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Dawnski55's Log


Dawnski55

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Day 1.

 

Loads of compliant foods in the house. Clean water in the taps.  All I need for a compliant day :)

 

Yes, the cake ingredients are still here but after yesterday I believe they have lost their hold on me :)

 

Today I get to build a castle and make sugar glass - all good fun and boy! Is my sugar dragon gonna be grouchy!  All that sugar and he ain't gettin' any  :P

 

I've got this  :D

 

Thank you all for your kindness and support and encouragement  :)

 

(Oh - about the name change - I forgot my username was Dawnski55 - not 56 until later this month! Lol!)

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hahahaha - who was I kidding?

 

Right - it's like this:  at the beginning of the W30 intro etc. it says to choose your 30 days carefully - and that if there is something major coming up you may wish to wait (or words to that effect).

 

This weekend is cake baking for my granddaughter, then her party on Sunday, then next week is really, really busy as it is the lead up to my parents' diamond wedding anniversary celebrations.  I also have my granddaughter to stay for two days while my grandson is in hospital - and those two days just happen to be my Mother's birthday and my parents' actual anniversary! 

 

I am not making excuses - I am being realistic!

 

I have every intention of doing my best to eat clean, but between now and 15th august it is going to be crazily busy and I will often be eating away from home.

 

I will re-start a full whole30 on Tuesday 16th August (but am also away for three days over 25th, 26th and 27th - which happens to cover my birthday too). I don't think there will ever be 30 days without some stress, being away from home, or not being able to check that I am fully compliant with the plan but I know how much better I feel when eating clean so am going to do my utmost to still do so :)

 

I can deal with the party by taking my own food, and my granddaughter and I can eat the same things when she is here - she doesn't need cereal for breakfast or sandwiches and crisps for lunch :) 

 

The diamond wedding party is afternoon tea at a hotel so it will be much harder to look after my needs there - although I could ask them to do me a salad instead of sandwiches and cake.

 

The big question is how much do I want to feel better?  There will always be things in the way and 'excuses' - but like I said to another member the other week - 'if you knew that these foods were going to kill you, you would avoid them'!!

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As if I needed any proof that sugar and grains are bad for me.  I spent last night feeling bloated and headachey.  This morning I have a hangover and my head feels like it is stuffed with something other than brain.  Get with it woman!!!  Sugar is poison....POISON.....P.O.I.S.O.N.

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Ok, so the truth is that I have not been adhering to W30.  I have been feeding my sugar dragon.  Not crazily - but enough to rouse it from its slumber and make it hangry :)

 

Due to being busy, and tired, and unprepared, I have eaten a lot of protein, hardly any veg, and sugar, and some barbecue sauce from a bottle.  The result of all this is:

 

Hot flushes have returned

Heartburn has returned

Bloating

Headache

Tiredness

A general feeling of lethargy

A feeling that my body is 'internally dirty'

Low mood

 

Now, if somebody came up to me and said "Hey - I've got this great diet.... easy to stick to, eat all the things you like, never worry about cooking proper meals, it's easy and cheap"  I'd probably say 'great - let me have it'  -  but if they also added "yeah it's a brilliant diet - gives you heartburn, headaches, pains in your joints, hot flushes, bloating, makes you tired and depressed..... but hey!"  Then I would think they were quite barmy!

 

So who's the barmy one here????

 

Yup.

 

Yours truly!

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Today is Monday - it is my grocery shopping day - I have spent over my budget for a few weeks and this week I do not have enough money for my usual grocery shop: I actually don't have enough for much more than the cat food and litter!  This means that this week I have to live off what is in my cupboards, fridge and freezer and I am afraid that is not totally compliant.  However, I know the principles of the meal template and will do my best to adhere to those. I have 9 portions of protein - I have enough veg to do a big pan of roast veggies, I have one bag of mixed veg, I have a cauliflower so could do some cauli-rice.  I can probably run to buying more eggs (I only have four) and later in the week I could perhaps get some fresh veg.  As I write this I just feel like giving up - but that is not really an option!  Watch this space :)

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Decided to juggle my budget so I can eat properly this week :)  Did an Aldi shop so bought a lot for my money: A whole chicken (free range) a joint of pork, large pack of bacon, 15 eggs, 750g minced beef, and 6 slices of belly pork. Spinach, parsley, blueberries, frozen stir fry mix, and a few other bits I can't remember offhand!  

I was feeling very disillusioned but went on live chat and met another lady who is starting today and we have agreed to buddy up :)

I have roasted the chicken, and the pork, I have roasted a large amount of root veg that was left from last week's shopping, and a smaller amount of ratatouille mix veg: I shall freeze these in portions.

I have thrown out the orange squash, the remains of the golden syrup. and various other 'sweet temptations'.  

I shall be donating packs of pasta and some other tinned/packet goods to my DIL on Wednesday.

I am now going to sort through my freezer and rid it of non-compliant foods.

I want to do this - I feel so bad physically and emotionally after just 8 days of not eating clean and I want my good feeling back :)

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Oh and my meals today were as follows: 

1: two hard boiled eggs, some mayo and some olives (not a good one but limited food in the house)

2: two tins of mackerel in olive oil mixed with some mayo (not a good choice as no veg - feeling defeated and not convinced I wanted to get back on the programme)

3: large portion of roasted root veg (swede, carrot, parsnip, potato, sweet potato) 1 roasted chicken breast. Some blueberries.

 

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Day 2.

Another crazy day in my life!  So glad I had done some prep yesterday :)

Today's meals: 

1: two rashers bacon (counted as fat) two eggs, two beef sausage patties, ratatouille.

