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Dawnski56's log


Dawnski55

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Dawn, I am merging this into your Whole30 log. These sorts of ruminations where you are not actually having trouble/seeking help are should be in your Whole30 log as diary entries.........not new topics on the forum. :)

Oh dear - not very good at this am I?  Sorry!

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Day 16.  Bad night's sleep and then slept in til 11.30.  I need to go shopping before I can have breakfast which is not a good place to be starting the day :( I am tired, the kitchen is a mess with washing up in the sink; I have too little day left to fit in all I need to do.

 

This would normally be an 'excuse' to give up on any sensible eating and resort to easy foods - so how am I going to change that??

 

Well, let me be honest with myself to begin with: going shopping on an empty stomach and in a negative mood is a recipe for disaster so needs changing.  I live two minutes walk from Aldi - I am going to go and buy some eggs so I can have breakfast before I do anything else.  Then I am going to do the job that I least want to do and that is pressuring me the most: scanning in a marriage certificate and ordering Mum and Dad's message from the Queen for their diamond wedding anniversary.  After that, I will go shopping. 

 

Watch this space!

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So - I nipped to Aldi and bought enough food for a few days, which takes away the need to do a big shop today.  Am just having brunch and then I will make a list of the things I need to do today and get started!

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Day 17 - I had to check - I think it is a good thing that I have lost count of the days  :D

 

As for the timeline - well my body ain't havin' none of that!  I am having a kill all the things day - and on my way round Asda my sugar dragon was shouting so loudly that I very nearly shouted back :lol: So glad I didn't - I wouldn't have wanted to be expelled from the shop by the security guards :)  However, the louder the little dragon shouted, the more I ignored it - even though I was hungry. (Today went to pot a little so no breakfast before heading out to my DIL's) 

 

I am not experiencing tiger blood - more like tortoise blood - but I live in hope ;)

 

Let's face it - I am 56 this year, and for the majority of my life I have eaten rubbish food and abused my poor body in one way or another - it may take longer than 30 days to sort itself out  :) I am really finding it hard to believe that I have been 17 days without sugar  :o Long may it continue.

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Hmmm - tired today :( Mind you, I didn't sleep well last night for a variety of reasons, and neither have I really eaten as properly as I like to do on W30.  I missed breakfast, then my first meal was belly pork with two eggs and a large salad. My next meal was a handful of spinach, a cooked chicken breast, a generous amount of mayo and a baked sweet potato.  Maybe later I will have some vegetables and some more chicken. Also still not drinking enough - which won't help the tiredness - I need to find a way to address this :)

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Day 18.  Really???  How did that happen??  

 

Struggles so far have been needing to remember to prepare food if going out;  making the effort to cook when feeling too tired to do so;  thinking of breakfast ideas when I have no eggs; making my food budget stretch to all this protein and veg.

 

Victories?  Oh there have been plenty of those :) Making meals from scratch when it looks like there is nothing in the fridge for me to eat;  going shopping when hungry but not buying snacks or anything not W30 compliant;  getting up earlier; learning to make mayo from scratch in about a minute;  not giving in to sweets/chocolates/cakes or biscuits when at my parents' house - to name but a few :)

 

Really there have been relatively few moments of 'could kill for sugar in some form or other' and these have often been related to eating fruit (particularly if not part of a meal).   I used to be a 'pudding after every meal' kinda gal - but now I find there is no room for such things and I rarely even think about them.

 

I have re-kindled my love of cooking - two and a half weeks ago I was living on take-aways, sandwiches and easy cook pre-prepped food; now I cook every meal from scratch (although I see nothing wrong with using frozen or prepped veg as long as it is compliant).

 

I don't know if I will reintroduce any foods at the end of this 30 days ..... I already know I have had a milk/lactose intolerance that seemed to go away but may not have done.  I also know that my body is happiest with high protein, good fats and vegetables but lower carbs.  I know that bread has always made me want to eat sweet things.  

 

I have yet to eat out on this plan - so that one will have to be faced at some time or other :)

 

In the meantime - another fully compliant day under my belt :)

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Day 19 went like this:

 

Up a bit later than planned, not hungry - really not hungry - had a big drink.

11 am I had meal one: chicken with curry mayo, green beans and a baked sweet potato.

more drinks

1.15 left for town to meet a friend for a drink and a chat at 2pm - walked in to town, met friend, had cold water to drink.

