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Dawnski55

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Day 1 (24) Well, after sugar fuelled lack of sleep I woke feeling hung-over and grumpy.  Had to be up early as was out to look after my granddaughter this morning.  We baked biscuits ready for her party at the weekend.  She offered me one and asked why I didn't want one.  I told her I was trying not to eat sugary things at the moment - she asked why - so I told her that my body didn't really like the sugary things, and that if I eat one then I want lots, and lots of sugary things is not good for us.  I explained that as a grown-up I have my own money and can choose to buy what I want - so often I find myself eating lots of chocolate and that is not good either.  She agreed with me.  Later on it was her snack time and I asked what she wanted "I will have banana and apple please Grandma, but not chocolate this time, banana and apple is healthier" :)

 

For the first time in ages I feel the need to nap in the afternoon :(  a combination of sugar low and lack of sleep.

 

However, breakfast was a mushroom omelette, and lunch was baked trout with salad with olive oil and lemon juice.  Dinner this evening will be pulled pork with mixed vegetables and some kind of sauce - going to have a look in the book and see what to make :)

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Day 1 (24) Well, after sugar fuelled lack of sleep I woke feeling hung-over and grumpy.  Had to be up early as was out to look after my granddaughter this morning.  We baked biscuits ready for her party at the weekend.  She offered me one and asked why I didn't want one.  I told her I was trying not to eat sugary things at the moment - she asked why - so I told her that my body didn't really like the sugary things, and that if I eat one then I want lots, and lots of sugary things is not good for us.  I explained that as a grown-up I have my own money and can choose to buy what I want - so often I find myself eating lots of chocolate and that is not good either.  She agreed with me.  Later on it was her snack time and I asked what she wanted "I will have banana and apple please Grandma, but not chocolate this time, banana and apple is healthier" :)

 

For the first time in ages I feel the need to nap in the afternoon :(  a combination of sugar low and lack of sleep.

 

However, breakfast was a mushroom omelette, and lunch was baked trout with salad with olive oil and lemon juice.  Dinner this evening will be pulled pork with mixed vegetables and some kind of sauce - going to have a look in the book and see what to make :)

 

Wow! What a healthy, positive conversation! I bet it feels good to inspire someone you love. :) 

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Wow! What a healthy, positive conversation! I bet it feels good to inspire someone you love. :)

Actually she is pretty hot on healthy eating :) As a family we have tried very hard to avoid the term 'treat' when it comes to food: there are 'occasional foods' like crisps and chocolate, and there are brain and body foods :) When they have chocolate it is as part of a meal - such as after their dinner or with some fruit as a snack - and they only ever have a small amount.  When we talk about ourselves we do not refer to ourselves as being 'fat' or overweight, and when Lily (she is 4) squidged my rather copious muffin top the other day she said 'why is it like that grandma?' so I explained that if we eat more fuel than our bodies need it stores it in things called fat cells in case it needs the energy later on :)  The sad thing is that once she starts school in September we will not be the only influences on her ideas about food and body image :( 

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Day 2 (25)  Woken feeling a bit rough this morning - but managed to get up and dressed so that's a start  ;) I have a morning of cleaning and tidying and then an afternoon of baking.  I forgot to buy bacon this week so my breakfasts will be different - I do love my bacon and eggs  :D

 

There is cooked meat in the fridge - and fresh meat too that is easy to cook so no excuses.  I think I am going to chop some veggies and leave them and some olives in a dish so that if my urge to snack on sugary things is greater than I feel I can contend with I can nibble on the healthier options instead  :)

 

On a plus side - I weighed this morning as this is the 'start' of my second W30 and found I have lost 11 lbs during my 22 days of my first W30  :D  :D  :D  :D  :D  :D

 

Right then - off to write a to do list!

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The to do list is going well - as in I wrote it and have been able to tick off several items :) Breakfast was pulled pork and two eggs, scrambled; mushrooms, sugar-snap peas, and leek with some ranch dressing.  Lunch will probably be chicken but I am trying to think of some way of presenting it so it is not so boring!  It will be served with vegetables as I have no salad :( I don't want to do a lot of cooking as I am baking this afternoon and I have to manage my energy levels.  Dinner this evening will be either minced beef or fish - depending on how tired I am!  Need to keep on keeping on :D

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Just thinking a few things through 'out loud' on here right now.  I chose to eat cake and chocolate. This was not a good choice and now I feel bad physically and emotionally.

 

I realise that the reason I didn't do my baking at my parents' house was, deep down honest, because I didn't want to feel like a child again - I didn't want them telling me not to eat stuff - and actually, I wanted to eat stuff!

 

I think I have a twofold problem here: one is the sugar addiction and the other is the wanting the emotional stuff that goes with eating sweet and processed foods.  Cake is more than the sum of its parts: cake is parties, and fun, and love.  Cake is happy feelings.  So is chocolate - chocolate is special treat - extra love - makeyoufeelbetter food.

 

Basically, sweet and processed foods are associated in my head with love and fun.   Healthy vegetables are associated with being made to eat them because they are good for me.

 

So - baking this cake is about love and celebration - and the fact that I will not be eating any of it makes me feel left out - like I don't actually belong or deserve to be happy.

 

If I examine these thoughts a bit more closely - and look at the truth/lies element of them - this is what comes up:

 

The only person telling me not to eat this stuff is me - it is my choice - I am an adult not a child and I choose what to eat, how much of it to eat, and when to eat it.

