a BBQ tomorrow for the 4th of July, and I just feel like I have SO much to do!! I woke up at 2am and decided to just get up so I could work on my homework so this way I can fit in everything else later on. I just finished my paper nearly two hours later, so it's probably a good thing I got up! Now I can shower and go to the food store before I have to drive my sister to the airport, which is likely to be at least a two to three hour drive. And that depends on the traffic; it's 4th of July weekend at the Jersey shore and I'll be driving home South on the Parkway, the same as everyone else who is coming down for the weekend! If it's really bad, it might take me two or three hours just to get home, let alone the time it will take to get her there. Then when I get home I have a ton of food prep to do for tomorrow, and a bunch of cleaning and housework to do to make the whole place presentable. Thank god this is my last summer where I will have classwork, because somewhere in there, I still have sooooo much homework to get done!! And I had to skip the gym again today because of all this. Ugh!!

 

Also, I miss sleeping. I can't wait to try that Natural Calm. I was so tired by 9pm last night that I was dizzy.

 

M1: Two scrambled eggs in clarified butter, homemade turkey sausage, green beans, olives, and sliced tomato with salt and pepper.

M2: Salad with balsamic marinated chicken, homemade balsamic vinaigrette, olives, cucumbers, tomatoes, and hearts of palm.

M3: Last of the kalua pork with kale sauteed in EVOO with Mexican spices and roasted baby potatoes.

[katieblue]

Day 18/30

 

So it's a really good thing I woke up so damn early yesterday; I was actually able to get everything I needed done and sit down after dinner around 7pm and just chill for an hour before I passed out!

 

Today is our big BBQ! Just like for father's day, I made lots of complaint sides: green salad, potato salad, pineapple cole slaw, and cucumber-tomato salad. Pair all that with a burger and I will be good to go! It will be hard to resist the ribs and pulled pork that Rob's friend is bringing from his smoker, but I plan to snag some and freeze them for when I'm done with this round of Whole30 because I know already that food is SO worth it!!

 

I also got to get in a really good workout this morning - leg day and 4.5 miles on the treadmill, 1.5 miles on 4.5 and the rest on 4! I can't remember the last time I sweat so much, but I feel great!

 

Post-WO: Homemade turkey sausag.

M1: Two scrambled eggs in clarified butter, homemade turkey sausage, green beans, olives, and sliced tomato with salt and pepper.

M2: Salad with balsamic marinated chicken, homemade balsamic vinaigrette, olives, cucumbers, tomatoes, and hearts of palm.

M3: Burger in a lettuce wrap with tomato, homemade ketchup and pickles, potato salad, cucumber-tomato salad, green salad, and pineapple cole slaw.

[katieblue]

Day 19/30

 

Our BBQ went well yesterday, and I didn't actually eat to the point of feeling sick, so I'd say that's progress! And I wasn't even really tempted by all the desserts. And our friend Joe brought ribs that he had smoked for hours, but he didn't put sauce on them until he got to our house and glazed them on the grill, so I was able to have a few without any sauce!! And I snagged some with sauce and some pulled pork and some baked beans and put them in the freezer as planned. We have leftovers for eternity now - they left us a whole rack of ribs without any sauce!

 

I'm so happy to have off today so I could go to the gym again. I just feel so much better when I get there, physically and emotionally.

 

Working on homework all day so far... soooooo tired.

 

Post-WO: Homemade turkey sausage.

M1: Two scrambled eggs in clarified butter, homemade turkey sausage, green beans, olives, and sliced tomato with salt and pepper.

M2: Salad with balsamic marinated chicken, homemade balsamic vinaigrette, olives, cucumbers, tomatoes, raisins, and cashews.

M3: Dry rubbed smoked ribs , Cajun sweet potato fries, pineapple cole slaw, cucumber-tomato salad, watermelon.

[katieblue]

Day 20/30!! In the home stretch!

 

My Natural Calm got here yesterday, and I took my first dose after dinner!! I feel excruciatingly tired today but yesterday was absolute hell as far as homework goes, so I really think I can blame that for frying my brain. One of the hardest assignments I've ever had so far.

 

I was all excited that it was a short week this week thanks to the holiday but then I realized that I'm working Saturday, so I actually still have five days... sigh. Hating my job so much really does not help with any of this feeling good and self esteem that I'm trying to build. And working Saturday means I lose eight hours of doing homework, which I really can't afford... Feeling pretty down now.

 

M1: Two scrambled eggs in clarified butter, homemade turkey sausage, green beans, olives, and sliced tomato with salt and pepper.

M2: Salad with balsamic marinated chicken, homemade balsamic vinaigrette, olives, cucumbers, and tomatoes.

M3: Dry rubbed smoked ribs , pineapple cole slaw, potato salad, watermelon.

[katieblue]

Day 21/30!

 

Well, I did sleep through the night last night, but I woke up at 4:45. However, I don't feel SO exhausted, so maybe the Natural Calm is working. Maybe it takes a while to start really working. We shall see!

 

Physically feeling really bloated. I think it must be the watermelon because that's the "odd man out" in that I don't normally eat it. I'll try taking it out tonight and see if my stomach decides to shrink back to normal person size.

 

M1: Two scrambled eggs in clarified butter, homemade turkey sausage, green beans, olives, and sliced tomato with salt and pepper.

M2: Salad with balsamic marinated chicken, homemade balsamic vinaigrette, olives, cucumbers, raisins, and tomatoes.

M3: Hamburger in lettuce wrap with tomato, homemade ketchup and pickles, steamed broccoli, potato salad.

[katieblue]

Day 22/30

 

No sleep again last night... my mind was racing and I couldn't fall asleep. Finally I just got up and moved to the couch. Maybe I need to increase the amount of Natural Calm that I take, or just give it some more time...

 

Also feeling really depressed. Even the gym didn't help me this morning. I feel uncomfortable and enormous and like all I keep doing is gaining weight in spite of my best efforts to take care of myself. I bought new pants for my birthday, thinking, okay, maybe I just don't fit in my old ones anymore because this is the way that my body wants to be, maybe it wants to have a little more weight on it. I was okay with that. But that was in May, and already those pants are too small on me. All of my clothes are so tight I'm uncomfortable and all I can focus on is how badly they're squeezing me and how big I feel.

 

So frustrating.

 

Post-WO: Homemade turkey sausage.

M1: Two scrambled eggs in clarified butter, homemade turkey sausage, green beans with ghee, and sliced tomato with salt and pepper.

M2: Salad with balsamic marinated chicken, homemade balsamic vinaigrette, olives, cucumbers, artichokes, and tomatoes.

M3: Turkey burger in lettuce wrap with tomato, homemade ketchup and pickles, steamed broccoli, potato salad.

[Jager07]

Love reading your story and seeing your renewed determination.  You've got this. 

[katieblue]

Thank you so much for the kind words, I really needed that today.