2: pulled pork with gravy (counted as fat) roasted root vegetables.

3: roasted chicken breast, large mixed salad, mayo. Blueberries.

Today's activity: cleaning, then running around town like a loon trying to do last minute birthday and anniversary shopping on behalf of my aged parents! (Who didn't actually let me know this needed doing until after lunch!)

All in all this was a good day :)

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8 minutes ago, Dawnski55 said:

Day 2.

Another crazy day in my life!  So glad I had done some prep yesterday :)

Today's meals: 

1: two rashers bacon (counted as fat) two eggs, two beef sausage patties, ratatouille.

2: pulled pork with gravy (counted as fat) roasted root vegetables.

3: roasted chicken breast, large mixed salad, mayo. Blueberries.

Today's activity: cleaning, then running around town like a loon trying to do last minute birthday and anniversary shopping on behalf of my aged parents! (Who didn't actually let me know this needed doing until after lunch!)

All in all this was a good day :)

Proud of you, Dawn. :) Keep it up! You can do this!

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So proud of myself:  Just did a late night shopping trip for bits for Catherine and for when Lily stays.  Was feeling tired and hungry and three times I found myself reaching for chocolate - but three times I talked myself out of it!!! :D:D:D

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Day 3 :)

A bit of a muddled day as plans went slightly awry - had to leave home much earlier than expected so did not have time to throw lunch together. However:

Meal 1: two eggs, two thick rashers of bacon (so counted as protein and fat) mushrooms, green beans and spinach. (Have discovered that wilted spinach and my stomach do not like each other though :( )

Meal 2: at my parents' house and unprepared - had two hard-boiled eggs and a tomato - very proud that I resisted all the sweet stuff on offer including birthday cake :D

Meal 3: cold roast chicken, cold pulled pork, mayo, roasted root veggies, blueberries. 

My granddaughter is staying the night - she is four - she wanted burger for tea and my minced beef was off (the pack was split and I had not realised) so we went to Aldi to buy burgers and rolls.  There were four rolls in the pack and two burgers but the burgers had sulphites in.  I am very proud of the fact that I resisted the burger and the bread roll :D There are also ice creams in the freezer and chocolate in the fridge - avoided those too!

At tea time, my GD commented that we were eating different things; I said yes, I could have had a burger but I am not eating bread at the moment.  She remembered our previous conversation because she looked at me with a very serious face and said "yes Grandma, because you are not eating sugar at the moment are you - because if you eat just a little bit it makes you want to eat more and more".  I agreed and then explained that I wasn't eating bread, or dairy, or sugar just for the 30 days, and then I would reintroduce some of those things and see how my tummy was with them.  She looked at me, tilted her head to one side and wide eyed she nodded and said "but you won't reintroduce sugar WILL you Grandma?" and then she laughed :D

She was amazed when I told her that there was sugar in her peas (they were canned) and in her bread.

 

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Oh dear again!  Old habits are very hard to break but I am learning a lot about myself on this journey :D

Yesterday was a lovely day but when Lily went home I was absolutely exhausted - and rather than cooking myself something compliant I ate the last bread roll with a fried egg.  Now that wouldn't have been too bad - but the white bread woke the sugar dragon and I then chose to eat not one but four, yes four, ice creams! :angry:

The whole 'I've blown it anyway' mentality shot to the fore and I am really suffering for it today!

My forum post on struggling with failure has had some new replies and in one of them it suggests perhaps being 'whole30-ish' until life gets a bit easier.  Well, that is really what has been happening anyway!  However - it is suggested that we do not try whole30 if there is something majorly stressful in our lives - and this has been (and will continue to be) a crazy month for me.

Today (and perhaps tomorrow) I will be making 70 cake pops for my parents' diamond anniversary party on Sunday. Sunday is a church blessing in the morning (which reminds me - I have cupcakes to make for that too) and then the party in the afternoon which is afternoon tea - sandwiches, sausage rolls, quiche, cakes etc.  I know full well that I will not have the time or the energy to cook for myself and will choose to eat what is on offer.  Having said that, I also know that giving myself 'permission to choose' often means I make better choices anyway :)

So my decision is this: I am going to do whole30-ish until after my own birthday - this means eating clean the majority of the time but not worrying if I make decisions to eat non-compliant foods occasionally.  After my birthday (and concurrent holiday) there will be a clear run right through til Christmas, and I will complete at least one full Whole30 then :)

I am loving what I am learning about myself and food - especially all the psychological stuff - and do not see whole30ish as a lack of commitment or a failure - it is a slightly different journey but an important one :)

 

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Dear Dawn,

Why do you do this to yourself?  You know that sugar and dairy and junk foods make you feel bad; they give you headaches, make your stomach hurt and make you feel miserable.

Why do you eat them when you know this?  If somebody handed you poison and asked you to eat or drink it you would not do so - so why do you eat foods that are poisonous to you?

Why do you believe that 'other people' are going to care what you eat or are going to stop you from eating things?  Why do you feel that you have to eat these things in secret or to somehow get back at them?  

Dawn, it is time you realised that the responsibility for what goes into your body is yours and yours alone; that the choices you make in life are yours and yours alone; that you and your body are important and need looking after and deserve cherishing and nurturing.  It is time you started to treat yourself the same way that you treat others.

It is time that you took time for you.  Time to look after yourself - to treat yourself with kindness and to understand that food is not love.  Food is nutrition - good nutrition is a way to look after yourself but food does not love you: your family and friends love you and you can learn to love you too :)

Now, stop feeling annoyed, and tired and fed up - all of this is down to the rubbish you have put into your system in the past two days. Start over from now - you are worth it.

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