Did some errands in town then set out to walk home - decided to try the new Byron''s Burgers place - the burgers are just beef - nothing added - all good there, salad with no dressing - fine - but oh dear!  Guess who hadn't read her W30 guide well enough and ordered sweet potato fries?  Yup! Me! :(

 

So, technically I have not eaten anything that is not allowed on the plan food wise - just that I hadn't realised deep frying was a no-no.....so silly of me.

 

Now, I know that some people would throw their hands up in horror at this point and scream 'start again....start again....' but I am not going to start over for a variety of reasons;

 

1. this is day 19 of full compliance - so over the half way mark

2. I know that if I start over now, the feeling of failure will hit me hard and I will not be in the right frame of mind to complete another Whole30

3. This was a genuine mistake, the first time I have had anything deep-fried, I only ate half the portion, and I will never eat them again :)

 

Had it been a muffin whilst with my friend at Muffin Break this afternoon then that would be different - that would have been a conscious decision to go against the rules.

 

So I am counting this as another compliant day and carrying on carrying on :)

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Hmmmm.... still hungry :(

 

for my tea I had four hard boiled eggs and a salad with mayo, followed by some blueberries.

 

Was still hungry so had another egg and some olives.

 

Still hungry but don't really understand why or want to eat any more.

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Day 20 - still waiting for that tiger blood!! I have to admit that it is a bit easier to get going in the mornings now, and most days I no longer feel like napping mid afternoon.  However, my sleep pattern is all to pot again at the moment and life is too busy.  By 'too busy' I mean 'too much for other people' really.  I don't know how anyone does this plan and works full-time  :huh: The first week and a half I was all for preparation and meal planning.  This past week that went out the window and I feel like I am constantly chasing my own tail.  :(

 

This needs to change and must change - more importantly, I want it to change!  I want to go back to planning a menu and shopping accordingly.  I want to find lighter ways of cooking my vegetables - as much as I love just throwing them in a pan with ghee I do find that fried food is making me feel lethargic, so I want to find ways to incorporate more steamed and raw vegetables into my meals  :)

 

I also want to improve my sleep hygiene again - it has become a bad habit to sit down too much and go to bed too late - time to find a book and start reading in the evenings again rather than staring at a screen   :D

 

And maybe, just maybe, I could start making me and my health a priority :) fixing times for activity and food preparation in my diary that are sacrosanct - after all, I am quite happy to accept 'no' from others so I think it is time I started saying it more often for myself :)

 

I want to learn to love me as much as I love others  :wub:  :wub:  :wub:

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Day 21!! I would like to say I never thought I would make it this far, but actually I knew I would because I am determined :) However, I do feel very pleased and proud that I have done three weeks and nearly 1/3 of my first Whole30  :D

 

I have learned and am still learning a lot.  I have discovered that my body runs about a week behind the 'timeline' quoted in the book.  I have worked out that I need a lighter lunch with salad or steamed vegetables or else I become sleepy.  I have found out that three lots of mayo in one day is a no-no for my digestion  :wacko: I have realised that I need to make time for preparation and would like to find some eggless breakfast options.  

 

I have also learned that I do not like washing up and wish I had either a) a sous chef or B) a dishwasher in my kitchen but there is a) no room and B) no money for either of those so I shall just have to get used to doing dishes  :P

 

Most importantly, I have learned that I can live without sugar and sandwiches and instant desserts.  I have learned that 'healthy' dessert options like fruit salad affect my blood sugar as much as a cream cake would. I have also learned that blueberries do not seem to give me a sugar spike when eaten as part of a meal.

 

In three weeks I have gone from craving foods and bingeing and often eating all day, to eating three meals a day, no snacks.

 

Heartburn has gone

regular headaches - gone

some weight gone - I can tell by how my body looks and how my clothes fit

skin improved

energy levels slightly improved

mood more stable

arthritis pain levels reduced

 

I am hoping that when the 30 days are up I don't think 'yippee' and go back to my previous life  :D

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Today's food:

 

Meal one was two rashers of bacon, three eggs, aubergine, courgette, leek and green beans

 

Meal two was two salmon fish cakes, asparagus and green beans with lemon zest and juice, mayo

 

Meal three was two pork chops crusted with walnuts (from the pork loin recipe in the Whole30 book - delicious!), roasted vegetables - butternut squash, sweet potato, aubergine, pepper, courgette, red onion - roasted in sesame oil.

 

Tomorrow is a really busy day so breakfast is prepped ready to cook, lunch is already packed, and dinner is cooked and in the fridge :)  A two litre bottle of water is in the fridge ready to take with me too.