 

The processed and sweet food is not the feelings I feel when eating it - processed and sweet food is just that; processed sweet food.  I am just as loved whether I eat that or good, wholesome foods that are kinder to my body and mind.

 

Despite the fact that I didn't want to feel like a child again - I actually behaved like one!  I want cake and I want it now!  I want chocolate and I am going to eat it even if you tell me not to!  My inner child built her personal logic around food equalling love - restricted food equalling rejection.

 

So why did I want to do Whole30 in the first place?  To be totally honest, I hoped it would help me lose weight - that was the number one reason, even though it is not promoted as a weight-loss programme.  It has helped me to lose weight - an amazing 11lbs in the 22 days I adhered to it..... and here comes another truth: I weighed twice during the 22 days - the first time because I was worrying that all the fat was making me fatter (it wasn't) and the second time because I wanted to know just how much I had lost.  The second weigh was a couple of days before I jumped off the wagon.  I weighed again this morning - because I wanted to know what my starting point was before I started over - and was disappointed that the scales had stayed the same.  This started the whole 'this is pointless - you must be doing something wrong....' negative self-talk scenario which, in turn, fed into the sugar cravings with more self-doubt and negativity.

 

 

 

 

I posted in troubleshooting and asked the question 'do I take a break whilst making this cake or do I persevere?'  I think I knew the answer already.

 

I persevere.

 

And this is why:

 

To truly love myself is to look after my body and give it and my brain what they need, not what they want.

This is not about losing weight - that is just a happy bonus if it happens.

This is about taming that sugar dragon so I can rid myself of my compulsive and binge eating.

This is about being in less pain, and needing fewer medications.

This is about being healthier.

 

Whole30 is not the answer to all of my life's difficulties - it is tough financially - it is tough emotionally - it is, however, the answer to an awful lot of my health issues and in the 22 days I saw my heartburn and reflux disappear, my pain levels lessen, my skin improve, my nails grow faster and stronger, my hair look better, my energy levels increase and my sleep improve.  

 

So yes - I commit to whole30 - I am not going to count on in brackets from the day I first made a bad choice - I am starting over properly :) Right now!

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So why did I want to do Whole30 in the first place?  To be totally honest, I hoped it would help me lose weight - that was the number one reason, even though it is not promoted as a weight-loss programme.  It has helped me to lose weight - an amazing 11lbs in the 22 days I adhered to it..... and here comes another truth: I weighed twice during the 22 days - the first time because I was worrying that all the fat was making me fatter (it wasn't) and the second time because I wanted to know just how much I had lost.  The second weigh was a couple of days before I jumped off the wagon.  I weighed again this morning - because I wanted to know what my starting point was before I started over - and was disappointed that the scales had stayed the same.  This started the whole 'this is pointless - you must be doing something wrong....' negative self-talk scenario which, in turn, fed into the sugar cravings with more self-doubt and negativity.

 

 

 

 

I posted in troubleshooting and asked the question 'do I take a break whilst making this cake or do I persevere?'  I think I knew the answer already.

 

I persevere.

 

And this is why:

 

To truly love myself is to look after my body and give it and my brain what they need, not what they want.

This is not about losing weight - that is just a happy bonus if it happens.

This is about taming that sugar dragon so I can rid myself of my compulsive and binge eating.

This is about being in less pain, and needing fewer medications.

This is about being healthier.

 

Whole30 is not the answer to all of my life's difficulties - it is tough financially - it is tough emotionally - it is, however, the answer to an awful lot of my health issues and in the 22 days I saw my heartburn and reflux disappear, my pain levels lessen, my skin improve, my nails grow faster and stronger, my hair look better, my energy levels increase and my sleep improve.  

 

So yes - I commit to whole30 - I am not going to count on in brackets from the day I first made a bad choice - I am starting over properly :) Right now!

 

Dawn, I am so impressed with your honesty and your thoughts. I too came to Whole30 looking to lose weight, but I feel like I hit the jackpot - all of the things I've been looking to do for myself are here, and part of the Whole9. I'm proud of you for deciding to persevere, and not being honest with yourself would have made success impossible on your latest attempt.

 

Can we agree on no more weighing? The rule's there for a reason, and choosing to step on the scale is choosing not to follow a prescribed rule.

 

If you are eating sweets because you associate them with love, it sounds like you're responding to something difficult - like feeling stressed or that you're not getting enough love - by eating. I'd encourage you to think through the negativity, stress, or need for love that you're feeling. While refusing to give into the craving is the right choice, you won't address the real problem, which is the mental piece. The questions I use are as follows: 

 

  • What exactly am I feeling?
  • What happened to make me feel this way?
  • Did my ego take a hit in some way? What can I do to repair that without insulting others?
  • Is a perceived shortcoming of my own involved?
  • Is that shortcoming real? Can I do something about it?
  • Does worrying or feeling bad about it actually help the situation?
  • Who else is involved?
  • What can I respectfully say to someone else involved to help resolve the situation?
  • Do I need space?
  • Would a hug help? How about a walk, or some music?
  • What is the solution?
  • What time/day will I implement the solution, if not right away?
  • What resources will I need to implement the solution?

I know you can do this! Work with your family and friends to get the support you need.

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