 

Another good day :)

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Day 22 and something happened today:  I realised that I am no longer afraid of being hungry  :)

 

I knew I was going to be out all day today, so yesterday was spent preparing.  I had fishcakes with tartare sauce and cucumber slices for breakfast at about 8.30, took my lunch with me. Arrived at the venue for the photo-shoot at 1.30 and was asked if I wanted to eat.  Surprisingly, I thought for a moment, realised I was not hungry, and said no thank you.  I actually didn't have 'lunch' until 5.30 - which I know is not good really but was amazing for me.  The old joke 'I am eating in case I get hungry later' was so true of me, but that fear has gone :)

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Day 23.  Say that again.  Day 23.  Yep - exactly a week to go on this, my first Whole30.

 

I say first because actually the rest of my life is going to be Whole30!  I have not decided yet whether I am going to re-introduce anything.  I am fairly sure that grains are out for ever.  Added sugar is out too.  I would like to have fruit back but will probably stick to the lower fructose ones.  I may try reintroducing dairy as I do miss cheese - although if I am absolutely honest here, what I miss is cheese sandwiches!!!

 

My energy levels are definitely better than they were, but I do have underlying health issues that affect my energy levels anyway, so it may be that I never experience tiger blood, which is a little disappointing but at least I managed a whole day out yesterday without being in so much pain I could not move or sleep!

 

I realised a couple of days ago that I no longer take pain killers every day!

 

My confidence seems to have improved, which is lovely and an unexpected bonus.  I cannot explain it, because it is not as though I am suddenly slim, but I did a photo-shoot yesterday which included some mostly naked shots and I did not feel in the least bit ashamed of my body :)

 

I am tired today - due to yesterday's shenanigans, but at least I am not in pain! I need to shop today - and that brings me back to tiger blood - I have just thought that maybe the people who experience tiger blood are those who can afford to eat organic and grass-fed!  I do not fall into that category so may have to accept lower quality energy along with lower quality foods.

 

Time for breakfast :) 

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My confidence seems to have improved, which is lovely and an unexpected bonus.  I cannot explain it, because it is not as though I am suddenly slim, but I did a photo-shoot yesterday which included some mostly naked shots and I did not feel in the least bit ashamed of my body :)

 

I love this, really I do - well done you for making such HUGE progress, with still a week to go!!

Re the Tiger Blood, in my experience the more oily fish you eat the better you feel - think Omega 3  ;)

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So - shopping today has been a game of two halves:  my own food shop which is all compliant, and the cake baking and cake-pops shop which is definitely not compliant!  Methinks I shall need my armour on this week as I may be doing battle with the dragon!  

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So - shopping today has been a game of two halves:  my own food shop which is all compliant, and the cake baking and cake-pops shop which is definitely not compliant!  Methinks I shall need my armour on this week as I may be doing battle with the dragon!

Good luck with walking past the cake shop. You've come so far, have less pain, more confidence (photo shoot :) ) who needs cake?

Keep up the great work!!

And in my opinion Tiger Blood doesn't come because of eating organic because the W30 is not based on eating organic or pastured foods. I think it comes once your body is cleansed of the impurities or bad things we've eaten. I ate Paleo (ish) for 3 or 4 years before this, and I defiantly have more energy than I did. Much more- but I don't feel like I could run a marathon either. I never ate bread but i did allow myself quinoa, brown rice, & brown rice flower. So, I think my body has worked those things out and I have this energy surge becuase of it.

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Good luck with walking past the cake shop. You've come so far, have less pain, more confidence (photo shoot :) ) who needs cake?

Keep up the great work!!

And in my opinion Tiger Blood doesn't come because of eating organic because the W30 is not based on eating organic or pastured foods. I think it comes once your body is cleansed of the impurities or bad things we've eaten. I ate Paleo (ish) for 3 or 4 years before this, and I defiantly have more energy than I did. Much more- but I don't feel like I could run a marathon either. I never ate bread but i did allow myself quinoa, brown rice, & brown rice flower. So, I think my body has worked those things out and I have this energy surge becuase of it.

Oops!  I didn't make myself very clear - I meant the shopping, not the shop :) I have cakes and cake pops to make for parties over the next two weeks - so my house has all kinds of non-compliant foods in until the baking is all finished.  :)  Thank you for your support and encouragement :)

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So sad.  So angry. So confused.

 

So sabotaged my efforts with a bag of mini marshmallows  :(

 

In order to learn from this, here are my observations:

 

1.  I am a recovering sugar-addict and have filled my house with sugar of one kind or another in order to make a birthday cake for my granddaughter, and cake-pops for an anniversary party.  I would not expect a recovering drug addict to be ok in a house full of drugs so why did I expect this to be ok for me?  Well, because I was on day 23 and convinced I was 'cured'.

 

2. I have not eaten properly today: breakfast was one egg, three rashers of bacon and half a plate of veggies - I needed to go food shopping and this was all I had in the house. Lunch was one whole trout, oven baked, with salad and mayo and a few olives.  Then when I went shopping I bought fruit for the first time in two weeks: apricots and raspberries.  I ate five apricots throughout the afternoon because I was hungry (not enough lunch) and then was so tired and fed up and worrying about my finances that I didn't bother to make a proper meal - I just ate a chicken breast and leg from a roasted chicken that I cooked earlier, with mayo.  Later I was hungry again and had some raspberries and some more olives.

 

3. The sugar dragon awoke - fuelled by the fruit - and there it was..... sugar in the form of marshmallows.  I fought for a long time. I even knew as I opened the bag that I could still say no if I wanted to.  But the negative voices won and I chose to eat the sugar.

 

 

Now yes, this means starting over.  Yes, this means that I have 'failed' to complete the Whole30.  But, and it is a big BUT that I must remember:

 

 

I did manage 22 days straight - nothing non-compliant - and was feeling so much better.

Although eating the marshmallows was a bad choice, the next choice was a better one because I chose to stop eating them - that's right - I stopped, there is half a packet left :)

Not only did I stop eating the marshmallows but I chose to not eat the chocolate :)

 

I will start over.  The 22 days passed really quickly and I have really been enjoying my food.  I will take the job of menu writing and grocery shopping more seriously this time.

 

I am 56 this month - all those years of bad choices is going to take a bit of undoing - so I will do a Whole 52 instead of a Whole30 :)

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Oh dear oh dear oh dear!  It went from bad to worse :(  Couldn't sleep because of the sugar rush - got up and came downstairs - then hit the sugar low and manic cravings!  Gave in and finished the marshmallows and then ate a bar of chocolate.  

 

The result of which is a really bad headache, heartburn for the first time in three weeks, itchy skin, hives, hot flushes, (thought they were all to do with my age - only just realised I had none while W30 compliant) 

 

I know now that tomorrow is going to be really tough - but I will get the sugary stuff out of the house.

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Write down all of the negative effects you're experiencing because of the sugar. Post the list somewhere in your kitchen. Any time you're craving it going forward, review the list. I'm sure you can do this, Dawn! As I said earlier, get back on the horse! Get feisty and stir up some willpower!

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Dawn...... I'm so sorry to hear this, and just when you were doing so well!!! But it just goes to show that we can't become complacent. Research shows that it takes on average 66 days to form a new habit  - you were at day 22, so the old you was the stronger person here, but so long as you can take lessons from your experience then it's still progress. You still managed 22 compliant days. You still made changes. You still saw improvements to your health. Nothing changes that.

I think you have a good plan in place for doing the baking at your mums - this doesn't leave you vulnerable in the house alone with off limit foods. and also leaves you accountable to your mum when you go there to do the baking. Get the battle stations ready & stand your ground.

As for your money woes which I know you've mentioned before re the organic/grass-fed meats - this does not have to be 30 days of gourmet eating. Tinned fish is cheap as chips, is extremely good for you (bones & all) and makes fantastic fish cakes. All of our big chain supermarkets mark down their food near closing time - get your kitchen suitably stocked & then make a point of nipping in every few days to see what you can find reduced that you can freeze immediately, or cook & freeze - there is ALWAYS fresh fish, and more often than not steaks of some kind. Rely on eggs a little more for your protein source. Opt for lard as a fat source. By only what's in season, or what's on offer. Make friends with your local butcher & green grocer - mine throw in something for free every. single. week. Familiarise yourself with the cheaper cuts of meat - brisket & especially shin are fantastic in the slow cooker, and the cheapest cuts of meats available - they may not be on display in the 'summer' but your butcher will keep them out the back for sure. I buy enough to literally fill my slow cooker, seal in a pan, add the juices & some coconut oil, a mix of spices & cook overnight - easy on the purse, easy on my time, and no shortage of flavour. Organ meats too - kidneys, liver & heart - all nutritional power-houses, and all extremely cheap to buy (I can get what would cost £14 in steak pieces for £4 in beef heart, nicely diced for me by the butcher, all ready to cook...)

Hopefully you'll waken this morning with a clear head, and a determined attitude. Keep logging, keep troubleshooting, and keep on keeping on.

It's just 30 days.

PS. I can't believe you turned down cheesecake only to cave for a marshmallow... I mean, seriously?! :o:wacko::lol:

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